by Lola James
“I am glad you do.”
“Do you have any more of the Bloody Mary?" I asked, just as he coughed and choked on the last sip of his drink.
"Uh — no, sorry but I do not," he said with a guilty look on his face.
"That’s good, because I need to go home soon anyway. So your friend that I remind you of, was she your girlfriend?" Then I realized it might be too personal, but since he was staring. . . .
"Joanna? No, she was a best friend to me; she is the reason I became a nurse." He stood and went to the other side of the bar. For some reason that name seemed familiar to me. Maybe I had a patient or something with that name. I just brushed it off. I guessed that my question made him unease because he stayed on the other side of the kitchen.
"She would be proud of you, Nurse Hero," I said, smiling and pointing at him with my fork.
“Thank you, Toni,” he smiled with his deep dimples showing.
"You’re welcome; and as much as I want to finish these pancakes, I can't eat another bite." I stood up from the bar stool to stretch.
"You do not have to leave just yet, do you?" he frowned.
"Well, I have to get up in eight hours to work, so yeah; but thanks for breakfast," I said, picking up my plate with a smile that I hoped would say “Don’t worry, you will see me tonight.” I had reached the sink when I felt him at my side. He moved too quickly for my eyes to see him and to quite for me to hear him. Confusion overcame me at his swift movement.
"How — stop doing that; it scares me." He didn’t answer, just nodded and took my plate from my hand and put it under the tap.
I took a step back, looking at him as he rinsed it off, then went to put my jacket on. He looked almost sad to see me go, but I knew that I had to — for too many reasons.
“So I will see you at eight tonight, Ben.” He walked over to me, slowly extending his arms for a hug. His body felt cool to the touch, but the hug was affectionate and comforting. I inhaled the cologne that clung to him. Why is men’s cologne so intoxicating?
“Tonight, Toni,” he said, inhaling deeply, while we hugged, before releasing me. I pressed the garage door opener attached to the wall. He didn’t come to the doorway to see me off; I put my helmet on and sat on my bike waiting to see him pop his face out the door, but nothing. I turned on my bike and backed out of the garage as the door closed. The cool fog hit my body, and the lazy feeling from eating the pancakes was completely gone. The sun peeked through the clouds as I headed home. An early morning ride in the fog was just what I needed to get my mind off Ben.
***
I woke up that evening at a quarter to six and starving. I rummaged through my cabinet until I found a box of Captain Crunch, but my milk was borderline sour, so I skipped the cereal and opted for a shower. I decided I’d wash my hair, which was out of character for me on a “non-off” day, but I had a great reason . . . named Ben. The tingles he made me feel with a simple touch, the fact that he saved my favorite patient and he made the best pancakes on earth gave him high marks in my book. But then I thought about me sliding into my thirties and Ben, well, he didn’t look a day over twenty-five.
I shaved my legs, just in case, before I hopped out of the shower. I blew my hair dry and put on a cute pair of thermals and a cozy sweater with my best pair of jeans that showed off my curves. I gave myself a once-over before grabbing my bag and helmet and heading for the door.
I got to the hospital at seven-thirty, hoping to chat with Dawn before anyone, namely Ben, came to work. Dawn practically lived in the hospital; she often came an hour early and usually left an hour late. She told me she liked to get home after her roommate was gone and leave before she came home, so I knew I would catch her. I found Dawn in the locker room, in her usual lotus pose.
“Hey, sensei,” I said, nudging her with my foot and laughing. She frowned before she opened her eyes. She hated when I called her sensei. But her frown was soon replaced with a smile.
“Hey T, so how was breakfast?”
“Good.” I shrugged, turning away from her so as not to reveal the smile I had on my face.
“Sit!” From the corner of my eye, I saw she was pointing to the yoga mat. I couldn’t hold back any more; I turned my head, revealing my ear-to-ear smile.
“I swear he makes the best pancakes I ever had,” I blurted out as I sat next to her on the yoga mat. She folded her arms across her chest and gave me a stern look.
“I see you washed you hair; did you stay over?”
“No, I left right after breakfast.”
“Really.” She gave me a once-over with her eyes, suspicious of my answer. Then her gaze shifted direction, and I turned my head to see Ben coming in.
“Hey, Ben.” I jumped to my feet and gave him a lame wave, as he looked my way.
“Hey, Toni, you look amazing.”
“Thanks,” I blushed.
“So, Ben, I take it breakfast went well?” Dawn asked, now on her feet as well.
“Yes, I think Toni liked the pancakes I made,” he said.
“I did,” My eyes still on Ben.
“Good. I can tell Toni is happy,” Dawn teased, relaxing as she saw how we were ogling and goggling over each other. I think she was afraid that she might have sent me into another Kevin situation.
“So am I with you again today?” Ben asked.
“I don’t know; I need to ask Dr. Stevens,” I looked at Dawn, who just shrugged.
“Well, let me know either way,” he smiled as he turned to go to his locker.
“Will do,” I smiled as I turned back to Dawn. She had begun to open her locker but she had a grin as big as mine across her face.
“Good job, T,” she whispered. I nodded and focused on my locker and changing clothes, which I did so quickly I almost, forgot my lab coat.
“I am going to talk to Dr. Stevens,” I announced before slamming my locker and running out of the locker room eager to find out if I would work with Ben again today.
***
I walked around the entire emergency floor twice before I found Dr. Stevens emerging from a consultation with a patient. I was exasperated and out of breath.
“Good evening, Dr. Stevens,” I smiled in between breaths. He looked up from his chart and smiled at me.
“Good evening, Dr. Hollander. How can I help you this evening?” Did he have to use that gorgeous smile against me? I completely lost my train of thought, and then it hit me: Ben, right, Ben.
“Well I wanted to know if I’m I still working with B — Nurse Slaton today?”
“Yes, that’s fine,” he looked back down at his chart.
“Thanks, Dr. Stevens.” I turned around with a bigger grin than a kid had on Christmas morning.
“One more thing, Dr. Hollander; you look nice today.” He smiled as I looked back over my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I beamed before heading back toward the locker room. Not finding anyone, I went over to the nurse’s station to see if Ben was there. Nope. Dawn was in the examination room with a patient. I greeted them both before asking Dawn if she had seen Ben. When she shook her head no, I went back to the nurse’s station to wait there.
As the triage nurse handed me a patient chart, my eyes spotted my six-foot hunk, better known as Nurse Hero. He walked toward me with two cups of coffee in hand. My face lit up when I realized one was for me. Without a word, he handed me a cup.
“Thanks, Ben,” I cooed, my cheeks flushed as the cup hid the smile I could not suppress. Pretty soon, I’ll have to start wearing makeup with him around and my continuous blushing. “Oh, Dr. Stevens said that you are working with me today.” He nodded as the words left my mouth and I motioned my head for him to follow me.
“We have our first patient,” I began as I sipped the piping hot coffee before setting it down outside the patient’s room. Ben, on the other hand, had already downed his and tossed the cup in the trash.
“Janice Blanke, an eighty-nine-year-old woman, complaining of severe migraine and stomach pain,” I stated a
s we entered her room.
“Ms. Blanke, I am Dr. Hollander, and this is Nurse Slaton. Let me check you out before sending you for a CT scan.”
That’s when everything got weird. Ms. Blanke shrieked at the top of her lungs and struggled to get out of the bed as Ben came through the door. “Keep him away from me! He’s evil! He will kill me!” she screamed.
I rushed to her side to try to calm and restrain her as I eyed Ben. I saw that he had the older woman locked in an intense stare. I was trying to break his concentration when I felt her tense body relax.
“I am not evil and I will not hurt you, Ms. Blanke.” Ben spoke in a clear, calm voice as he walked toward her.
“You will not hurt me,” Ms. Blanke repeated in a childlike voice with a nod.
“I am here to help you.” He continued.
“Yes, you are here to help me.” She smiled at Ben, and her eyes were blank and glassy. Ben, now at her side, helped her sit up. I looked at Ben’s eyes, which were completely black and a mirror of Ms. Blanke’s. I was in shock at what I had just witnessed. How did he calm the woman who, only seconds before, was screaming that he was evil? I released the hold I had on Ms. Blanke, eyeing them both with suspicion.
“Now lie back so Dr. Hollander can examine you.” He looked at me as she lay back on the hospital bed. I looked at Ben, and then at Ms. Blanke, who was now smiling at Ben with love in her eyes.
I picked up the chart to order a CT and a psych evaluation. Ben held Ms. Blanke’s hand throughout the two-minute check-up. When he let go, she closed her eyes.
“Ms. Blanke, a nurse will be here in a few moments to take you for the test I have ordered.”
Ben and I walked into the hallway. “What was that?” I looked up at him.
“That was a hysterical older woman,” he said nonchalantly.
“No, I know what she was, but you …” I could not even explain his bizarre behavior.
“I just told her I would not hurt her and that I was not evil,” he shrugged. His cool hand touched mine and he gave me a reassuring nod. I raised one eyebrow and exhaled deeply before I relaxed my wondering mind from trying to rationalize their behavior.
“So I know to refer all the psych patients to you,” I joked as I picked up my coffee and walked over to the nurses’ station. I handed the chart off to the charge nurse before I took another sip of my coffee, trying to tell myself that I wasn’t crazy and what I saw did actually happen. Then, like any other Saturday night, the ambulance doors swung open with an accident patient, and there was no more time to think about it.
***
At three a.m., I was finally able to take a break in the makeshift lounge that was comprised of a microwave, a table, some chairs, a laptop, and a vending machine. The smell of microwaved food filled the air and the sea foam green walls were a change from the stark white of the rest of the hospital. Some nurses sat a one of the tables with the steamy microwaved food in front of them.
I made my way to an empty table where I sat down and immediately laid my head on my arms.
“What is bothering you, Toni?” Ben asked as he sat at the table.
“Just in the zone. I can tell you like dealing with trauma better than hysterical old women,” I answered.
Ben looked puzzled “Why would you say that?”
“I saw how your eyes lit up when that car accident patient came in, and how you worked so intently clotting his blood. I had to remind you to put on gloves.” I smiled before I rubbed my hand over my face.
“That is all you really see in Los Angeles emergency rooms.” He had an uneasy smile on his face. “Well, I think you did great, Nurse Hero.” I grinned as he rolled his eyes at his unwanted nickname. I yawned before stretching back in the chair as he stood up and turned towards the door.
“I will get you a coffee,” he said from the doorway of the break room.
“No, I’ll be fine.” He shook his head before he walked out the door. I threw my head in my hands; I was exhausted and needed to sleep.
“Don’t cry, Toni, I’m sure he’ll be back.” Kevin was smug as he made his way into the break room. The sound of his voice was now like fingernails across a chalkboard. I picked my head up and looked at him as he stood in front of me.
“What are you talking about, Kevin?” I was irritated by his constant arrogance and antagonistic behavior.
“Your little nurse boyfriend who’s been following you around like a sick puppy all night,” he chuckled.
“I am not in the mood for you tonight, Kevin. So please leave.” I pointed at the door. He smirked and instead of leaving, pulled a chair alongside me, turning it backwards. He faced me and smiled, putting his face close to mine. I would have pushed him away if I didn’t love the smell of his cologne.
“You still want me, don’t you?” His comment insulted me while his face in front of mine, was so close I could almost kiss him, just repulsed me. His cocky smirk irritated me so much I stood up, frustrated on so many levels. But I knew how to get back at him; I just had to make him jealous.
“No Kevin, I don’t!” I looked down at the stupid expression on his face. He grabbed my hand as I started to walk away. In the distance, I heard Antonia being called by a strange male voice. I looked around startled because that’s my real name but no one uses it.
“Toni, all you have to do is say the word and I will give you what super nurse can’t.” He stood up so he could look down at me. I heard my name again as I pulled my hand back, that bought me back to the situation at hand, Kevin.
“Have all the nurses in emergency rejected you, so that you have to come back to me as your last resort?” In my peripheral vision, I saw Ben at the door. I felt like cringing as I wondered how much he’d heard.
“Toni, you know you still want me. That’s why you’re walking around here with the nurse to try and make me jealous.” At that moment, Ben walked in and I took a step away from Kevin. I looked from Kevin to Ben. Ben smiled at me making me melt before I felt myself in Ben’s arms and had his lips pressed against mine. His lips were cold but the kiss sent warmth throughout my whole body and it had a flavor to it, something that was sweet, like honey but also metallic. Either I had not been kissed in a long time or he was the best kisser. We kissed for what seemed like minutes before his lips released mine.
I felt feverish as I pulled back and looked at him, suddenly remembering we had an audience of nurses and Kevin. I straightened up as he released the embrace he had wrapped me in during the kiss. I saw Kevin’s frown and Dawn’s grin, when did she get there? I looked around the break room at the awe struck on lookers.
“I’m sorry; I just couldn’t resist it anymore,” Ben said with a suggestive smile. He never took his eyes off mine, and I knew that was true. I couldn’t help that he happen to pick the perfect time to kiss me, in front of Kevin. I did something completely out of character: I put my hand around Ben’s neck and pulled him down into another kiss — my kiss. Kevin stormed out. Somehow, my 5’7” self- pulled Ben’s 6’ foot frame down into a kiss that was even better and hungrier than the first.
I pulled back after I heard a throat clearing. I looked over my shoulder to see Dr. Stevens in the doorway of the break room.
“Dr. Hollander, may I see you in my office?” he said, and walked out without waiting for a response. My cheeks flushed not with the fever I just felt but with embarrassment that I was just caught.
“Yes, sir,” I answered anyway. I looked at Dawn; she still in a daze with the same stupid grin on her face. My worried stare snapped her out of it.
“Is she in trouble?” I heard Ben ask Dawn as I walked down the hall.
“Probably.”
As I walked into Dr. Stevens’ office, which was right next to the break room, I had my head down like a kid walking into the principal’s office.
CHAPTER THREE
“Yes, Dr. Stevens you needed me?” I stood in the doorway, not wanting to enter.
“Yes; close the door and have a seat.” He was lookin
g at a chart with a worried expression on his face. I closed the door and sat in the chair in front of his desk.
“I’m sorry. I know that was unprofessional. I mean, we are still on our shift and it won’t,” I was rambling on about my actions when he interrupted.
“I am not worried about who you kissed, Dr. Hollander. We are all adults here; as long as your relationship doesn’t conflict with work, it’s none of my business. I am more concerned with your patient, Ms. Blanke.” The look on his face confused me. Dr. Stevens’ usually gentle and calm expression was rather grim.
“Yes, I sent her for a CT scan and psych evaluation earlier tonight.”