“I think I need the Voss family as much as they need me,” she admitted before she could censure herself.
Her father shifted in his seat. “Won’t you talk to me about what happened in Colorado Springs and why you came home in the middle of the school year?”
“Eventually, yes, but—” she dropped a pointed gaze on the children leaning against her, and said “—not tonight.”
Her father knew the very basic details of her broken engagement, but Ellie had made a point of avoiding the particulars. The humiliation of being rejected so completely still hurt too much to put into words. She just wasn’t ready for a thorough retelling of the events.
He opened his mouth as if to respond, but then closed it just as quickly.
Betsy strolled over with another tray of hot cocoa. “Any takers?”
“None for me,” Ellie whispered.
“Me, either, but here, let me have that.” Her father rose and reached for the tray. “I’ll help you with cleanup.”
After a brief goodbye, the couple left Ellie alone with the girls. She pulled them closer, watching her father and his future bride pick their way around the decorated trees. They looked good together, she decided.
Their ease with one another was evident in their bent heads and genial manner. Her father had found love twice, while this was Betsy’s first time. She’d told Ellie she was glad she’d waited for just the right man to come along at just the right time.
Betsy’s happy ending gave Ellie hope.
She thought she’d found her happily-ever-after with Monroe, but he hadn’t been the right man. She hadn’t really loved Monroe, she knew that now. With hindsight, Ellie wondered if her initial attraction to the widowed preacher had been influenced by her feelings for his daughters.
Grace stirred, yawned loudly, then slowly opened her eyes. “Is it time to go home yet?”
“Soon.”
Hannah woke next. “Will you read to us before we go to bed, Miss Ellie?”
Caleb chose that moment to return.
She looked at him before answering. “If it’s all right with your father I’d very much like to read to you tonight.”
“Of course it’s all right with me.” He drew her to her feet. “Come, let’s go home.”
Ellie and Caleb each took a child’s hand and guided them the block and a half to his home. The evening was cold, but not unbearable. The crunching of snow beneath her feet was one of Ellie’s favorite sounds in the world.
A second later, she heard another of her favorite sounds. The children giggled as their father told them how Dexter the hound dog, at the ripe old age of seventeen, was quite skillful at toppling Christmas trees.
Ellie joined in their laughter. Him, her heart whispered.
Caleb Voss was the one.
Instead of joy, sorrow filled her. The man she would love until the end of her days only wanted to be her friend. He wanted a marriage of convenience and was willing to take vows with a stranger, a mail-order bride he’d never met.
He deserved so much more. Ellie thought her heart might break for him. For herself. For the family they would never have.
Chapter Nine
Caleb noticed a change in Ellie a block away from his house. She’d grown unnaturally quiet, almost withdrawn, as if intentionally holding a portion of herself separate from him and the girls. He couldn’t think what had occurred to make her pull back. One moment she was laughing, the next her face went taut and her eyes registered sorrow.
Baffled at her shift in mood, he opened the door that led to the tiny room off the kitchen and stepped back to let the girls enter ahead of him. While Ellie helped the twins off with their coats, Caleb moved through the darkened house, lighting lanterns, then the wall sconces.
By the time he returned to the living room, Ellie had already settled Hannah and Grace on the couch. She looked up and held his stare. Her fathomless blue eyes reflected the lantern light, the flame flickering deep within their depths. It struck Caleb without warning how precious she was to him, how beautiful.
She took his breath away.
Hannah tapped her shoulder. “Miss Ellie? Will you read to us from our new book? It’s called A Christmas Carol.”
Ellie lifted a single eyebrow.
He pointed to the side table. “We’re on the second chapter.”
Retrieving the book, she sat between the twins and flipped to the proper page. Caleb noticed how her fingers shook ever-so-slightly, but she firmed her grip and began reading. “‘When Scrooge awoke, it was so dark, that looking out of bed, he could scarcely distinguish the transparent window from the opaque walls of his chamber.’”
Ellie’s sweet, musical voice brought the scene alive.
Riveted, Caleb sat in the overstuffed chair facing the couch and listened to the cautionary tale.
Watching Ellie read to his girls was an image Caleb would treasure for years to come. The scene was already etched in his heart and mind forever. When she was living in another town, teaching a roomful of students who couldn’t possibly adore her more than Hannah and Grace did now, Caleb would pull out this memory and once again feel the warmth of the moment.
If only he could keep Ellie here forever. If only he could give her the marriage she wanted, the life she deserved. It was an impossible hope. He’d tried with Lizzie and had failed.
Twice she’d run off, deserting her family for something more, something Caleb couldn’t give her, only to come back for another try at marriage.
They would be happy for a while. She’d be a doting mother and loving wife. Then she would grow dissatisfied and disappear once again.
The last time she’d strayed from home she’d died in a fatal wagon accident. Whether she’d been leaving town that day or returning home, Caleb would never know. All he knew was that he’d let Lizzie down, and now she was dead.
He absently rubbed his chin, feeling the stubble of a late-day beard. A rush of frustration surged.
He tore his eyes away from Ellie and focused on his daughters. Both girls valiantly fought to stay awake, but Caleb recognized a losing battle.
When Ellie paused to turn the page, he seized the opportunity to put an end to her reading. “That’s enough for tonight.”
She startled at his abrupt tone. He hadn’t meant to speak so sharply. Softening his voice, he tried again. “You can read more of the story tomorrow evening.”
“That sounds lovely.” She closed the book and set it on the table beside the couch.
Around a yawn, Grace asked, “Will you tuck us in, Miss Ellie?”
She lifted another questioning look in Caleb’s direction.
He nodded.
“I’d like that very much.” She drew the girls to their feet.
Five minutes later, after faces were washed and nightgowns had replaced their day dresses, Caleb and Ellie tucked the twins into bed.
As if in silent agreement, both girls clasped their hands together and squeezed their eyes shut for evening prayers.
“Thank You, God, for Miss Ellie,” Grace said, peeking one eye open then slamming it shut when Caleb caught her. “Thank You for letting her come take care of us. We wouldn’t have won tonight without her.”
Hannah picked up where her sister left off. “And please, God, let Miss Ellie stay with us forever and ever because we love her and Papa, too.”
Caleb pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. His daughters were already attached to Ellie. What would her leaving do to them?
Clearly, he hadn’t thought through the ramifications of bringing her into his home. What other choice had he had?
“Amen,” Hannah and Grace said in unison. Both sets of little eyes remained closed, exhaustion winning the final battle of the night.
Caleb bent over and kissed each of his daughters’ foreheads. “I love you,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
Avoiding his gaze, Ellie took her turn kissing each girl. They were asleep seconds later.
; Heart weighing heavy with emotion, Caleb motioned for Ellie to follow him out of the room. He couldn’t have spoken had he tried. In the matter of two short days, Ellie had turned his house into a home and had given his daughters a taste of family.
How was he supposed to marry another woman? After having Ellie in his life, watching what she gave his daughters, Sadie Taylor of Blue Springs, Missouri would surely fall short of expectations.
Caleb caught Ellie watching him with moist blue eyes.
His throat closed shut.
She was so pretty, standing in the soft light of the wall sconce above her head. Her hair glittered with a dozen shades of gold. Compelled, he took a step toward her. It was a small move, yet Caleb felt as if he’d crossed an invisible line.
No turning back.
He cleared his throat. Barely able to suck in a decent breath, he was suspended between past and present, between surrender and battle, between joy and regret.
Ellie gave him a shaky smile.
“I’d like to take the girls to see Clara Driscoll tomorrow.” She spoke in a voice no louder than a whisper. “We’ll bake cookies then bring her a plate. Unless, of course, you object.”
He couldn’t come up with a reason why he would. Clara wasn’t contagious. She merely had a weak heart that was giving out on her. She could probably use the company and it wouldn’t hurt the girls to learn how to give of their time to someone in need. “I have no objection.”
Ellie sighed. “Betsy says her sister is growing worse by the day and there’s little the doctor can do to stop her decline.”
“It’s a rough situation.”
Ellie sighed again. “Poor Brody, to lose his mother during the holidays, it’s so sad.”
Yes, it was. “The town will rally around the boy.”
“Of course they will.” Her blue eyes softened with emotion. “Because you’ll make sure of it.”
Caleb nodded, relieved he didn’t have to say more on the subject. With Ellie, he didn’t have to explain how he’d lost his own mother a week before Christmas.
With Ellie, he didn’t have to explain anything.
He took another step toward her, desperately wanting to make promises he feared he couldn’t keep.
She was the steadiness he craved, the stability he’d never known. But none of those things were what drove him to close the distance between them.
“Ellie.” He reached up to cup her cheek, then dropped his hand before making contact. “I want you to know that I—”
His mind went blank. He couldn’t remember what he’d meant to say. All that was left was a deep, painful longing. Reaction overruled judgment.
Emotion replaced logic.
He pulled her into his arms.
Whispering his name on a soft, lilting sigh, she leaned into him. It was all the encouragement he needed. He lowered his head.
The kiss was brief, as gentle as a summer breeze, nothing more than a quick meeting of lips. Yet, as Caleb lifted his head and stared into Ellie’s stunning face, he experienced the sensation of coming home.
After years of searching, of yearning, of wanting something always just out of reach, he was home at last.
With Ellie. His Ellie.
The affection he’d always felt for her morphed into something stronger, something lasting. Was it…love?
No. He couldn’t allow himself to love her. Love hurt. Love brought pain and disappointment and chaos.
She didn’t deserve that torture.
There could be only affection between them, only friendship.
He set her away from him.
She blinked, pressed her fingertips to her lips. Faint shadows of confusion shimmered in her eyes.
Caleb needed to apologize. Not for kissing her—he wasn’t sorry for that—but for being unable to give her what she wanted, what she deserved.
“Ellie—”
“No, Caleb, please don’t say a word, not one word. The moment simply got away from us.”
Their kiss had been more than that. He knew it. Her soft, dewy expression said she knew it, too. But she wanted to pretend nothing special had happened. He wasn’t sure he could change her mind. He wasn’t sure he should.
Just yesterday he’d given Mrs. Jenson the go-ahead to tell Sadie Taylor to make the journey to Thunder Ridge. His mail-order bride would arrive in a matter of months.
“It’s getting late,” Ellie said. “I should head on home.”
“I’ll see you out.”
They walked toward the back of the house in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Caleb helped Ellie into her cloak, then put on his own before escorting her out the back door.
Under the giant yellow moon, he surveyed her face, recognized the discomfort he himself felt. “I didn’t mean to cross a line.”
She reached up and placed her gloved fingers on his cheek. “It’s over and done with now. There’s no need to speak of it again.”
She was letting him off the hook. He hadn’t earned such kindness.
Her hand dropped from his face, her warmth replaced by a cold blast of arctic air.
“Good night, Caleb.” She turned to go.
He called after her. “Ellie, wait.”
She paused, looked over her shoulder, but didn’t turn back around. “Yes?”
“Still friends?”
She smiled. “The very best.”
Without another word, she hurried across the street, climbed onto her porch and then disappeared inside her father’s house.
For several moments, Caleb stood alone, motionless, gazing up at the star-speckled sky.
Ellie was everything he wanted for his daughters. She was respectable, stable, with a generous heart and an endless capacity to love. She was goodness itself.
It had been wrong to kiss her. Why, then, had the moment felt so right?
*
The next afternoon, following a long visit with Clara Driscoll, Ellie put the twins down for a nap. They’d protested, but had settled down once she started reading from A Christmas Carol. Two pages into Ebenezer Scrooge’s adventures and they’d drifted off to sleep.
Now, as she watched them slumber from the doorway, Ellie thought her heart might burst with love. Hannah and Grace had become precious to her. She adored them as surely as if they were her own. She felt the same connection with their father.
He claimed he wanted only friendship, but his kiss had said otherwise. She reached up and placed her fingertips to her lips, to the very spot where his mouth had first touched hers.
Whether he returned her feelings or not, Ellie was in love with Caleb. No use pretending otherwise. As she padded soundlessly down the hallway and into the living room, she realized the love she felt for him now was much stronger than what she’d experienced as a young girl. It was deeper, more powerful and all the scarier for its intensity.
Sighing, she picked up a stray toy and put it in the basket where it belonged. She looked around the room and smiled at its transformation, now so festive, so full of Christmas cheer.
“Gorgeous,” she whispered.
“Yes, you are.”
“Oh!” Her hand flew to her throat and she spun around. “Caleb. You’re home early.” Really early.
A long, indefinable pause seemed to shiver between them.
“There was a disturbance out at the Potter ranch. Turned out to be a stray dog rummaging for food.” Shaking his head as if reviewing the incident in his mind, he gave a short laugh. “A hearty meal in the animal’s belly and now Mrs. Potter has a lifelong friend who won’t be leaving her side anytime soon.”
He removed his hat, splayed a hand through his hair and shook his head again.
Ellie could only stare. Caleb had always been too attractive for his own good. That hadn’t changed with time. If anything, age and experience had made him more appealing. “Are you home for the day?”
“Afraid not.” He rolled his shoulders, seeming tenser than usual. “I thought I’d stop home on my way back to the jail
to say hello to you and the twins.”
“The children are napping,” she said. “We spent half the morning baking cookies, the other half visiting with Clara Driscoll.”
He dropped his hat on a nearby table. “How’d it go?”
“Very well. She seemed a bit stronger when we left.”
“I’m glad.” He shifted, the motion practically stirring the air with his essence, his masculine scent. “Any of those cookies stay close to home?”
“Of course.” She led him into the kitchen and presented the plate of freshly baked cookies.
Grinning like the boy she once knew, Caleb snatched a molasses bar. He finished the treat in two bites and yanked up a sugar cookie.
When he grabbed for a third confection, she playfully slapped his hand. “Save some for later.”
“Come on, Ellie.” He gave her a pitiful look that fooled no one. “Wrangling stray dogs is hard work.”
“You can have one more.”
Eyes glittering with mischief, he took two.
Laughing, Ellie set the plate back on the table. Needing something to do with her hands, she began sorting cookies by shape and color. Even with her back to him, she could feel Caleb’s eyes on her.
“Stop staring at me,” she said without glancing his way.
“I like looking at you.”
His voice was filled with good humor and something far more intense. She risked a glance in his direction. A mistake. He was watching her in the same way he had the other night. Right before he’d kissed her.
How she wanted him to kiss her again.
Ellie thought she’d learned her lesson with Monroe. She’d promised herself she would only fall in love with a man who could love her back.
Still, her heart wanted Caleb.
“You’re so beautiful.”
He’d called her beautiful. Not stable or steady or reliable, but beautiful. The compliment did strange things to her insides. “Thank you.”
“I’ve made you uncomfortable again.”
Why deny the truth? “Maybe a little.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, he pulled her into his arms. He held her gently against him, resting his chin atop her head. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”
Love Inspired Historical October 2015 Box Set Page 53