He spun away and stared out the window at the pink dawn. Surely breakfast would be ready by now.
He shrugged into his coat and trotted over, slowing his steps when he drew abreast of the shack.
Libby’s voice reached him. “Mama, my coat’s all twisted.”
“Let me see.”
He imagined Clara fussing over her younger daughter while Eleanor stood by, watching and worrying.
Someone ought to take care of all three of them…protect Clara from whomever she ran from, take over Eleanor’s worries, keep a check on Libby’s impetuousness.
He curled his hands into fists and denied that he imagined himself taking on that role. Seems he’d picked up on pretend play from the little girls.
Clara’s voice snapped him from his thoughts. “There you go. Now put it on.”
Blue hastened onward lest he be found lurking outside their door. He was seated at the table when they reached the Morton place.
Libby dropped her coat on the floor, picked it up at her mother’s reminder, then skidded to her place. She waited only for Claude to ask the blessing before she started to chatter about a dream she’d had that seemed to involve a cat, a dog and a horse who all fell into a river.
Clara shook her head. “Libby, would you eat your breakfast?”
Blue had eaten steadily while the child talked and had already finished. Seeing no call to linger, he thanked Bonnie and Claude and headed for the door.
“We’ll be right there,” Libby said and began to spoon the food into her mouth at a furious rate.
Clara touched Libby’s hand to signal her to slow down.
Eleanor finished and pushed her plate away. “Can I go with Mr. Blue?”
Blue jerked to a halt. Wouldn’t it ruin the surprise?
Clara shook her head. “You can wait for us.”
He rushed away. By the time he reached the church, his heart pounded in a fast tempo. Perhaps as much from nervousness as activity. He didn’t intend to change his mind about the gift, though he had a dozen arguments as to why he shouldn’t have done it.
The girls clattered through the door and grabbed the buckets. Eleanor noticed the package and skidded to a halt. She didn’t voice her question, but her eyes sought his and asked it.
Libby wasn’t as constrained. “What’s that?”
“Lib,” her mother scolded. “I don’t believe it’s any of your concern.”
“Oh.” She hung her head, and Eleanor’s shoulders slumped.
“This time it is,” Blue said. He grinned as the two little girls stared at him, their eyes filled with interest. “It’s something for the both of you. Why don’t you see what it is?”
Their mouths went round with surprise.
Libby was the first to regain her power of speech. “Is it a Christmas present?”
It proved the perfect occasion. “An early one.”
Libby turned to Eleanor as if seeking her approval.
How strange. Libby normally rushed into things without any forethought.
Eleanor’s gaze darted from Libby to Blue and back. She looked puzzled for a moment; then her expression cleared. “It’s not Christmas yet.” The words were meant for Libby. “So there’s still time.”
“Time for what?” Clara asked, but the girls clamped their lips tight and shook their heads.
Whatever their secret, they weren’t about to share it. But Blue began to think his little surprise was going to fall flat. “Don’t either of you want to see what’s in the parcel?”
“I do!” Libby hurried to the pew with Eleanor right beside her. They lifted the package, wonder and curiosity in their faces. Then they carefully untied the string and folded back the paper to reveal a doll with a porcelain head and muslin body. The green satin dress looked like something a special girl would wear.
“Oh!” That was all Eleanor said.
Libby squealed. “A dolly.” She turned to Blue. “You bought us a dolly?”
He nodded.
Libby ran to him and hugged him about his waist. “Thank you.”
A lump lodged in the back of his throat.
Eleanor simply stood at the pew staring at the doll. “She’s beautiful,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
The lump swelled to impossible size. He’d had plenty of special times with Nancy and Beau. The good memories tangled with the pain of loss. Then an overwhelming volume of sweet, happy thoughts filled him until he thought he’d burst.
He took Libby’s hand and drew her back to Eleanor’s side. He sat on the pew and pulled a girl onto each knee. “I want to tell you something.”
*
Clara fought a mixture of emotions. Why had he bought the girls such an expensive gift? She could never afford to pay him back. But how could she deny her daughters this pleasure, especially when she had nothing else to offer them? It would have to serve as their Christmas present even though it was obvious the pair had something else in mind.
Her insides twisted with regret that she would likely fail in providing whatever it was.
Still, it was just too extravagant. She couldn’t allow it. Just as she was about to open her mouth and refuse the gift, Blue pulled the girls to his knees and started to talk.
“I once had two children who would be much your age.”
Every protest died on Clara’s lips, and she held her breath, waiting for him to continue. Was this an answer to her prayer that he would leave the desert and move forward?
“You did?” Libby sounded surprised and a little curious.
“Yes, a girl named Nancy and a boy named Beau.”
“What happened to them?” Eleanor asked, her voice cautious as if fearing it was something bad.
Clara knew it was and wondered how Blue would explain it.
“There was a fire.” His voice broke, and he couldn’t go on.
Eleanor wrapped one arm about his neck and pressed her head to his. “And they died?”
He nodded.
From where she stood, rooted to the floor, Clara saw his mouth twist. Her heart went out to him. Oh, the pain of such a loss. It was unimaginable.
Libby’s eyes grew wide. “Did Nancy have a doll like ours?”
Blue smiled. “She had a very nice doll her mama made her. She loved it so much she almost wore it out.”
Libby looked pleased. “I guess she was happy.”
“How do you know?” Blue asked.
“’Cause her mama loved her ’nough to make a special dolly and ’cause she had you for a papa.”
Blue sucked in air and squeezed his eyes shut tight. When he opened them, they met hers over the girls’ head. His eyes darkened with soul-deep sorrow.
Oh, Blue. She rushed to his side and sat next to Libby on the pew. She draped her arm about his neck, over Eleanor’s cradling arm and pressed her head to his shoulder.
“I ’spect Beau was happy, too,” Libby said.
Blue nodded.
Eleanor patted Blue’s neck. “But you miss them lots—don’t you?”
When she felt a shudder ripple down Blue’s arm, Clara pressed her hand to his to still it.
“That’s very sad.” Eleanor kissed his cheek.
Beneath her palm, Clara felt Blue’s arm jolt.
“We’d be your little girls if Mama would let us,” Eleanor said, and Libby nodded agreement.
The statement rocked Clara clear to her core. She’d done her best to protect her daughters against this kind of hopeless wishing, against the pain that would come. She’d tried and failed. She must have a long talk with them this evening and make them understand how impossible their wishes were.
“Girls, take the doll and go play with her. Mind you don’t get her dirty.”
“We won’t,” they chorused in unison and eased off Blue’s knee. Together they carried the box containing the doll to their favorite corner and carefully lifted the lid and removed her.
For a moment Clara enjoyed observing their pleasure and how they cooperated. Then she pulled
her thoughts back to Blue and tried to think what to say. So many things ran through her head but only one of them formed into a reasonable thought.
“Blue, I wish you hadn’t done that.” She no longer had her arm about his neck and their arms barely touched, but nevertheless she felt him jolt.
“How can I move forward unless I tell people about my children?”
“True, but that’s not what I meant.”
“You mean the doll? Are you going to let your stubborn pride get in the way of someone else giving your girls a tiny bit of enjoyment?”
His head came around slowly, and his gaze rested on her, but she kept her attention on the girls. His words made her feel small and uncharitable.
She shrugged helplessly and lifted her eyes to his. She saw the barely contained emotion there. “I’ve made you angry.”
“Yes. It seems wrong to let pride so influence one’s choices that the children pay.”
“I—” What could she say? How could she explain? “You need to understand something.” But dare she tell him? She examined her choices. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know she was running from someone. Or that she could hope to remain anonymous and invisible. How many questions would her father have to ask for anyone to realize she was the woman he sought even though she’d disguised her name?
It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Blue to keep her secret. Seemed he had lots of practice in keeping secrets.
She rose and went to one of the windows that gave her a view of town. But what would he do if he knew? Would he try and persuade her to stay and let him take care of her?
The idea was so tempting. But the girls weren’t his. Would Father still take them away? Could he? He’d surely think he had the right, and how would she prevent it? And wouldn’t the law stand behind him? It wasn’t a risk she was willing to take.
A rider approached from the far side of town, and she watched him with detached interest. However, when he didn’t rein in at the livery barn, and then passed Macpherson’s store without stopping, all the while carefully looking from side to side, her nerves began to twitch.
The rider drew closer to the church. His hat was pulled low so she couldn’t see his eyes, and his mouth drew down in a harsh, threatening line. He looked directly at the window.
She jerked away and pressed to the wall, her hands balled to her chest as if she could still the pounding of her heart.
He was a man looking for someone. Had her father sent him?
“Clara?” Blue gave her a curious look.
She held up a hand to signal him to be quiet and strained to hear the passing hoofbeats. Did they pause in front of the church?
She mentally measured the distance to where the girls played. Could she grab them and dash out the back door before the rider opened the street door?
She took a step on faltering legs, then heard the horse walk by. Clara edged toward the windows on the other side, careful to stay out of sight.
Her lungs emptied with a whoosh when she saw horse and rider leaving town.
Her faltering legs turned to pudding, and she crumpled to the floor.
Blue squatted at her side. “Clara, what’s wrong?”
She grabbed one of his hands and hung on, finding strength. “That man.”
He nodded. “The one that rode through town just now? Do you know him?”
She rocked her head back and forth. “I don’t think so, but he might be looking for me.”
He sat beside her, his back pressed to the wall, his shoulder against hers a source of encouragement, his hand still gripped in hers. She had no intention of letting go until her insides stopped quaking.
“Why would he be looking for you?”
She checked on the girls. They played contentedly with the doll and were out of earshot. “My father might have hired him.” She forced herself to take three slow breaths.
Blue waited silently, not moving, not rushing her, making no demands.
His patience steadied her. “I told you my father is controlling. That’s not the worst. He thinks I am incapable of taking care of myself, let alone the girls.” She told him how she’d been raised. How she’d gone home after her husband’s death. How she had discovered the girls were learning the same helplessness she’d learned.
Blue chuckled at little at that. “You’re about as helpless as a grizzly bear. In fact, you make me think of something Alice used to say. ‘Sooner come between a mother bear and her cubs than a mother and her children.’ You are as fierce as any bear.”
“Thanks. I think. But Father doesn’t see it that way. When I said I wanted to be in my own home, he bluntly refused and said if I tried to make my own way, he’d take the girls from me.”
“So you ran?”
She nodded, misery flooding her eyes. “But I know he won’t leave it at that. He’ll find me.” She closed her eyes and thought of all the places they’d been and how obvious they were. “A woman traveling with two girls isn’t hard to notice. He might have hired someone to find me for him.”
“It appears that rider had something else on his mind. He rode right through without even stopping.”
Clara nodded. “I wish it made me feel better, but it doesn’t. I know it’s only a matter of time until Father or a hireling finds me.” She bolted to her feet and crossed the room from one side to the other, checking the windows.
Blue waited until she stopped flying about, then came to her side.
“So what do you plan to do?”
She faced him. “I trust you’ll not repeat a word of this to anyone.”
He held her gaze without his expression changing.
She nodded, satisfied, though she’d known he wouldn’t even without asking. She shifted her attention, saw Eleanor watching her and smiled as reassuringly as she could.
Eleanor seemed satisfied and turned back to playing with the doll.
“Let’s go to the entryway.” She went to the little room separated from the sanctuary part of the church by a half-constructed wall. The girls wouldn’t be able to see them or hear what she had to say.
Blue followed, leaned against the wall and waited.
She paced in the tiny space, twisting her hands as her mind went round and round with what-ifs and if-onlys.
He caught her hands and pulled her to a halt facing him. His gentle smile calmed her.
“My plan is to go to Fort Calgary, where I hope there is a job waiting for me on a farm out of town.” She told him of writing in answer to a notice about a man needing someone to care for his children. She omitted the worry that her letter might still be en route. “I thought I’d be there by now, but Petey said he had to go to Fort Macleod. As soon as he comes back, he said he’d make the trip.”
Blue rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs. “What makes you think you’ll be safe there?”
She lowered her head, unwilling to admit she had no assurances.
“Seems to me,” Blue added, “if your father is that determined, he’ll find you.”
“I’m hoping winter will prevent him from traveling, and then perhaps by spring he’ll reconsider. By then, I hope I’ll have proof I can manage on my own.”
“And if he doesn’t accept it?”
She brought her fierce gaze to him. “I hope and pray I can stay one step ahead of him.”
He smiled. His eyes filled with compassion. “Clara, are you going to run forever?”
“I will never let Father take the girls from me.” Tears clogged her throat.
He pulled her to him, and she buried her face against his broad, strong chest.
He patted her back gently. It calmed her fractured nerves, and she released a heart-easing sigh and sank deeper into his embrace. Oh, if only she could find this safety in her entire life, not just in a moment of crisis.
“You deserve better. You and the girls.”
His voice rumbled beneath her ears. “Better would be nice, but Father is a stubborn, prideful man.”
His chuckle bounced h
is chest, and she smiled.
He said, “I’d say it was a strong family trait.”
She felt a faint desire to argue, but it quickly faded. Instead, she smiled against his shirtfront. “The only thing I’ve ever been stubborn about is keeping my girls.”
“Then perhaps you need to accept help.”
She reluctantly pushed away from his arms. “But don’t you see? The only way I can hope to convince my father I am responsible enough to take care of the girls is to prove I can manage on my own.”
His hands rested on her arms, enticing her to return to his embrace. But she stepped back.
Like she’d said, she had to prove she was strong and capable, and that meant not leaning on any man. Physically or emotionally.
She put the distance of two more feet between them. Far enough that she could resist the temptation of his arms. “You’ve been very kind to us, and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to repay you.”
He made a protesting noise, but she continued. “Perhaps one day you will be able to move forward into a new life. That would please me.”
Unable to remain in the small space and resist all he offered, she returned to the larger room and went to the girls. “Have you named your doll?”
“Mary,” they said in unison.
“Good choice. Now you have a friend again.”
She spent the rest of the morning trying to work without looking at Blue, without giving him a chance to say anything more about her decision. If once or twice she caught herself watching him when he was otherwise occupied, she excused it as regret over having drawn him into her problems.
It was time to rebuild the walls around her life—walls she’d never meant to break down in the first place.
Chapter Twelve
Blue’s brain filled with a hundred thoughts. He tried to sort them into some kind of order. Certainly he was pleased that the girls had welcomed the doll and Clara had allowed them to keep it. But the feeling paled in comparison to his worry about their safety. There must be something he could do.
Love Inspired Historical October 2015 Box Set Page 80