by Nora Olsen
“Are you for serious?” I squealed. But I knew it wasn’t up to Mom. Mom hardly ever expressed an opinion about what the whole family should do, only about Desi.
“I am,” she said. “Tom, what do you think? I really don’t want to move to Arizona.”
“You don’t?” Dad looked surprised.
“No. I think we can make it here. You have your job here, and Clarissa already has two jobs here. I’m thinking of expanding my business to include collectibles highlighting other disabilities and conditions. And I can send out my paraphernalia from anywhere. Let’s not make the kids change schools in the middle of the year and leave both their sweethearts behind. They really appreciate Desi here at this school—and Love Bug too, of course. It would be great if they could both graduate from Parlington High. I know you want to make a fresh start, but what if we go all the way to Arizona and you can’t get a job?”
“You’re my clever gal,” Dad said. “If that’s what you think. My brother did send me a text message that a lot of his ostriches have died. I don’t think things are going so well out there. I bet there are some nice two-bedroom apartments for rent in Poughkeepsie.”
Desi barreled over to us and hugged us all. Her petite features were aglow. But before I could even say anything to her, the music started up and the DJ said in a voice that sounded like he was eating peanut butter, “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s our first sloooow dance.”
A slow Jennifer Hudson song came on. Desi grabbed her boyfriend Bryan. Desi and Bryan pressed up against each other, glasses glinting.
Lexie reached out her hand and I took it. I draped myself over her, enjoying the feeling of her curves, and rested my cheek against Lexie’s soft one. I hoped I wouldn’t leave a trail of makeup.
“Guess what?” I said. “We’re staying in town. No Arizona for me.”
Lexie squeezed me so hard I could hardly breathe. “That is straight-up amazing! I don’t mind about not going to Simon’s Rock as long as you’re here.”
I whispered into Lexie’s ear, “I love you.” Lexie snuggled up closer to me.
I couldn’t believe that all my life I would have to remember this crappy song. I would be an old lady, buying food in the supermarket, and this song would come on. I would stop in the aisle and say, Ah. That was my first dance with my first girlfriend. Or maybe I would be married to Lexie, and my eyes would mist over at these terrible lyrics. Between the relief at not having to move, the joy for Desi, and dancing with Lexie, I felt lighter than air. I would get to move out of Mrs. Honeycutt’s basement, and I was not incarcerated for the bulldozer incident.
Lexie’s pointy rings were digging into my back, but I liked it. I had started out hating her, but now she was my perfect girlfriend.
Epilogue
Lexie
I don’t think I’m the same person anymore. Before Clarissa, I thought I knew all the answers. I knew what was right and what was wrong and everyone should get out of my way. Now I’m not so sure. It’s like Clarissa cracked me open, and all this tenderness spilled out of me that I didn’t even know I had. But I think it’s a good thing. Because without being cracked open, I could never feel the way I do about her. I thought I was strong when I was on my own, but I was really just very heavily guarded. Even though love makes me feel weak, Clarissa and I together are more powerful than anything.
I still think destroying property is the right thing to do, but to be honest I don’t feel very motivated to smash capitalism right now. I’m basically a big scaredy-cat. Things that sounded very noble and grand in theory, in real life turned out to be freakin’ terrifying. Operating that bulldozer was more frightening than I could have believed. I don’t know if I would ever do anything like that again. Maybe I don’t have enough righteous anger anymore. My new theme song is “I Am a Poseur” by X-Ray Spex because I think I am one now, but I just don’t care. All I do now are bourgeois things like horseback riding and lying around kissing my girlfriend. Is that so wrong?
Clarissa
You know how people say that suffering makes you a better person? Well, that’s stupid. I don’t believe that for a second. But if someone asked me, Would you rather still be in the Magnificent Manor but not know what you know now and not have Lexie? I would say no, thanks. I prefer to have to share my tiny bedroom in the new apartment with Desi and work two jobs than go back to the way things were before. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Lexie. I’d be so lonely. Who’d make me laugh with her unending bitter commentary? Who’d bore me with movie trivia until I tickle her to make her stop? Who would share Sassy with me and be so crap at riding her? Lexie’s parents have calmed down about having me come over, plus they’re never home anyway, so we spend most of our time hanging out at her house eating weirdly expensive vegan food. But my favorite times are when we go to the stables together.
Being with Lexie has opened my eyes to the fact that there’s more going on in the world than I could ever have imagined. I think she’s made me more fierce and brave. Destroying my own house was the most exciting and satisfying thing I ever did. I can’t wait to do more things like that.
Love is the most important thing there is. It’s bigger than money. It makes you do crazy things. If it wasn’t for love, I could never have made it through the worst autumn of my life. But with it, everything was worthwhile.
About the Author
Nora Olsen was born and raised in New York City. She received a B.A. from Brown University. Although her mother, a prize-winning author, warned her not to become a writer, Nora didn’t listen. Nora’s previous novels are The End: Five Queer Kids Save the World and Swans & Klons. Her short fiction has appeared in Collective Fallout and the anthology Heiresses of Russ 2011: The Year’s Best Lesbian Speculative Fiction. Nora’s goal is to write thrilling stories and novels that LGBTQ teens can see themselves reflected in.
Nora lives in New York’s Hudson Valley with her girlfriend, writer Áine Ní Cheallaigh, and their two adorable cats. The highlight of Nora’s year is volunteering at Camp Jabberwocky, a summer camp for children and adults with disabilities. Her favorite writing songs are “Shadow Stabbing” by Cake and “Every Day I Write The Book” by Elvis Costello.
Praise for Swans & Klons
“In the meantime, I’ll be sitting here contemplating Nora Olsen’s Swans & Klons, a YA lesbian sci-fi novel that’s one of the best pieces of new fiction I’ve read in a long time…” —Noah Berlatsky, The Atlantic
Swans & Klons “is a strikingly readable novel with appealing characters and an engaging premise that should keep young readers interested…This is a powerful story, told by sympathetic but not perfect protagonists.”—The Future Fire Reviews
“It’s a high stakes but high spirited adventure, and I recommend it for yourself and the teens in your life.”—Books For Readers
Soliloquy Titles From Bold Strokes Books
Frenemy of the People by Nora Olsen. Clarissa and Lexie have despised each other for as long as they can remember, but when they both find themselves helping an unlikely contender for homecoming queen, they are catapulted into an unexpected romance. (978-1-62639-063-8)
The Balance by Neal Wooten. Love and survival come together in the distant future as Piri and Niko faceoff against the worst factions of mankind’s evolution. (978-1-62639-055-3)
The Unwanted by Jeffrey Ricker. Jamie Thomas is plunged into danger when he discovers his mother is an Amazon who needs his help to save the tribe from a vengeful god. (978-1-62639-048-5)
Because of Her by KE Payne. When Tabby Morton is forced to move to London, she’s convinced her life will never be the same again. But the beautiful and intriguing Eden Palmer is about to show her that this time, change is most definitely for the better. (978-1-62639-049-2)
The Seventh Pleiade by Andrew J. Peters. When Atlantis is besieged by violent storms, tremors, and a barbarian army, it will be up to a young gay prince to find a way for the kingdom’s survival. (978-1-60282-960-2)
The Missing
Juliet: A Fisher Key Adventure by Sam Cameron. A teenage detective and her friends search for a kidnapped Hollywood star in the Florida Keys. (978-1-60282-959-6)
Asher’s Fault by Elizabeth Wheeler. Fourteen-year-old Asher Price sees the world in black and white, much like the photos he takes, but when his little brother drowns at the same moment Asher experiences his first same-sex kiss, he can no longer hide behind the lens of his camera and eventually discovers he isn’t the only one with a secret. (978-1-60282-982-4)
Meeting Chance by Jennifer Lavoie. When man’s best friend turns on Aaron Cassidy, the teen keeps his distance until fate puts Chance in his hands. (978-1-60282-952-7)
Lake Thirteen by Greg Herren. A visit to an old cemetery seems like fun to a group of five teenagers, who soon learn that sometimes it’s best to leave old ghosts alone. (978-1-60282-894-0)
The Road to Her by KE Payne. Sparks fly when actress Holly Croft, star of UK soap Portobello Road, meets her new on-screen love interest, the enigmatic and sexy Elise Manford. (978-1-60282-887-2)
Swans and Klons by Nora Olsen. In a future world where there are no males, sixteen-year-old Rubric and her girlfriend Salmon Jo must fight to survive when everything they believed in turns out to be a lie. (978-1-60282-874-2)
Kings of Ruin by Sam Cameron. High school student Danny Kelly and loner Kevin Clark must team up to defeat a top-secret alien intelligence that likes to wreak havoc with fiery car, truck, and train accidents. (978-1-60282-864-3)
Wonderland by David-Matthew Barnes. After her mother’s sudden death, Destiny Moore is sent to live with her two gay uncles on Avalon Cove, a mysterious island on which she uncovers a secret place called Wonderland, where love and magic prove to be real. (978-1-60282-788-2)
Another 365 Days by KE Payne. Clemmie Atkins is back, and her life is more complicated than ever! Still madly in love with her girlfriend, Clemmie suddenly finds her life turned upside down with distractions, confessions, and the return of a familiar face… (978-1-60282-775-2)
The Secret of Othello by Sam Cameron. Florida teen detectives Steven and Denny risk their lives to search for a sunken NASA satellite—but under the waves, no one can hear you scream… (978-1-60282-742-4)
Andy Squared by Jennifer Lavoie. Andrew never thought anyone could come between him and his twin sister, Andrea…until Ryder rode into town. (978-1-60282-743-1)
Sara by Greg Herren. A mysterious and beautiful new student at Southern Heights High School stirs things up when students start dying. (978-1-60282-674-8)
Boys of Summer, edited by Steve Berman. Stories of young love and adventure, when the sky’s ceiling is a bright blue marvel, when another boy’s laughter at the beach can distract from dull summer jobs. (978-1-60282-663-2)
Street Dreams by Tama Wise. Tyson Rua has more than his fair share of problems growing up in New Zealand—he’s gay, he’s falling in love, and he’s run afoul of the local hip-hop crew leader just as he’s trying to make it as a graffiti artist. (978-1 60282-650-2)
365 Days by KE Payne. Life sucks when you’re seventeen years old and confused about your sexuality, and the girl of your dreams doesn’t even know you exist. Then in walks sexy new emo girl, Hannah Harrison. Clemmie Atkins has exactly 365 days to discover herself, and she’s going to have a blast doing it! (978-1-60282-540-6)
[email protected] by KE Payne. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you’ve never met? Imogen Summers thinks so because it’s happened to her. (978-1-60282-592-5)
Swimming to Chicago by David-Matthew Barnes. As the lives of the adults around them unravel, high school students Alex and Robby form an unbreakable bond, vowing to do anything to stay together—even if it means leaving everything behind. (978-1-60282-572-7)
Timothy by Greg Herren. Timothy is a romantic suspense thriller from award-winning mystery writer Greg Herren set in the fabulous Hamptons. (978-1-60282-760-8)