by Kohl, Sexxa
Without warning, Blaire storms out and darts across the hall to the worst room on this floor. My mind is spinning, but I remain right on her heels. Grabbing the nearby crop off the wall, she turns, and unexpectedly delivers a hard blow across my bare chest. Over and over, she hits me in the same spot. With each thrashing, she grows more and more exhausted. I could have stopped her, but I allow her to continue. I deserve it. I need to feel this pain; her pain is mine to own.
Fourteen lashes.
“One for each fucking day of your precious, damn contract.”
Broken and breathless, she snaps the crop in half and drops it to the floor. My skin is in agony, but I could care less. I deserve everything she unleashes at me.
“I want you to know that you are the only person I’ve ever wanted,” I plead.
“Well, guess what? I wanted you! That’s right! The whole time Mr. R was fucking me, I was imagining it to be you. Now, I wish I’d never taken that damn blindfold off! I wish I never laid eyes on you! You’ve ruined me! I’m sick and disgusting! You’ve turned me into a whore, and worst of all, I let you! No one will ever want me now!” She cries hysterically, bolting from the room.
“BLAIRE! STOP!” I demand, but she doesn’t.
I reach the elevator door just as it’s closing. I take my hand and force it back open. She slaps it away.
“DON’T! Fourteen days are up! This is all just business, remember?”
And with that, the doors to the elevator shut and the love of my life leaves me to rot in my own hell.
Blaire
I can’t breathe.
God, it hurts so bad! Please make it stop!
Jolting up from the bed, I see that it is already morning. I’m so nauseous that I don’t want to chance putting anything on my stomach. I want to forget him. God knows I need to.
When I go to dress, I absentmindedly pull out a skirt and then I chunk it across the closet. Yanking down a pair of jeans, I slip them on and pull a shirt over my head. Not wanting to mess with makeup or my hair, I shove a baseball cap on my head and put on a pair of sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes.
My mom is beaming when I walk into the room.
“Oh, Sweetheart! Good, you’re here! The doctor just gave me the okay for an early discharge. Isn’t that wonderful?” she exclaims excitedly.
“That’s wonderful, Mom.” I force a smile.
“Baby, what’s the matter? You still look so tired, Blaire.”
“I’m fine, Mom! I’ve just been so busy getting our new place ready,” I lie.
“Well, now that I am feeling better, I’m going to make sure you rest! No more taking care of me.”
Thankfully, we are interrupted by a nurse walking into her room.
“Hi, Ms. Michaels. I’m just here to take your vitals so we can begin the discharge process.”
“Mom, I’m going to go downstairs and grab a quick bite. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure, Sweetheart,” she replies and I shut the door behind me.
Food is the last thing on my mind, but Jaxxon isn’t. Since I last saw him, I’ve been miserable. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. I look like hell and I feel even worse. I wish I could say there is a cure for this, but there isn’t.
Jaxxon Ryder is my incurable disease.
A couple of hours later, my mom is officially released from the hospital. I call a cab for us and wait by her wheelchair with her for it to arrive. To my surprise, Parker pulls up to entrance in the familiar black Range Rover to pick us up. I just pray he uses discretion and doesn’t saying anything in front of my mom.
“Hello, Ms. Michaels. Mr. Ryder wanted to ensure you arrived home comfortably,” he says before taking her arm and helping her into the SUV. I don’t even bother looking in him the eye as I step in and slide beside my mom in the back seat.
“Mr. Ryder is such a wonderful man. He’s given us a new chance at life. I will forever be indebted to what his company has done for us.”
No, you won’t! I’ve already paid that debt in full with my soul.
I try to swallow the sorrow in the back of my throat. I don’t want her to see me upset because then I won’t be able to hold anything back.
When we pull up to the apartment building, my nerves overtake me. How am I supposed to explain all of this to my mom?
“Good afternoon, James,” I smile at the sweet doorman. His eyes twinkle and then his face lights up when he sees my mom. Even just out of the hospital, she looks stunning.
“Good afternoon, Blaire and to you, too, Ms. Michaels.”
My mom smiles at him and takes his hand. James helps lead her through the lobby while Parker brings our things inside. I become surprised when both of them follow us up to the apartment. Parker sets her things inside the door and James sweetly helps my mom to the couch.
Parker hesitates when I follow him to the door to let him out.
“Thank you for picking us up. Please tell Mr. Ryder we appreciate his kindness.”
“Ms. Blaire, please talk to him. I’ve never seen him like this before. I’ve worked for him for seven years now, and not once has he ever been this way over anyone.”
Opening the door, I try to contain the pain inside me. I want nothing more than to go to him, but he has destroyed me.
“I can’t,” I whisper and dare a glance up at Parker’s concerned eyes.
“Good day, Ms. Blaire. Call me if you need anything,” he says, handing me a card.
When I return to the living room, James is laying a blanket over my mom. It’s more than obvious that he is smitten with her.
“Blaire, James was just telling me that he lives in this building, too.”
I smile knowingly at her.
“Well, I really must be getting back downstairs. It is nice to finally meet you, Ms. Michaels.”
“Please, call me Madison,” my mom replies sweetly. The flirting between the two of them is unreal.
Embarrassed, he blushes and nods at me.
“If there is anything you need, I am only a call away.”
“Thank you, James,” I reply and he lets himself out of the apartment. Walking back into the living room, I can’t help but notice my mom’s face beaming with happiness.
“Blaire, this place is wonderful! But how on Earth are we able to afford this?”
I come up with an explanation where I don’t have to lie, but I don’t tell her the entire truth either. I never will.
“Our old apartment building was bought by someone who was wanting to renovate it. Mr. Ryder learned of the situation and insisted we stay here for the time being.”
“My goodness! Our luck just keeps getting better and better.”
“Do you have to go into work tonight?”
I hesitate again before altering the truth once more.
“No, my work has given me time off to take care of you.”
“Well, that is going to end right now. First things first, I insist you go take a long hot bath and lie down. I don’t want you fretting over me a minute more! I’m feeling better every day.”
“Mom.”
“Yes, that is right. I am your mom. Now, go do as I say,” she says sternly, but with a smile.
After getting her settled, I decide to humor her and do as she says. Maybe when I wake up, I will feel better.
Panting loudly, my eyes jolt open. My hand is between my legs, nestled deep into my panties, which are soaked from my dream. Even in my sleep, I can’t escape him. He invades every part of my being.
How am I ever going to survive him?
Stretching, I get out of bed. It takes me a moment or two before I am able to steady myself. I feel worse now than I did before I laid down. I guess I must have slept too long.
Stepping out into the living room, I see that it is already almost evening time. My mom is curled on the couch asleep. Quietly, I inch closer and pull the covers up a bit on her. While she is resting, I need to get out of this building and get some air. Although I’m not exactly sure how, I have to g
et my head clear and I can’t do that here.
All the way down to the elevator lobby, I stare at the number 9 on the elevator panel. It taunts me, beckoning me to return to it. I notice the key slot above the 9 and can’t help but wonder what is on the top level. When the door opens, the conversation at the lobby desk echoes in the foyer.
“James, this is Mr. Ryder’s extra key to the penthouse.”
Penthouse? He lives here? Of COURSE, he lives here! God, I am so fucking stupid! That is why he wanted me to live here.
Marcus hands James a silver chain with a key on it. It looks just like the one I have.
“Yes, Sir. What time will the new girl be here to pick it up?”
New girl?
“Mr. Ryder says she will be here sometime tomorrow.”
“Yes, Sir. I will make sure to give her the key.”
He’d told me that he loves me. Now he has already moved on with someone else!
I hate him!
I love him.
My empty stomach twists and turns. Covering my mouth, I make a dash for the bathroom next to me. James notices me as I run past him to throw up. Lifting the lid, I barely make it in time before hurling into the toilet. Because I haven’t eaten anything, nothing but bile comes up with each heave.
Make it stop. Please make this hurt inside go away.
Running cold water into the sink, I cup a handful and take a small drink before splashing my flushed face. Everything around me is spinning a bit, but I think if I can just get some air, things will be better.
“Blaire? Are you alright?” James meets me at the door when I exit the bathroom.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just something I ate.”
“Why don’t you let me help you back upstairs? You look awfully pale.”
“I’m fine, James,” I say, blinking away the dizzy spell.
“I’m going to go for a walk. I just need some fresh air.”
“Blaire, I don’t think-,” I interrupt him.
“I’ll be fine!” I snap and turn to walk out the door. The phone rings, and I hear James answer it as I leave.
The sunshine and fresh air don’t seem to be helping me. Convincing myself that I just need to get a little farther away from the building, I continue walking. My feet carry me ahead unknowingly while my mind goes somewhere far from here.
So much of me wants to believe him, to understand him, but the rest of me knows he is poisoning me. A strong aroma of Italian food hits me, and I blink out of the daze I’ve been walking in. I know I have to turn around and head back. I can’t call a cab or anyone because I left my phone and wallet at home.
My body feels so weak. My stomach still twists inside with reminders of earlier.
Another woman. He’s replaced me.
Nausea hits me again, this time worse than before. Even though there is nothing left to come up, my stomach still keeps heaving. Quickly, I dart to the alley and brace my hand against the brick wall. I blink, but the world is getting so dark and black. I try to walk forward to find someone to help me, but my body is not letting me move. A tall figure is just ahead. If only I can make it to them. Each step is harder and harder. My pulse pounds in my ears, my knees give way.
I’m falling, but someone catches me.
“BLAIRE!” he screams. I’m so out of it that I don’t know if he is real or a dream. I reach up, but then I give into the darkness.
Jaxxon
I stare up at her window from the back seat of the Range Rover. Regret fills me inside at what I’d done. Some things we do just have no rhyme or reason to them. But she is my rhyme; she is my reason. I’m scheduled to leave tonight for London. My bags are already loaded in the back, and boxes in my place will be shipped to my new place tomorrow. Perhaps if I can put distance between us, we can both heal. Who am I kidding? I’ll never be the same.
Parker just dropped off my extra key to Marcus for my new housekeeper to clean the place and cover the furniture. I don’t know when I will be back in the States, but I will definitely have to move out of this building now. I can no longer live that close to her and not have her.
Parker emerges and settles behind the steering wheel.
“Ready, Sir?” he asks, looking at me in the rearview mirror.
“Yes,” I answer hesitantly and then he pulls away from the curb.
Traffic is so backed up after only a block, leaving everyone at a complete standstill. Digging out my phone, I get a chill down my back. Turning my head, I see long black waves bounce against her back.
Blaire.
Expressionless, she stares out ahead. It’s almost as if her body is on autopilot of some sort.
Where is she going this late in the evening?
Traffic still isn’t moving. When she begins disappearing out of my sight, fear and desperation overtake me. Opening the back SUV door, I run down the sidewalk to catch up to her, still staying back enough she doesn’t see me following. Twelve long blocks later, she suddenly stops and turns in my direction. I quickly hide, shielding myself behind a large restaurant sign. Carefully, I dare a peek around to find her studying her surroundings. The confused look on her face indicates she isn’t sure where she is or how she got there.
Unexpectedly, she takes off running towards the little alley beside of the restaurant. Panicked, I follow in pursuit. I find her facing away from me, bracing against the wall, throwing up. When she turns back around, I can see she isn’t well. No longer caring if she is pissed at me or not, I head towards her. She walks her hands across the wall for support and then her knees give way. I am there to catch her just as she falls.
“BLAIRE!” I shout, and for a moment, I think she is going to touch my face.
Scooping her in my arms, I carry her towards the sidewalk where Parker has parked and is running to open the back door.
She mumbles something, then blinks awake.
“Blaire. Are you all right?”
“What happened?” she asks weakly.
“You passed out. I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“No, please don’t. My mom will be worried. Really! I’m fine now.”
“Damn it, Blaire!”
“Just take me home.”
Hesitating, I ask Parker to return us back to the building.
When we arrive, James meets us with a concerned look on his face. Lifting her back up off the ground, I don’t allow her to walk. Cradling her in my arms, I walk towards where he is standing.
“Ms. Blaire. Are you alright?”
“She’s fine, James. Do me a favor. Call Dr. Martin and ask him to come up to my apartment. Don’t alarm Ms. Michaels. If she calls, just explain that Blaire is with me.”
“Yes, Sir.” he answers while picking the phone up to call the doctor.
I walk Blaire to the elevator and slide my key into the penthouse level.
“Where are we going?” She blinks again in confusion.
“My place.”
“Just let me go back to my apartment, Jaxxon.”
“You are not well. I’ve called the doctor to come up and take a look at you.”
“Put me down!” she orders, slapping my arm, but I ignore her.
When we arrive, I carry Blaire into the living room and lay her on the couch. Weakly, she settles back against it, scanning the room. She eyes the boxes on the far wall and then turns to me with a questioning look on her face.
“What are all of those for?” she asks, pointing at the cardboard boxes.
“I’m moving to London.”
“What?” she asks, wild-eyed and breathless.
“I’m heading a new account over there for my family’s company.”
“When did you decide this?” she asks.
“The day I tore up the contract.”
“When do you leave?” The panic grows more evident in her questions.
“Tonight. I was on my way to the airport when I saw you.”
The doorbell rings and I move to answer it. Dr. Martin is a retired doctor that lives on
the fourth floor.
“Hello Jaxxon, James said you needed me to come up.”
Leading him to Blaire, I explain what has happened and he asks for privacy while he examines her. I won’t say how much that fucking pisses me off. I know her own body better than she does.
After what seems like a year, he is finally through with her. He is placing a blanket over her sleeping body just as I walk in.
“Is she going to be all right?” I whisper, trying to not wake her.
He motions for me to follow him, concern evident on his face.
“Son, she is exhausted and extremely dehydrated. I made her drink something for me, but she still needs lots of fluids and plenty of rest. I gave her something to help her sleep. She’ll be fine in a couple of days.”
I can put London off for a bit. I can’t leave her like this.
“Thank you, Sir. How much do I owe you?”
“You don’t owe me a dime boy, you know that! Tell you what, how about you and I hit the course next time you’re back in town?”
“That sounds like a plan,” I reply, smiling.
Once I see him out, I return to her.
I’d instructed James to phone her mother and briefly explain what had happened. She, of course, became terrified and insisted that he bring her up to my place to ensure Blaire was all right. We decided it to be best that she stay the night, so I settled Ms. Michaels into the guest room and put Blaire in my bed.
My bed.
Standing over her, I take in the sight of her lying on my bed, allowing the memory to be permanently etched into my brain.
She belongs here.
Gently, I sit on the bed beside her and brush away a loose curl from her face. She smiles in her sleep and then resumes in peaceful slumber. The need I have for her is so intense that I can’t help it. I have to be near her. She is the only fucking thing in my life that matters. Crawling in behind her, I pull her in close to me. She settles back against me, still not wakening. I breathe in her cherry shampoo and, for the first time in my life, I feel complete and whole. Here, in my arms, lies everything I will ever want and need, everything I can never have.