by Silver, Amy
She sniffed. ‘Mike says it’s because I drink too much.’
‘That’s bullshit,’ Julian and I said in unison.
‘No!’ she wailed ‘It’s true. It is true. I have been drinking too much, especially since I stopped working …’
‘Hang on, what?’ I asked, disbelieving. ‘You stopped working? When? Why?’
For the past two years Alex had been running the marketing department at up-and-coming publishers, Scribe. She loved her job.
‘I quit a couple of months ago,’ she said, draining her glass and holding it out for Julian to refill. ‘We decided … I decided that if I was serious about getting knocked up, I should have as little stress as possible.’
Julian and I exchanged the briefest of looks. Alex noticed. ‘It was my decision!’ she snapped, getting to her feet. ‘Don’t look like that. I chose this. I want this.’ She slipped her feet back into her stilettos and wobbled towards the door. Then she turned to us and said, ‘I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t understand. You’re not married. Marriage is different.’ Julian opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. ‘Come on,’ Alex said, smiling now, her moods changing as quick as clouds scudding across a summer sky, ‘Let’s go back to the party. Oh! I should warn you, Nic, that I invited Aidan. I bumped into him in London last week and, well, you know how Mike can’t bear him. I just couldn’t help myself.’ She teetered off down the corridor, straightening the seams of her stockings as she went.
Back downstairs I looked in vain for Dom, but found myself trapped in conversation with some of the Gucci wives (‘Meribel this year? Or Vail?’). Eventually I managed to extricate myself and fought my way through the braying mob to the terrace, where I was horrified to see Dom standing under one of the heaters, talking to Aidan. Could this party get any worse?
I made my way over to where they were standing but, instead of just going up and interrupting, I let my curiosity get the better of me and hid behind another group of people while eavesdropping on their conversation.
‘I owe you an apology,’ Aidan was saying, ‘for the last time I saw you. I can’t really remember, but I think I behaved like an arsehole.’
‘You did,’ Dom replied, ‘but only briefly. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And I understand, I do. I’d definitely go off the rails if I messed things up with Nicole.’ Aidan shifted uneasily from one foot to another. Ignoring his discomfort – or perhaps enjoying it – Dom went on: ‘It would kill me to see her with someone else,’ he said. ‘I’d hate it.’ Aidan nodded, he looked at his feet and then glanced around, searching desperately for someone to rescue him from this conversation. I obliged.
‘Hello!’ I said, a little too loudly, a little too brightly. ‘Enjoying the party?’
Dom slipped his hand around my waist and kissed me on the mouth for longer than was strictly necessary. Marking his territory. I pulled away. Aidan just stood there, smiling awkwardly.
‘Yeah, it’s all right,’ he said.
‘Liar,’ I replied, and he laughed.
‘Is Alex okay?’ he asked me.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why?’ Dom asked, seemingly miffed at being left out of the loop. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Things are a bit difficult with her and Mike,’ I said. ‘She was upset earlier …’ I got the feeling that he wasn’t really listening, he was watching Aidan, who was looking at me.
‘I saw the Pakistan programme,’ Aidan said to me. ‘They had it on BBC World over in the States. It was great, Nic. Amazing work.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, and I could feel myself colour. Praise from him meant a lot, and not just because of our history. Aidan was the one who first made me want to get into TV, his opinion meant the world to me. For a second, we just stood there, looking at each other, until I started to feel a little dizzy and I turned to Dom and said, ‘We should go inside. It’s freezing out here.’
I realised that I had barely eaten anything all day, so I went in search of canapés while Dom chatted to one of Mike’s less objectionable friends. At the far end of the room was a table covered with a linen cloth and on it were trays laden with various goodies: I joined Julian and Karl at one end of the table and began making my way along. By the time we reached the other end of the table I was clutching a plate laden with quails’ eggs and cherry tomatoes, smoked salmon with caviar on toast, duck parfait with daubs of caramelised orange on top. Karl gave me an amused look.
‘Did they not feed you in Vietnam?’ he asked. ‘Because when we went there last the food was fabulous. Just fabulous. Do you remember the beef noodle soup in Hué, Jules? God, to die for.’
I was trying to listen to what Karl was saying, but I was finding it difficult to concentrate, because standing behind him were a group of chinless idiots, exaggeratedly imitating his speech and actions, sniggering like schoolboys. Julian had noticed them too. He shot me a look.
‘Let’s move outside,’ I said to him, quietly.
‘No, fuck ‘em,’ he mumbled through a mouthful of foie gras. ‘It’s freezing out there. I’m not moving on their account.’
Karl carried on chatting, oblivious. I gave the City boys my iciest glare, but they didn’t let up.
‘So,’ one of them piped up, addressing Julian. ‘You’ve been to Vietnam, have you?’ he asked. The man had a shiny pink head and no chin. ‘Meet any lady boys?’
‘That’s Thailand, you ignorant fuck,’ I replied.
‘What did you say?’ the chinless wonder responded, shocked.
‘Watch out for that one,’ his friend chortled. ‘She’s a feminazi.’
‘I called you an ignorant fuck,’ I repeated in a loud, clear voice. I could feel Julian’s hand on my arm, an attempt at restraint; I ignored him. ‘Is there a word there you’d like me to spell for you?’
‘You watch your mouth, bitch,’ the chinless man growled.
I was about to reply to this, but I didn’t get a chance because all of a sudden my opponent was on the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from the side of his fish-like mouth. Aidan was standing at my side, clenching and unclenching his right fist.
‘Don’t speak to her like that,’ he said quietly, then he turned on his heel and started to walk away, only to be confronted by an irate Mike, who grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket.
‘Get out of my house, you fucking oik,’ he snarled at him.
Aidan calmly removed Mike’s hands and replied, ‘With pleasure.’
Across the room I could see Alex watching the scene unfold, her face without expression. I glanced around to find Dom, but he was nowhere to be seen.
I followed Aidan to the front door and out onto the porch.
‘And there I was thinking you’d been acting all grown-up tonight,’ I said with a smile.
‘Hey, I was defending your honour.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Did he seriously just call me an oik?’
When we’d both finished laughing there was a long awkward silence, and then we both started speaking at once.
‘Well I suppose …’ he said
‘I was in New York …’ I said.
We laughed. ‘You first,’ he said.
‘I was just saying that I was in New York a couple of months ago. I thought about looking you up, but … you know. I wasn’t sure.’
‘You should have done.’
‘Things are going well there?’
‘Great, really great.’ We walked down the steps into the driveway, where Aidan’s motorcycle was parked. He lit a cigarette and offered me one, which I took.
‘Julian said that you’d been promoted?’
‘Yeah, I’m a commissioning editor now. I’ve gone all respectable.’
‘I’m glad it’s going well.’
He was leaning against his bike, just looking at me, those impossible green eyes locked on mine. ‘God,’ he said, reaching out to brush my hair from my face, ‘I’ve missed you.’ I pulled away from him.
&nb
sp; ‘Aidan …’
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …’
‘I know.’
We stood there, awkward and uncomfortable again, then started to laugh.
‘I should go back inside,’ I said, crushing my half-smoked cigarette under my heel.
‘Yeah. And I should probably get out of here before I get my head kicked in.’
‘Good plan.’
Another awkward moment, and then he leaned forward and gave me a peck on the cheek.
‘It’s good to see you, Nic.’
‘You too.’ I wanted to say something else to him, but I wasn’t quite sure what, so I just turned and started to walk away. I was almost at the front door when he called out to me
‘Nicole!’
I turned around. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s … nothing.’ He swung his leg over his bike, then he shook his head and said: ‘It’s just … It was the most stupid thing I ever did, you know that?’
‘What was?’ I asked him. ‘You’re going to have to narrow it down for me, Aidan, the list of stupid things you’ve done is a long one …’
‘Letting you go. It was the most stupid thing I ever did.’ He gave me a sad smile. ‘I hope you’re happy. I mean it. You deserve to be very happy,’ he said. He put on his helmet, kicked the bike into life, and he was gone.
* * *
I found Alex and Dom in the kitchen. She was perched on the kitchen counter, her shoes off. Dom was leaning against the fridge, drinking a beer.
‘Is he all right?’ Alex asked me.
‘Is he gone?’ Dom said.
‘Yes and yes,’ I replied, avoiding Dom’s eye.
Alex was red-eyed, she looked exhausted. ‘Happy New Year,’ she said.
‘You missed the countdown,’ Dom added. I looked at my watch, it was six minutes past twelve. I’d spent midnight on New Year’s with Aidan again.
‘Sorry,’ I said, and gave him a kiss.
Alex hopped off the counter and put her arms around me, hugging me tightly.
‘Well,’ she slurred into my neck, ‘it’s been a fucking fabulous evening, but I think I’ve had just about enough. I’m off to bed.’
She bent down and picked up her shoes before weaving her weary way out of the room.
‘Jesus,’ I said. ‘What a bloody night.’
Dom didn’t say a word, he was just looking at me, his expression inscrutable.
‘Is Julian all right?’ I asked him.
‘Yeah, he’s fine. He and Karl went off to bed. He said to say he’d do resolutions with you in the morning.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, slipping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me. ‘I’m sorry I missed the countdown.’ I kissed him, longer this time, a proper kiss.
‘You can’t help yourself around those Symonds boys, can you?’ Dom asked as he broke the kiss. ‘Julian, Aidan, you just go running …’
‘That’s not true.’
‘You might want to pay the same attention to Alex, Nic.’
I pulled away from him. ‘What do you mean? I care about Alex. You know I care about Alex. And I know she’s having a hard time, I spoke to her earlier—’
‘Hey,’ he said, pulling me back towards him, ‘don’t be defensive. I know you care about her, I know how much you love her. I’m just saying. She seems … really lonely.’
‘Did she talk to you?’
‘A little. She misses you.’
‘I miss her, too. I know I should see her more, but it’s not always easy when I’m spending half my life on the other side of the world.’
‘True.’ There was a little pause, and then he said, ‘Maybe you should try spending more time in England. Let work take a back seat …’
I sighed loudly. ‘Oh, we’re back to this, are we? This is not about Alex, is it? This is about you wanting me to travel less …’
He smiled, a guilty little smile. ‘It’s about Alex and it’s about me.’
We snuck away from the party and up to our room. I was fidgeting with the hook at the top of my dress, Dom came up behind me, undid it and slowly unzipped me. He slipped his hand inside the dress and around my body, pulling me up against him.
‘I’ve been meaning to ask you something …’ he said softly, turning me around, kissing me on the mouth.
‘Oh yes?’
‘I want you to marry me,’ he said. ‘Will you marry me, Nic?’
I was so shocked by this that I actually jumped. I literally gave a little leap into the air.
‘What?’ I asked him, half-laughing. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Of course I’m serious,’ he replied. He looked a little wounded by my reaction, so I took him in my arms and kissed him.
‘We’ve only known each other two years, Dom,’ I said to him. ‘Don’t you think it’s rushing things a bit?’
‘I knew the first time I met you I wanted to marry you, Nicole. I can’t even remember what my life was like before we met, and I don’t want to think about a life without you.’
‘Dominic …’ I kissed him on the mouth again and began to unbutton his shirt. ‘I love you. I do, but you were at that party tonight. Tell me honestly, which couple would you rather be: Karl and Julian or Mike and Alex?’
‘Mike and Alex aren’t unhappy because they’re married, Nic. They’re unhappy because they’re unhappy. We wouldn’t be unhappy.’
‘I like how we are now.’
‘What about living together then?’
‘But I’ve been thinking about buying a place of my own,’ I told him.
‘We could buy somewhere together,’ he pointed out.
‘I think I need the security of my own place, Dom. Plus, buying a house together is a huge commitment.’
‘Nicole, I just asked you to marry me. I am committed.’
Later on, just as the sky outside was turning black to charcoal, he asked me: ‘Do you still love him?’ He was talking about Aidan.
‘No,’ I replied. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘I can wait, you know. Even if you do still love him, you won’t for ever. One day, you’ll look at me the way you look at him. I know you will.’
Chapter Fifteen
29 December 2011
I FALL ASLEEP without even finishing my champagne, waking at the exact moment the pilot tells us he’s switching on the fasten seatbelt sign as we are about to start our descent. This is the way to travel.
‘Did I snore?’ I ask Dom sleepily.
‘Like a buffalo in need of nasal decongestant,’ he replies.
‘Oh god, really?’ I ask, looking around to see if the people sitting around me are giving me evils.
‘Not really. You snuffled occasionally.’
‘Did you sleep?’
‘Nope. Read all the papers though. I am very well informed. I will have lots of fascinating things to say to everyone at the party on Saturday. Actually, I’m shattered. Looking forward to an early night,’ he says, and gives my knee a squeeze.
I don’t want to have an early night. We’re in New York! I want to go out, feel the buzz. I don’t say anything. I’ll find a way to convince him later.
* * *
We grab a taxi outside JFK. All along the drive into the city, along the Long Island Expressway, past all those tatty houses with the stars and stripes hanging off their porches, through the tunnel and up into Manhattan, the butterflies in my stomach agitate, they swarm and circle. I can’t stop smiling. New York! It’s a gorgeous day, cold and still, the sky an icy blue. Pale winter sunshine becomes dazzling as it reflects off the tops of the skyscrapers. We traverse Manhattan, turn down 8th Avenue and on to West 29th Street, stopping outside the Ace Hotel.
It’s a little after three in the afternoon but the lobby is buzzing, just as Karl told me it would be.
‘You must stay at the Ace,’ he urged when he first invited me. ‘It’s fabulous and not horrendously expensive. And very cool. Some of the best people-watching in town, and believe me,
in Manhattan, that’s saying something.’
The lobby is a long, open space with sofas and tables in the centre of the room and a bar at the far end. Hipsters abound.
‘Christ, it’s loud in here,’ Dom mutters as we make our way to the reception desk. ‘I hope our room isn’t on the first floor. We’ll never get any bloody sleep.’
I smile at him through gritted teeth. There was a time when I used to find his curmudgeonly young fogey act amusing, but not now. And I know why he’s being grumpy. It’s not just because he got no sleep on the flight. It worries him that I’m obviously so excited to be here, that New York exhilarates me in a way London doesn’t seem to these days. To Dom, New York looks like competition, and he wants to put the competition down.
We check in. To Dom’s relief, we are not on the first floor, in fact we’re on the fourteenth. From our window we can see the Empire State Building, just a few blocks away, rising into the sky like a rocket ready for take-off.
‘It’s quite small, isn’t it?’
‘The Empire State?’
‘The room.’
‘I think it’s lovely.’ There’s a double bed and a leather sofa, and bright abstract paintings on the walls. ‘Shall we have some champagne?’ I ask him. I’m desperate to get him to lighten up and enjoy this, because if he doesn’t I’m going to be tempted to punch him in the face.
‘It’ll be hellish expensive if we take it from the minibar …’ he says.
‘Dom, come on.’
‘Okay. Sorry. I’m just a bit tired.’
‘I know. We’ll drink some champagne, watch some TV … who knows, you might even get lucky,’ I say, giving him a coy little smile.
We drink the champagne, but we don’t watch TV.
* * *
Later, in the shower, I plan our night out.
‘Karl reckons we must have a steak at the Breslin,’ I tell Dom as he soaps my back.
‘Where’s the Breslin?’
‘Downstairs.’
‘That sounds perfect.’
‘And after that we could go to Flute, for more champagne. That’s not very far away. Or there’s the Russian Vodka Room … You’ll love that, more vodka varieties than you can shake a stick at.’