“Let’s go back to bed now,” Ember said, pushing open the door to the armory. “We can talk about this later.”
We laid back down in our cots and pulled the blankets around ourselves. I felt a little better, as if I’d shed a burden.
But once again I stared up at the ceiling, wishing for sleep.
And then I woke up, warm and rested.
“Hey,” Dean said, tying his boots. “You were sleeping hard. Good thing, too. I need to work out a plan with you and Ember about how we’re going to find that information we talked about yesterday.” He glanced at the other Sentinels, who were still waking up. “I want this done as quickly and quietly as possible.”
“Understood.” I sat up and stepped into my boots, then leaned toward Dean. “But first we need to talk about something.”
32
Ember sat in a folding chair across from Jonathan, whose red nose and watery eyes made him appear as if he were sad to be in the little tent with us. However, when Ember extended her hands toward his, he grinned and took them in his own.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes; all the Sentinels had been more than willing to let Ember ask them questions. Christiana had driven several miles outside of Liberty, so we could interview them.
Dean stood behind Jonathan. I stood behind Ember. Occasionally Dean would glance at me, disappointment evident on his face, but other than that he gave no indication that we’d had a short, unhappy conversation before beginning the interrogations.
I’d led him outside behind the armory and explained that I was dating Benjamin and I’d used Dean to make myself feel better, and then apologized for taking advantage of his feelings. When I’d asked for forgiveness and a new start, Dean had insisted that I hadn’t taken advantage of him, a reaction that didn’t surprise me one bit.
He’d asked for one last kiss, but I’d held a finger up to his lips. “No, Dean. I cheated on Benjamin once, and that’s enough for a lifetime.”
“What do you see in him?”
“There aren’t enough hours in the day to answer that question.”
We’d assured each other that we’d move on from whatever it was that had happened, and that it wouldn’t affect our professional interactions. So far, Dean had kept his side of the promise. I liked to think that I had, too. We both supervised Ember’s time with each Sentinel, asking questions as needed.
In the tent, Dean repeated the same words he’d said to the last two dozen people.
“Jonathan, Ember is going to look through your memories of the days before the attack. You’re not in trouble, but we want everyone’s account, and this is the best way to get it.”
“You’re at the range with your friends,” Ember said in soothing tones as she led him into a trance. “You all have a competition to see who’s the best shooter, but you know you’ll win. They’re all high-fiving you. Look, your mother is watching. She’s so proud of you. She’s so happy you rescued her. She’s safe now.”
A peaceful smile spread across Jonathan’s face. Dean had told me that Jonathan’s mother had been murdered years before at one of the Westerner compounds.
Ember stroked his hand. “Jonathan, did anything strange or unusual happen at Liberty recently? Something you couldn’t explain?”
“Yes,” Jonathan said, his voice airy and far away. “I caught Graham in the armory. He was loading boxes of ammunition into a duffel.”
“What?” Dean asked, straightening. “Tell us more.”
“Tell me about that,” Ember said.
“I went to the armory to see if I’d left my neck gaiter there. Graham was putting ammunition in the duffel. I startled him, and he dropped a box. He said he was reorganizing the cabinet, but he didn’t clean up the bullets. I thought he looked nervous, and I told Antonio later that day. Antonio said he’d talk to Graham about it, and then Dean. We thought Graham might be stealing bullets.”
“Is that all?” Ember asked.
“I saw the doc behind the infirmary a few days ago. He was upset. His teammate was trying to console him.”
“Okay, we’re done,” I said quickly, pushing Jonathan’s hand out of Ember’s. “Thank you, Jonathan.”
Jonathan blinked, then looked around. “Oh my God, did I fall asleep? I’m sorry. Man, this flu is—”
Dean patted his shoulder. “You did good. We got the information we needed. Go back to the armory and tell the others that we’re finished.”
Jonathan left the tent.
Dean closed his eyes, breathing heavily. “Antonio should’ve come straight to me.” He banged his fist against a tent pole. “Graham. It was Graham. I’ll kill him myself.”
“How long have you known Graham?” I asked. “And come to think of it, what’s his power?”
“Graham has perfect recall. Useful for a spy,” he said through gritted teeth. “We’ve known him for a year. We rescued him from a sorting station. He was so eager to fight with us.” He slammed his fist into the tent pole again. “It was all a set up. He must’ve been working with the Westerners the whole time.”
“That’s not right,” Ember said slowly. “You killed the people at that sorting station, right?”
“Yeah. A dozen.”
I followed Ember’s line of thought. “I know people make sacrifices for a greater cause, but would the Westerners sacrifice a dozen of their own to plant one guy? They’re going through a population crisis, right? That’s extreme.”
He rubbed his eyelids. “These are the Westerners. They redefine extreme. I wouldn’t put it past them.”
I couldn’t disagree with that assessment. “So, Graham stole the JM-104 and passed information on you to the Westerners. What’s our next move?”
“We meet up with Andrew’s team in two days and move against the compounds. The smaller one first, then the leaders’ compound.”
“Did Graham know about that plan?” I asked. “I recall you mentioning the plans about the compounds on the first day I met you.”
Dean looked up at me, pained. “Yes, he knew.”
“Then we can’t do that. We need a new plan.”
33
My team and I stood in a small circle in the snow, deep in the trees. It was the one place we could find where we were sure we wouldn’t be overheard.
“Dean wants to attack the largest compound first,” I said. “They won’t be expecting an attack, and he’s positive Isabel is there.”
Marco pounded a fist into his other hand. “There’s no question that we’ll be helping. When do we leave?”
“Tentatively, in forty-eight hours. Graham’s intelligence is that we’ll attack the smaller compound on a different day, so we’re changing. But we’re not going to have Andrew’s team with us, which means we’ll be attacking the larger compound with half the manpower. We’re going to need Ember and Benjamin this time around.”
“If you think I’m going to shoot anyone…” Benjamin began.
“No, don’t think you’re going to shoot anyone. You can serve in any capacity you want, but mostly I just want you there as our combat medic. Ember, Christiana is going to go to Andrew’s team, freeing up your telepathy. That way everyone has an animal telepath.”
“I can do that,” she said. “I’ve missed serving.”
“So have I,” I said. “That’s why I turned in my gun today. Marco, Reid, we’re back to being full superheroes. No firearms.”
“What? Why?” Reid asked.
“Because we’re not Sentinels. We’re superheroes. I don’t know all that the name entails anymore, but something has gone wrong recently, and part of it is because we joined a team we were never meant to be on. We’re assisting the Sentinels and freeing the slaves at the large compound, but after that, I intend to go back to Saint Catherine. That’s where this started, and that’s where this will end.”
“And after that?” Benjamin said. “What happens when a strike team shows up?”
“I find that unlikely,” I said evenly. “Since I’ll be going to the
FBI as soon as we get home.”
Marco startled. “What? What does any of this have to do with them?”
I stared Benjamin straight in the eye. “I read a book once about the Civil War. At the end, Congress passed the thirteenth amendment, abolishing slavery. The Westerners don’t profess any allegiance to the federal government, but the camps do. They’ve used the allies to lobby for us in Congress, even. I’m going to tell the federal government everything. The slavery, the deaths, the cult, the abuse, all of it. I doubt Washington will want to be associated with them after this. In fact, I expect that the camps will be officially dismantled for what they’ve done.”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Benjamin asked. “I know you know about the Civil War.”
I took a deep breath. “Because we will probably be called to testify before Congress, and we’ll certainly be at the center of the investigation. On top of that, I bet the FBI will be just one of many federal agencies involved. The ATF will be called because of all the weapons, and the DOJ will get involved if for no other reason than the camps are technically part of them. I can see the Marshals getting involved if someone decides to run for it. This is going to be huge. I’m giving you a heads-up.”
Benjamin’s eyes tightened. “I see.”
His sullen expression made my chest throb painfully. “If you want to temporarily leave the team… or… permanently leave the team, I’d understand why.”
I needed to give Benjamin a chance to leave with grace.
Marco gasped. “What? No, don’t leave. You’re the medic. You’re the most valuable member of the team.”
“I’ll have to think about it,” Benjamin said. “But now that I’ve found Eleanor, I won’t be alone. It might be easier for everyone if I left. A federal investigation might turn ugly if I’m on the team.”
“No, you can’t leave!” Marco’s voice rose. “There’s been enough change!”
“We’ll talk about this later,” I said. “Everyone, let’s go to bed.”
Benjamin looked at me again, his hard eyes tinged with hurt, but said nothing. He trudged away toward the infirmary.
Marco and Reid headed toward the armory, leaving Ember alone with me in the twilight, surrounded by silent, swirling snow.
“Jill, it doesn’t have to end like this.”
I stared at the infirmary through the trees. “Yes, it does. I don’t know what he’s done, but I know he doesn’t want the feds involved. I’m giving him a chance to both get away from me and protect himself.” Tears froze on my eyelashes.
“For the last time, talk to him! You need to talk to him about how you’re feeling! I don’t have my telepathy right now, but I know you’re both hurting. This is stupid, Jill. You’re both being stupid.”
I glared at her. “He made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me to approach him unless I’m actively dying. I… I don’t want to die anymore, but I’m not even kind of ready to talk to him. He won’t tell me the truth, so why should I tell him anything about how I’m feeling? How can we have a relationship when it’s that uneven?” Tears flowed harder. I was going to lose Benjamin, if I hadn’t already.
Above us, a songbird’s call rang through the forest, its melancholic song underlining my own sorrow.
“Do you trust me?”
I sniffed. “What?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”
“Then close your eyes and hold out your arm.”
Though I was confused, I obeyed, closing my eyes and extending my right hand. Her soft hand took mine and turned it wrist-up.
Before I could ask her what she was doing, a fiery pain coursed through my wrist and my eyes flew open.
Ember held up her knife, my blood dripping down the blade. She’d sliced a three-inch gash in the vein.
“Ember!” I clutched my wrist. Blood flowed freely through my fingers. “Wh…why?”
“Well, well, look at that. You’ve got a life-threatening injury. It just so happens that there’s a healer right across the street. He’ll take of it.”
I lurched away from her, wide-eyed and grasping my blood-soaked wrist.
34
The infirmary was locked. I pounded on the door with my good hand, already dizzy.
“Benjamin,” I wheezed. “Please.”
I looked behind me and saw a steady red trail leading out of the woods to where I was standing. I was going to kill Ember. Well, I would if I survived, which wasn’t guaranteed since Benjamin still hadn’t opened the damn door. How fast did people exsanguinate? I pounded on the door again. “Benjamin!”
I heard the deadbolt turn and Benjamin opened the door, his face still hard. “What?” His eyes traveled downward to my wrist. “Holy crap!” He grabbed my hand.
The relief was instantaneous—the dizziness ebbed as my wrist sealed itself, the pain fading into nothing. “Thank you,” I breathed, rubbing my wrist.
“What the hell happened? Did you slit your wrist?”
I examined the smooth skin. “No, Ember did.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “What?”
“Ember slit my wrist with her knife.”
He gave his head a little shake. “I’m missing something here.”
“Do you have any medical books?” I looked up from my wrist. I didn’t feel like talking about Ember’s inane plan. How would I even begin to explain why I was bleeding on the porch?
“Medical books?”
“Yeah. Do you have any?”
“Um, a few. Which one do you need?”
“I want to look up a disease Ember told me about. She says I’m sick.”
“Jillian, if you’re sick, you can come to me. I am your medic. You don’t need Ember or a book to diagnose you.”
“Just let me see the books.”
He sighed and stepped aside, pointing to a small bookshelf at the far end of the building.
I strode into the empty back room and studied the spines of the books. They bore names that I couldn’t understand or pronounce. I frowned and pulled one out, then pushed it back. I wanted to find a book about depression, but without knowing which book to choose, I couldn’t find one without asking for Benjamin’s help.
“What sickness does Ember think you have?” Benjamin asked from the far end of the room.
“Mind your own business,” I muttered. I wasn’t sure why I was so angry at Benjamin. Minutes before I’d been crying over him.
“I’m your medic. If you’re sick, it’s definitely my business.”
I spun around. “And I’m your leader! If you’ve fought and tried to kill superheroes, it’s definitely my business!”
He wrenched open the front door so hard it banged against the wall. “Get out. Just get out.”
The anger swung back to sadness and tears began to flow again. “Why won’t you talk to me? I love you. I’m not going to kick you off the team or think that you’re a psychopath. I just want to know the truth. All I have ever asked from you is for the truth.”
Benjamin stared at me. “You love me?” His voice had dropped to a whisper.
“Yes!” My teeth began to chatter from the force of my emotions. “I couldn’t say it before. I realized it after the tribunal, but you were already gone.”
“What happened after the tribunal?” he asked, still quiet. “I asked Marco about Matthew the night I walked in on you guys yelling at each other. He wouldn’t tell me anything. I thought about asking Reid, but I think I’d rather hear it from you.”
“No,” I said, backing away. “No. We’re talking about you, not me.” I collided with the wall and wiped tears from my face with the back of my hand. “This is not about me.” I set my jaw. “I’m leaving. Goodbye.”
“What sickness do you have?” Benjamin asked sadly. “The flu is going around. It’s probably that.”
I didn’t answer. Without pausing to look at him, I strode past him toward the front door. I slammed the door behind me and walke
d down the steps, stopping at the bottom. The trail of blood I’d left behind me was still visible, an angry scarlet ribbon in the snow.
I gazed at it for a long moment, then walked back up the steps and turned the doorknob.
Benjamin was sitting on the edge of one of the hospital beds, staring at the floor. He looked up and rose partially when I came in. “Jillian?”
I sat down next to him and held out my hand. He accepted it without hesitation.
It was time.
“At the tribunal, the elders said Reid was guilty of dereliction of duty and sentenced him to fifty lashes. That probably would’ve killed him.”
Benjamin gasped. “Why—”
I held up my hand. “I begged them to change their minds. They did, and they said Reid could lead. But I had to leave the team and marry Matthew. If I caused trouble, they’d reverse their decision.” My hand brushed my neck. “Matthew made me throw the necklace in the creek.”
He covered his mouth with his free hand. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”
“And then… and then Matthew described all the things he’d do to me on our wedding night. He was going to cause me as much pain as possible. It was obscene.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “He looked forward to it.”
No tears fell, but the words tumbled out of me. “While he was describing it, he molested me. It was so much worse than the time when he and I were courting.” I began to shake. “I couldn’t stop him. I just stood there, wishing I were dead and wondering where you were.”
I finally looked at Benjamin, whose mouth was open. “I’ve been telling myself that I need to get over it and that it’s not as bad as what happened to Ember, but I can’t. Ember says it was just as bad, but I just stood there. I have nightmares about it. For a while I thought it was my fault because I could fight back and didn’t, but now I—I just don’t know, I didn’t realize I could fight back because I was in a cult, and I just feel so angry and sad all the time and—”
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