by TC Matson
She’s standing by the window, looking out into the night sky of Denver. The buildings reach high into the sky with lights flickering in the distance. The living room lights are off, but her body is silhouetted by the illumination of the moon.
She’s breathtaking.
Moving behind her and smiling like the lucky dog I am, I wrap my arms around her and kiss the side of her head. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay?”
She twists in my arms and peeks up at me. Reality slaps me in the face. I’m falling for her and there’s absolutely no denying it.
“My best friend, Raven, is at my house waiting on me,” she tells me.
“Surely, she’d understand.”
She drops her view to my chest but continues to draw circles on the back of my neck.
I inhale, feeling like I’m about to jump off the tallest building without a parachute. “I really like you, Avery.”
She swallows and doesn’t raise her gaze. “I have so much I need to tell you.”
“I’m falling for you.” The words raise her view and I smirk. “Pretty fucking hard if I’m being honest.”
Her lips pull up.
“I’m not going to hurt you. You brighten my days. I want to wake up every morning and close my eyes every night knowing you’re in my life. I know you’re scared. Truth is, I’m pretty petrified too, but without a doubt, I rather hold you through my fears.”
“I have an ugly past, Max.” The hurt in her voice is clear.
“And when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here to listen. But I’m not some punk who will treat you bad and let you walk away. I’ll cherish you.”
“You make me feel pretty damn lucky to have you,” she whispers.
I smirk.
“I like our pace,” she says nervously. “I don’t feel pressured and it allows me to work through all my anxiety. I’m used to everyone expecting things from me, but you…” She smiles. “You just want me happy. And you do make me happy.”
“Because it’s what you deserve.”
She kisses my jaw. “Day by day.”
I brush my lips against hers, keeping my gaze attached to hers. “Are you positive I can’t persuade you to stay?”
She grins. “I’ll see what kind of strings I can pull for the weekend. The next few weeks will be really busy for me. I have to dust off for the Kid’s Bazaar.”
“What does that consist of?” I ask, legitimately wanting in her world.
“I’ll be with my coach four days a week and working with Ryan. Since I hit the slopes several times a month, I stay rust free.”
I nod, kiss her forehead and very damn reluctantly, lead her to the elevator where we share one more kiss before she’s out of my view.
Avery
“Spill it, Momma,” Maddi says, her arms crossed and brows furrowed, all soft lines on her face hardened as she gives me the sweetest serious expression ever.
“Spill what?” I glance to her.
As promised, I was here when she woke up and we had breakfast together—Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The breakfast of childhood champions.
She cocks her head to the side, which in conjunction, moves her entire body. “You’ve been gone a lot and you’re never gone a lot, so I asked Aunt Rave and she said I had to ask you, which only means you’re doing something and I want to know what.”
Both my brows jump high onto my forehead. “Oh. We’re switching roles today? Like you’re the momma and I’m the daughter?” I look to the bowl and drop the wash rag. “In that case, you need to finish the dishes.”
She huffs and her whole face pinches tight. “Noooo. I can’t do the dishes. I’m seven, but you say I can’t. But I’m a big girl and you said keeping secrets from each other is bad, but I think you have a secret because you won’t tell me.”
Her damn smart brains…
I guess now is better than never to fill her part of the way in. I dry off my hands as I bring her to the table, pulling a chair directly in front of me, and make her sit.
“Okay, smarty pants. I have been doing something,” I start and instantly my nerves make it hard to breathe. “I met a man and we’ve gone on a few dates.”
Her blue eyes bulge. “No way!” she shrieks. “Do you like him? Does he like you? Has he given you a rose? Why haven’t I met him? Is he not cute? If he’s not, it’s okay ‘cause looks aren’t everything but they help.”
“Whoa. Whoa.” I crack up. “He is really, really cute, and he’s given me twelve roses, but I want to make sure we’re happy enough together before I introduce you to him. You’ll understand when you grow up.”
Her little mouth falls to the floor. “Twelve roses? Momma, he really likes you.”
That is what she caught out of the sentence…
“He does and I like him, but I want to make super duper sure we’re really happy together.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
I flinch. “No, baby. I haven’t been dating him that long to start thinking about that.”
“Andy said her parents got married like…” she looks up to the ceiling for her answer, “the same day they met. And they’re happy and Andy’s mom makes dinner and does the laundry. They sleep in the same room and sometimes they cuddle on the couch.”
I smile. “Sounds like Andy’s parents really love each other.”
“Do you love him?”
“I like him a whole bunch.”
“If you like him, then I’ll like him and I already like him because you smile more and I think you’re pretty when you smile. I bet he thinks you’re pretty too specially if he likes you. We should invite him for supper and I can see if I like him. I can give you thumbs up or down and if I don’t like him we can kick him out and eat his dessert. When will you bring him over?”
Her long-winded conversations always cause me to laugh. I’ve tried teaching her to pause, to put a damn period in there, but when she’s excited, mad, happy, or sad, her sentences run a paragraph long.
“A few more dates and I promise you’ll meet him as long as I’m still really happy.”
Her brows furrow and she narrows her eyes. “Promise?”
“I do.”
That pleases her and she shrugs. “Okay. Can we go to the park today? I showed Uncle Roo I can hang upside down and I want to show you and see if you can do it too because it’s fun. We can hang upside down and talk.”
What it would be like to have her energy again…
The weather, regardless if it’s barely in the fifties, is beautiful. The sun is shining, warming everything it touches, and the air is calm without a breeze. And my wild child is running around on the playground making sure I remember I’m getting old. We’ve played on the swings, hit the slides, hung upside down, and then made up an obstacle course involving every piece of equipment on the playground. The good news—it’s great for endurance. The bad news—I’m exhausted and relieved when another little girl catches Maddi’s attention.
After letting her run out her energy for an hour and a half, we head back home. Ryan’s cleaning out his flower bed when I pull back into my driveway. Maddi springs out the door, rushing over to him. And by the time I arrive, Ryan is getting an earful of all things playground play.
He peers up to me as Maddi takes off to the backyard. “She wore you out, huh?”
“Where the hell does she get all her energy?”
“She’s a spitting image of you. Where do you think?”
“She makes me feel old,” I snicker.
“You used to run around everyone for hours and still can depending on what you’re doing,” he says.
Max: My bed smells of your perfume.
Me: Are you saying you miss me?
Max: Most definitely.
Me: Are you always this sweet?
Max: When it’s worth my time, yes.
Ryan stands and nods at my phone. “Max?”
“Yeah.”
“Maddi’s starting to ask questions.”
“I
know. She got me this morning. I answered them as safely as I could,” I tell him.
“You’re starting to be gone a lot. Do you think it’s fair to Maddi?” he says as I follow him to the garage where he puts his rake up.
“After the Kid’s Bazaar, I plan on telling him everything.”
Ryan spins toward me with frustration boring his eyes. “Why not before? Today? Tomorrow?”
I sigh. “Because if he leaves, I won’t be distracted on my run.”
“That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it.” He gruffs. “Where do you stand with him?”
“I really hate having these conversations with you. Between fatherly and brotherly… It feels like an interrogation.”
He suppresses a chuckle. “Because it is, Ave. I want what’s best for you.”
“I’m an adult, Ryan.”
He hardens his stare.
And I buckle. “I’ve tried telling him about her several times, but something keeps interrupting or I choke. I like him and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m starting to love him.”
His lips quirk up. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard those words from you.” But his comforting smile melts. “But how can you love him if all you’ve done is lie to him?”
“The only lie I’ve told him was about boarding and I came clean.”
“You realize he won’t see omitting Maddi that way? She’s a big piece of your life and you’re leaving that out.”
I nod, dropping my view. It’s the very thought that’s haunted me since realizing how I feel about Max. At first, I hid my daughter while I felt him out. Now I’m hiding her in solid fear of losing him. It’s not fair…to either of them.
Ryan shoves my shoulder, bringing me back to the conversation. “A few weeks and you’ll be reminding the world who’s the best of the best. You’re going to shatter the competition. Rumor is, it’s Emma Hughes.”
I grin. I love running with her. She always brings out the best in me. “It is.”
“Your training kicks in this week, right? After work?”
“Yeah. I’ll meet up with Tim after getting Maddi from school.”
“I’ll help you with her, but she’s really excited about watching you. She said she’s not as good as you on the board. It upsets her.”
I exhale, shaking my head. “She tries too hard to be where I am. Things that took me years, she thinks she can do.”
He hugs my shoulder. “She wants to be as good as her mother. I’m going to throw some steaks on the grill tonight. Wanna join?”
I poke his butt chin. “Count me in.”
Avery
“Avery…” Max’s voice is sweet and it tickles my ear.
After the long week I had, busting my ass with Tim, working with Ryan, and helping Maddi with a school project about Hawaii, I needed Max’s arms. I missed the hell out of him and last night went well into the wee hours of the morning and reminded me why I really should spend more time with him. He gave me a full body massage, rubbing my sore body from head to toe before licking every square inch of my skin. If my legs aren’t sore from boarding, they’re definitely deliciously sore from Max.
There’s no doubt he made love to me last night. Everything felt more intimate. His touches were tender, his moves were slow and deliberate, and the way he looked at me felt like he was begging for eternity. I felt vulnerable, yet in the safest place. My emotions roared loudly inside me, but I kept them quiet because I’m afraid to be more scared than I already am.
“Baby,” he croons again, kissing across my cheek.
“Hmmm?” I stretch, rolling to meet his sexy eyes.
He smiles. “I have to go. Jade called. Something has come up with a delivery. I’ll be back in a few hours. You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you want.”
I nod, closing my eyes as sleep caresses my exhaustion. My body tingles—that place where your mind is barely alert on the realms of reality. “Okay…Be careful. Love you.”
The words rip me right out of sleep and slam me with panic. My heart leaps into my throat. My eyes spring open and I jerk sitting up. “Wait. No.”
He’s wearing a lopsided smile. “Too late.”
I’m hot as hell wearing the red from my mortification. I’m scrambling for a back pedal, something to say that will make sense and not make me look like a liar because honestly, I meant it even though I wasn’t ready to say it. It’s been years since I’ve muttered those words…
He leans down and kisses me tenderly. “You just confirmed we’re on the same page.” He brushes his lips against mine again. “I have to go. Stay as long as you want.”
I’m relieved he left it alone, confused as to why, but sure he saw the terror on my face. I watch him walk out of the door, down the hall, and turn out of my view when I throw myself backward on the bed, silently screaming. Holy fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m not afraid of much, but being in love is definitely in the top two fears.
Freaked out, I don’t sit around to face him. I get dressed and leave. I don’t even stick around to enjoy his shower, but I do make his bed. That’s all the extra I could do shaking in my skin. I was ready to flee the scene of the love crime.
Sitting on the top step of our back deck, I watch Maddi swing. I still feel a bit numb with a racing mind, and my guilt has come to the forefront. I need to tell Max about Maddi.
Max: Just so you know, my head isn’t fitting through any doors today.
I giggle and glance up to see Maddi watching me.
Me: You have me blushing in my backyard.
Max: You have me on top of the world.
“It’s that guy again, right? You’re smiling like it’s him. I know you still like him. When can I meet him?” Maddi says, her hands on her hips standing right in front of me.
I peer at my beautiful daughter. “Soon, baby. Right after the competition, I’m inviting him over to meet you.”
She squeals and claps her hand. “He’ll be happy for you winning. You have to make your sketty. It’s my favorite, which means he’ll really like it and I want him to like it.”
I fold her in my arms and hug her. “Don’t get your hopes up really high, baby. Everything is still new. Okay?”
She rolls her eyes and it’s like her thoughts switched. “Are we seeing Tim today?”
“Yeah.” I check the time on my phone. “Actually, we need to get ready. Are you sure you don’t want to stay with Uncle Roo so you can keep playing?”
Her head shakes. “No. I want to watch you. Can I bring my board and try the things you do?”
“Yeah. How about we play around after I’m done?”
Anger is in her eyes. “But I want to learn the things you do.”
I clutch her hand. “Maddi. I’ve been doing this for years.” My tone is stern. “Years, baby. You can’t do everything I can. It takes a lot of practice and time to learn it. You have to focus on the basic stuff, the learning things. Then when you get that down pat, I can teach you other tricks. But I really need you to focus on just the beginning stuff.”
“But I really—”
Her voice shakes as I interrupt her. “Maddi, you must learn the easier stuff so you don’t get hurt with the harder things. You have to practice.”
She blinks.
“If I practice really hard and ride the big hill, will you teach me how you flip?”
I smile. “Yes. But only after you master the beginner stuff.”
Her head bobs up and down. “Deal. I promise, Momma.”
I’m sweating. My legs are burning. And I am despising Tim. After the warmup, he’s had me bouncing on the trampoline, running through a series of flips, rolls, and switches. I love shredding the mountain, but a trampoline kicks my ass. There’s no cold breeze and breathers between tricks. Tim has me popping out tricks one after another. It works my endurance and stamina, but just like Maddi does, the exhaustion reminds me that I’m getting old.
“Have you seen the run?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the trampoline.
/> Tim has been with me for years and I swear hasn’t aged a day. He still looks like he’s in his twenties even though he’s closer to forty. His black hair is cut short, his skin smooth without wrinkles showing the stress he endures, and he’s in damn good shape.
I stop, plopping down to my ass, my weight bouncing me on the trampoline as I catch my breath. “No.”
“I’ve heard Emma’s been a park rat strengthening her jibbing.”
I puff a breath, flicking my wrist. “Dad started me off on rails. I’m not worried about those tricks.”
Resting back on his palms, he nods. “I don’t know why I keep coming around. You know everything. You’re still the know-it-all kid.”
I grin. “But I’ve polished up.”
“Maddi’s over there chomping at the bit for you to teach her flips. You going to?”
“I’ve got to ingrain the basics in her head first. She rides stiff, chatters through her turns, and doesn’t listen to a thing I say.”
Tim’s deep dimples appear and he bellows a laugh. “So you’re saying she’s you when you first started?”
“I listened,” I protest.
“Yeah. When Frank made sure I tortured you in lessons.”
I giggle. “Dad knew how to make me listen. I was sore for days. You kicked my ass.”
“You listened,” he grins. “Maybe Maddi’s the same way.”
“She thinks she can do everything I can and doesn’t try to learn the basics.”
“She’s anxious to be as good as her mother. Get down to the meaty parts. Remember our first few days. You knew how to ride, but you weren’t good enough. Not in my eyes. If you had run then, you’d yard sale it and drag your ass all over. Go back to the basics with her, Avery. She’s you all over again.”
I glance to Maddi sitting in the loft, studying us.
“You know what you’re doing. The basics are second nature to you, not to Maddi. But keep in mind, what might have worked with you, might not work with her. Want me to give her a few lessons?”
I shake my head, looking down at my hands. “No. I’ll show her. I forget where I started sometimes.”