Sula opened her mouth to reject this, thinking, Never!
What, you’ll never forgive him or you’ll never be with him?
Neither!
Aigle quickly added, ‘But even if you did that would be none of my business or Dad’s. It’s your life. It always was.’
She closed her mouth again. He was a true comyenti; always so thoughtful, empathetic and understanding.
What did I ever do to deserve you?
Sula smiled through the tears which were flowing freely now. He was right; one day she would lose Felix. She would be alone again.
You’ll have us, Mum.
‘And I wouldn’t want it any other way.’
This time he laid his hand on hers, soothingly. He took on the role of a father to her, one she never had. Like Valera, he acted so grown up.
How did I come to have such wise children?
We had the best role-models ever! Aigle retorted.
Sula smiled, ‘If I had to do it again,’ she started with misty eyes, referring to her coming to Rosinhill, meeting Felix and everything that came after that; ‘I would have made the same decision. I wouldn’t have missed any of it for the world,’ although Feline would still be alive… She thought about falling pregnant with Fay, living her life in a house, a village, meeting Shazar and the confusion that followed. She recalled her feelings for Feline, the girl’s sense of freedom and how Sula thought at the time that perhaps Feline could lead her to a way out of all her problems.
‘Though I never planned on having you, it was never a mistake. I don’t regret having you for a moment, although I disagree with Shazar’s method and the complete lack of respect he showed me in forcing himself upon me,’ she concluded.
‘Agreed, but Mum it sounds like you are about to die! Cheer up. You have a long life ahead of you.’
She pressed his arm softly, proud of him and glad for his positive radiant light; her own sun in dark times.
~~~
‘But what about the bond, the Heartmerge?’ Aigle asked her with a sudden frown.
‘It didn’t work properly,’ Sula responded. ‘as it wasn’t…em…lengthy enough, I suppose, or perhaps because it was one-sided.’ She rolled her eyes in embarrassment. Talking about sex with her children always felt awkward.
‘Oh, right. Well, the Heartmerge is still a mystery still to me. But you can mind read with him?’
‘Yes, but that is all there is between us.’
At that moment Valera walked in.
‘Aigle, you’re home!’ She ran up to him. He stood and he embraced her, both of them laughing cheerfully.
‘How is my princess Valeria?’
‘Oh, stop calling me that, Greeneyes!’ she said, grinning at him. She felt her mother staring a bit sternly at her.
‘I would like a word with you, young lady.’
‘Oh, Mum. I couldn’t stop Dad, I tried!’
‘I know, it’s not your fault and I never asked you to stop him. What I’d like to know is why you didn’t come home right after you delivered your pie? It has been hours since your father and Aigle came home! We were worried!’
Valera blushed a little.
‘I had a chat with Twello, that’s all.’
‘Twello?’ Aigle asked curious.
‘Oh, don’t you start. We’re just friends.’
‘He is a grown man!’ Sula protested silently.
‘Hardly,’ Valera argued.
‘Enough, go to your room!’
‘Er, Mum, I’m eighteen. Besides, I don’t live here anymore!’
That was true; she had had her own house since the year before, as she was old enough to be by herself, and to give up her room for the twins. However she preferred to be in the home she had grown up in with her family.
‘Then go home!’
With a sigh Valera walked away, not wanting to argue, as she sensed her mother was upset about other things, so she left for her own place.
‘Aren’t you being a little harsh on her?’
She darkened her eyes at her son.
‘Don’t interfere, Aigle. Twello is Shazar’s adopted son and I don’t want him near her.’
Aigle raised his eyebrows at that and shrugged his shoulders, ‘Fair enough, but in a way he’s my brother, of sorts. Doesn’t Shazar have any other children?’
‘His soulmate couldn’t conceive.’
‘I see. And he stayed with her? That doesn’t sound like the Shazar I have been hearing all these stories about. Although, he might have lived in hope; that all this time he’d been successful with you, the only other comyenti, and now he’s back for more! What’s twenty-fours years of waiting when the pair of you could have more purebred children?’
Sula glanced at him to see if he was serious. He was. He did have a point; Shazar had even embarrassingly mentioned the fact that Sula was in her fertile year; something that only happened every four years. Was it a coincidence he was here, now? No, she shook her head.
Wait twenty-four years? No, Shazar is not a patient man, ‘I’m not so sure, son. Don’t forget I can hear his thoughts. He might have been an arrogant bigot at one point, and he might still cling to his hopes deep down, trying to block those thoughts from me, but… it seems he has changed. Don’t forget he has learned the true meaning of love. I understand now why he was so desperate, being the last of our kind. I suppose you could kind of compare it with an ankle-biter having offspring with a wolf. Either breed would lose its typical looks, traits even, and die out eventually, after generations perhaps but still disappear. Is it saving a dying breed or destroying one?’ she said pondering. Or creating something new, blending to create something unique, like…me and my children? Then, Sula smiled, ‘I don’t think about it too much when I look at your brother and sisters. To me, the result is a better species; a mix, the best of both worlds, not the worst,’ she concluded, looking through the window outside.
‘But you’re not sure about his deeper intentions yet?’ Aigle asked. You could easily find out, he added.
She inhaled through her nose deeply and sighed, ‘I could mind read if I wanted to and dig deeper, unasked, but I don’t know if I want to know to be honest. I just wish he’d leave and take his son with him. ‘Well,’ her voice sounded cheerful again. ‘The Shield is up, so he couldn’t have had bad intentions and gotten through it. Tomorrow I will arrange a meeting for all of you so you can have the chance to get to know him. It’s only fair. It would do Valera, Almaz, Jolaz and you good to meet another adult comyenti, and perhaps hear some stories about our common history from him; to fill in some blanks. Even I don’t know the whole story yet, there was no time or place for it, twenty four years ago.’
Aigle looked at her with sudden new interest, and as if to answer his questioning raised eyebrows she added, ‘He knows more than I do at least. So much has been lost; for example, our true origin, as you know. I’ve always found it hard to believe that we developed side by side with humans at the same time, or even that we shared the same beginning. Your grandmother, Almaz, used to talk about us coming from the stars; something Shazar mentioned as well. However, we are able to interbreed with humans, so how, if we’re not from this world, it is even possible… I don’t know. Shazar has a special pendant around his neck which he claims is ancient, and that it originated from our world. Since the attack of those lizard men I suspect this to be true even more than previously. Shazar has to know more. His family was larger after all, and he might have heard stories from one of them, before the killings. Perhaps from his parents or grandparents, if they had lived long enough? All I know is that it happened too long ago for anyone to know the real story. Thousands of years is a long time for knowledge to get lost, especially since nothing is written down.’ She lowered her head. ‘It would be good to know. Grandma Almaz would have liked to know. Sometimes I wish she was here to tell me what to do like she used to.’
Aigle’s hand was warm and soothing on hers.
‘Well, if she had been here she would
have been very proud of what you have accomplished. You have safely ensured our future, no matter what Shazar thinks or says,’ he said in a quiet voice.
Hmm. She hated humans, and she would have scorned me for the fact I am living among them! She would have had no hesitation in giving me a strict lecture on how I’m wasting my life, regardless of the fact that I have offspring as she wished. She probably would have advised me to leave with Shazar and have more children with him instead of with my husband!
‘I doubt it,’ Aigle picking up on her thoughts. ‘She loved you for who you are,’ Aigle said softly.
Were, she corrected and she sighed, not sure. I use to think like her. Have I changed that much?
She was comyenti after all! She loved you and only wanted to see you safe! Same as how you treat Valera! Aigle responded.
‘Aigle, I thought I had blocked my thoughts!’ she suddenly looked at him, aware of him reading her thoughts.
‘Sorry, Mum, it’s just a habit. It comes so easy to me now, I’m not always aware that I’m doing it, even if you have shielded your thoughts.’
‘I’ll have to be careful with what I think then! Anyway, your studies are progressing by the sound of it? You mentioned that you’re able to hear other people’s thoughts?’ Sula herself had trouble trying to read people’s minds, other than those near to her heart. She hadn’t tried to merge with a human which she always thought would be required, a proper Mindmerge; similar to doing a Mindmode with any species of animal. Sometimes she could pick up loose words or a string of pictures whilst talking to a villager. It was always really easy to understand someone’s intentions and emotions, or what they were trying to say when they couldn’t find the right words. Perhaps she could train herself, but she shrugged. What would she gain with what other people thought really, what would it add to her own life other than more noise, confusion and darkness? Or more to the point: what good would it do to anyone else?
Aigle sensed her reluctance.
‘I could show you how! There is no need to do a Mindmerge; to focus and occasionally simply touch suffices.’
‘No, I don’t think I could handle it, all those thoughts. One person’s thoughts and feelings are more than enough!’ She referred of course to her husband. ‘Non-human animals are never a problem as they don’t have streams of words or any negative thoughts. With non-human animals you always know precisely what they think, for they cannot lie, nor pretend to be other than they are. I suspect humans are different in that regard.’
‘That’s true. They are,’ Aigle spoke grimly. ‘and they’re full of contradictions. Some people are easier to read than others and although it’s a very handy gift, it’s not always pleasant to say the least. No, people’s thoughts and memories are dark, darker than I’d ever suspected. They hold on to grudges from the past, they often think and feel the opposite of what they say. And if words could violate, hurt or kill…I…’ and he bit his lip. ‘At first I had nightmares for weeks when I started practising on people in small towns going about their business. The things they think when they’re not aware you can hear them! I had to control my feelings to be able to fight off these horrible images that came with their thoughts. Men and women alike, seemingly normal to the outside world, but cruel behind their eyes!’ Aigle thought back with disgust to some of the images, but at the same time he also recalled the sense of power he had felt once he knew how to filter and control them.
‘Hmm, I thought as much,’ Sula remarked. ‘But I suppose people’s thoughts are free and a bad thought occasionally doesn’t mean someone is a bad person. And somehow it doesn’t feel right that you go digging uninvited into people’s minds! It’s not what I taught you to do.’
‘Perhaps not, but I feel that in order to understand our enemy we have to. But it’s not just violence that dominates their psyche. There is also a lot of sadness in people. Sadness, insecurity and loneliness, a lot of negative thoughts,’ Aigle said wistfully.
‘Were you able to control the demons in those nightmares?’ His mother asked as she clearly remembered how as a child, he had had terrible night terrors and often woke up screaming. She had taught him to control his dreams and to take ownership of the monsters and images that were there in his mind. He had very quickly mastered the technique and had never had a nightmare since, that was, until he started experimenting with other people’s minds…
He smiled at her.
‘The monsters and images originating from people’s minds were far worse than anything my mind ever created,’ and he sighed, smiling at Sula. ‘I’m glad that, unlike many families, we’re honest with each other. What you see is what you get; we don’t hide behind a painted smile or if we do, we feel there’s something amiss and ask what’s wrong. But humans…Mum, you and Granma Almaz were right; they are deceiving, self-centred and they lie most of the time!’
‘Hmm, no one can have pure thoughts all the time, my boy. They might have their reasons. Have you ever thought about that, Aigle?’
‘What do you mean?’ He was puzzled and that didn’t happen very often. His brows knotted.
‘Well, living among people I’ve learned my share and one thing is that people aren’t always ready for honesty. Sometimes the truth is too much to bear. And there is also something called being civilised and nice to each other.’
Aigle sat back with his arms crossed in front of his chest as if he was being lectured.
‘Nice to each other? You think it’s nice that an elderly couple who live together under the same roof saying “Yes honey” and “Here’s your cup of tea, dear”, but actually wanting to smash each others’ face in, is a good thing?’
Sula’s jaw dropped and Aigle waved it off, smiling.
‘That’s called love, Aigle, something you will discover sooner or later. People who are together that long tend to have a love-hate relationship. Passion changes into something else over the years. Therefore it’s never right to build a relationship on passion alone. It needs to be more than that, much more. A love so true and deep that it does not always need to be consumed, but is able to just be in each other’s presence, especially as the body grows older.’
‘Just be?’
‘Just be,’ Sula confirmed with a nod.
‘Hmm, that couple still seemed pretty odd to me. If that’s love, it’s not for me. You and Dad aren’t like that with each other, and neither are Grandma and Granddad. Their thoughts are loving, well most of the time anyway. Why weren’t these people just honest with each other? Why don’t they clear the air? Have a row and get it over with?’ Out of fear of being alone perhaps?
‘Ha, surely you didn’t spy on this elderly couple for days! So how can you know and judge them? How could you really know them? I believe in honesty like you. However, it’s not always about us. There is a reason why we don’t always say the things we think.’
‘But why be together if people don’t even like each other and can’t be honest?’ Aigle exclaimed, confused.
‘Who says they don’t? Perhaps it’s just a way for people to hide their true feelings, Aigle. Perhaps they are afraid to be vulnerable. Sometimes by allowing love to enter; to feel, you have to open your heart. You expose yourself, and by doing so you leave yourself vulnerable to be hurt,’ she swallowed. ‘It’s certainly risky and close relationships are the most dangerous for the heart. But like I said, it’s not always for ourselves that we say or do things. When we really care about people we sometimes have to protect them. It’s the comyenti duty as you know; not only to save the innocent, but to also protect them. The truth can be painful, even damaging, to the ones you love…’ Sula’s thoughts shifted to what she had felt for Feline and how she’d hidden it from Felix. It had been easy, as her husband had never been able to hear her thoughts, however, to keep it hidden from her children had been impossible. Fay had known at the time, but although Sula’s feelings for Feline had been true, they were never acted upon. If she had told Felix about it, she would have no doubt hurt him. But still… it
was hiding and therefore in a way lying; something Sula thought comyentis couldn’t do and the guilt wasn’t easy for her to bear.
For sure, she heard Feline speak as clearly in her mind, as if she had been standing next to her, whispering in her ear. Not a day passed by that she hadn’t thought about her. She didn’t care if Aigle knew; all her other children did.
‘You don’t know that. He might have understood,’ Aigle already spoke softly, having picked up her stream of thoughts. ‘Dad is very understanding.’ If you had acted on it, that would have hurt him, but you were strong. He would have been too jealous to share you.
Sula sighed deeply, her eyes misty.
‘I’m sorry, Mum, I didn’t want to pry, but your thoughts were clear as water to me! I can hear and see things as though you’ve spoken them to me and then I realise you haven’t actually said anything out loud!’
Sula shrugged, uncaring, glad to be able to talk to an adult about it, even if it was her son. ‘Do you think if I tell him now, after all those years, he will understand?’
‘Perhaps now might not be the best time, Mum with Shazar being here,’ Aigle answered. ‘but there is nothing wrong with telling him. More people than you know go through the same thing.’
‘Yes, and that’s just it! It’s so very human to fall in love with someone else when in a relationship, no more than that; whilst having a Heartmerge!’
‘Mum, whether you like it or not; you are half human.’
‘Thanks for reminding me, Aigle!’
‘Which brings me to a question I have for you,’ Aigle bit his lip, suddenly feeling small.
‘What’s that?’
‘Your own father.’
Sula visibly turned rigid.
‘Have you never wondered what he was like? Did you ever want to meet him?’
The Comyenti Series Book Bundle, Volume 1 and 2 (Epic Romantic Supernatural Fantasy) Page 45