Kiss & Cry, Where Passion Awaits

by Lipson, Ramona

  “You’re thirty-two-years-old. You collapse in the middle of the day and you don’t feel it requires any investigation? Instead you let grandpa get between your legs! What the hell is wrong with you?” He turned and left her office, slamming the door behind him.

  She decided to listen to dad a.k.a. Ryan and make an appointment with her family doctor. She wanted to lessen his anger and do some damage control. She decided to ask him to go with her. She sent him a text.

  Dhalia: Made an appointment with my family doctor.

  Ryan: Good.

  Dhalia: Will you go with me?

  Ryan: Ask Bradley.

  Dhalia: Don’t be like that.

  Ryan: How should I be?

  Dhalia: I don’t know.

  Ryan: When?

  Dhalia: Next Wednesday, 10 a.m.

  Ryan: You couldn’t get in sooner?

  Dhalia: That’s all they had.

  Ryan: I’ll see you at the meeting 11:00 a.m. in Bradley’s office. By the way, it’s finished for us, not that you give a shit.

  Dhalia: You don’t mean it, you’re just angry. I do care.

  Dhalia turned her phone on vibrate and started planning their trip to Calgary, before the competitors were to arrive at the Village. She called the airlines and booked round trip flights for the middle of February. She wanted to see where the competitors would be staying, where they would be eating, and speak to the people who ran the arena. They needed to book flood times and make programs for the competitors so they had their daily routines to follow. They also had to draft the regulations the competitors would have to abide by, while staying at the camp.

  Of course, 11:00 a.m. came way too quickly and Dhalia knew she was going to feel very uncomfortable at the morning meeting because her relationships with both men had changed. She was intimate with Bradley and unfortunately Ryan was aware of it. She regretted being honest with Ryan because it didn’t improve anything, it simply made matters worse. She wanted this meeting to run quickly so she could escape to the peace of her own condo without any personal confrontations. If she could get Bradley alone for a minute, she would like to inform him that Ryan was aware of their diversion.

  Dhalia showed up on time at Bradley’s office. No use postponing the inevitable. The same things occurred this meeting as last. It was going to run late, lunch was going to be provided. They would discuss two men and then break and finish discussing the rest after lunch... Both men were focused on acting professionally with each other and that suited Dhalia just fine. She noticed Ryan was uncharacteristically quiet. Every time she looked over at Ryan he was looking at her. She was getting a bit creeped out and a little bit tired. She was glad when they finally critiqued their last skater.

  Their meeting came to a close. Bradley made his final orders before they adjourned. "Ryan, if you can, please finish the itinerary by Friday of this week. That would be greatly appreciated. If you need an extension, leave a message with my secretary, and one will be granted.

  "Dhalia, kindly continue and book a flight out for you and Ryan to prep everything in February before the competitors arrive at the camp. Arrange all the necessary meetings and check out the Village. Additionally, go to the arena and book floods. I want you and Ryan to come up with daily routines for the athletes while you are there and propose a set of rules and regulations for the competitors and the coaches that must be followed."

  He then focused his attention on Dhalia. “Go home now and take care of yourself. Take the rest of the day off.”

  “Thanks, Bradley.” Dhalia picked up her purse and left his office. She heard Ryan not too far behind. He went to his own office. She went to her condo.

  False Alarm

  Dhalia’s doctor appointment was upcoming, and since it was at 10:00 a.m., she didn’t bother going into the office. Ryan told her he would pick her up at 9:30. It amazed Dhalia that even though he was totally mad at her and they weren’t together anymore, he still cared enough to accompany her to the doctor.

  Dhalia pulled her long blond hair in a low ponytail and chose her Olympic track suit that was given to them in their final year of their amateur competition. It was comfortable, and truth be told, she hadn’t pulled it out of her closet in a while. The track suit was so comfortable, she felt like she was wearing PJs.

  Ryan let himself into her condo, since he never returned her key. “Thanks for coming,” Dhalia said and pecked him on the cheek. “Want some coffee?”

  “No thanks, I stopped at a coffee shop before coming over. You haven’t had anything to eat or drink, have you?” Ryan questioned.

  “Not a crumb!” She winked at him. She grabbed a change of clothes and put them in a bag for after her doctor's appointment so she didn’t have to go home to change for work.

  They went downstairs, and Ryan opened the door to his black Camaro for her. Ryan and Dhalia picked out the car together a few years ago. He was so excited to get it. They used to take long, carefree drives with the top down, parking and talking for hours. She knew that the shocks on his car were superb. They had tested them on more than one occasion, yet it still retained the new car smell after all this time.

  Ryan got into the driver's side. His seat was all the way back to accommodate the length of his body. Dhalia threw her bag in the back but kept her purse in front. She turned off her phone. He leaned over and gave her a friendly kiss. Their divorce didn’t change the mannerisms between the two of them. They grew up together and shared kisses with each other without any thought behind them; it was their normal. He put his arm on her headrest and they drove off. It was nice. Comfortable. She could never picture anyone else in the passenger side of his car but herself. She knew it was a double standard, but his car was special to both of them.

  They arrived at Dr. Murphy's office. The office was sterile and had several ratty looking gray seats to the right of a window where the receptionist sat. Behind the receptionist was an entire wall of filing cabinets. Dhalia liked this receptionist, because she didn’t have the attitude of GOD when you needed an appointment really badly. Dhalia handed the receptionist her health card and took a seat. The doctor’s waiting room was busy and in the midst of it was a table stacked full of outdated magazines.

  Ryan and Dhalia took a seat in the busier-than-normal waiting room. There had to be at least four or five people ahead of her. She didn’t mind though because it gave her a chance to sit close to Ryan. She could smell his cologne, an intoxicating spicy scent, and feel the heat of his body next to hers. The other patients thought they were together.

  When he was nineteen, Ryan’s hair was dark brown, wavy and styled in an overgrown mohawk hanging over his eyes. He was forced to cut it before every skating competition and show. When their skating career ended, he swore he was just going to shave it all off. When they hung up their boots and stopped doing shows, that was exactly what he did. He asked Dhalia to shave it off.

  She always wondered why he wanted it that way but never had the nerve to ask. That’s how he’s been sporting it ever since. She guessed that since they weren’t in the spotlight anymore, he took advantage of his new liberties. She had to admit, Ryan looked especially handsome that way.

  Dhalia looked over at Ryan. "Did you bring a change of clothes for work? Aren’t we going back to work after the doctor’s?” Ryan never told her he planned on anything else.

  He looked at her and responded, “Well no, we’re not going back to work after this. I told Bradley, I’m spending the day with you. He gave me a hard time, the old coot,” he added under his breath.

  “Did you give him a reason?” Dhalia asked.

  “Nope, none of his business. Let his imagination torture him for a change,” Ryan said spitefully.

  “You might have wanted to ask me first, don’t you think?” she said heatedly.

  Her focus was on her doctor’s appointment.

  Dr. Murphy came out into the waiting room and called her in. Ryan came with. She climbed on the doctor’s table and Ryan sat in a chair nex
t to her.

  "So, what brings you in today?"

  She looked into the beautiful brown eyes of her tall, dirty blond-haired doctor, who was the same age as Ryan and related what happened. “We were in a meeting, and just as it was ending, I stood up and felt my face flush, the room started to spin, and then went black, I felt nauseated and then my knees buckled.”

  “Did you fall down?” her doctor asked.

  Ryan entered the conversation. “No, I caught her before she hit the floor.”

  “Did you eat that day?”

  “Yes,” Dhalia assured.

  Dr. Murphy looked at Ryan and asked, “Why didn’t you take her to the hospital when she collapsed?”

  Ryan shook his head. “I should have,” he said almost bitterly.

  “I’m not your responsibility anymore,” Dhalia whispered.

  He looked at Dhalia and the doctor embarrassed. He was sure the doctor heard her comment.

  He decided to elaborate. “Our divorce has just been finalized.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Dr. Murphy looked at Dhalia and then at Ryan.

  He took a requisition from his desk and started checking off various tests he wanted done. Dr. Murphy then handed Dhalia a jar with an orange cap and asked her to go to the bathroom to pee in it. “Drug testing?” she enquired lightly.

  “Nope, baby testing,” the good doctor corrected.

  “It would be too soon,” Ryan stated, evidently thinking of Bradley.

  “Ryan,” Dhalia complained.

  “When you finish at the lab, come back to my office and I will see you again before you leave.”

  The lab was empty so Dhalia was taken right away. She was given a form to fill out and she handed the woman her requisition and her Ontario health card. The technician escorted her into a room with one chair to draw her blood. Dhalia was back in Dr. Murphy’s office within a few minutes. She smiled at the receptionist before she and Ryan took the same seats as previously.

  Dr. Murphy walked the next patient out of his office and looked up to see Dhalia. He nodded to indicate for her to go into his office. Ryan followed after her. Dr. Murphy closed the door and waited for them to get settled.

  “I don’t have any blood results yet, but your urine came back negative for pregnancy. If anything comes back that is of concern, the office will call you.” Dr. Murphy looked at Ryan and then Dhalia before saying, “If this happens again, take her to the hospital. I want you to come back in four to six weeks.”

  “Sure, thank you,” she said and they left.

  Out in the parking lot, Ryan started the car and they drove off. Neither felt like talking. Dhalia was lost in her thoughts. When they got married, they tried so hard for a baby, maybe too hard. In the end, it never happened. So when Dr. Murphy said he was going to do a pregnancy test, she guessed she hoped that maybe if she was with someone different, namely Bradley, maybe there would have been a chance of it happening. She was subconsciously hoping that maybe Ryan was the problem. Admittedly, she definitely didn’t want it to be her.

  They approached a stop light, and Ryan tried to lean over and kiss her, but she pushed him away. “Mixed signals, remember?”

  “Can we go home?” she pleaded. She was in a miserable mood after leaving the doctor’s office. Since she had the rest of the day off, she decided she might call into work for a few more days of R&R. Her attendance record at the Association was impeccable.

  They drove back to her condo. When Ryan parked, she grabbed her bag and purse, and they traipsed up the stairs. A small part of her wishing the test was positive. Ryan followed closely behind. She unlocked the door and left it open so Ryan could follow her in. She threw her body on the couch and turned on the television. She stared at it saying nothing.

  Ryan sat next to Dhalia and did the same. He took her hand. They sat like that for at least an hour before she felt her first pangs of hunger. “I’m starving,” she announced.

  Ryan got up and rifled through her kitchen scrounging up something for both of them. When it was ready, they ate in silence. She made an excuse and had Ryan leave earlier than he wanted to. She told him she wasn’t feeling well. She just didn’t want to be around anyone anymore.

  Calgary

  When the day of their flight to Calgary came it was freezing out and there were definite signs that winter would drag on in Toronto. The forecast for Calgary was worse. Dhalia met Ryan at the Association at 9:00 a.m. to give him his tickets for later that afternoon. "I’ll see you at the airport. You have to be there an hour before the flight, remember.” She left the office as quickly as she could. She didn’t want to bump into Bradley after calling in sick.

  Dhalia got to Pearson Airport exactly an hour before their plane was to take off. She looked in the lounge closest to gate four. Ryan was already sitting there, his bags nowhere in sight. He must have checked them in already, she surmised. “I’ll just go check my luggage,” Dhalia said and strolled over to the counter.

  Ryan and Dhalia sat together in a familiar silence until they were allowed to board. He was dressed for comfort wearing a pair of Doc’s casual pants and a turtleneck. His cologne had a crisp, clean scent and he wore a 6:00 shadow that made him look sexy and scruffy at the same time. She loved running her fingers over the stubble on the back of his head after he went too long without shaving.

  When the airlines announced they could board, Ryan put his arm around her and escorted her down the breezeway. “You look beautiful,” he said. She ran her fingers through her unkempt blond hair, and then she put her hands on her hips, stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him.

  “Your sarcastic observation isn’t funny,” she snapped. Then she asked, “Is it my messy hair, the fact that I’m wearing no makeup or that I’m dressed really casually in loose, ill-fitting clothes that makes me look beautiful this morning?”Maybe it’s the fact I slept with someone I’m not even sure is right for me. I've been feeling depressed ever since that doctor's appointment.

  Ryan knew to keep quiet after Dhalia's little tirade. They found their seats. She took the window, so she could be antisocial and stare out at the clouds. They were flying Air Canada so everything the crew said in English had to be repeated in French. The only consolation to the whole thing was that the entire flight was only four hours, so when they arrived in Alberta it would be time to get their room and go to bed.

  Surprise Visitor

  After the plane landed they found the rental car area and picked up a subcompact for the trip. It was colder in Calgary, but the amount of snow was the same as Toronto. They drove slowly to their hotel arriving just before midnight, and they chose adjoining rooms. They left the common door open. Both of their beds were queen sized. The walls in Dhalia’s room were lime green, but the furniture was new and the television was a forty-two inch LED. Ryan’s room was worse. It had puke yellow wallpaper with the same furniture and television as hers. She opened her suitcase, grabbed her nightgown and went to the bathroom to shower and change.

  Ryan sprawled out on the couch while Dhalia curled up on the bed. She missed seeing Bradley before she left town, and she wondered how long it would be before they got together again, informally. Ryan flipped through channels while Dhalia stared at the popcorn ceiling. “Do you want to meet for breakfast in the hotel restaurant at 9:00 to review what we’re going to do?”

  “Later, 9:00 is too early. Let's start at 10:30,” he suggested.

  “Sure,” she agreed, "it’ll be good to sleep in."

  Ryan threw the remote on the bed. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He got off the couch and headed to his room.

  “Goodnight,” she said. She phoned the front desk and asked for a wakeup call for 9:30. Then, she turned her phone to her Songza application and chose soft melodies to soothe herself to sleep.

  Dhalia shut off the television and all the lights. The room was pitch black and she snuggled under the covers to get cozy. She heard Ryan shaving and then the shower turned on. She drifted off until she fe
lt him slide in next to her. He must have forgiven her somewhat, for she could feel his body was naked underneath her covers. She turned towards him.

  Her senses were heightened and she was already aroused.

  She stroked the back of his freshly shaved head and searched urgently for his mouth. When she felt his lips, she guided them to hers. He kissed her lips softly with small kisses like they were dancing to the rhythm of the soft music playing in the background. She craved his touch once she felt him getting hard against her. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but he was handing himself over to her on a silver platter, and the offering was too decadent to pass up. He smelled fresh from his shower. She could still feel tiny droplets of water on him.

  “You’re worth fighting for,” he whispered in her ear. “I fell in love with you on the ice and I still love you. When our skating careers ended, I felt like I was losing control and my world was falling apart. I was mourning the loss and didn’t know how to share or express my feelings with you. I made every effort to be strong for both of us, but instead I pushed you farther and farther away from me when I needed you most.”

  “I missed you so much, Ryan. More than you’ll ever know.”

  Ryan’s thick fingers pulled down her underwear and he skillfully manipulated her. She was wet for him. He knew exactly what she liked and placed a finger inside her and slowly glided it in and out. Expertly, teasingly, he slipped in a second finger. She gasped. It was heaven! His tongue in her mouth, his lips covered hers. She wanted him so desperately. “Take me, Ryan, show me how much you love me.”

  His hands held hers and he no longer made her wait. He entered her gently. She needed him urgently. Everything he said to her she had been waiting to hear from him ever since they hung up their skates.