Em and I had met the summer before when her family had been vacationing in the Outer Banks of North Carolina where I lived with my mom. I’d been in a pretty dark place then, and she’d caught me at one of my lowest moments. My mom was dying of cancer, and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Hell, it was still hard sometimes for me to come to terms with the fact that she was gone. But had it not been for Emily, I’m not sure where I would have ended up. Because of her, I didn’t let everything go and slip over the edge. Somehow, she just made everything more bearable.
But it wasn’t like that at first. Initially, I was intrigued by her. I found her to be ridiculously hot, but she was also so incredibly naïve and inexperienced, which made me want her that much more. She told me she was just looking to have some fun. She’d flirted, and she even kissed me, which I could tell put her so far out of her comfort zone, but it also kind of made me want her that much more. I figured she saw a guy who was a challenge for her, dangerous and unpredictable, and so different from her preppy boyfriend back home. And even if that wasn’t really an accurate description of who I actually was, I’d figured I could be that guy for her.
I honestly could have just slept with her and walked away, but I realized fairly quickly that she wasn’t like other girls I’d been with. I couldn’t just sleep with her, even though she was offering me something totally casual. She was dealing with her own crap at the time, on the brink of ending a five year relationship, and had wanted to try a one night stand. I was cool with that, but then I couldn’t stay away, even though I tried.
Maybe it was because I was dealing with so much shit, and she was so sweet and kind and vulnerable that I felt like I could open up to her. Or maybe it was the fact that she didn’t want anything more than what I could offer, which wasn’t a lot. Or maybe I just knew subconsciously back then that she was the girl who would make me never want to be single again.
Either way, we started out casual, but we definitely didn’t stay that way. Something about her sucked me right in. We never talked about it, and I think we both pretended we were casual, but in truth we were insane for each other for most of the summer. Of course, me being the dumbass that I am, I didn’t let her in all the way. I kept her at arm’s length. Sure, she met my family, and I talked to her about my mom, but I didn’t let her in completely. I lied about my music and the band, and I didn’t tell her about the most important girl in my life – my daughter, Lily.
And that was my heart’s way of protecting itself, I think. I knew my mother was dying, and I knew with that came a level of uncertainty about life in general that I wasn’t ready to face. I also knew that in the end, I had obligations to my family that Emily wouldn’t want to be a part of. And I had zero direction in life. I was a twenty-four year old single dad, bartender, who sometimes played cover songs for tourists. I was a serious mess, and I knew she wouldn’t want my baggage, so I didn’t lay it on her.
Emily was strong and driven and had a plan for her life. And I wanted her to live out that plan and achieve the things she deserved. I didn’t want to hold her back, but she made life lighter and easier to tolerate, so I didn’t push her away in the beginning like I probably should have. I let our feelings for each other grow, and then when I realized I had no way out, I just ended things. I left her, crying on her front porch, wondering what she’d done, and I felt like the biggest asshole ever.
I was the biggest asshole ever.
But in that moment, I couldn’t be with her. I knew I couldn’t measure up. I’d never be good enough for her. But worse than that, if she knew I’d failed to tell her something as monumental as the fact that I had a daughter, she’d be done with me anyway. Breaking up with her was the only option I could see – avoid the inevitable before it happened, because I knew once she found out about Lily, she’d end things with me anyway.
Worst. Mistake. Ever.
I realized fairly quickly that my life without Emily was a half-life. She’d been a light in the darkness that I needed, and because I was scared, I’d pushed her away. Once I realized how I felt about her, there was no way I wasn’t going to be with her. So I’d spent the entire fall doing what I could to win back both her trust, since once she found out about Lily she did kind of hate me, and her heart. And after a few failed attempts to tell her how I felt – when I tried and failed to make romantic gestures – I finally blurted it out one night, and we’d been together ever since.
And that was when she got to see my romantic side.
“What’s the worst romance attempt Zack’s ever had?” Lindsay asked then, her eyes darting to the other guys who were suddenly wracking their brains to come up with the most embarrassing story they could find about me. Douchebags.
I hoped they wouldn’t tell any Emily stories, since I knew there were a few, but I had a feeling they knew how raw that whole situation still was, so they wouldn’t go there. The guys knew me well enough to know that I protected certain things in my life. They’d use discretion. But they also wouldn’t hold back from sharing things in my past that I didn’t care as much about. So they were still douchebags.
“I’ve got one,” Andrew said then, speaking up even though I knew he hated interviews. He was the quietest of our group, and I truthfully wouldn’t have been surprised if he hadn’t said a word during the whole thing.
Then I wanted to kick his ass when he started to tell some bullshit story from my freshman year in college about me serenading a girl outside her dorm that was only half true, but Lindsay was laughing, so I figured I wouldn’t disturb the mojo of the interview. I’d just beat his ass later.
Lindsay shook her head. “I don’t know. If I was that girl, I wouldn’t have closed the window. For all you ladies out there who think you’ve seen pictures of Zack Easton online and wondered if he was as hot in person, let me tell you, he’s hotter. I wonder if that girl is kicking herself now that she knows what she passed up.”
I felt my cheeks get hot, not really loving how thick she was laying it on. And I didn’t want to tell her that I’d slept with that girl a year later after Liar’s Edge had made a name for itself on campus. I hoped the guys wouldn’t bring it up either since Em didn’t know that story. She knew I’d slept around before meeting her, but I didn’t like reminding her of it since it couldn’t make her feel good. She’d only slept with one other guy before me. Besides, it was a moot point now anyway since my number wasn’t going to get any higher.
“He didn’t look like this back then,” Derrick chimed in, and if anyone knew what a dorky, scrawny freshman I’d been it was the guy who’d shared a dorm room with me during our first year of college.
Everyone laughed. At my expense. Awesome.
“Zack, are you seeing anyone now?” Lindsay asked, and I looked up and met Emily’s gaze. She shook her head slightly, as if to remind me of what I already knew, and I gritted my teeth.
She wanted me to lie. She knew how the outside world viewed me, especially our female fans, and she knew we’d be more marketable if I was single. I hated it. She was my fucking fiancée. As soon as I could, I was going to marry her, but she was adamant that I lie about us at least for a little while.
And I’d done just that all summer until the week before when I’d slipped up. We were playing at a small bar in Tampa as a favor to one of Emily’s friends, and I’d let the crowd know that I’d written Without You for her. She’d smiled in the moment, but as soon as the show was over, she’d reamed me for five minutes about my image and the image she was trying to build around the band. And because I knew she was right, I promised I’d watch what I said going forward – even though I hated doing it.
“No, I’m single,” I said, the word tasting sour on my tongue.
Lindsay gave me a weird look. “I read somewhere recently that you said you wrote Without You for your fiancée. Is that not true?”
I shook my head, going over the story Emily and I had talked about. “No, it’s true. I proposed with that song, but we’re not togeth
er anymore,” I said, shrugging.
“Interesting,” Lindsay commented, steepling her fingers under her chin. Then she turned toward her microphone. “Did you hear that, ladies? Zack Easton is available. I call dibs.”
Then she winked at me, and I chanced a glance over at Emily whose eyes had narrowed. I watched her finger the four carat princess cut diamond on her left hand and wondered how much longer she’d be able to handle me telling people I wasn’t with her. But I knew she took her job as our publicist seriously, and she was going to stand firm on her decision to keep our relationship under wraps until the album dropped and the tour we’d be going on in October and November was over. At that point, we all hoped Liar’s Edge would have a strong enough fan base that it wouldn’t matter if I was taken or not. The music would sell the albums for us.
“So, you guys dedicated Off the Outer Banks to Zack’s mom, Lynne Easton, who passed away last year, is that right?” Lindsay asked, thankfully changing the subject, even though this was another topic I hated.
“That’s right,” Leo said almost immediately since he knew I wouldn’t be able to talk about my mom on the radio without getting choked up. I wasn’t there yet. He’d been covering for me all summer when we’d gotten asked that question, which I appreciated.
“She was your aunt, right, Leo?” Lindsay asked.
“That’s right, and she always supported our music and Zack and my decision to start a band. She was an amazing woman.”
I caught Emily’s gaze again and saw that she was fanning her watery eyes. She loved my mom. At least they’d gotten to meet before my mom passed. My mom had loved her and knew before I had that she was the girl for me. Knowing that made it a little easier to get past the fact that when we did get married my mom wouldn’t be there to see it.
Thankfully Lindsay chose that moment to close the interview and introduce Without You. I looked up at Emily and winked at her as the opening chords of the song – our song – started. She grinned back and gave me a thumbs-up for the interview. We’d done what we needed to do, and hopefully the single would land high enough up on the billboard charts when it dropped on Tuesday that we’d make the label proud. After all, it was what all the craziness we’d been living was about.
We stayed in the studio as the song played, and when it ended. Lindsay spoke into her microphone.
“That was the kick-ass new single from Liar’s Edge, Without You. A big thanks to Zack, Leo, Andrew and Derrick, the hotties from Liar’s Edge, for hanging out with me today. They’ll be back a little later today to introduce another song, but for now, we’ll get back to the countdown. At number twenty-three this week, here is Fight On by Funkgroove.”
As Lindsay played the next song, she turned back to us.
“Thanks guys, really. It was so great to meet you all,” she said, as she stood and gave the guys standard L.A. cheek kisses, saving me for last. Mine came with a grab of her hand as I felt something being thrust into it. Then she let her lips linger on my cheek just long enough for it to be uncomfortable.
“Call me if you’re in town tonight. We can get together for drinks – or whatever.”
I pulled back and looked at her, shaking my head slightly. “Sorry, but I leave for North Carolina tonight.”
I figured it was the best excuse to give since it was true, but it definitely wasn’t the reason I wouldn’t be sleeping with her.
She shrugged. “That’s too bad. You could always stay an extra night. I have a condo on the beach.”
I shook my head, trying to keep my expression as passive as possible. “Sorry, but I have plans tomorrow.”
I had plans with my daughter, who I hadn’t seen in weeks, and there was no way, even if I was single and looking to get laid, that I would forsake time with her for some random hook-up. Lily meant too much to me, and I’d gotten to see her so seldom in the past few months that I was going through withdrawals. Emily and I were taking her to our house in the Outer Banks for a long weekend. I knew her mother, Jen, who was also dating Andrew, would want some time alone with him, and since she’d been playing mommy one hundred percent of the time since I’d been gone on tour, I was giving her a much needed break.
Of course I wasn’t going to tell Lindsay Hollenbeck any of that. I didn’t make it public information that I had a daughter and that I’d written Jump because of her. The last thing I wanted was for Lily to be brought into my public life and for people to ask questions. Jen and I hadn’t been together when we’d conceived Lily, so it was an awkward story that was no one’s business but ours. I loved my daughter, and it didn’t matter the circumstances that brought her into the world. And if anyone ever passed judgment on her for it, I’d have their fucking head.
“Well, keep my number,” Lindsay offered. “There’s just something about a guy with a southern accent that gets me all hot. You’ve got an open invitation whenever you’re in the city.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, really just wanting to get away from her.
Thankfully the song was ending, and she needed to get back on the air and introduce the next song in the countdown. I was also needed, because we were going in to record the intro to Lost Chances that they’d insert into the show later to announce the new number one song.
Which was our song, that I’d written. It was freaking number one on the billboard charts. We’d had two songs go to number one in the past two months!
Holy shit.
It was an equally bizarre and awesome feeling, and I still hadn’t completely wrapped my head around it.
Emily met me at the door to the studio to walk me down to the room where the other guys already were. As much as I wanted to grab her up in my arms and hug her, since it was hard not to touch her whenever she was near, I kept my hands to myself, playing by the rules she made me follow when we were in public.
“She hit on you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah,” I said gruffly, my mood suddenly plummeting.
Emily had better not get mad since she was the one who told me to lie about our relationship. I wanted to tell everyone, but she had pushed back really hard, and I’d relented. Mostly because she’d worked her ass off all summer to promote us and had done an amazing job. She knew what she was doing. I just didn’t like it, and deep down I knew she didn’t either.
She nodded. “I figured she would. She was checking you out during the whole interview.”
“Yeah, well, she thought I was single,” I said, not hiding the snark in my tone.
“Good,” Emily said then, crossing her arms over her chest. I narrowed my eyes at her, and she rolled hers back at me. “Listen, Zack, I know you hate this. Trust me, I’m not a fan either, but you as a sex symbol to girls who think they have a chance with you will sell tickets to your shows.”
I shook my head. “I know. I get it,” I said, the annoyance I felt coming through loud and clear.
I just wished the music would sell tickets on its own, and I knew it would, but for now we had to promote our assess off. It was why I’d agreed to let Glimpse be used in a commercial and Jump to be used in a movie trailer. I never thought I’d sell out like that, but I had, and truthfully, it had worked better than promoting our music the old-fashioned way.
“Baby,” Emily said, looking up at me with those big brown eyes that had sucked me in more times than I could count.
“What?” I asked, trying to stay mad, but I just couldn’t. I loved her too damn much. I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. That succeeded in darkening my mood again. “Whatever.”
I stalked away from her, pissed that I couldn’t even hold my own fiancée’s hand. It was bullshit, and I was pretty sure I was done with it. Telling the crowd that I’d written Without You for Emily had felt incredible and real. It wasn’t like this shit that made me feel like an asshole for lying about my life. Screw that. I was done. The next time someone asked if I had a girlfriend, I was telling them I was engaged to Emily Cole, because it was who I was, and if people only
bought our albums because I was a sex symbol, well shit, I didn’t need them as fans anyway.
“Zack!” she called after me, as her heeled sandals clicked on the tile floor behind me. She was upset.
I paused outside the door to where we were recording the plug for Lost Chances to catch my breath and calm down. I was way too agitated, and I needed to get under control before I faced the guys. I heard Emily stop behind me, the noise from her shoes echoing in the hallway before everything fell silent. Without thinking, I spun around and faced her. She was looking up at me in frustration, because I wasn’t playing nice. Usually she had to deal with defiance from Derrick who wanted to do all sorts of things that made Emily have to work overtime to spin them so they wouldn’t affect the band. Derrick was an idiot. I was just a guy in love.
“Screw this,” I said and grabbed her by the arm.
I yanked her across the hallway and through an open door into an empty office, closing the door behind us and locking it.
“What the hell, Zack?” she demanded before I brought my lips down on hers, silencing her with my mouth.
“I’m not doing it,” I said against her lips, as I walked her backward until her thighs hit the edge of the bare desk. Thankfully no one was using the office we were in or else their stuff would have been swept to the floor.
“You’re not doing what?” she demanded, as I lifted her and set her on top of the desk.
She didn’t fight me as I pushed her legs part and stood between them, pressing my erection against her. I kissed her long and hard and a little rough, making her groan into my mouth.
“You’re my fucking fiancée. I’m not pretending anymore.”
“Zack,” she pleaded, as I started to unzip my jeans, but it was an empty plea.
I watched her work her underwear off from underneath her skirt, since she knew as well as I did that she wasn’t going to push me away no matter how aggravated she was. I abandoned my cause to slip them off of her all the way.
Broken Fairytales Series Box Set (Broken Fairytales, Buried Castles, Shattered Crowns) Page 62