by Ann Jacobs
Once he got off that difficult conversation, he took a deep breath. After the struggles and grief of the past months, he felt sure Tina was going to be the first good thing that had happened to him and Jack in a while. It almost felt like a new beginning. A good one.
Chapter One
A month later, after a tough Maulers loss
Why the hell hadn’t he just retired when Jackie died? Or, if not then, when he took the hit that had kept him off the field six games of this miserable season? His shoulder still ached, a constant reminder that he was nowhere near invincible.
Keith heaved himself out of the ice tub and shivered all the way to the shower, where he thawed out under what felt like fiery needles pounding at his abused body. Yesterday’s game had been brutal, but not nearly as much so as the ass chewing he took from Coach Lyle before the team meeting this morning.
He fucking knew he was rusty. It didn’t take his genius coach to point that out, only a glance at the stats that said he’d thrown three picks and only one touchdown against a surging Savannah team the Maulers should have beaten. He’d work out the kinks before the last three regular season games though, and Coach damn well knew it. Keith hadn’t needed to be bellowed at as though he were a green rookie.
It would serve Coach right if he had to play Ellis Tripp at quarterback. After all, the team had traded talented rookie Bobby Anthony away right before the late October deadline, so the thirty-eight-year-old journeyman would be Coach’s only choice if he benched Keith the way he’d just threatened to do. Ellis, fine friend and backup that he’d always been to Keith since his rookie year, hadn’t played a regular season down in at least three years. Ellis would show Coach what rusty really was, Keith thought uncharitably.
Still fuming inside at his coach as well as himself, Keith dressed and headed home. Maybe playing with Jack for an hour or so would help him cool off and concentrate on getting his mind right for another night of studying film, a day off tomorrow that would involve more film study for next Sunday’s game, as well as a public service appearance Coach Lyle had dumped on him as punishment. At least it seemed that way, because the coach had tacked on his order for Keith to show up at the team’s pre-Thanksgiving turkey giveaway at the end of the tirade, almost like an afterthought.
His gaze taking in the last of the fall colors dotting trees along the river as he drove, Keith let his mind wander to his son. And, as he’d found himself doing a lot lately, it also wandered to Tina.
She’d been a godsend and more. He hated to say it even to himself, but she was more loving and giving to Jack than he imagined Jackie would have been. One thing for sure, Tina made him want to be a better dad, seeing the difference her stability and nurturing had already made to the baby’s life.
But it was the mystery of the woman, not the efficiency of the nanny, that had been creeping into his brain of late.
He didn’t know why. Tina certainly hadn’t made any advances toward him. As a matter of fact, he suspected he put her on edge when they were in the same room and Jack wasn’t around. It wasn’t anything she said, only that air of reserve that perversely made him notice how attractive she was, in a quiet, unassuming way. He wasn’t used to women acting as though they were hesitant to get close to him, and Tina gave him that impression. She even acted skittish when their paths crossed by accident.
Just yesterday when they almost bumped into each other on the stairs while she had a hamper of clean clothes in her arms, Keith had reached out to steady her when she looked as though she might fall. The momentary look of panic in her blue eyes as he caught her arms bothered him. He certainly didn’t want her to be afraid of him. Yeah, he was incredibly grateful to Tina for making it possible for him to concentrate fully on the career he’d nearly walked away from one bleak day last January.
He found himself wanting to put her at ease with him, wanting her friendship for himself as well as the love she showered on his son.
* * * * *
Something was bothering Jack’s dad. Tina sensed it, though Keith was going through all the right motions, playing with the baby on the carpeted nursery floor and riding him piggyback before helping feed him an early supper. She hoped it wasn’t something she’d done to upset her moody employer.
Of course it wasn’t. Tina scolded herself for her lack of self-confidence. If Keith was angry with her, she was certain he’d have said so. It must have been something that had happened while he was at practice. And she’d guessed from his silence and his scowl last night that he’d come home unhappy about yesterday’s game. If she hadn’t watched most of it on TV, though, she never would have known he’d thrown two or three interceptions or that the Maulers had lost, because he hadn’t uttered a word about the game while helping tuck Jack in his bed.
She’d never known anybody before who was so close-mouthed about his work. Even Bobby, who’d been preoccupied with Marly and his upcoming wedding during the few days she’d been their guest, had given what amounted to a daily report about what he’d done at practice during the short time she’d been staying with them.
It was as though Keith had two lives, one here with Jack, the other as the Maulers’ quarterback. He didn’t have teammates dropping in, the way Bobby and Marly often did. That had been fine with her at first, not having a lot of guys around. But it didn’t seem natural, either, for him to isolate himself in the house, even from Mrs. Gardner, the housekeeper who’d apparently worked there ever since he and his wife had moved in years ago.
As far as she knew, Keith didn’t have a girlfriend. Of course, it had just been nine months or so since his wife died. Still Tina imagined he had to be lonely. He was so handsome, so tall and muscular, most women would fall all over themselves to have him notice them. A lot of them probably made a point to run into him every time they had half a chance.
He wasn’t happy. That was easy to tell from observing him in person and seeing him in TV ads looking happy and sexier than any man she’d ever known. He made his living playing football. The season was under way. One would think he’d talk about practice, or games, or his teammates, but during the month she’d been there, Keith had never talked about his work at all.
“It seems like you may have had a rough morning,” she said just to break the silence.
“Yeah. Trust me, you don’t want to hear about it.” When Jack began to fuss, Keith set him in the playpen then paced restlessly around the room. It couldn’t have been good for him to bottle up whatever was bothering him. And it wasn’t good for the baby either. Tina was sure Jack picked up on his daddy’s moods, because the little guy had been uncharacteristically fussy all day.
She curbed a sudden urge to go to Keith, comfort him the way she would little Jack. She smiled at him instead, met his somber gaze. “Try me.”
Did she really want to know? Keith paused, looked Tina in the eye. “I didn’t play worth crap yesterday. Coach bounced plenty of words off me this morning, most of which I won’t repeat in front of my kid, reminding me just how bad I was. If he hadn’t traded Bobby away last month after my shoulder healed enough so I could play again, I’m certain he’d bench me.”
Tina met his gaze, her expression serious. “With all the awards you’ve won, I doubt your coach would do that. Would it help to talk about it? I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener. Jack and I watched the game on TV, so you don’t have to rehash every play.”
She sounded sincere enough, so he sat on an upholstered window seat near the baby’s crib and rested his chin on his knees. “I’m not used to this. Jack’s mom had a rule, no talking about my job once I was home. Unless you’re seriously interested, we can keep that rule in force.”
“No. I’d like for you to tell me. The game wasn’t what fans hoped for, but I thought you did plenty of good things.” She smiled as she recounted the ninety-five-yard touchdown drive he’d led, and a couple of long passes he’d thrown well only to have his receivers drop or fumble the ball. “I’m not an expert on football, but even I cou
ld tell that one of those interceptions was your receiver’s fault. He let a perfectly thrown ball go right through his hands.”
“You really do like football, don’t you?” That shouldn’t have surprised Keith, he guessed, as he recalled that skinny little girl following a bunch of the boys who’d always pestered him when he was a teenager. “You know, I remember you hanging back behind Bobby and those other boys who always followed me around when I was playing high-school ball. Did you want to get me to throw you the ball, too?”
“A little.” The flush on her cheeks made her look downright pretty.
“I bet you did. Did you ask Coach Williams to let you play when you got to high school?” He doubted she did. She was much too delicate to risk getting smashed by a bunch of rowdy high-school jocks.
“Not me. I went out for cheerleader and made it only because there weren’t that many girls to compete.” She grinned. “My sophomore year, there were only twelve girls compared with sixty or seventy boys in the entire school. There was real good boy-hunting there for a while.” She paused, shrugged. “Unfortunately, the good hunting didn’t last. The next year’s freshman class was mostly girls.”
“Nature sort of averages things out over time. My class had more boys than girls. I remember how getting a date sometimes took some serious pre-planning.”
Tina laughed. “I doubt you ever had trouble getting a date.”
“Well, I was the team’s starting quarterback.” Keith shot her a grin. “That had to have counted for something.”
“I’m sure it did.” She paused, as though visualizing the game that had led into this reminiscing about long-ago days back home. “I don’t think you should feel guilty about yesterday’s game. Your receivers didn’t play well. And that one guy should have caught your first pass that got picked off.”
“You’re right about that.”
Thinking about how Willis had dropped that well-thrown ball reminded Keith how hard he’d fought to keep the man out of the lineup, partly because he was a disgrace to pro football but largely because he’d spent the last few weeks sitting out, or rather sitting in a Los Angeles jail, until a judge finally set bail and let him walk, pending a trial that wouldn’t take place until next spring. “Coach Lyle shouldn’t have let him play.”
“Bobby mentioned something about him and his buddy getting drunk and beating up on a couple of women while the team was out west for a game. I don’t understand why the league lets players who act like that go on playing.”
Keith didn’t understand either, even though he could see some merit in the commissioner’s position of waiting for the law to punish errant players instead of doing it based on a player merely having been accused. “Innocent until proven guilty,” he said, shaking his head. “Still, even if Willis didn’t do what he’s accused of, he got out of shape, sitting in a jail cell for all that time. Just like I got rusty while I rehabbed my shoulder, as Coach so kindly pointed out to me this morning.”
Tina bent over Jack’s playpen, rearranged the blanket over the baby’s well-padded butt. Then she curled her feet up under her in the rocker where she usually sat to give him his bottle. Looking over at Keith, she smiled. “I bet he didn’t even consider the difference.”
“Huh?”
“What I meant is that you’re a little rusty because you got hurt and missed a few games. That wasn’t your fault. Your receiver’s not playing for a few weeks was because of his own doing.”
She looked pretty when she smiled, all soft and pink and touchable. The way her blue eyes flashed, he felt her indignation—a righteous anger that warmed him and swept away much of the resentment he’d been harboring since the talk with Coach Lyle.
Jackie would never have understood. She hadn’t wanted to share the part of his life that belonged to football, and she’d resented every moment the game took him away from her. Even so, he missed her, wished…
Hell, he didn’t know what it was that he was missing. Sex? There’d been little enough of that during the pregnancy that began in a sterile lab and ended in tragedy. Companionship? Sure. He’d loved Jackie, liked having the most beautiful woman he’d ever met smiling up at him. He just hadn’t loved her enough to give up football and take her dad up on his offer of a cushy executive job he’d neither wanted nor deserved. He hadn’t loved her snobbery either—her way of judging everybody she met by the length of his pedigree or size of his bank balance.
Fuck, he wasn’t about to feel guilty for talking football with his son’s nanny. Or for enjoying a quiet afternoon with another adult who seemed genuinely interested and sympathetic. It wasn’t as if he were seducing Tina, treating her like one of the groupies who crowded around him before and after every game. She was Jack’s surrogate mom, too young and unsophisticated for him to think of as a potential lover even if he was looking for one, which he wasn’t.
With quiet amazement, he realized he wanted to get to know Tina better. What she offered Keith was an easy friendship he wanted to explore, one he’d never experienced with another female. He wanted to get to know her better, spend time with her apart from the hours they shared each day with his son. Whoa. Keith took a mental step back, told himself to take it easy.
She looked at him, smiled. “Am I right about how that chewing-out made you feel?”
Tina had hit his emotional reaction to that chewing out squarely on the head. “Yeah, you’re right. The unfairness of it had me furious. I’ve given almost ten seasons to the Maulers. I’ve played hurt, never missed a game until I got my shoulder separated right after Labor Day. I’ve taken the team to a Super Bowl, been league MVP twice. I didn’t deserve to get my ass raked over the coals for one bad game. And I especially didn’t deserve to be ordered to show up tomorrow for the team’s annual Thanksgiving turkey giveaway.”
Her smile broadened. “No, you didn’t. Don’t you feel better now, after letting it all out?”
“Yeah. Thanks. I can almost pleasantly anticipate signing autographs tomorrow. How about you and Jack bundling up and going with me? I’d like the company.” What he’d like was to have Tina and Jack at his side, insulating him a little from the groupies who’d hopefully back off from the usual pawing and propositioning if he had not only his baby boy but also a woman at his side. He found himself looking forward to mingling with teammates outside practices and games, something Jackie had never been willing for him to do.
“We’d like that.”
“Good. I’ll go work out in the morning then come get you and Jack around lunchtime.”
“All right.”
Tina didn’t say a lot, but when she did, he realized it was sincere and honest. It made him wonder if his invitation was sincere and honest the same way, or if somewhere along the way he’d started thinking about the nanny who took such good care of his son taking good care of his dad in a similar, but much more adult way.
Get that out of your head, Connors. You need a great nanny more than you need a good fuck. But he couldn’t help noticing her smell, her hair as she bent over the playpen again, the supple way she moved. And wondering why, when he could have his choice of supermodels, this quiet, kind woman was starting to draw more and more of his attention…
* * * * *
Before noon the next day, Tina was searching through her closet for something decent to wear. Jeans and something warm on top seemed in order for spending several hours outside on a chilly November day, but all her sweatshirts and heavy sweaters looked more suitable for raking leaves outside than for going to some outdoor event.
Darn it, she wanted to look good for Jack. Don’t lie to yourself, Tina, it’s his daddy you’re trying to impress. She was crazy, thinking Keith Connors would look at her that way, no matter how she wrapped the package.
Then she realized someone had come in, tensed momentarily and let out a little yelp. Concerned, she turned toward Jack, who’d been playing with a ball on the carpet in her bedroom, saw a pair of big, booted feet instead. She followed them up a pair of muscular j
eans-clad thighs to see Keith holding his son in his strong arms.
He peered inside the closet. “I hope I didn’t startle you.”
“Oh no. I just…”
“You thought somebody got past the security at the gate? It won’t happen, I promise.”
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t be so jumpy. You look great.” Tina looked up, noticed he was wearing what looked like the top of a red-and-black Maulers home uniform, minus the shoulder pads. Not that he needed them, of course.
When he stepped inside the closet and shot her a questioning look, her skin prickled. His body heat filled the small enclosure. It felt to Tina like he was using all the air, making it hard for her to breathe.
“Looking for something?” he asked.
“Something to wear today. I think I need to stop by Target on the way to wherever we’re going and buy some decent sweats. All the ones I have date back to my high-school days.” The words tumbled out as she clambered to her feet. She couldn’t stop them even though she knew she sounded like an idiot.
He dropped a Maulers jersey and a black hooded undershirt onto the chair beside the closet door. “Will these do? I stopped by the front office and grabbed some stuff on my way out.”
He’d thought about her, brought her some team gear. A gift. For a minute she stood, speechless, staring up at him and Jack. She loved that he’d…but no, she shouldn’t be having him buy her clothes. Finally she found her voice. “Thanks. But you didn’t have to. You pay me well enough that I can go buy clothes when I need them.”
He looked sheepish. “I know. But I thought you’d look cute in Maulers colors, so I grabbed some for you while I was picking up some baby stuff for Jack.”
“I’m sure he’ll look adorable. He always does.” Keith had called her “cute”. She didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted, but she decided “cute” was good when it came from Keith’s lips.