The rest of the ride home was quite. Loren watched the scenery pass by out the window and debated on whether she should ask Sam to stay at the bunk house tonight or allow him to stay with her as he had the past few weeks.
She was so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even realized that they had stopped in front of the barn and Sam had cut the engine. They sat in silence for a few minutes, with Loren starting out the window, and Sam looking at her. He knew something had happened with Stephanie, but Loren didn’t seem to be ready to talk about it.
“Honey, are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine, just tired,” she said as she climbed out of the truck.
They both saw to the horses. Loren filled the water buckets while Sam gave them their normal ration of oats and a few flakes of hay. She didn’t stop him when he took her hand in his on their short walk up to the house. The warmth of his hand felt good, and it felt right.
Once inside the house, he led her up the stairs to her bedroom just like he would on any other given night. They would eventually have to talk about what had happened with Stephanie, but for tonight they had reached a mutual agreement to just love one another. Their love making was slow and sweet this time. They finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.
Morning came with the sun spilling in through the soft blue curtains of Loren’s bedroom. She stretched as she climbed out of bed and walked over to look out the window.
The sunshine was deceiving, making one feel as if it were a warm spring day. It was cold out and a light snow had fallen over night. Maybe it would be enough to build a snowman.
As Loren bounced down the stairs, her nostrils were filled with the aroma of coffee, bacon, and eggs.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Sam greeted her as she stepped around the corner into the kitchen.
Sam must have gotten up at the crack of dawn. He was fully dressed. If he only knew how sexy his jean clad body looked as he stood in front of the stove preparing breakfast. The best part was that he wasn’t preparing breakfast for just anyone, but for her.
“Good morning,” she said, pouring herself some coffee. Loren smiled at Sam as he motioned for her to sit down. For someone who was just using her as Stephanie had suggested, he sure did waste a lot of time spoiling her.
Sam set a plate down in front of her, and then filled his own plate. He sat down opposite her and said grace. They both dug into their breakfast like starved rats.
After they were both finished eating, Loren cleared the table and began loading their dirty dishes into the dishwasher. After she placed the last dirty plate inside, she turned her attention back towards Sam.
“Sam, I think we need to talk about Stephanie.” The words had come out of her mouth without any warning. Sam remained seated and took a minute before responding.
“There’s really not much to talk about. We dated in high school and after graduation she left for Paris. That was the end of our relationship.”
“I need to ask you a question. Please be totally honest with me, even if it will hurt my feelings,” Loren pleaded.
“I promise that I will be as honest as I can be. So, what do you want to ask me?” he asked.
“Do you still love her?” The question came out quickly before she had time to change her mind. The words left a bitter taste on her tongue.
Sam could see that she was trying hard to hold back tears. It was tearing his heart out to see her this way. He got up and walked over to her, placing his hands on her arms. “Look at me,” he whispered.
Loren looked up and locked her eyes with his, hoping with all her heart that he would give her the answer that she wanted to hear.
“The answer is no. I loved her once, but that was over a long time ago. But I have to be honest with you, I wasn’t sure of that until the first time that we made love,” he confessed.
The tears began to trail down Loren’s face at the sound of his words. He still hadn’t said that he loved her, but just knowing that he was no longer in love with Stephanie would be enough for now.
Sam held her in his arms until he had kissed away all of her tears. Loren explained that they were happy tears. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but decided that even though they had taken their relationship to the next level that it still wasn’t the right time.
The next few weeks were great. Well except for Stephanie and Jordan coming for riding lessons almost every day. Loren didn’t really mind Jordan being around. He was a sweet little six year old boy and they had hit if off pretty good considering how she felt about his Mother.
Jordan normally had his lesson first and then would come to find Loren in the barn and help her with other horse chores. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about caring for a horse. He had big dreams of having his own horse one day.
Loren was especially nervous about today because it would be the first time that Sam would take Stephanie out of the arena to ride out in the open. That meant that they would do some short trail riding and they would be doing it alone.
She trusted Sam, but she didn’t trust Stephanie as far as she could throw her, which wouldn’t be far. With them out of sight, there was no telling what she might try or even lie about.
Loren watched them ride out of sight, wishing she was going with them. However, she had promised Sam that she trusted him and would not interfere. She did a few breathing exercises to calm herself before going back inside the barn to help Jordan finish mucking the stalls. It had proven to be hard work today, but Jordan didn’t seem to mind. As long as it had something to do with horses he was happy to do it.
He reminded her of the way she was at that age. She liked to think of it as being “Horse Happy.”
Just as they finished up with the last stall, she heard sounds of hoof beats approaching. Good, they had returned. Sam and Stephanie had only been gone for about thirty minutes, but to Loren it felt like a life time.
Jordan helped her put away the pitch fork and other things they had used while mucking the stalls. Then he went to wash up so that he would be ready when his Mother said it was time to go.
“Need any help unsaddling,” Loren asked as they hitched the horses to the post closest to the barn door entrance.
“Can I help too?” Jordan asked, before Stephanie could refuse.
“Boy that was some fast hand washing,” Loren said. She ruffled Jordan’s hair as he passed by her to greet his mother.
“Sure you can little tiger! I will go wash up while you help Sam,” his mother replied. Stephanie always did her best to ignore Loren in an effort to make her feel like she wasn’t wanted or needed.
As Stephanie passed by her, Loren noticed some pine needles stuck in her hair. Now how did that happen? Her mind immediately jumped to conclusions. She took a deep breath, and reminded herself that she trusted Sam.
She waited a few seconds and then followed Stephanie in to the barn. She was standing at the sink washing her hands and she had a sneaky grin on her face like she was hiding some kind of secret.
Stephanie had heard Loren walk up behind her and without asking, knew Loren had noticed the pine needles in her hair. Mission accomplished.
But what really fed the fire was that Loren had no idea of how they got there. Stephanie had pretended to fall off her horse. Before Sam could get off his to horse to make sure she was okay, she had poked a few of the dried needles into her coat pocket. Then she had stuck a few in her hair before they made it back to the barn when he wasn’t looking.
The expression on Loren’s face revealed that she had accomplished exactly what she had set out to do. And that was to plant the seed of doubt in Loren’s pretty little head. She meant to win Sam back one way or the other even if she had to play dirty to do it.
Chapter 21
The day had finally turned into evening and Loren and Sam had retired to the living room after dinner. It was quite in the small living room other than the crackling of the fire. Sam was stretched out on the couch with his head
lying in Loren’s lap as she ran her fingers through his hair.
Loren tried to stop thinking about the pine needles in Stephanie’s hair earlier, but the nagging feeling that something was amiss just wouldn’t go away. “Stephanie and Jordan seem to be doing well with their riding lessons,” she said.
“Yes they do. Jordan seems to be a natural at it. Stephanie wasn’t really interested in horses much when we dated before so I am not sure why she wants to learn now. Maybe she is just doing it for Jordan,” Sam said.
It felt weird to Loren that they would be having a casual conversation about Stephanie and Jordan. Even though Loren didn’t say it out loud, she knew why Stephanie had all of a sudden become interested in horses. It was a guaranteed way that she could spend time with Sam, and hopefully win him back.
Loren didn’t like it one bit, but what could she do about it? Obviously Sam couldn’t read between the lines and saw nothing odd about her asking him to teach her to ride, when she could have just as easily asked Hal.
It irked her even more that Sam couldn’t see what she was up to. Was he really that blind or was he just ignoring it? Then again, maybe he just wanted her to think he was blind to Stephanie’s charms, so that she wouldn’t suspect that he was still riding the fence. What if Stephanie was right and he was just using her after all? Not knowing how Stephanie got the pine needles in her hair just kept eating at her. Darn, her mind was racing again with all these what ifs!
Accepting that her mind was not going to rest until she knew, she just bit the bullet and asked. “How did Stephanie get pine needles in her hair today?”
Sam opened his eyes to look up at her face. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“When you came back from your trail ride today, Stephanie had pine needles stuck in her hair. I was just wondering how that could have happened?”
It took Sam a moment to realize what she was thinking. He sat straight up and faced her on the couch. “Wait a minute, you think…”
She interrupted him before he could say more. “I really don’t know what to think Sam. I just know what it looked like,” she said.
“First of all, I didn’t even know Stephanie had pine needles in her hair until you just mentioned it and secondly, nothing happened. At least not what you are insinuating. The only thing that did happen was that Stephanie fell off her horse,” Sam explained.
“I am so confused that I don’t know what to believe,” she admitted. She really did want to believe him, but his actions were making it hard to. His voice had changed to a deeper tone and she couldn’t tell if he was telling the truth or lying to cover up being caught.
Sam looked hurt. “So, what you are really saying is that you don’t trust me?”
“I do trust…” she stopped mid-sentence when she realized how stupid her words sounded.
“It’s obvious that you don’t. I think it would be best if I stayed in the bunk house for a while.” He grabbed his coat and hat as he headed towards the door.
Loren jumped up off the couch to go after him, but stopped when she heard the slamming of the back door. She wanted more than ever to go after him and ask him to come back, but her pride wouldn’t allow it.
She had asked him a simple question and he had blown up in anger, so in her eyes he must be guilty. With a heavy heart she carried herself up the stairs to her bedroom. The room seemed so empty without Sam. How was she ever going to make it through one night without him?
Loren walked across the room to the window facing the barn, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Sam through a lighted window in the bunk house, but all was dark there as well. There was just enough moon-light to see that Sam’s truck was still parked outside the barn. At least he hadn’t left, but is still offered very little comfort.
Loren wasn’t sure how long she had been standing at the window staring out at the barn. It was almost as if she thought she could will Sam to come back to her if she stared long enough. She finally accepted that it wasn’t going to happen and made her way back across the room to the empty bed. She pulled back the covers and climbed in between the cold sheets.
It seemed like days had ticked away since she had first climbed into bed. No matter how many sheep she counted, sleep was not going to come easy. Loren’s heart and body ached for Sam. How long would he stay away from her bed? She had never felt this empty or alone in her life.
After hours of tossing and turning, she made her way back down stairs and made a bed on the couch. Maybe sleep would find her there, but even that was wishful thinking.
Loren finally drifted off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but it was just to dream of Sam. In her dream, a cloudy mist surrounded him making it hard to see his face, but she could still make out the silhouette of his muscular form in the distance. She was running towards him and calling out his name, but he just kept running farther away from her until he finally disappeared. No matter how fast she ran, she could never catch him.
The dream just kept repeating itself like a broken record. When she finally woke, her body was drenched with sweat and her face was wet with tears. Her body ached and she felt tired from the restless night that she had spent on the couch.
What she needed was a hot shower. As she got to her feet, she felt dizzy. Her stomach felt nauseated. Her body swayed, but she did not fall. Once the dizziness passed, she climbed the stairs.
Loren stood in the shower letting the hot water run over her naked body, the events of the night before running through her head. Because she had acted on her jealousy, she had pushed Sam away from her.
Loren felt much better after her shower, but she still felt a little queasy, just not as much as before. Hopefully she wasn’t coming down with a stomach bug. She opted for some toasted wheat bread for breakfast, just in case.
As an after-thought, if she had a stomach bug Sam probably would have it too. A smile appeared on her face at the vision of him puking his guts out.
It would serve him right for leaving her to spend a restless night all alone. Hopefully, he hadn’t gotten any more sleep than she had. The tossing and turning had worn her out and the recurring dream had only made her attempt at sleep more restless.
After Loren ate her breakfast, she sat at the table trying to decide if she should even make her appearance at the barn this morning. Was she really ready to face Sam? It was true that they would eventually have to talk about what had happened the night before, but maybe a little space would do them both good.
Well, that settled it. She would just have to find something else to keep her busy. It would need to be something that would keep her inside since the weather had turned colder and rain was in the forecast for the next few days.
The beds needed changing, there was laundry to do, floors to clean, and the whole place could use a good dusting. By the time she had her to do list completed, she felt confident that she had written down enough task to last a while.
Loren cleaned up her breakfast dishes then went to strip the beds for washing. Once she had that started, she moved on to dust mopping the floors. It felt good to be doing something besides pondering on where her relationship had gone wrong with Sam.
By three o’clock that afternoon, Loren had cabin fever. Most of her to do list had been done and the feeling of boredom was starting to kick in. She had to get out of this house and get some fresh air.
She looked out the window and saw that Sam’s truck was gone. Now would be a good time to walk out to the barn and visit with the horses before he returned.
The cold wind whipped her hair all around her face as she made her way to the barn. It hadn’t started to rain yet, but dark clouds were moving in fast. She estimated that it would be raining within the next couple of hours.
As soon as she stepped inside the shelter of the barn, Dakota picked up her scent and whinnied. The small gesture brought a smile to her face. She instantly felt guilty for missing her visit with him earlier this morning.
“Hello to you too,” Loren called o
ut to him in response. Once she reached him, she pulled out the apple that she had stuck in her pocket on the way out the door. He greedily accepted it as a peace offering.
No matter how depressed or sad she felt, Dakota could always make her spirits soar. He was the one thing in her life that was always true to her and never let her down. The love that she shared with her horse was unconditional. That is something that she was absolutely sure of.
The next couple of hours were spent brushing her horse down, and showering him with some loving attention. Dakota’s relaxed position proved that he loved every stroke of the brush as it moved over his body in a massaging rhythm.
In the middle of tidying up his stall, Loren had started to feel a little queasy again, but she just passed it off as being hungry and proceeded with pitching some new hay bedding into the stall. The temperature was starting to drop and she wanted to make sure Dakota would be comfortable and warm for the night.
Loren led Dakota back into his newly refreshed stall and secured the latch. Then she gave him a scratch between the ears and wished him a good night. She would see to the other horses, and then make her way back to the cabin. When she turned away from the stall door, she almost collided with Sam’s solid form.
She had not heard him come into the barn, so she had no idea how long he had been standing there. She should probably say something, but when she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out.
Sam raised his arms like he was about to embrace her, but then he let them fall back to his side. “Have you already fed the horses?” he asked.
The churning in her stomach gave her a little reminder that the queasiness was back. She needed to make her escape and fast. “Just Dakota, I was about to start on the others, but since you are back, I will let you do it,” she answered.
Before he could respond to her words, Loren ran past him holding her hand over her mouth. She barely made it outside the barn before she tossed her cookies.
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