“I think Chase is going to sleep with Molly,” I blurted out five minutes into the conversation.
“Seriously?” Rachel questioned with more emotion than was probably necessary.
“Yeah, they went away together for a few days, and they’re sharing a hotel room, so it’s pretty inevitable. Sucks for Amy.”
“I can’t believe he’s going to cheat on his girlfriend,” she said, suddenly much quieter. “I thought he really liked her.”
“I’m sure he did, but she’s not here, so I guess he’s fulfilling his guy needs or something. Sucks to be her. Whatever, I’m sort of pissed at him anyway.”
There was silence on Rachel’s end, so I assumed she was processing what I’d said about being pissed at Chase.
“Rachel?” I asked when she didn’t respond after a few seconds.
“What?” she asked, the irritation apparent in her voice.
Something was definitely distracting her. Maybe she was fearful that Michael would follow Chase’s lead and cheat on her. After all, they were in a similar long distance situation that summer. I hoped he wouldn’t do that, because I might have to kick his ass.
“Do people hate me?” I asked, choosing a different tactic and hoping I could distract her at the same time.
“What? Which people?”
“I don’t know, people in general,” I said in exasperation.
“Probably,” she said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. “Where is this coming from?”
“Chase,” I said through gritted teeth. Now she would know why I was pissed at him.
Rachel sighed. “I’m going to kill that boy when I see him,” she finally said, which I thought was a little extreme, but I appreciated her solidarity. “What did he say?”
I recapped my earlier conversation with Chase for her, to which she sighed and exerted the appropriate amount of exasperation toward my callous brother. She was a good friend that way.
“Em, just let it go,” she said, sounding tired all of a sudden. “It’s not a big deal if people don’t like you.”
“It is to me,” I insisted. “I was voted “Nicest” in the senior superlatives. Apparently people liked me back in high school. What changed? Have I changed? Do I need to know something?”
“Em, all you need to know if that I love you, and your friends love you. Who cares what everyone else thinks.”
“I do!”
“Why?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.”
I really wasn’t sure why I was so hung up on the fact that people I went to high school with had changed their opinion of me.
“Sweetie, you’ve got to develop a thicker skin if you’re going to make it in New York.”
“Ha, ha,” I said, loving the way she strategically plugged New York into our conversation. She had been doing it at least once a week since she’d initially mentioned it, but as long as I was with Ben, New York wasn’t an option for me after graduation. “Seriously though, what have you heard? I’ll let it go. I just need to know.”
“Em, you’re so sweet and nice and selfless, and that’s why we all love you, but you have sort of had this little habit of discounting people who aren’t like you. You almost look down on them, and you kind of judge what’s on the surface, instead of getting to know the person they really are. So your friends have always adored you, but not everyone else. It’s sort of gotten a little worse since we’ve been in college.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “That sucks,” I said, trusting that Rachel wouldn’t lie to me. “So, I’m a mean girl?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
Shit.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” I gasped.
I couldn’t believe I’d been waltzing through life not knowing that I was a total bitch to people. How could I have not seen that? Granted, I’d always been a bitch to Chase and his friends, but I didn’t think that extended to anyone else.
“You were happy. I didn’t want to burst your bubble. Besides, what does it matter what people you aren’t friends with think about you?”
“It matters! I want to work in PR. It’s a big deal if people think I’m elitist and judgmental.”
“If it’s any consolation, you’ve changed a lot this summer. And I think it’s all for the good.”
“But I can’t fix the past, can I?”
“No, but if you focus on being more open in the future, people will see that you’ve changed. This isn’t the end of the world, you know.”
“I guess,” I said, biting my lip. “But I think I’ve turned into a new kind of bitch, and that might be the end of the world.”
“What do you mean?”
I sighed, thinking about Ben and what Chase had said about no one knowing I’d kissed Zack. It wasn’t like Rachel would say anything, but once I told her, it would be out there. She hung out with Ben. What if she was drunk and let it slip? No, she wouldn’t do that. Rachel was a good drunk and a great secret keeper.
“I cheated on Ben,” I deadpanned.
“Say what?” she asked, and I could hear her sitting up straighter. For the first time throughout our whole conversation, I finally felt like I had her full attention.
“You heard me.”
“Define cheated.”
“I kissed another guy – that really cute guy from the coffeehouse that plays guitar. I told you about him. His name is Zack, and he’s – I don’t know how to describe him. He’s like a conundrum – he’s a total bad boy on the outside, but he has this really sweet side too. I don’t know what his deal is, but I can’t stay away from him.” I sighed. “It’s bad.”
Rachel gasped on her end, and I thought it was a strange reaction, but then she didn’t say anything else.
“Rach?”
“Oh, my God!” she squealed, and I was completely thrown off, because in fifteen years, I don’t think I’d ever once heard Rachel squeal. Maybe she was as shocked as I was that I had actually cheated on Ben.
“I know, right,” I said. “So, what should I do?”
“Huh?” Rachel asked then.
“What?”
“Em, hang on,” she said, and I heard her put the phone down.
All I could hear were muffled sounds and more squealing. I wasn’t sure what was going on. My news wasn’t that big of a deal.
After a few minutes Rachel came back on the line sounding breathless. “Em, let me call you back, okay?”
“Um, okay, but I’m kind of in a quandary here, and I need by best friend’s sage advice.”
“Michael’s here,” she said, the glee positively oozing out of her voice. “He just walked in and totally surprised the shit out of me.”
I could hear her projecting that last part of her statement to Michael, but it was in a completely endearing way. She was totally smitten with this guy, and my heart sank just a little. I missed feeling that way about a guy.
“Aww, how cute is he for doing that,” I said, forgetting completely about my own personal drama for a second.
“He’s so freakin’ cute,” she said, and I could tell she wasn’t speaking to me.
I had to assume all her fears that Michael would cheat had flown out the window since he was standing in her bedroom.
“Have fun,” I said, deciding to let her go enjoy her time with her new guy. “Call me when you’re sober.”
“I’m not drunk,” she started to say, and then she laughed. “Oh, that’s funny. I totally get it. Love you, babe.”
“Love you too” I said, and I hung up the phone smiling. At least one of us knew what she wanted.
Chapter Sixteen
Two nights later, I still couldn’t get Zack out of my head, but I hadn’t seen him since the night we kissed, so I was stewing. Leo called to see if I wanted to go to a party with him and his sister Reagan, who was a junior at the University of Georgia and actually a lot like me. I’d hung out with her a few nights that week, and she was a sweet girl, but shy and sort of reserved. I’d liked her instantly.
Fe
eling a surge of confidence, I went out on a limb and asked Leo if Zack would be at the party. I’d artfully avoided bringing him up the past few nights as my eyes had scanned the parties we’d gone to, looking for him and craving his voice wrapped around the lyrics of my favorite songs, but he had been MIA.
At that point, I didn’t care if Leo knew I sort of liked Zack, so I just asked. He was silent for a few beats, obviously pondering what my question meant, but he didn’t pry. When he told me Zack wasn’t going out that night, I decided to stay home too. I was thinking about curling up with a book and going to bed early. Even though I hadn’t done much drinking the past two nights, since Zack’s words about drowning my sorrows in alcohol were running around in my mind mocking me, I’d still stayed out late, so I was tired.
The rain had finally cleared, so I decided to take a walk after dinner. I put my earbuds in and let Mat Kearney take me away as I trudged down the beach, taking in the sunset and the cool night air that was settling in. I’d gotten a good half mile from our house before I saw Zack sitting on the beach alone, knees drawn up to his chest, staring out at the ocean. He didn’t see me, so I walked the twenty feet or so up to where he was sitting and stopped in front of him. It was a good thirty seconds before he acknowledged my presence.
“Hey,” he said, pushing his sunglasses up to the top of his head as he flashed me a weak smile.
It definitely wasn’t bright enough for sunglasses, but then I realized why he’d been wearing them. I might have been mistaken, but it looked like he’d been crying. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked utterly defeated. Gone was the cocky, confident guy from the party.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I just needed to get away.” He seemed to need to get away a lot. “What are you doing?”
“Just taking a walk. It’s a nice night.”
He nodded, but I wasn’t so sure he agreed with me.
“Do you want some company?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t intruding, but I was sure if I was, Zack would tell me.
“Sure,” he said in that non-emotional way of his I’d heard a few times when we’d talked.
So I sat down. We sat in silence for a few moments, just watching the waves roll in and out. Then Zack suddenly changed, and he seemed happy. It was as if he’d flipped a switch and Coffeehouse Guy was back. He leaned back on his hands and looked over at me.
“I was wondering when I’d see you again,” he said, smirking slightly.
“I’ve been out,” I teased, playing off of his good mood. “You haven’t been around.”
“I haven’t really felt like going out,” he said, his eyes drifting to the ocean again.
I nodded. “Yeah, Leo told me.” Then I decided to go out on a limb. “I didn’t really feel like going out tonight, so I’m glad I ran into you.”
He raised his pierced eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”
“Sure. I’ve sort of been thinking about you a bit lately.”
“All good things?”
“Some good, others not so – good,” I said, obviously flirting with him and surprising myself with my boldness. I sounded like my sister.
“Well, I think I’d like to hear about those not so good things,” he said, flirting back.
“Maybe.” I smiled, feeling like I was being daring.
“Do those not so good things have anything in common with things your boyfriend wouldn’t want to know about?” he asked, taking our mild flirtation to a level that was full-on flirting – something that would absolutely piss Ben off.
“Yeah, probably,” I said, looking down and then up at him again, cracking a coy smile.
“Cool.”
We sat in silence for few minutes while I wondered what I could say next to keep up our flirty conversation that I was enjoying so much. I reached up and lightly fingered his piercing. He watched me, an amused expression on his face.
“You don’t like it do you,” he said.
I shook my head. “No, I do,” I said, biting my lip, as I brought my hand back to my lap. “I’ve just never been attracted to guys with piercings and tattoos before, so I think I’m more surprised at myself than anything else.”
His mouth quirked up into a smirk. “You’re attracted to me,” he said, and it wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “You didn’t have that when we first met. Is it new?”
He shook his head. “No, but my dad hates it, so I take it out when I’m around him.”
I smiled. “I think it looks kind of hot,” I said, surprising myself again.
“Do you want to see something?” he asked me then.
“Sure,” I said, not sure what I was agreeing to but figured I was game to do anything with him at that point.
He got up, dusted off the back of his shorts, and held his hand out to help me up. I put my hand in his, let him pull me to a standing position, and we started walking back in the direction I’d come. We passed Molly’s house, where I thought he was staying, and stopped two houses down at a small beach cottage.
“You’re not staying with the rest of your family?” I asked, as I followed him around to the front of the house.
He shook his head. “My mom and I actually live here year-round now. The rest of my family is just renting that house. They used to stay with us in the big house, but since the divorce, we just don’t have enough room.”
Zack stopped next to a shiny black motorcycle. He leaned forward to take the helmet from the back of the bike and handed it to me.
“Is this okay?” he asked, gesturing to the bike, his eyebrows rising slightly in question.
Instinctively, my heart started pounding at the idea of riding on the back of a motorcycle, but I wasn’t about to let Zack see my fear.
“I guess if I’m working on being impulsive, sure,” I said, shrugging as I took the helmet from him and tentatively placed it over my head.
He laughed lightly, shaking his head. “You know, princess, it doesn’t count as being impulsive if you have to write a mental pro-con list before making a decision.”
I closed my eyes in frustrated amusement. “Why do you keep calling me that?”
He shrugged. “It just seems to fit.”
I sighed to show my frustration but didn’t tell him not to call me that anymore. I wasn’t sure I didn’t actually like it. When it rolled off of his lips, it sounded almost endearing.
“You know, it’s unnerving how you always seem to be able to know what I’m thinking,” I said instead.
He smirked. “Emily, I could literally see the wheels turning in your head as you worked through whether or not you wanted to hop off the back of my bike with me.”
He took a step toward me, his hand reaching for my waist. He played with the hem of my hoodie, lifting the edge, so his fingers could dance along my bare stomach, as his eyes locked with mine and my breath caught in my chest. My heart started pounding wildly at our proximity and little twinges started sparking down from the spot where his fingers played. He slowly swept his hand across my stomach, his thumb dipping just below the waistband of my cut-offs. I had to bite my lip to keep from gasping out loud.
“It’s really important that you don’t think,” Zack murmured, his lips moving slowly, seductively. “If you truly want to be impulsive, you just have to just go with your gut.”
I breathed in and out slowly, aware that my heart was pounding and my breathing was slightly labored. In all my years with Ben, nothing he’d done had ever created this much desire or want in me. It took every ounce of control I had not to grab Zack’s face between my hands and draw him flush against my body.
“Now,” he said, his hand moving up to my rib cage, just under my bra. He swept it softly across my stomach once more. “Do you want to go for a ride?”
“Yes,” I breathed out instantly, not entirely sure if he was still referring to his motorcycle.
His mouth quirked up on the side so he was smirking at me. “Good,” he said, as his arm ran around to my b
ack and he pulled me against him.
I knew he was going to kiss me, and all I could do was stand there, frozen and waiting, wanting nothing more than his lips on mine. His eyes stayed locked on mine before glancing down at my lips for a few beats, as if he was contemplating whether or not to close the distance between us. Then, before I knew what was happening, he released me. I reached back for the bike to steady myself. My legs felt wobbly, and my head felt heavy from the weight of the helmet.
I breathed out a sigh as quietly as I could, so he wouldn’t see how much he’d affected me.
“I’m guessing you’ve never ridden on a bike before, have you?” he asked then.
I shook my head, too afraid to speak for fear of what I might say. I could tell instantly that he could sense what I was feeling in that moment, and the smirk that played on his lips told me I was amusing him.
“Okay, it’s not big deal, except that as the rider, you need to make sure that we don’t fall out of balance.”
He had suddenly flipped a switch and was in teaching mode, all traces of flirting gone. I raised my eyebrows, thinking that I didn’t have the first clue how to do what he was telling me to do and suddenly saw us plummeting to our deaths from me throwing the bike out of balance.
“It’s not so hard,” Zack said, smiling a sort of crooked smile at me. “All you have to do is hold on to me and lean the same way I do. Can you do that?”
I swallowed hard, thinking that in order to do that, my arms would have to be around his waist, and the flutters in my stomach kicked back up again at the idea of being so close to him. I didn’t think I’d have any problem holding on tight.
“I’ve got this,” I said confidently, nodding my heavy, helmet-covered head a few times.
“Okay,” Zack said, as he took his place on the front of the bike. “Hop on.” He glanced from me to the space behind him.
I tentatively climbed on and leaned forward, pressing my body into his back and snaking my arms around his waist. I almost shivered as I felt his taught stomach through his t-shirt and gripped him tighter, locking my hands together.
Zack laughed and turned around slightly. “I do still need to breathe.”
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 16