by Zoey Oliver
“Just relax,” he says firmly, the gentleness dissolving from his voice. “Move your hips down to the edge of the table, please.”
Squinting my eyes closed, I flex my thighs and try to maneuver myself closer to the end. I feel him pull the drape away from my hips as his hands slide over my belly, pressing every few seconds against my lower abdomen.
“Any pain?”
“No… None,” I choke in response as his hands slide across my skin, gently nudging my thighs apart. I realize that I really am wet, and I can feel the breeze from the air conditioner cooling my nether lips. Oh my God. How embarrassing.
“Are you sexually active?”
“What? Um… sort of...” I stop for a second. “Do you really need to know that?”
“I need to know everything,” he answers tersely. “Just relax, now. You’re going to feel some pressure.”
I hold my breath as he begins the internal exam that I know is coming. He places his hand sideways across my skin between my hip bones and squirts a glob of lubricant between my lips. I suck my breath between my teeth when he breaches me, plunging a gloved finger inside my body.
And just to humiliate me, my body sings in response. A tiny little hallelujah chorus starts to go off in my pussy lips.
“You’re very tense. Please relax.”
“I am relaxing,” I answer through gritted teeth as he slides his finger back out, then back in, pushing hard from the outside as well. My toes curl against the stirrups.
“When is the last time you had an orgasm?”
My pussy flexes, trapping his finger inside me reflexively. I’m not sure, but I feel like he flinched just a little bit when it happened.
“Excuse me? How is that relevant?”
“You’re extremely tense,” he replies as though this is an answer. “Your sexual health is what we are discussing. So, recently? Today?”
“No,” I growl angrily, “not today.”
“Just try to relax,” he says again, and I feel something cold on my inner lips. From the sound of the bottle hitting the counter again, I assume it is more medical lubrication. And then, with a snap, a buzzing noise begins. Is he going to...
“Let your legs fall open,” he instructs me. “I will begin to the side.”
“Begin the what—” I start, but then I feel it.
There is a buzzing sensation at the seam between my thigh and my pussy. It slides along the stripe of lubrication, mechanically massaging my labia.
“What is the—”
He cuts me off by pressing harder on my abdomen, pinning my hips to the table. The device slides rhythmically up and down, hitting some secret spot of tension between my hips.
“Just relax.”
A standard medical procedure, I say to myself. Just the usual. Just a doctor with a vibrator. Okey-doke!
“Some people even enjoy it,” he suggests in a low voice. I feel his hand nudge me a little farther toward the edge of the table.
Sure, just like Didi said, I tell myself. Standard medical procedure that everybody in town has had.
The faster that he gets done, the faster I’m going to be able to get my prescription and get out of here. Though I know this is going to be fruitless, I suppose it’s not entirely unenjoyable. It kind of tickles a little bit. I can feel muscles deep within me loosening up, muscles I didn’t even know were tight. And he is a medical professional, after all.
A medical professional I will never have to see again after next week.
“Very good,” he says encouragingly.
I feel myself relax a little bit more, just the way I’ve been trained to do. I guess we’re conditioned this way since our first pediatrician’s appointment at birth. They command; we respond. They praise; we wag our little tails. After all, even though the doctor always congratulates me on my healthy blood pressure, like I had anything to do with that, I always feel kind of proud of it anyway.
“Just like that,” he murmurs, moving the device upward in a slow arc. “Just let it build for a bit.”
I take a deep breath, imagining the sensation with my eyes closed. It’s like a flashlight beam wandering around a forest at night. Just moving along, sweeping back and forth over the groundcover.
“Excellent, Joanna,” he says encouragingly. “This may tickle just a bit…”
The hand on my belly shifts, adding pressure toward my pubic bone as the device slides between my labia. I suck my breath in between my teeth and automatically tense up.
“Relax, please,” he says louder, nudging me with more force as though reining a disobedient horse back onto a path. Automatically, I try to obey. I try to relax my thighs. I try to unclench my fists.
“Just concentrate on the sensation,” he directs me.
It’s a struggle. The sound is so distracting. That buzzing noise, it’s like a hive of hornets. The device slides over my clit, rhythmically massaging it in circles. It’s getting warm. Very warm. My belly begins to clench. I feel a brightness inside me, almost a cramp, almost a feeling like I have to—
“Really, I’ve got to go!” I announce, kicking my heels against the stirrups and pushing myself back up to sitting.
I snatch the gown over my breasts, pulling myself together, overheated and panting. Dr. Warner scowls at me and flips the device off, dropping it on a metal tray with a clang.
“My medical advice is—”
“I think you know enough about me now!” I huff. “I would just like that prescription, please!”
He snaps the blue gloves off one by one, flaring his nostrils as he drops them in the lidded garbage can.
“Of course,” he replies. “I will ask Jen to call it in for you.”
Shaking, I slam my knees together and curl my toes defensively. He crosses his arms and leans back against the counter as he looks me over.
“You need to take better care of yourself,” he announces as he clicks the pen open and scribbles on my chart. “You can’t just let things go, Joanna. You need to be proactive in your own health management.”
“Yeah, fine. Thanks for your time, Doctor,” I sniff, ready to get dressed and get the hell out of here.
“Okay, then,” he nods, taking a deep breath and flaring his nostrils as he squints at me curiously. “It was nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy your stay in Willowdale.”
I mutter my thanks, and he drops the manila envelope in a holder on the wall for the nurse to retrieve. Just before he leaves, he reaches out and pats my knee reassuringly. And dammit if that doesn’t work. I am fricking reassured, like a well-trained patient.
He leaves the office, and I hop off the exam table, leaving the paper torn and smeared with my own juices behind me. After a moment of hesitation, I rip the paper off the exam table and crumple it into a giant wad, then throw it away so Jen doesn’t see the remainders of our session.
My legs wobble as I get dressed again with my fingers fumbling over the buttons. I can still feel that buzz deep inside me, as though the hornets’ nest was transferred to my pelvis. I feel it right there, like a sneeze I’m holding in. Like a cough. Something really did happen and I don’t really know what to make of that. Was that the thing? Was that the feeling I’ve been missing?
In some ways I feel slightly more relaxed than I did when I walked in. But in other ways, I feel more tense than ever.
Chapter Ten
Sturgill
After Joanna leaves, I do not feel quite myself. The only other appointment is Mrs. Randall coming in for her osteoporosis medication, which only takes a few moments. She is pleasant and pretty, the kind of woman who probably sought my father’s care rather frequently.
Now, well into her seventies, she tolerates me fondly as though I am a child. She’s beyond needing too much feminine care, though of course I would be happy to oblige if she asked. She has never asked.
For some reason, as soon as Mrs. Randall is gone, I am beyond irritable. Jen takes the patient folders from me with a grimace, obviously sensing my foul mood. She hur
ries away to the medical records station, keeping her head down.
Am I that obvious? I wonder as I change clothes in the back room. Can she tell that Joanna distracted me?
Apparently the answer is yes. Which makes me wonder, why?
As soon as I get outside, I realize a trip to the beach is going to be fruitless. The wind has shifted direction and waves on the Gulf are only suitable for surfing occasionally. They are generated a few hundred miles away, instead of a few thousand miles away like they are on the east side of Florida. On our beaches, a westerly wind wipes the waves right out.
Still, I could use a change of scenery. I let my feet just carry me down the well-worn path, past Main Street and out toward the line of palms. I can smell the ocean, the ozone, and here the seagulls cry.
As soon as I see the water, I realize I was right. The sea is very calm. That’s the reason we sometimes call it the “Lake of Mexico.” It may be an ocean, but it doesn’t always act like it.
Surfing would have driven her from my mind, definitely. Instead, she keeps ping-ponging around the inside of my brain.
That first image of her: sitting primly in my office, twisting her fingers in her lap. That really caught my attention. Something about it felt so right, as though she was a missing piece that had finally found its way back home. And yet, she was frustratingly out of reach.
Even her name is a dodge. Joe? Does she seriously expect people to refer to her by that name? Joanna is a perfectly beautiful name. Lovely, even. Joe is a pretentious moniker for a feminist phony in a novel. I’m not calling her that.
This is so unlike me. Professional distance is something I have never struggled with. Seeing the way that my father treated my mother, held her above every woman in the world even though he also had to care for an entire town full of other women, that set the stage for me. Professional distance is what kept their marriage together.
But as soon as Joanna was on my exam table, I was curious about her. Did I need to do a full pubic exam? Well, it’s the safest thing. And in executing the exam, I am certain that she is holding unhealthy amounts of stress in her body. Was my interest in her sexual health completely therapeutic? I think it was. I’m certain it was.
Of course I have never offered that therapy to anyone as a first-time patient. That might not have been completely wise.
She did respond to me, I’m certain of it. The way that her breath trembled over her lips as I examined her breasts—that was unmistakable. The way her pulse raced, also unmistakable. Not unusual, certainly. It’s an unconscious response.
The fact that I failed to give her an orgasm? That is… annoying.
Very professional, I tell myself. Being annoyed with a patient for failure to climax.
White seabirds sway over the water, diving in to catch fish in their beaks. Without a surf, visibility is so much better for them and they congregate by the dozens, screeching to each other as I trudge along the sand. The beach is almost empty except for a few older couples and a man with a metal detector slowly working his way along the sand. Everyone smiles at me, and I do not feel like smiling back.
It doesn’t take long for my ocean walk to seem fruitless and I turn around and head back to the office. In fact, today seems a good day to go get a glass of bourbon with the old-timers, maybe drop by and see my father in the assisted-living facility. He normally expects me on the weekends, but at this point I’m not sure he always knows the difference anyway.
“You’re back quickly,” Jen says cautiously when I return to the office. I simply grunt in response.
“It’s really nice outside,” she says carefully. “Would you mind if I close up for the day? I’ve got some things I could be—”
“That’s fine, Jen,” I growl. “Have a nice afternoon.”
I hear her take a breath as though she’s going to say something else, but thankfully she just retrieves her purse from under the desk and heads out the front door. I can certainly close up the office when I’m done, and I don’t mind being alone. I rather prefer it.
I should be nicer to her, I know, but I need to ensure that she understands our relationship belongs strictly in the office. Though I have treated her in the past, she hasn’t asked again since that night she had a few too many drinks and found me at the taproom, watching a basketball game by myself as I sometimes like to do.
She climbed onto the barstool next to me, grinning. As soon as she started to push the hair off her face I could tell her movements were slow. She wasn’t in control of herself.
“Sturgill, how come you have never asked me out?” she asked me.
“Jen, that would be totally inappropriate,” I answered immediately. “You work for me, and I would never take advantage of that.”
“Then I quit!” she laughed, leaning over so that her breasts brushed the top of the bar.
“That’s your decision.”
“Oh, man, you are such a grump!” she slurred, dropping back into her barstool and taking a noisy slurp of her drink. “I just think we would make a great couple, you know? I mean, since we work together and everything? You like me, I can tell.”
At that point I reached over to the back of her chair and pushed on it to swivel her to face me. She raised her eyebrows in surprise but then grinned up at me, apparently waiting for me to say something to complete her fantasy. Instead, I had to let her down in no uncertain terms.
“Jen, I think I will only have to tell you this once,” I began, measuring my words to make sure she kept up, even in her inebriated state. “There is nothing romantic between us. There never will be. It is not an insult to you in any way. I am simply your doctor, and your employer. That is all I will ever be.”
As I spoke, I could see her expression change. She went from hopeful, to doubtful, to angry. By the time I finished my last sentence, her eyes were flashing furiously.
“You know what?” she hissed in a dangerous whisper, “you are an asshole. I am a lady, and I do not normally say these things, okay? But you, Sturgill Warner, are an asshole!”
And she slid off the barstool and clomped away, weaving slightly between the tables on her way back to her group of friends. Everyone else turned their eyes toward me disapprovingly, pursing their lips in silent judgments before resuming their conversations.
I am fairly certain that Jen is the one who started people calling me Dr. Stud. It is not meant as a compliment, I am sure.
But since then, she has maintained a cold professional distance, usually without any bitterness. She is careful around me, and I guess I can understand that is the best I can hope for. Other than finding someone much older, Jen is the best I can do. At least I was right, and I only had to tell her once.
The rest of the afternoon seems to go by slowly. I peruse medical articles online for a time and answer a few emails. My Peace Corps buddy in Costa Rica, Arthur, sent me a invitation to join him for the annual surgical event they have. They repair cleft palates in babies and children free of charge. It is a grueling few weeks, but a worthy cause. Repairing that birth defect changes the quality of life for those children in monumental ways.
I almost delete the email without responding, for the third year in a row, but then decide that would be rude. I participated years ago and found it rewarding, even if the surgical suites were somewhat primitive. Peace Corps memories are some of the best I have. I decide to send him a brief note.
“Thanks for the invite. I will have to get back to you on this. Hope you and the wife are doing great!”
When the phone rings, I almost ignore it, then remember that Jen has left for the day. I answer absentmindedly as I stare the email before clicking the send button.
“Warner medical,” I murmur distractedly.
“Oh, Sturgill?” Grant says, surprised. “Is Jen out? I just need her real quick.”
“Yeah, she left for the day. Can I help you with something?”
“I guess so… This prescription she called in? The Loestrin? Do you have a phone number for her?
It’s ready and I want to close up.”
“You think the fish are biting?” I smile, bringing up Joanna’s file on the screen.
“They damn well better be,” Grant huffs. “I’ve got a new carbon rod to try out.”
I squint at the form, trying to find her phone number. “Grant, I don’t see it… She’s a new patient and it looks like Jen left that out or something…”
“Dang it, that figures,” Grant sighs dramatically.
“No, it’s all right,” I sigh, standing up. “I was just heading out anyway. I’ll swing by and pick it up so you can close.”
“Yeah? That would be great.”
“You bet. I’m a full-service physician, after all.”
Yeah, that’s what I am, I tell myself wryly. Just a regular old country doctor, making a regular old house call.
Chapter Eleven
Joe
That doctor is a jerk.
I mean, he wasn’t mean or anything. I realize that. But was that whole exam even necessary? I don’t think so. I think he was just messing with me since I blew him off at the hat shop.
Gallery. I mean my gallery.
After my appointment, I rushed to the pharmacy. The old man at the counter seemed completely surprised to see me, and even more surprised that I expected my prescription to be ready. I mean, I was the only customer in the place and the pills come prepackaged. What on earth could have possibly been taking him so long?
But with my mother’s voice in my head scolding me for my Manhattan manners, I just smiled as politely as I could and promised to come back later. Surely I wouldn’t just spontaneously ovulate because I missed my pill this morning. I know I can take two tomorrow and be fine.
I hurried back to the cabin to work on gallery business, but my mind was buzzing with energy, refusing to settle in an orderly way. I flipped through images of the works I should expect for the show, trying to imagine a plan for the walls. That’s my biggest task right now: setting a gallery plan.
That’s all I should be doing, and it’s something I’m good at.