As our second week at the beach wore on, the days sort of melted together into one with small variations between them. My dad came up for the weekend, so we did family stuff during the day, like kayaking and fishing. My parents were intent on making some family memories, corralling us kids together for some good clean fun. But at night, while my parents sipped wine on the back porch and enjoyed the limited time they had together, we were free to do what we wanted.
During the week, while my dad was back at work in Charlotte, my mom allowed us the freedom she knew we wanted. Every day Chase and I would go down to the beach. Sometimes Molly would join us, and when Keely wasn’t with Matt, she would meet up with us. Chase and I still maintained our mostly silent interactions, but we were hanging out, so that had to count for something. At night I would follow him and Molly to the beach for a bonfire or to someone’s house for a party. It seemed Molly knew everyone around our age on the island.
She explained that she’d been summering there since she was three. She had family in the states, so for a month each year, her family would come over from England and they would gather with her mom’s sisters and their families. They were all staying in the huge house we’d picked Molly up from that first night.
As I got to know her, I dropped almost all of the preconceptions I’d made from her overall look, the fact that she hung out with my brother, and that she smoked weed. I was starting to let some of my walls down little by little, as I tried to open myself up to the new and different world that was suddenly all around me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that not everyone was as ‘out there’ as Chase and Molly. In fact, most of the people we hung out with were normal on many levels. That first night, I must have had tunnel vision thinking that I was so different. I’d met a lot of people who dressed like me and probably had lives similar to mine at home. I wasn’t that out of place, as it turned out, but even still, I was set on broadening my horizons.
So it was almost fitting that the week after I met Molly and was exposed to a new side of myself, I decided to do something drastic, something significant to make the summer memorable. I decided to get my nose pierced.
A piercing had never been something I’d wanted, but I felt the need to do something bold, make a statement. I figured a nose ring was somewhat tasteful, and it seemed like less of a cliché than the bellybutton rings that so many girls had, including Rachel and my sister.
Once I made my decision, I went directly to someone who would know all about it. I talked to Molly. She was all for going with me, but she insisted on something I’d never done before as preparation. She said she’d smoked before getting every one of her piercings, which I learned she had six – nose, lip, tongue, both nipples and one in a more private area that made me cringe as she told me about it. She said smoking helped her to relax and stifled some of the pain.
I honestly considered it, but in the end, I just couldn’t do it. As much as I didn’t want to judge her decisions, I knew smoking wasn’t for me. So she insisted I at least be buzzed, telling me there was no way I’d want to be sober when I saw the needle they’d use. Unfortunately, all she could rustle up was whiskey. So I begrudgingly choked down three shot glasses full of the brown liquid that tasted like rubbing alcohol and burned my insides as it went down.
It was disgusting, but it succeeded in numbing my senses just enough that when the needle pierced my skin, I only screamed a little. But it was still one of the most painful things I’d ever experienced. Molly held my hand and let me squeeze it as hard as I wanted, which must have been pretty hard since she let out a breath of relief when I finally let go.
The next morning, I stood in front of my mirror for a good twenty minutes looking at the tiny sapphire stud in my left nostril trying to decide if I liked it or not. It still hurt like hell and was a little red right around the area that had been pierced, but overall, it looked pretty good. I’d wanted a hoop, but the piercer guy had made me choose a stud with a straight post, so I went with my birthstone. He said I could change it out in a few weeks once it healed completely.
I brought my finger to the tip and touched it lightly, feeling a mix of exhilaration that I’d done something so radical and dread for what my parents would say. Of course, Chase had a facial piercing, and they didn’t care, but again, he was Chase, and I was me. There was a double standard most of the time when it came to us doing certain things. With him it was expected, and with me it was frowned upon.
Keely was the first person to see my new body art, since she showed up in my room a few minutes after I got done ogling my reflection. I was changing into my navy blue bathing suit that I thought would match the sapphire in my piercing.
Her eyes bugged out for a second, but then she smiled and said, “That is so cool. I totally want one.”
I laughed at her, telling her I would be happy to go with her if she wanted me to. She said she’d think about it, so I knew her desire for a third hole in her nose was short-lived. Still she kept staring at me as we made our way downstairs, shaking her head in disbelief.
Chase was more surprised than anyone. He was at the kitchen table eating a bowl of Trix when Keely and I came downstairs. He looked up briefly, then looked down for a second before his head rocketed up again and he squinted at me, probably trying to determine if he was really seeing what he thought he was.
“No way,” he said in disbelief. I just smiled as I got a bowl from the cabinet. “No fucking way.”
“Chase,” I heard my mother call out sharply from the living room where she was doing the crossword puzzle from the newspaper. “Language.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled to her. Then he turned to me as I sat down and reached across the table for the box of Trix. A little softer, he whispered, “You pierced your fucking nose?”
I smiled again. “Sure did.”
“Mom’s going to freak out.”
“I know,” I said, the smile now plastered on my face. “But she’ll get over it.”
“Damn, Em. What’s gotten into you?” he said, but I could tell he liked the changes I’d gone through since we’d gotten to the beach.
I shrugged. “I was ready for a change, I guess. Besides, that’s not all I did,” I said, cryptically.
“What do you mean?”
I leaned back in my chair, excited to tell my brother about my foray into hard liquor. “I did some shots – whiskey,” I announced quietly, watching his expression the whole time, unable to keep the perpetual grin off of my face.
“Shut the fuck up,” he said loudly. “You did not!”
I shrugged, knowing he was patronizing me just a little.
“Chase!” came my mother’s voice with a little more intensity that time.
“Sorry, Mom,” he called back, rocking on the back legs of his chair, so he could see her around the corner of the entryway to the kitchen. He shot her one of his ‘I’m so innocent’ smiles that always won her over. Then he rocked back forward, putting all four legs of the chair on the floor, and leaned forward to stare at me intently.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I said as I poured milk on my cereal.
“No, it’s not – for most people. But for you, it’s kind of out there. It’s about damn time you did something radical,” Chase said, leaning back in his chair again. “Sweet little Emily doing shots and getting her nose pierced. Unbelievable.”
I leaned forward, appraising him. “Maybe I’m not so sweet anymore.”
Chase just laughed. “No, you still are. You’re just a little cooler now.”
“Whiskey tastes like shit,” I told him as I took a bite of my cereal, remembering the harsh taste of the alcohol. “But it took the edge off enough.”
“It’s an acquired taste.” He stared at my nose for a few more seconds before leaning forward again. “You should have smoked,” he whispered, shooting Keely a look. “It numbs the pain better. But I’m sure even the new you wouldn’t go there. ”
I bit my tongue and took a deep breath, know
ing how bitter the apology I was going to offer would taste.
“Look, I know that I might have, possibly, in the past, maybe been a little emotional about the whole weed thing.” Chase raised his eyebrows at me. “And, I might have been a little judgmental when it probably wasn’t my place.”
“Did you actually smoke?!” he hissed, trying to keep his voice down so our mother wouldn’t hear him.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. It’s not for me, but maybe I’m not going to be so self-righteous about it anymore.”
“Really?” he asked, clearly not believing me.
I nodded. “I might not understand your infatuation with it, but who am I to judge. It’s your life.”
“Are you actually apologizing for being so hypocritical?” Chase asked, his eyes practically bugging out of his head.
“Yes,” I said, forcing the word out.
“Wow.” He shook his head a few times, as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying.
“Oh, thank God,” Keely said, sounding relieved, which utterly perplexed me. I gave her a questioning look, but she didn’t answer. Chase did.
“She’s been getting high with me off and on all summer,” he explained, causing my jaw to drop, as I looked over at my little sister. “She lied when she told you it was just the one time.”
“Chase,” Keely said, shooting him a look that said she was afraid of how I would react.
“Seriously?” I asked, looking at her, then at Chase, and back to her. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t known.
I was honestly upset, but not for the reasons I’d been before. I was suddenly more hurt that Keely had formed a relationship with Chase long before I had, as if she’d seen what was there all along when I’d been a hypocritical snob. But I knew instantly why she’d kept me in the dark, and I knew couldn’t blame her. I would have kept me in the dark too. I cringed looking back at how intolerant I’d been for so long. And why? It seemed so ridiculous.
“Yeah,” Keely said softly, and then louder and at a rapid pace, as she took in my expression, not sure how to read what I was thinking. “I was so afraid to tell you. I knew you would judge me, like you did, so I didn’t say anything. It’s not that bad. Lots of people do it. I’ve only done it like ten times, but I like it when I can’t sleep or when I’m really stressed out.”
I took a deep breath, forcing the lecturing words down, as I had just promised not to do that, but it was hard to fight what I’d done for so long. Self-righteousness didn’t go away easily when you’d embraced it your whole life. I had to tell myself that it wasn’t my business.
“It’s okay, Keels,” I said, forcing myself to sound like I meant it, because in all honesty, I did. “I’m not upset. It’s fine.”
She looked instantly relieved and started eating her Capt’n Crunch again.
“Shit, this is too much,” Chase said, laughing into his cereal bowl. “I never thought you’d be cool, Em. Didn’t think I’d ever see it.”
I blew off his slight dig as I realized my brother and I were not only being civil to each other, but we were actually becoming friends. It was a strange concept, but it was also something I hadn’t realized I wanted until it was right in front of me.
Smiling along with him, instead of getting angry because he was making fun of me, I picked up a dry orange piece of Trix and threw it at him. It hit his cheek and bounced into his bowl.
“Thanks, sis,” he said, not fazed in the least as he returned to his cereal.
I did the same, thinking about how much of my life had changed in such a short period of time. But it was all good as far as I was concerned. I felt lighter than I had in years – until I thought about how Ben would react to it all.
Chapter Thirteen
Later that day I received lecture number two of the summer from my mother. After feeling good about Chase and Keely’s reactions to my new nose art, my mood plummeted when my mother walked into the kitchen to refill her coffee cup and nearly dropped it on the floor when she saw me.
“Hey Mom,” I said, turning around to face her.
She initially smiled automatically in response to my regained cheerful attitude. To her it was probably a nice break from the sullen teenager vibe I’d been projecting on her for the better part of our vacation. But as soon as she registered the new addition to my face, her smile fell.
“What did you do?” she asked, setting her coffee cup on the counter with a loud ‘thunk’ and crossing the five feet to where I was sitting.
“I pierced my nose,” I said, dropping my chin just a little as my confidence faltered.
I hated disappointing my parents, and the girl who’d been a people pleaser for too long suddenly felt guilty. But I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. She was just being unnecessarily judgmental.
“I can see that,” my mom said blandly. “What on earth were you thinking?”
Um, I was thinking that I’m an incredibly boring person, and it was about time I do something to change that.
I took a deep breath as I sat up straighter. “I have a friend who has one, and I thought it was pretty, so I decided to get one,” I said, forcing confidence into my words.
She just shook her head and muttered something about peer pressure.
“What, Mom?” I asked, looking her straight in the eye, almost challenging her to say what she really felt.
I had the sudden urge to remind her that I was twenty-one, and she didn’t really get a say in what I did to my body, but I held my tongue. Her eyes locked with mine, and I almost thought she might say what was on her mind. I wanted her to say something, to start an argument, to make me challenge her, but she didn’t. True to form, she buried her head in the sand. I was ready with my points about how she expected different things from me than my siblings and how she’d never objected to either of their piercings and how she still treated me like I was still a kid. I was ready to fight.
Instead, she just looked at me. “I can’t believe you did that,” she said, and I could hear the disappointment oozing from her voice as she turned away from me.
I opened my mouth to respond, but she was already leaving the room, her empty coffee cup forgotten on the counter. I felt like I wanted to vomit. It was always a double-standard with me. It was as if she couldn’t believe that her perfect daughter would do something like get a piercing. I was held to a different standard, and I hated it. I heard her call for Randy and watched her leave out the back, no doubt taking him on a long walk where she could ponder what a disappointment her oldest daughter was.
Leaving my empty cereal bowl in the sink, I marched back upstairs, anger coursing through my veins at warp speed, causing me to just grow more frustrated with my situation. My mother’s disappointment in me only spurred me on to do more that she wouldn’t approve of, to challenge the status quo and be bad. I started to think about what other options I had to break free of the mold I’d been in for too long.
I wondered how many other people would be shocked by something as minor as a facial piercing when it was me getting it. I could think of at least ten people I knew who would react in a less than positive way, and I had a feeling Ben would be one of them. Because of that, I didn’t end tell him what I’d done when we talked over the next few days. I told myself there was never a good time to bring it up, but truthfully I could almost hear the question in his voice and the judgment that would follow, so I held back.
Rachel was the only person I told, and true to form, she was excited that I’d done something so out of my norm. She told me she couldn’t wait to see it. She said she was thinking of getting a tattoo and asked if I would go with her when she visited me. Apparently Michael liked them, and she was thinking of doing something radical to surprise him when he returned home at the end of the summer. I hoped she wasn’t changing too much of herself for her new boyfriend. I knew firsthand what it was like to mold yourself into the person other people wanted you to be, and if she was doing that, she would regret it.
Then she suggested
inviting Chase to come with us when she got her tattoo, and my mind switched gears, caught off-guard that she would suggest bringing my brother with us when I hadn’t even told her about my newly formed relationship with him. For all she knew, Chase and I were still as distant as we’d always been. When I probed her about it, she just said that since he had tattoos, she thought he might want to go with us. But I found myself questioning why he’d even crossed her mind. Apparently Chase and Rachel had become friendly at some point, and I’d never been looped in. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
I brought it up to Chase while we laid on the beach on Saturday. My dad was in town, and he’d taken our mom to play golf, so Chase and I were lounging behind the house with Keely, Jared and Molly, enjoying the day, but watching the black clouds that hovered just to the north. There was another big storm expected to hit that night.
I pulled my ear buds out of my ears and poked Chase, who was engrossed in a book by Ayn Rand. Next to him, Molly was asleep under the big umbrella she brought with her every day, claiming that her English skin was allergic to the sun. Ironically Jared and Keely were about twenty feet out in the water swimming and splashing each other. He seemed to have no aversion to the sun. I had a feeling Molly was channeling Gwen Stefani, circa 1996, just a little bit and enjoyed her pale pallor.
“What?” Chase asked curtly, not looking up from his book.
“I have a question,” I told him, looking at him over my oversized sunglasses.
“Go ahead.” He still hadn’t looked up.
“When did you and Rachel become friends?”
“We’re not,” he said, more focused on his book than on me.
“She thinks you are. She wanted to see if you’d come with us so she can get a tattoo when she visits.”
Chase finally looked up from his book. “She’s getting a tattoo?” he asked, and I could see he was having trouble hiding the smirk his lips were curving into.
“Yeah, apparently this guy she’s dating likes them, so she wants to do it to surprise him.”
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 12