by Dan Glover
A couple days in the sunshine'd do him good. Give him a chance to catch his breath. That's all he needed. Once he got his legs under him again, there'd be no telling what he might do. Hell, he might even woo and win the wondrous one, Liza McNairy herself. She of the big tits and platinum blonde hair. Never mind that swirl of red. See mother? I'm a real man after all.
Chapter 23—Hank
(To the Rescue)
"We're having company, DanMan... Hank Lupo is dropping by. He's running the name of Fabulinus Fletch for us."
"Hank is coming to Mexico, Liza? Really?"
"He said he'd be down by the border anyway. It's just a short drive from there."
Of course the man didn’t know anything about the topless beach they were frequenting. Oh no, not Hank Lupo... and besides, the man was married. Jesus, that's all he needed. Detective Lupo, sir, at your service.
"Is he staying?"
Danners could just imagine watching Hank trail after the something man kicking up sand as he scooted down the beach to nab his suspect. Did he know about Liza's little habit? Doubtfully. Oh, by the way, Detective Lupo... your fellow former deputy has a half gram a day habit that she needs to feed... but no worries. Don't for a minute think it's going to interfere with her work performance.
"Hopefully just for the afternoon. But speaking of staying, Reilly Cooper and his mother are coming to visit tomorrow too. They're renting a couple cabins next to us."
"When did all this happen, Liza?"
He couldn’t blame Hank for wanting to horn dog Liza, but at least he'd be gone after a few hours. Hopefully. But Reilly Cooper? Great. That's just what they needed. Reilly Cooper hanging around all week. Danners remembered meeting Bernice Cooper once, happenstance as it was. She'd come by Reilly's apartment to drop off a cake for her son's birthday. From the way the man stammered and blushed, Danners was sure Reilly had never informed his mother that her one and only boy was a flaming gay.
"Yesterday... I called them both to have them run Father Fabulinus' name for us. I didn’t think you'd mind if they dropped by. If it's a problem I'll call them back and cancel."
"No, no... that's okay, Liza. It just caught me off guard, that's all."
"And here I was just thinking how lucky I am that my partner is a psychic."
"You know I don’t work that way."
"Oh stop sulking, DanDan."
"I guess I'm wondering why you waited until now to tell me, that's all, Liza."
"Because I knew exactly how you'd take it. You don’t like Hank Lupo."
"That's not exactly true. I do like him. I just think..."
"That he wants to bonk me."
"Well, yeah. And he does. I don’t need to be a psychic to know that."
"Well, it takes two to bonk, Danners. And if I'm going to bonk anyone, it's not going to be Hank Lupo. Believe me."
And? Shouldn’t there be an and in there somewhere, Liza? If you're not bonking Hank Lupo, then who? God, don’t be such a cunt, Danners Forthright. Take a chance on romance. Hit on the girl. She might just surprise you. Or not. She's been dropping hints and innuendos forever now and what do you do? Sit here acting all squirrelly and shitting your pants.
"What on earth got Cooper to come down here, Liza?"
"I invited him. I think we hurt his feelings when we didn’t ask him to come along with us in the first place."
Hurt his feelings? Liza, the man's a bum. First, he played me for all I was worth, and when he discovered I wasn’t interested in a romance, he proceeded to cut me right out of his life.
"Well, I think it's nice he's bringing his mother."
"Cooper's not such a bad sort. I get the feeling he's not exactly certain how to identify."
"I'm not sure I follow, Liza."
"He acts gay but I could swear he likes women too."
Well, yeah. He's fond of women like you, Liza McNairy. You'd turn the most ardent of queers. I know because I'm one. I had no problem identifying before I met you. But now, I'm just as unsure as old Reilly Cooper, used to be queer and hope to fuck Liza McNairy. Bonk, I mean. Yeah. Hey Liza? Wanna bonk?
"I get the feeling Reilly pretends to be whatever is most convenient for him at the time, Liza."
"You two were hot and heavy there for a while, DanMan."
"Not really... friends, maybe, nothing more than that."
"Really! I got the impression you two were an item."
I wanted you to think that... it was all a conspiracy... to make you jealous. To show you what you might be missing out on. All that pretense, and for what. I know I broke your heart. You honestly thought that I'd throw you over for someone else. And what's more, you waited for me to come back to you. Like you knew.
"Never... there's only room for one love in my life, Liza, and that was never Reilly Cooper."
"So who is the lucky man, DanDan? When am I going to meet him?"
"She's not a man, Liza. And you've already met her."
"Now it's my turn to blush, isn’t it."
"No... not really, sweetie. You know I love you. Come on... let's go on down to the beach for a while before the crowd arrives... what say you?"
"I'd like that, DanDan. Hold my hand?"
Chapter 24—News
(And Interviews)
They seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time on the beach shooting heroin and lying in the sun. Maybe the two of them didn’t think she knew. Her friend had his eyes on McNairy and Forthright, however. They'd been lovers once, her and Tortuga. Of course Elena could say that about most of the men in Santo Tomas, but so what? If she'd been male she'd be considered un hombre de cuidad. But since she was a woman, they all called her la puta... the whore... the other women of the village. They had a habit of leaning over and spitting in the dirt when they said it too.
She'd been away ten years but the same old faces still met her gaze... the defiant dark eyes, the catcalls, the rude words spoken after they'd passed each other on the street. She ignored them. What did she have to gain by engaging in arguments with destitute women groveling in the dirt to feed their enormous and expanding families while she lived a relative life of luxury north of the border?
"Do you have any news for me, Ms. McNairy?"
"I do, Ms. Stamper. We interviewed the priest you told us about the last time you were here... Father Fletch. You're right. He's an interesting man. We're running a background check on him right now but we're not finding much."
"Two weeks is nearly up, Ms. McNairy. Will I owe you more money? Or are you hoping to find something soon?"
"Well, we're doing our best, Ms. Stamper, but yes... the way it looks, we're going to need another two week advance in order to keep working on this case."
"I see... I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful for all you've done so far, Ms. McNairy... but from what I hear, you two aren’t exactly beating down doors to find out what happened to my brother."
"I'm not sure what you mean, Ms. Stamper... from what you hear?"
"I still have friends here in Santo Tomas, Ms. McNairy. They tend to keep me apprised of your activities. It's not like I'm checking up on you but you know how people talk. From what I understand, you and Mr. Forthright spend most of your time on the beach."
"I see... I'm sorry but we can't work twenty four seven. If we don't have your full confidence, maybe it's best we end our relationship now, Ms. Stamper."
You knew that was bound to happen, Elena. Why do you call people out like that? Come on, girl. These people might actually find out what happened to your brother. And you're giving them the brush off? Stop it!
"Oh no... that's not what I mean. I'm sorry for doubting you, Ms. McNairy. Please... I'll reload the money card within the next couple days. Is another thirty thousand dollars sufficient?"
"Only if you're sure you want us to proceed, Ms. Stamper."
"I have to know what happened to Eduardo... please forgive me for what I said. I know you and Mr. Forthright are doing your best."
Yeah, so she had voi
ces in her head. Lots of people did. Didn’t they? She always assumed so, at least when she was younger. Lately, though, the voices were growing louder, more insistent... even threatening at times.
Without the detectives, she was lost. They were her last hope. So after talking to McNairy, she called Johnny for another cash infusion. The man had no choice but to grant it to her. Now, though, she was wondering... how long could this thing go on? Would McNairy and Forthright keep milking her until Johnny refused to send her more money? Were they simply hucksters taking advantage of her situation? And why the hell did she care so much about a brother who'd been gone fifteen years?
Was it because she kept seeing him? Most likely. In every young man's face she saw, she caught a glimpse of Eduardo, the man he'd become... the subtle lines of the boy's face... the way he smiled... the lilt of his voice. And then there were the dreams. Hell, it got so she didn’t want to sleep any longer. Every time she shut her eyes, there he was. Waving to her. And when she hurried to catch up to the boy, it wasn’t Eduardo at all. But there he was! Just ahead of her... she had to run but she could catch him. But no again... it turned out to be another boy who only reminded her of the brother she lost.
So yeah... maybe if those two shysters actually managed to discover what'd become of Eduardo, well, perhaps she might be able to sleep again Or not. Either way, at least she'd have the satisfaction of knowing that it wasn’t her fault. Or that it was. Did it really matter?
Father Fletch... it was good she'd told McNairy and Forthright about that man. And McNairy agreed there was something odd about him. What did she mean by that? She should've gone by that church herself... talked to the man. She actually meant to... but when she pulled up outside that adobe building the vibes were so menacing that rather than getting out of the car and going inside she drove away as quickly as she could.
It'd been a warm day and the sun was bright yet a chill descended upon her as she sat there staring at La Iglesia de los Cinco ángeles... the Church of the Five Angels. Like hell itself had opened its doors and was inviting her inside. A sort of gloom hovered over the gray adobe walls. She told herself how it was merely soot from the time the church burned but she couldn’t seem to convince herself.
The growl grew louder. She realized she'd been hearing it ever since she pulled up in front of the church but she ignored the sound thinking perhaps someone close by was using heavy machinery. Now, however, she understood the sound was coming from the building itself. Something knew she was here and it was inviting her to come inside... or rather seeking to frighten her away. She didn’t wait to find out.
"I'll wire you the money first thing tomorrow, Elena. I do hope your two detectives manage to work a little faster."
Thank you, Johnny. Or rather, John... or should I say Mr. fucking Stamper... I'll be certain to share your concerns with them, you sick and perverted bastard. And how is Daddy Doo? Is he screwing your new wife too? And Mother Moo... please give her all my love and kind regards.
"I appreciate it, Johnny. Thank you."
So that was done. Now, maybe it was time for another road trip to Mexico. After all, if she was in for sixty grand, she might as well get personal with her employees. Perhaps she'd stay a few days... hang out with Tortuga... drink some tequila and get something for her nose. Yeah... that might work.
Chapter 25—The More
(The Merrier)
1
Did they really have to all show up at once? She expected Hank Lupo to drop in for an hour or so and be gone by the time Cooper and his mother showed up but things didn’t work out that way. Instead, Hank decided to play tourist.
"So you've been here all week, Liza? Is the weather always this gorgeous?"
"Well, I don’t know about always, Hank, but yeah... since we've been here it's been just the same every day."
"You've been working on your tan... and I don’t see any lines, Liza."
Can it, Hank. Don’t make me sorry I invited you down here. If you weren’t such a fucking pervert I'd show you exactly what you've been missing. Me and Danners, we might even take you to our secret little cove and let you sunbath with us. But being the creeper that you are, fuck you, Lupo. There ain't no way that's happening.
"Oh, they're there, Hank. I packed my itsy bitsy polka dot bikini. Maybe if you're a good boy I'll show you later."
"Sounds like a plan to me, Liza. I've decided to stay a few days... use some of that vacation time I've got saved. Know any good places to rent?"
"The Pacifica resort up the coast is nice, Hank."
"What's wrong with right here, Danners? I see plenty of vacant signs. What? You trying to keep the lady all to yourself?"
The lady is taken, Detective Lupo. Danners doesn’t have to keep her. She's his to start with. You, my old friend, are simply being a pain in the ass, a hemorrhoid, a dildo, to be succinct. But then again, that's your modus operandi... right?
"Look, Hank... we'd love for you to stay close by but me and Danners are going to be working most of the time. If you're set on using some of that precious vacation time, take his advice and go to the resort."
"So you're in on it too... I can't believe it. After all I've done for you..."
"Come on, Hank. You know it's not like that. If you're really intent on renting a place here, then do it."
"Well thank you for your kind permission, Ms. McNairy. I feel so wanted I might just end up staying on forever."
Jesus, what a fucking crybaby. Wonder why the man didn’t bring along the little woman? Make it a family affair. Maybe because she isn’t so little? That and the last time the three of us got together she nearly started a fight with me. Did she really think I was screwing her husband? But then again, half of Los Angeles has, so why not me too?
"Excuse me, Hank... our other guests are here. You remember Reilly Cooper with the FBI?"
"Reilly... good to see you again... and who is this? Your sister?"
"Oh, Mr. Lupo... stop. We've met before. I'm Reilly's mother, Bernice. Don't you remember me?"
"Bernice! How could I forget you? I have to say though... you caught me by surprise... what with looking so young and all."
"Oh, do go on with you, Mr. Lupo. I done turned forty five last month. You're looking trim yourself, sir. Been working out?"
"Well, you know us detectives, Bernice... we have to pass physical exams every year, otherwise we get relegated to desk duty. Me, I like playing the field."
"I bet you do at that, Mr. Lupo. What say you and me take a little stroll around this village and let the young people settle in? Come on, honey. I won't bite."
"Mother!"
"Oh, it's okay, Reilly. Me and Mr. Lupo go way back... we're old friends. You see to our cabins and we'll be back directly. Shall we?"
"Listen to your mother, son."
"Liza... do something."
"What the hell am I supposed to do, Reilly? This town is so small they can't get lost. Let 'em have a little fun. That's why you brought her down here, isn’t it?"
"I didn’t realize Romeo was going to be here, Liza. You should've warned me."
"Looks to me like Juliet has Romeo right where she wants him."
"Shut up, Danners. That's my mother you're talking about."
"Tell you what... why don’t you two stand here and argue all afternoon while I go down to the beach? I have a little business I need to conduct."
"Wait for me, Liza... remember we talked about sticking together?"
"Come on then, DanDan. Your cabin is next door, Reilly, and your mother's is right behind it. Why don’t you unpack and we'll meet you back here in an hour or two."
"You can't leave me here all alone."
"Wanna bet? See you."
What the hell
2
Had she been thinking inviting Cooper down here? Now they were stuck with the man for the next few days—especially since his mother had laid claim to Hank Lupo—and just when things seemed to be percolating with the case.
"I
had one of my dragon dreams last night, Liza. We need to go by that church again and take a good look around. That priest is up to something."
"Well, yeah. I haven’t had any dreams but I could've told you that, DanMan. That's why we're looking into his background, remember?"
"Sure, there's that, Liza. But the evidence we need is right there in front of us. That little cemetery out back of the church... we should check for fresh graves."
"Come on, Danners... people die all the time. If we do find a fresh grave, what's that going to tell us?"
"Well now, that depends. I'm seeing a freshly dug grave, but with an old tombstone setting on top of it. What does that say, Liza?"
"Someone is doubling up?"
"My thoughts exactly... I'd like to go back at night... maybe poke around a little."
"I don't know, Danners. Seems to me that's as good a way as any to get shot in the ass by Fast Father Fabulinus."
"Ha... sure it is. But I did a little research while you were snoozing the afternoon away yesterday. Seems the good Father leads a prayer group over in Punta Colonet on Friday nights. And guess what?"
"Don't tell me, DanDan...let me guess. It's Friday tonight? Am I right?"
"Great minds think alike, my darling. So you wanna get dressed up all in black, grab some shovels, and go grave robbing with your partner in crime?"
"I wouldn’t miss it, DanMan. But tell me... what are we going to do about our guests?"
"Well... I'd say take them with, but a FBI agent and a Los Angeles County Deputy Sheriff would probably both frown just a bit on our little endeavor. No... I say we let Hank and Bernice sort things out for themselves and maybe our boy Reilly can work at scaring up some fun for himself... speaking of which... did you just see who pulled up, Liza?"
"Elena Stamper... in the flesh. What was that you were saying about our problem child, honey bun?"
Chapter 26—Friends