“It’s not stupid,” Rachel said emphatically. “Em, you have plans to get engaged to Ben, and move to Atlanta with him after graduation. That’s a big deal, so if you’re second-guessing if you want to be with him, you shouldn’t dismiss it. Let’s talk about this.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be telling me to break up with him? Isn’t that what you do, Rach?” I snapped, wondering why all of a sudden, my usually snarky, detached best friend, was being conscientious.
She was supposed to give me tough love. It’s what she did. She wasn’t supposed to coax me into facing my emotions, and she certainly wasn’t supposed to want to talk about them.
“Don’t be a bitch,” she cautioned, and suddenly the Rachel I knew and loved was back.
I sighed. “Fine. Then be honest with me,” I told her, hearing the exhaustion I was feeling come through in my tone. “What should I do?”
Rachel sighed, long and loud, and I heard her light another cigarette. After a few moments, she said, “Moving to Atlanta with Ben is safe and easy, and it’s a mistake.”
“But I have a job lined up there,” I reminded her, thinking back to the summer before when I’d interned at Grabel PR. They’d essentially offered me the chance to come back after I graduated and take an entry-level position. Sure, they did PR for financial companies, which was a little dry, but it was a job, and jobs were hard to come by. Working for Grabel might have been safe, but it was also smart.
“Em, I know you better than anyone, do I not?”
“Yes,” I said warily, not sure where Rachel was going with her question.
“And because I know you better than anyone else, I also know that you are truly talented. If you take the job with Grabel, you’ll be wasting your talent in a job you’ll hate after three months. Which is why you should come to New York, live with me, and work in entertainment PR like I know you want to.”
I sighed, because it wasn’t the first time she’d brought up something so tempting. I’d kill to work in entertainment PR in a city like New York, but I also knew I didn’t have near the connections I needed to make that happen. It was a seriously long shot that I’d even get an interview anywhere. And even if I did, there was a good chance I could fall flat on my face. I knew how cutthroat that world could be.
“Rach, it’s so competitive,” I said softly.
“Yeah, and if you break up with Ben, you might never find anyone else,” she said sarcastically, hitting on another one of my deep-rooted fears.
“Screw you,” I snapped at her, anger suddenly boiling in my blood. “I’m sorry I can’t be as flippant as you and spit in the face of monogamy, but maybe that’s your problem. Maybe if you’d let someone get close to you for once, you’d realize what it’s like to really love someone and be sincerely afraid to lose them.”
“At least I know when to cut someone loose,” she snapped back.
“Yeah, as soon as you hook them, you throw them back. You don’t ever give yourself a chance to develop any lasting feelings.”
“Well, at least I’m not with a guy who’s completely wrong for me, who I should have dumped years ago because I’m holding onto some fucking fantasy of what I wanted my life to be like when I was five!”
I sucked in a breath, knowing she was aiming below the belt and had hit me right in the gut, right where she knew it would hurt. Unfortunately, she didn’t stop her tirade there.
“Emily, you are so damn scared of making any decision without weighing out every single option that you never make any decisions at all!”
“That’s not true,” I fired back.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. You choose whatever is safe and easy. You do make decisions, but they’re the most boring decisions ever!”
Rage was boiling in my chest at that point. I was so mad I could hardly form words. “Shut up, Rachel! You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I seethed.
“I know more than you think,” she said in that self-satisfied way of hers. “And if you think marrying Ben, moving to the suburbs, and having 2.3 kids is going to make you happy, then you’re going to wake up at thirty-five and realize you sold out and you hate your life. You’re better than that!”
I leaned my head back against my headboard and closed my eyes.
“Dammit, Emily!” Rachel shouted, so loudly that I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “Take a goddam risk for once, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out how happy you can actually be instead of faking your way through life.”
“Yeah, and maybe I’ll fail,” I shouted back.
“Yeah, well at least then you would have tried,” she said, and with that she slammed the phone down.
Chapter Two
I felt like I should cry. I hated fighting with Rachel, and I usually didn’t fight back. But ever since I’d started to fall apart at the seams, I’d started challenging her when she’d get on her high-horse and tell me what to do.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the tears to come. My best friend had just berated me, I’d berated her, and then she’d hung up on me. I should want to cry, but for some reason, the tears didn’t come. I knew deep down that Rachel had said what she had out of love, so I couldn’t bring myself to be mad, but she’d still pissed me off – mostly because she’d made me think about things I’d have rather pushed to the back of my mind.
She was right, though. Everything she’d said was exactly what I’d been feeling for months but was too afraid to admit. It was disconcerting how well she knew me, and as she’d just proven, how she sometimes knew me better than I knew myself.
I sat up, sighed, and flopped back down against my pillows. My stomached churned at the idea of moving to New York without a safety net and trying to make it in entertainment PR. It was a ridiculous notion, but at the same time, the idea of doing PR for bands or for Broadway or even for bars and night clubs had my adrenaline going. I knew deep down it was what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be courageous enough to take that leap.
Dammit, Rachel was right. And I was going to have to call her later and tell her she was right. Grr. She was always right, and I kind of hated it.
I’d known Rachel since the first grade when she sat next to me in Ms. Cunningham’s class and passed me a note on the first day asking if I wanted to be her best friend. I’d never had a girl best friend, since my brother Chase and I had been inseparable as kids, so when she asked, I immediately told her yes. I remember taking in her long auburn hair, big blue eyes and stylish clothes and thinking she was the coolest girl I’d ever seen. Of course I wanted to be her friend. I just didn’t know how amazing being her friend would be.
Ironically, it was our differences that kept us close over the years. Rachel was always stubborn, tough, and a bit of a know-it-all. She didn’t put up with anything from anyone and stood up for me more times over the years than I could count. In third grade, when Bobby Fallon made me cry after telling everyone I had cooties and not to talk to me, Rachel cornered him on the playground, strong-armed him into apologizing, and then forced him tell the whole class that it was really him who had cooties. Then in seventh grade when Taylor Jansen, my crush for the better part of the year, dumped me after a week of ‘going out’, Rachel told him off on the bus on the way home before protectively putting her arm around me as I cried. And in eleventh grade when Ashleigh Ballast had tried to make-out with Ben at a party, Rachel had threatened to hit her, and she backed off.
Rachel was fearless, confident, and she didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She was everything I couldn’t be, everything I coveted, and I valued her more than I realized. I never had to stand up for myself, because Rachel was always there to do it for me. If it hadn’t been for her, I probably would have been a huge nerd, but she brought me out of my shell. All my life she’d pushed me to do things that scared me, just like she was pushing me to take a risk and go to New York to pursue my dreams. She’d seldom steered me wrong in the past, but those decisions seemed so insignificant now, and the risks hadn’t b
een big. Throwing away my future with Ben and moving to New York with Rachel could be disastrous.
Of course, it could also be amazing, and I knew that as much as Rachel pushed me, she’d also be there to catch me if I fell. That was just the kind of friend she was. She’d always been there for me. She was with me the first time I got drunk, taking care of me when I was later puking in the bushes of our sorority house and keeping a watchful eye out for our house mother. She was there for me when I got into my first car accident, had rushed Gamma Pi with me because I’d wanted to join a sorority, and had even held my hand sophomore year after I’d taken a pregnancy test and had to wait five minutes to learn my fate. Thankfully it had been negative, but I don’t know what I would have done if Rachel hadn’t been there with me, telling me that regardless of what the test said, we’d handle it together. She’d been by my side through almost every significant moment in my life.
I waited an hour before I called her back, giving her time to cool off.
“You’re right,” I said as soon as she answered. “I completely need to take more risks.”
“I’m sorry I hung up on you,” she said, knowing it was better not to acknowledge my apology. She knew I wasn’t ready to talk about my life after graduation, so she was letting it drop. “And I’m sorry I said all of that stuff about you and Ben. That was shitty of me.”
“Yeah, it was, but it’s fine. I know you meant well. I still love you.”
“Love you, too,” she said softly.
We were silent for a few moments, feeling each other out before either of us spoke again.
“So you really have to leave before Fourth of July?” she finally asked me.
I nodded and said, “Yeah, the parents want us there for the holiday.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding sad. It made me wonder if something else was going on outside of just me leaving.
It wasn’t like Rachel to be upset about something like that. She wasn’t clingy, and it wasn’t like we couldn’t exist without being in the same city.
“So Chase and Keely are going down at the same time as you?” she asked.
“Um, yeah,” I said, confused by why she’d even be concerned with the whereabouts of my brother and sister.
My brother, Rachel, and I had been really close as kids, but once we hit high school, we pretty much stopped being friends. Chase barely spoke to me now, and he barely saw Rachel. I couldn’t remember the last time they’d said two words to each other. Rachel and Keely had never been close, since Keely was four years younger than us. It was strange that she was asking about them.
“How about you guys stay until the fifth?” Rachel suggested.
“Why?”
“Sara Rossin’s having a huge Fourth of July blowout, and I want you there. Do you think you guys could stay a few more days, so we can squeeze in some time before you jet off for your fabulous summer and leave me here alone?”
“Are you looking to squeeze in some time with Chase and Keely too?” I asked, severely confused as to why she kept mentioning my siblings.
“No, I just know how your mom thinks, and I figure she’ll be more likely to say yes if Chase and Keely stay with you.”
I suddenly understood, and she was right. My mom wouldn’t like me driving the six hours to the beach alone. She was over-protective like that, but she might be more inclined to agree if my siblings were with me.
“Good logic. I’ll ask her tonight.”
“Okay, call me later. I have a date, so if it’s going well, I might not answer,” she said coyly.
Rachel dated frequently, so hearing she was going out with someone new wasn’t a surprise. She was beautiful and guys fell at her feet on a regular basis, but she was picky and never actually dated anyone seriously. I figured if she made it to a third date with this guy, I’d ask for details.
Over dinner I asked my parents about staying in town through the fourth. I didn’t include my brother and sister in my initial question, since I didn’t want to speak for them, and also because I really didn’t want to have to drive to the beach with Chase. Being in a confined space with my brother for six hours wasn’t high on my to-do list. The long and short of it was that we just didn’t get along, and it was better if we avoided each other altogether
My mom initially wasn’t thrilled, but then Keely volunteered to stay with me, so I wouldn’t have to be alone, and my mom gave in. I think Keely just wanted to go to Sara’s party, but either way, I was glad that I wouldn’t have to drive alone. I liked my sister. She was fun, and I didn’t get to see her nearly as much as I would have liked when I was away at school.
Then, unfortunately, Chase decided to get in on the action, saying he didn’t want Keely and me to have to drive by ourselves. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, knowing his protective big brother stance was a complete act. I figured he simply wanted to avoid a long car ride with my parents, since I knew he couldn’t indulge in his favorite bad habits with them around.
Thankfully my mother finally gave in. Now I just had to tell Ben and deal with the whining that would no doubt ensue. Good times.
Chapter Three
The Saturday before we left, I was in project mode. I was trying to pack, making piles on my bed of what I wanted take to the beach, concerned that I would forget something important. It was a lot harder to pack for two months than I’d ever thought, and my bed was covered in shorts, tops, dresses, bathing suits and shoes that were all things I was considering bringing. Every few minutes, I would think I was just about done, but then I’d remember something else I couldn’t live without, dig it out of my closet and drop it on my bed before surveying the piles once again. My open suitcases lay on the floor, waiting to be filled.
I was simultaneously uploading music to my iTunes Library, so my desk was covered in CDs. I had an insane amount of burned CDs that I’d accumulated over the years and was in the process of finally uploading all of them to my iPod, knowing I’d want my music with me on vacation. Rachel downloaded music on a regular basis and was always giving me CDs of new bands she found. Doing this had long ago sparked in me a passion for music that was almost equal to hers. We relished finding new, undiscovered bands, and going to school in Chapel Hill, with three major universities nearby, we never found ourselves lacking in options.
Hence the reason behind my desire for a career in entertainment PR.
Starting to feel overwhelmed with my projects, I decided to take a break. I turned up an OK Go song on my computer and started to dance around my room. Halfway through the song, I felt something hit me in the leg. I turned around and noticed my sister sitting in the armchair in the corner of my room. My copy of InStyle that had been buried under the CDs on my desk now lay at my feet.
I picked it up and threw it back at her, smiling sarcastically as I did. She snatched it in mid-air and laid it on the desk, sticking her tongue out playfully in return. I smiled as I reached over and turned down the music so I could find out what was new with my little sister. Her life was so simplistic, and I envied her for it. Maybe if I paid attention, I could learn something from her.
“So you just throw magazines at people now instead of saying hello like a normal person?” I asked, raising my eyebrows and wondering how her mind worked sometimes.
She didn’t initially answer me, so I sat down on my bed and appraised her, waiting for her response. Her curly dark hair was pulled into a high ponytail and her long tan legs stretched out in front of her, making me envy her height and her olive skin, both of which I was not blessed with. In fact, if you didn’t know we were related, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell. Both my sister and brother favored my dad, and I took after my mom, which meant instead of being tall and dark, I was short, blond, and fair-skinned.
In fact, there was such a drastic difference between my siblings and me that often times people would think Keely and Chase were the twins and I was the younger sister. Even though she was seventeen, people always assumed Keely was at least twenty-one, and she l
oved it. She rarely got carded, where as I, who’d turned twenty-one for almost a year ago, got carded all the time.
“The music was loud. I figured you wouldn’t hear me,” Keely said nonchalantly as she opened the magazine and flipped idly through the pages, either missing my annoyance completely or just pretending that she hadn’t caught it in my tone.
I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head, but she just shrugged.
Keely had always had a knack for playing dumb. It was her way of defying our sometimes clueless parents. Their impression was always that she’s an airhead when in reality, she gets everything. Being an airhead has always been her way of staying out of trouble. She’s gotten away with things I never dreamed of doing when I was her age and living at home.
As I started to pack a few of my piles of clothes into one of my suitcases, I saw Keely start to flip through a large stack of CDs that I’d hadn’t yet uploaded. The stack was high, and I hadn’t listened to some of the music in years.
“Will you put this in?” she asked, holding up a CD that said, ‘Angry Rock 2006’.
For the life of me, I couldn’t remember what was on it.
Keely tossed it to me, and I caught it in mid-air between my hands and slid it into my laptop, waiting for the first song to come on.
“Why aren’t you packing?” I asked her, as she continued to look through the CDs. I knew she would wait until the last minute and throw her clothes into some bags haphazardly, not really aware what she was bringing, and end up pilfering my closet all summer.
She shrugged, not looking up, but nodding her head in time with an All-American Rejects song I’d listened to more times than I could count.
“How do you know this song?” I asked, appraising the girl who’s musical tastes were extremely narrow and usually changed with what was in the Top 40.
“It was on the radio all the time a few years ago.”
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 2