by TC Matson
“I’m never going to get good at this.”
I lean over her. “You will. It took me a long time too.”
She rolls her eyes. “You always told me lying was bad, Momma.”
“I’m not lying.” I laugh.
“I’ve heard you talk ‘bout it. You did good. You had grandpa help you and he taught you. You said you only fell a few times before you could do things. I’ve falled a bunch of times.”
I titter. “Baby. I fell so many times, I lost count. I broke bones and had bruises all over my body. I hit my head so hard once, grandpa wouldn’t let me board for a week. I also had to have surgeries to fix my broken arm.”
“I want to quit,” her little voice trembles.
“I quit once. I threw my board and totally quit. Granted it was only for ten minutes, but I did.”
She sits up and unsnaps her feet. “I don’t get it, Momma. Why can’t I do it? You’re so good. I should be good.”
“Baby, I practiced every day for hours at a time for a lot of years. You and I only get up here every so often. I’d love to bring you daily if I could.” I unsnap my boots too. “You’re also trying way too hard. If you’d relax and just focus on having fun, I promise you’d get it.”
She tucks her little teal board with snowflakes under her arm and takes a step. The powder is soft, and her foot sinks, causing her to wobble and almost fall. I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing.
She cuts beady mad eyes at me. “It’s not funny. It’s hard and it’s not fair.”
I hate she feels so defeated and angry with herself. I lean forward too far so my board will slip out from under me, and when it does, I don’t brace myself and hit the snow face first. Maddi’s giggle slices through the cold air.
Feigning frustrations, I kick my board off and hit the snow before getting back to my feet and bouncing my finger at her. “I’m blaming you for that. It wouldn’t have happened had you not made the snow gods feel bad for you.”
“Can you tell the snow gods to let me ride a good ride today?”
“They only do favors for cute little girls with determination. I’m not one.”
The sun causes her to squint when she looks up to me. “Can we get some hot chocolate now? I’m cold.”
“Yeah. We need to check on Aunt Rave anyway. I’m sure she has all the guys buying her hot chocolates.”
We start up the slant toward the main building when Maddi says, “She’s going to have an upset tummy if she’s drinking a lot of hot chocolate.”
I pat the top of her helmet. “You’re a smart cookie, little girl.”
“I know,” she shrugs. “It’s because you told me and I didn’t listen and I barfed and didn’t feel good for a long time.”
I cackle. “Lessons are good if you learn from them.”
“I did. One hot chocolate won’t make me barf.”
Maddi is out cold—head resting on the side of the door, mouth wide open with drool pooling at the edges of her lips waiting to spill over. Snow always kicks her ass.
The road winds through the hills until finally straightening back out at the bottom of the mountain. The entire ride, Raven has been telling me about these three guys she met at the lodge today. And they apparently all wanted to take her out. Two of them live close and expressed how they wanted a threesome with my adventurous best friend. She hasn’t told me if she’s going to take them up on their offer, but she has made it clear that she’s not brave enough to try anal.
That’s where she left off. That’s what she’s been pondering for the past twenty minutes. I’m almost positive.
“I tried telling Max about Maddi,” I break into her thoughts.
“So, it’s getting serious?”
“I like him.” The thought twists my lips up. “A lot. But it’s all moving way too fast.”
“Ah. Infatuation at its infamous best. You realize love holds no time restraints?”
She’s lost her mind. “I didn’t say I love him or that I was falling in love with him.”
“You don’t have to. That shit’s written all over your face.”
“Liking him and loving him are two different things. Right now, I’m experiencing the magical rush of all the newness. Besides, there’s no such thing as love after a few great dates.”
She bounces her head from shoulder to shoulder looking out of the windshield. “Depends on who you ask. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but my parents do. Dad said he knew the moment he met mom at the café he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. And Mom said it was the second date when she knew.” She shrugs. “Whatever floats their boats. I’ve never experienced that feeling.”
“I like Max, but I don’t know if my future is with him.”
“Because you won’t allow yourself to open up and feel. When’s the last time you lived for you?”
My brows draw low. “Have you forgotten I have a child to live for? And what’s with Doctor Raven? Where did she come from?”
She offers a crooked smile. “Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life should stop. Your happiness shouldn’t sit on the sidelines for Maddi. You being happy makes her happy, but you wouldn’t know that because in her entire seven years, Mom’s been single. As for me, I’ve been here watching, listening, and living. I see you, Ave. You’re my best friend and I fear I see you better than you see yourself.”
“Did those guys drug you?”
She barks a giggle. “Clear vision, chickie.”
I sigh. “Had I brought home any of the guys I’ve dated, Maddi would’ve seen the burn marks they left in their wake. I’d rather her see me happy and alone than me witnessing her heartbreak when they leave.”
“You’re not picking from the right barrel. Those guys weren’t right. We all knew it, including you. You just needed to pull your Avery special, get in, ride it, and get out. You weren’t ready for anything serious.”
I arch a brow. “What makes you so sure I am now?”
“If I can see it, you should feel it. Max makes you happy.”
“So does a good margarita, but I’m not off drinking every night.”
“Wanna know what I think?” She twists in her seat to face me.
“I’m pretty sure you’re about to tell me,” I deadpan.
“You’re scared. You’re scared to live your life outside the realms of what you see as parenthood. You’re scared that every guy is another Aaron or the dickheads who have burned you in the years after. I think you’re petrified of being happy because you’ve never truly experienced it since before your parents died and in some weird twisted way, you feel guilty when it’s exactly what they would’ve wanted.”
It sucks the air from my lungs as she rips a corner of my heart open. “That’s deep shit, Raven…”
She exhales, turning back right in her seat. “Life dealt you a shitty hand, Ave. But somewhere in there is a royal flush. You just have to hit it just right. I love you hard and I’ll stand beside anything you choose, but for once, please put in the same determination for your future as you do in your snowboarding and your daughter.”
I drop into silence as I deduce what she said. Nothing but the quiet hum from the wind rushing over the car and the soft strum of music fills the cab of my SUV.
I have been dealt a shitty hand. Just when I thought my life was on the right track with multiple snowboarding competitions, my grades in school good, getting my license, and just living life, my parents were stripped from me. No warnings. No preparations. One day they were there and that following evening they weren’t. That was the worst and most devastating blow I’ve ever been handed.
I tried to move forward, keeping my nose to the grind stone and putting one foot in front of the other. I would’ve been lost if it weren’t for Ryan, Miranda, my mamaw, and Raven. Unfortunately, the pain won and I got swindled by the biggest piece of shit who preyed on vulnerable girls. I came to my senses and overcame it while gaining one of the most precious gifts ever given to
me—Maddi. My hand sucked, but my parents taught me to make the best of what you got…and I did, if not for me, but for them.
“I think I’m going to ease into everything,” I say.
Raven lolls her head toward me. “Explain ‘ease’…”
“Well, I’ll tell him I’m a pro-snowboarder and see how he reacts, whether he treats me any differently. That way if he chooses to leave, I’ll have time to adjust and not be forced to ride unfocused. And if he stays, I promise to tell him about Maddi after the Kid’s Bazaar.”
“And if he gets pissed and leaves because you hid your career from him?”
“Then I’ll know he wasn’t man enough to handle me and all of what I come with.”
She gleams sticking her pinky finger out. “Promise?”
Wrapping mine around hers, I kiss my knuckles. “I promise.”
But she doesn’t let go of my pinky. “And promise me, if this starts getting serious, you ride that powder and don’t fight it anymore.”
I swallow. Can I really let my walls down and let someone into my heart? “I promise I’ll try.”
She nods. “I’ll settle on a try.”
Max
I’m edgy as hell. It’s been two days since I’ve set my eyes on Avery and gotten to taste her lips. It’s been two days of short texts and even shorter conversations, no thanks to my busy days.
I miss her.
I crave her.
I’m falling for her.
And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“Get back here.” Zach nudges me. “Wherever you keep going, do that on your own time. I’ve got a meeting in a little bit.”
“I pay you the big bucks to park your ass right there and play with a pencil,” I jest.
“You don’t pay me shit until my work is complete.”
“Daaaaddddyyyy!” Caleb comes screaming into my office on wobbly legs, his arms stretched out while his blond hair bounces on top of his head.
“Little dude!” Zach explodes and snatches him off the floor into his lap. “How was today? Anything exciting? Did you drive Miss Lorit crazy?”
Caleb’s head bobs. “Uh-huh.”
Jade steps in and sighs. “He decided to give Ziggy a haircut and somehow managed to spill an entire gallon of milk on the floor.”
“I can understand why you cut Ziggy’s hair. Poor dog looks like a mop. You were doing the furball a favor, but milk on the floor? What did you do that for?”
“Siimm,” Caleb replies.
Zach’s lips tic. “Little dude. Swimming is better in the pool. Not the kitchen floor.”
Caleb’s blue eyes could make you sell your soul to the devil and those innocent persuaders shift to me. “Maassss!” He reaches out.
“I see how it is. You get in trouble and you want me to save you,” I tease plucking him off Zach’s lap and into my arms. “What’s up, tyke?”
Jade sits beside Zach on the couch and drops her head back closing her eyes. “He’s going to make Lorit quit.” Her head snaps to Zach and she playfully glares. “And it’s your fault. He acts just like you.”
Zach bellows. “Me? I’m a perfect angel.”
“Doonuut,” Caleb babbles.
Jade points to Zach, bouncing her finger. “You! Everything he does has Zach written all over him.”
Zach flashes a cunning lopsided smirk. “Then we should all be thankful he’s got his daddy’s brains.”
Jade groans. “Just great. He’ll be an idiot his entire life.”
We’re all laughing when Isabella interrupts us. “Excuse me, Mr. Lauder. You have a visitor.”
My pulse picks up and the excitement makes it across my lips. The only time I have an unscheduled visitor is when there’s a five-foot-four spectacular woman I crave immensely popping in. And just as expected, Isabella walks away, her image being replaced with the stunning view of Avery. My chest swells with excitement.
Her gray eyes smile at me until she spots Caleb and then glances to Jade and Zach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company. I’ll, um. I’ll just call you later.”
“Avery, this is my nephew, Caleb,” I introduce her.
Delighted, her grin is wide as she tickles his stomach. “Hey, little guy.”
Caleb giggles and buries his head into the side of my neck to hide.
“He did not get that from me,” Zach says. “I was never girl shy.”
I snap my head to him and breathe one name smugly. “Elissa.”
Zach’s face falls, his grin melting away just by mentioning the one person who could bring him to his knees just by a wave when we were in tenth grade. She dated a football player and wouldn’t give smooth talker Zach the time of day. His charm wouldn’t work on her. So what does Mr. Dumbass decide to do? Get close to her by dating her best friend, Cynthia. Except Cynthia fell head over heels for him. She gave up her virginity to him, abandoning her purity for a guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with after only knowing him for two weeks. The very same guy who fantasized about her best friend.
One day after school, Zach was at Cynthia’s hanging out. Her parents told her to feed the dog or some shit like that, leaving him and Elissa in the room together…alone. It went over horribly. He confessed to Elissa, thinking he was being suave and romantic, only to find himself with a slap across the face that was felt around the neighborhood. Not to mention, Cynthia’s fuming broken heart. Oh, she had some ugly choice words as she hissed them through her tears.
“Elissa DeBarros?” Jade asks.
I nod and Jade’s mouth drops before the cackle comes bellowing out. “Oh my god, she hated your guts.”
Zach stays silent and scratches the back of his neck while glaring daggers into me.
“He—”
“Shut the hell up, man,” Zach interrupts with a stern warning. “You’re so dead to me.” He bites back a laugh.
I pass Caleb back to him. “Yeah. Well, I wish I felt bad.”
Jade slaps his leg as she gets to her feet. “Come on, you dog. Let’s get out of here.”
Zach tips his chin as he passes. “Dinner at my place Friday. I’ll invite the other douchebag.” He smiles to Avery. “The invitation extends to you as well if you’d like to join us.” He winks and strides out.
I shove the door shut behind him and pull Avery into me, claiming her lips slowly to savor everything I’ve missed. “I’m so glad to see you,” I say, high off the taste of her.
“I missed you.” Nerves appear in her gaze.
I smile at the buzz she just ignited in my chest. I kiss her again, this time more urgently. Our tongues dance together as electricity shoots down my spine and into my dick. She’s something I’ve needed in my life. Something I didn’t realize I wanted until I was looking down at her for the first time.
I tighten my grip on her hip, not ready to feel the absence of her body as she takes a step back.
“You scare me,” she breathes, looking to my chest.
“The only thing you need to fear is how long you’ll moan my name.”
She looks down at her feet. “I came here on a mission and I need to talk to you before I lose my nerve.”
When her gaze lands on me, I see all the fear and worry, and I release my grip.
“You need to sit,” she says.
“I’ll stand.” The panic coursing through me doesn’t make it to my voice.
She wrings her thumbs and starts to pace. “I was going to wait, but I’m scared if I do, I’ll chicken out and continue to find excuses not to tell you.”
“What’s wrong?”
Her feet stop and she blinks to me. “I like you. A lot.”
I smirk, confident I know where she’s going with this.
Her shoulders deflate. “Max, I’ve lied to you.”
My smile drops as hurt and anger jolt me. I shift on my feet and shove my hands into my pockets.
“I omitted some of the truth to protect myself.” She inhales. “I’m a pro-snowboarder. I don’t just work for a s
nowboarding team. I am the snowboarder. We weren’t supposed to get where we are now. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
I can feel the wrinkles beside my eyes as I squint, trying to comprehend.
“I didn’t say anything about it because some people like to use me for what they think my life is,” she continues.
“You act like I don’t know what money and notability brings in.”
Her head hangs low. “I know and I’m sorry.”
I move to her and rub my hands down her arms. “You protected yourself. I get it.”
“I really like you for you. Your money doesn’t interest me, but you do.”
“And the fantastic sex.” I grin.
“Definitely that too,” she says grinning.
I bend and kiss her tenderly. “I’m not mad.”
I can feel the relief running down her body, her muscles relaxing under my palms. In a twisted way, I’m elated to know she was that worried about upsetting me.
“I have to go back to work now.” Her lips contort to the side, her face scrunching.
“Would you be my date for Zach’s dinner this Friday?”
“I’ll have to call you later and let you know.” Confliction rides in her tone.
“Of course.”
She kisses my jaw and I close my eyes relishing it. “Thank you for being you.”
Cupping the back of her head, I kiss her, pouring in all the passion I feel for her. “Call me later.”
“Hey,” Jade bebops through the door and tosses a folder on my desk almost knocking a few other folders off. After Avery left, I dove head first into some financial reports to get my thoughts composed.
Jade sits in the chair. “All your information on Kid’s Bazaar. It’s a little weird for a winery to sponsor a children’s event. Don’t you think?”
Kid’s Bazaar… It’s a winter sport event. Will Avery be there?
“I do it because of you. It’s my way of paying back the higher powers for keeping you alive.”
“I’m sure by now the gods know you’re forever grateful. Now you’re just paving your way into heaven.”