An Encore for Love

by Alexandra Warren

  This isn’t about him, Amerie!

  But it was about him the second he licked his lips as his eyes fell onto the cleavage I had accidentally created. “Mmm… you right about that, babe. I certainly don’t remember them lookin’ anything like this. You get a boob job or somethin’?”

  Though I had considered it for years to give my body a better balance, I still snapped, “No, asshole. Not that it’s any of your business if I did or didn’t.”

  Instead of being offended, he simply nodded. “Ouch. Guess I earned that one.” You damn right, you did. “But look, I’m not here to start a fight. I came here for business. So can we talk… business?”

  I rolled my eyes, turning around to head to my office chair. And even though I could feel Knox’s eyes on my ass with every step I took, I was still able to confidently toss out, “I’m listening, Knox.”

  I fell into my chair simultaneously with him shutting my office door. And then he started, “So I don’t know how much Blaise told you, but we most definitely need you in on it.”

  “I don’t have time to run a dance studio, Knox. My schedule is filled for like… the next three years; literally.”

  Between tours, and videos, and other random engagements, there was no way I’d have the time nor the interest to run a dance studio. It was way too much work for way too little reward, and it honestly surprised me that Knox was interested. He definitely wasn’t the type to actually work for what he wanted.

  “So Blaise must not have told you anything then. We don’t want you to run a dance studio. Hell, I don’t wanna run a dance studio. But we need you to get in on the show to balance out our cast.”

  “Show? What the hell are you talking about, Knox?”

  “The reality show with Blaise and I. He really didn’t tell you any of this?”

  I smacked my teeth and rolled my eyes, annoyed that Blaise had set me up without giving me the full details. Still, I acted as if I suddenly remembered when I told him, “I don’t have time for that either.”

  “Amerie, you don’t have to do anything other than what you already do. Except… do it all in California. For four weeks.”

  It sounded simple enough considering I spent quite a bit of time on the West coast already. But I wasn’t exactly in the business of making things easy for Knox Riley. He didn’t deserve that from me.

  “Well I don’t give my face or my services to anyone for free. So one of y’all need to get to writing a check,” I said, glancing at my fingernails before peeking back up at him.

  He cocked his head to the side and squinted his eyes as if he was trying to get a read on me. But I only cocked my head right back, raising an eyebrow to let him know I was dead ass serious.

  It was already plenty that I had even given him an opportunity to show up here in the first place. And it was clear he was bothered by the fact that it wasn’t going as smoothly as he might’ve planned when he released a heavy sigh before leaning into my desk to say, “Amerie… babe… why you bein’ so damn snooty? That ain’t you.”

  For whatever reason, I instantly saw red as I spit back, “You don’t know who I am cause you’re too busy chasing after the next best… you know what? Need my face for a month? Fine. I’ll be there. Now you can go.”

  I expected him to join me in my fury. But instead, he just fell back into his seat with a laugh. “Amerie, you are way too fine to be actin’ like this. I understand if you don’t wanna do this for me; have anything to do with me for that matter. But at least do it for Blaise. He’s like a brother to you, right?”

  Blaise was more than a brother to me. He was a confidant; someone I could trust to give me sound advice about everything going on around me. We had practically grown up together in the dance world. And even though he was living a different lifestyle than me these days, I still considered him one of my closest friends.

  But since Knox was using Blaise for leverage, I decided to do the same when I told him, “He’s the only reason I allowed the likes of you to get even a morsel of my time.”

  “You really think I believe that, woman? Come on now. I’ve aged like wine,” he insisted as he scrubbed a hand against his facial hair. And it made me sick how much his sentiment rang true.

  Knox had always been fine, long before I even knew him personally. But now, what used to be pretty boy looks were finally transformed into a real, grown man glow up that made his controlled scruff of a beard even more rideable, his full lips even more kissable, his sunkissed skin even more lickable, his…

  Get a grip, Amerie!

  “Like wine? Oh please. I’d say more like milk.”

  Instead of laughing, he just smirked at me, nodding as he replied, “Yo… that was a good one. When’d you get a sense of humor?”

  I shrugged before sarcastically tossing out, “Had the plastic surgeon put it in when he was working on my boobs.”

  “See… I knew I wasn’t trippin’. Them mothafuckas are plump.”

  I couldn’t even pretend to be offended considering I had practically invited his words. So instead I told him, “You can go now.”

  But he only settled further into his seat, making himself more comfortable as if he was a wanted guest when he said, “I was actually thinkin’ we could… maybe, grab some lunch together? It’s been awhile, Ri.”

  Ugh. I hated the way the nickname rolled off of his tongue. I never even used to let people call me anything other than my full name growing up, knowing I wanted them all to be used to saying it by the time I made it big. But when Knox started referring to me as Ri when we were first getting to know each other, it stuck perfectly.

  But now…

  Now it sounded like nails screeching on a chalkboard.

  “I’m not interested in lunch, Knox,” I replied confidently.

  Though that didn’t exactly knock his pursuit as he groaned, “Aww come on, babe. I know you don’t still hate me after all this time.”

  The softness in his tone, the gentleness in his eyes made me want to forget we ever had a history, just so that I could get to know him all over again. But our past was… complicated.

  I couldn’t say he had truly broken my heart in the traditional sense. I couldn’t say we had some tragic break-up. He technically hadn’t even cheated on me. But what Knox and I had shared years ago certainly wasn’t anything to shove under the rug.

  I couldn’t tell him that though.

  So instead I replied with a nonchalant, “I’ve never hated you, Knox. Cause if I hated you, that would mean I actually cared about your ass which I never really did.”

  He actually looked a little offended by the statement that we both knew was a boldfaced lie. But that didn’t stop him from replying, “Damn. So now you never cared about me?”

  “I cared about you as much as you said you cared about me. Which was zero. So no. I didn’t.”

  I assumed that would be the nail in the coffin as far as our conversation was concerned. But as I watched Knox’s expression soften even more, I prepared myself for whatever extra was to come. Though I certainly wasn’t expecting him to stammer, “Well… what if I told you that… I still care about you? That I’ve always cared about you?”

  Years ago, that confession probably would’ve stirred a nasty blur of emotions. But today…, “I’d call bullshit.”

  “Ri, don’t be that way.”

  “Don’t be what way? I’m only telling the truth.”

  “Whose truth? Cause if I remember it correctly, we shared I love yous.”

  I couldn’t believe he was actually playing that card, knowing good and well the context had been far from romantic. “Knox, we never said I love you. You said you loved my pussy. I said I loved your dick. That’s not the same thing. And if I remember it correctly, it was all an illusion created to blind me from the fact that you were nothing but a dog.”

  He nodded, running a thumb across his lips as he said, “I’ll take that. But that doesn’t mean it was an illusion. What I felt… what we felt… there was nothing fake
about that, Amerie.”

  I held a hand up to stop him before I could even pretend to get invested. “Save it, Knox. I’m not interested in lunch with you and I’m not interested in revisiting the past even further. So if you don’t have anything else, you can get the hell out of my office.”

  I watched him intently as he stood up. But instead of doing what I thought he was going to do by leaving my office, he strolled confidently over to me, stopping just short of my chair. I tried to stay calm, but my heart was racing as I inhaled his scent with every calculated breath I took. My desk had been serving as the perfect barrier between us, giving me just enough space to say what I needed to say without falling under his spell. But now that he was invading my personal space, I was suddenly a lot more aware of his presence.

  My outfit of choice - a sleeveless A-line dress that fell right above my knees when I stood, but mid-thigh as I sat down - was used as a weapon against me as Knox ran his fingertips down my bare arm, giving me goosebumps. His thick, southern drawl was back as he said, “Well… what if I do have somethin’ else, Ri?”

  I closed my eyes so that I could pull together just enough composure to tell him, “Stop it, Knox.” But he was already too close, running his fingertips back up my arm to the crook of my neck; an area he knew was incredibly sensitive.

  “Do you mean that too? Or are you frontin’ on me all around, Ri?”

  I gulped, loudly like I was swallowing way too much water before I forced out, “I’m not frontin’. I… I never really cared… about you.”

  He smirked as he leaned in close enough for me to catch a whiff of the peppermint lingering on his breath. “You do know that should be a lot easier to say, right? Like… if you really meant it?”

  I diverted my eyes, licking my suddenly dry lips to moisten my new lie. “I do mean it.”

  “Sure you do, Ri,” he replied with another smirk as he took a step back.

  I hated myself for actually missing his closeness, but somehow managed to transform that personal anger into attitude towards him when I said, “If you don’t have anything else, I’d like to get back to work.”

  “And I’d like some honest answers. But we can’t all get what we want, huh?”

  “Look. Tell Blaise I’ll be in touch about this whole… ordeal,” I told him with a dismissive wave of my hand.

  But of course, Knox wasn’t exactly the type to take my orders, instead continuing on to say, “Amerie, I flew all this way just to come talk to you. If you don’t wanna be honest about our past, then the least you could do is be honest about our future endeavors. Are you in or not? I mean, the sooner I know, the better. Especially if I’m gonna be lookin’ for a replacement.”

  “Oh, so now you actually wait to do that whole “looking for a replacement” thing? That’s new,” I replied with sarcastic roll of my eyes.

  Knox released a heavy sigh, scrubbing a hand down his face as he calmly said, “Ri, come on now. Let it go.”

  “I did let it go. You’re the one who brought it up.”

  He only nodded, finally giving me some real space as he walked back to the opposite side of my desk. Though his presence still completely dominated the room when he replied, “Fine. That’s my bad, babe. But since it’s obviously still a sensitive subject for you, we won’t talk about it anymore.”

  I tossed my head back with a laugh because, “Sensitive subject for me? You’re the one getting all in your feelings cause I said I didn’t really care about you. Perhaps it’s you who needs to let it go.”

  “If only it was that easy.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He shook his head as he headed straight for the door, stopping just short to answer, “Nothin’. I’ll leave my contact info with your assistant. If you could give me the courtesy of makin’ a decision in the next forty-eight hours, I’d appreciate it, babe.”

  I sat still, completely emotionless until I watched my office door close behind him. And then I damn near disintegrated into my chair, exhausted on every level from that simple conversation. But I suppose that was the reason I had been avoiding it for all this time; avoiding him for all this time.

  While my mind despised Knox Riley, my heart and body were still far from convinced.

  &

  “You should’ve just fucked him and gotten it over with. That’s what I would’ve done.”

  I took a long, hearty sip of my mid-day mojito as I stared at my little sister in disbelief. Our monthly lunch dates were usually filled with stories of her latest endeavors, things I couldn’t believe she actually made money doing. But today, the topic was me for obvious reasons.

  “Miranda, are you out of your damn mind? I haven’t seen Knox in God knows how long and I’m supposed to just throw my panties at him on first sight?”

  She shrugged, taking a Snapchat picture of our drinks on the table as she answered, “Consider it a welcome back gift. I mean, seriously Amerie. You probably haven’t gotten any since you stopped fooling around with him way back when. And I understand you’ve been really invested in your work since then, but… batteries die, boo.”

  “That’s why God made twenty-four hour stores and chargers,” I said with a shrug of my own.

  But it only earned me a heavy side eye as Miranda scolded, “Amerie. Quit being that way. You can’t tell me with a straight face that you don’t miss his dick. Hell, getting dicked down period.”

  My face was straighter than a virgin Malaysian weave when I told her, “I don’t miss his dick, and I don’t miss getting dicked down. I enjoy my dickless life; free of troubles, and worries, and unwanted pregnancies, not to mention STDs.”

  “Stop being so damn dramatic,” she shouted before lowering her voice to say, “Look. You remember my neighbor Steven? The fine one?”

  “You mean the one you hump on the regular and think no one knows about it?”

  Miranda leaned into the table, looking around suspiciously as she said, “Girl, hush. You know paparazzi is probably lurking. But anyway, he has a friend. Fine too. You should let me hook you up.”

  While I was still distracted by the fact that my sister assumed paparazzi were checking for her, I was also blown away that she really thought I’d put my love life in her hands.

  “Miranda, do you really think I’d trust you of all people to hook me up with somebody? Nobody wants to date one of those loser, fuckboy types you seem to entertain. You know, the ones who sleep all day because they never have real jobs, party all night because they know the promoters, and try to convince you that side chicks are normal.”

  She gasped, putting a hand to her chest when she asked, “Did you just throw shade at my lifestyle?”

  “What? No. I mean, not on purpose. I’m sorry, sis. You know I love you.”

  And that was true. I loved my sister more than I loved myself sometimes; considered myself the definition of my sister’s keeper. You fucked with her, you were fuckin’ with me. And thankfully she felt the same way.

  Except for when it came to Knox Riley.

  Even from a distance, he had managed to charm himself into an endless supply of fuck-up passes from my baby sister.

  “Oh, you only want to have sex with my sister? Just make sure she can still dance in the morning.”

  “Oh, you fucked Amerie over? No problem. Just do better next time.”

  “Oh, you’re already seeing someone else? It’s all good. Just make sure you come back to Amerie when you’re done.”

  Sure, I might’ve been exaggerating just a little. But there wasn’t a woman in the world who wasn’t a sucker for that damn southern accent that still lingered many years after Knox had even lived in the South.

  To no surprise, Miranda was more worried about herself in this particular moment as she brushed me off to say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. You’re just jealous because I don’t have corns on my feet from dancing all day and night like you.”

  “I’ll take that. But seriously, I’m not sweatin’ Knox anymore. That was the past and I have wa
y too much going on to be wasting my time trying to train a dog.”

  Thankfully, she nodded to agree. “I hear you, boo. But just to be clear, training a dog and seeing if the dick is what it used to be are not synonymous.”

  “Miranda!”

  “What? I’m just saying. You could use it,” she replied with another shrug, going back to her phone to check her makeup using the self-facing camera.

  But her actions weren’t enough to distract me from her words, so I asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, ever since you’ve been on this “I’m focusing on my career” tip, you’ve been especially… bitchy. And I’m sure your dancers probably feel the same way. You gettin’ some dick isn’t just about you. It’s about the community. It’s about the world. Let’s change the world, Amerie,” she said with the passion of a political speech.

  And while I knew she was dead serious, I couldn’t help but laugh because, “You say that like I can’t get some dick without it being from Knox Riley.”

  “Hello? Steven’s friend? It’s all you, boo. Matter of fact, how about you come by tomorrow night? I’m sure he’ll be hanging out at Steven’s place playing video games, drinking beers and scratching his balls; or whatever it is guys do.”

  “So I’m just supposed to come over to your place, hoping Steven is home while also hoping his friend is around, just to use the man for his dick? Is that really what you young girls do these days?”

  It sounded like way too much work, way too much uncertainty, and certainly not worth the trouble that a fresh pack of batteries could easily fix.

  “You say that like you’re twenty years older than me or something. We’re only five years apart, sis. But to answer your question, hell yes that’s what we do. Men aren’t the only ones who get to play the game. We can have casual sex too. Matter of fact, let me set up my dick appointment right now.”

  I almost choked on my water when I asked, “Your, what? Please tell me you didn’t just say what I think you said?”

  Miranda was completely unfazed, clearly firing off a message on her phone as she answered, “What else am I supposed to call it? Some people make appointments with their dentists. Others make appointments with their doctors. I make appointments with my dick.”