Redemption (The Bet)
Page 33
"I’m sorry. I tried…I tried not to but I can't help it." Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, her face hidden against Gabe's chest while she babbled between surging tears.
"No, Ellie, no," Gabe held her impossibly close, his comfort and remorse that of a parent who'd unintentionally wronged his own child. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I've allowed my stupidity and anger to blind me to what's important. I just wanted to protect you from getting hurt again. You've been hurt so many times; I wanted you to finally be happy. I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry." He gently pulled her away and squatted down a little to peer at her face. “I have been punishing you, Ellie and for that, I am truly sorry."
Ellie sniffed, "I'm not sixteen anymore."
Gabe dropped a kiss of on Ellie's head and sadly smiled, "No, you are most definitely not sixteen anymore, and it's about damn time I start realizing it. But, you'll always be my daughter, Ellie. I'll never stop caring or worrying about you."
Ellie feebly smiled back. "You're going to have your work cut out for you when Rina starts dating."
"Which is why she'll be homeschooled." he cheerfully replied and they both shared a laugh.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her head against his chest. "Thanks for caring so much."
"I'll never stop." Gabe hugged her back just as fiercely.
Having stayed quiet throughout their intense argument, Ronnie and Maddie had exchanged mutual looks of distress, then understanding and now they breathed easier knowing the worse was over. "World War III over?" Maddie quipped.
"We've called a truce." Was Gabe's reply.
The remainder of dinner had a far friendlier and lighter atmosphere than when they'd began. Ronnie and Gabe took their leave a few hours later. Before the evening grew too late, Ellie packed Sophie's dinner and with a promise to return before midnight, she left for Nicholas's home.
Chapter 26
"The king is the most important piece, but he is also the weakest. The king can only move one square in any direction. Up, down, to the sides, and diagonally. You must always be careful never to move your king into check, where he could be captured." Nicholas explained patiently to the avidly attentive twelve year old seated across from him.
He set the glass piece back onto the board and moved his fingers to the Queen. "Now the Queen, if moved, has the power to shift, in any straight direction-forward, backward, sideways, or diagonally. She can go as far as possible, so long as she does not move through any of her own pieces." He leaned back against his seat and surveyed his young charge.
"What is the first simple rule?"
"Protect your king. Put him to the corner of the board where he is usually safer and castle as quickly as possible...?"
Nicholas grinned, nodding his approval, "You're a quick learner."
They'd begun their lesson's two nights ago after Sophie had found Nicholas in his study and confessed how bored she was. She'd then gone on to plead for the silver eyed man to teach her how to play chess. Happy to oblige her, Nicholas had pushed away acquisition and mergers for a later time and called the housekeeper to bring up the chessboard and its matching pieces. Since then, promptly at nine thirty every evening, Sophie limped her way into Nicholas office, sat in one of the leather chairs by the grand fireplace and enthusiastically listened as Nicholas taught her.
"Does that mean we get to play tomorrow?" She asked eagerly.
Nicholas laughed. "We'll see.”
"Sir, Ms. Holbrook has arrived."
"Send her in." Sophie looked about as happy as Nicholas felt at the thought of seeing Ellie again.
"Very good, Sir." The minute the butler left, Ellie took his place and grinned at the sight of her daughter, awake and healthy, waiting for her.
"Mom!" She jumped from her seat and practically ran to her mother, embracing her when she reached her. "You came!"
Ellie laughed and held on tightly, bending her head to kiss Sophie's unruly curls. "Of course I came," she gently admonished. "Think anything could keep me away from you? Hey I think you've grown a few inches." Ellie observed, mildly serious.
Sophie grinned and slung her arm around her mother's shoulder. "No, I think you're just short, Mom."
"Keep talking like that and I won't give you any of the pizza your brother and sister helped me make."
"You made me pizza?" Her eyes lit up. "Where is it?"
"One of the maids took it to the kitchen." As though she'd felt the weight of Nicholas's gaze on her, Ellie looked up and met his unwavering glance, perforating her to the spot. "Hey, Nicholas." She said in ways of greeting.
"Hello, Ellie." His voice was smooth, calm and yet managed to conjure inappropriate images.
"How've you been? How are you feeling?" Ellie settled her attention on her daughter instead.
"I'm better, I've been getting help from Dr. Grace, she's the physical therapist, Nicholas hired. She says in another month or so I won't be walking with a limp anymore."
"Well that's reassuring, I'm glad to see you’re feeling better. You had me worried there for a bit." She confessed.
"You don't need to worry about me so much, Mom. I can take care of myself." It was funny how she'd pretty much said the same thing to Gabe not even an hour ago and here was her daughter, parroting the words back to her.
"Which I have no doubt you can, but you're still my little monster and it's always going to be my job to worry about you, I can't stop it and I never will."
Sophie rolled her eyes, but smiled nevertheless, "Well, just don't do it too much. Hey Mom, guess what?" as though she'd just remembered that they weren't alone, she gently tugged her on her mother's hand leading her to Nicholas. "Nicholas's been teaching me how to play chess."
"Chess? That's pretty cool. How's it going, did you beat him yet?" She teased.
"No, he wants me to learn the rules first before we start playing. I think I almost have it. Do you know how to play, Mom?"
Ellie shook her head, staring at the beautiful glass pieces."Nope."
"Maybe, Nicholas can teach you too, so we can play tournaments!"
Ellie reluctantly met Nicholas hawk-like gaze and the very same mischievous grin painted on Sophie's lips was carved out on his own. If she didn't know any better, she could’ve sworn there was something much more sinister behind those matching grins.
"Maybe," Her response was slow, still unnerved by their smiling faces. "What's going on?"
Sophie looked up at mother with a shrug, "Nothing, Mom,"
"Nicholas?"
Nicholas also shrugged. "You heard the kid, nothing."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"Mom, honest, there's nothing going on. But I think I'm going to go grab a pizza and go to bed, I'm feeling a little tired."
Ellie quickly abandoned her suspicions and turned to her daughter. "Do you want me to help you?"
Sophie shook her head, "No, it's okay," she grabbed hold of the metal crutches near the entrance and settled them beneath her arms. "My room isn't that far away."
"But---"
“Mom, I'm okay," at her mother's helpless look, Sophie reassuringly smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Really, I've been doing this for a week and Nicholas hasn't helped me once, I'll be fine." With that said, the twelve-year old girl, who was growing up way to quickly for her mother's taste hobbled out of Nicholas's office.
Will alone kept Ellie rooted to the spot while every inch of her screamed for her to run after her baby girl and help her.
"You have to let her grow up sometime."
Ellie turned her glower on Nicholas. "No I don't, she's still my baby and I have the right to baby her if I want to."
"Then she's always going to depend on you, call on you to fight her battles for her. She'll never learn to stand on her own two feet."
"She's not ready for all of that!"
"Because you won't let her." Nicholas gathered the chess pieces.
"No, because she's still only a kid! She still needs me."
"What the hell is so funny? You're having a good time at my expense?"
Nicholas stood, walked to the grand fireplace and set the wooden chessboard on the ledge, before turning Ellie "I like seeing you riled up," he replied candidly. "You're eyes get greener, your cheeks get pinker and," standing close enough that he could touch, Nicholas gently thumbed at Ellie's lips. "You lick your lips a lot." Ellie's tongue inadvertently darted out and swept against Nicholas's thumb.
"I envy your tongue," he murmured, gunmetal gray eyes darkening until they were almost black in color. "It takes for granted what I yearn to do every time I see you." As if hypnotized, he stepped forward, seductive in every manner. His tall frame loomed over her. "It gets to taste you."
They stood frozen in time, teetering on the precipice, Nicholas's thumb tenderly gliding across Ellie's bottom lip, his head neither leaning forward nor moving back. He just stood there, only staring...gently caressing. Ellie wanted him to come forward. She wanted the promise of Nicholas lips on her own. She wanted to be tasted. "So taste me." She invited, desperation for a kiss dragging the words from her mouth.
"Not just yet." Instead of the soul searing kiss they both craved, Nicholas pressed a kiss to corner of her mouth before pulling away. He put distance between them needing to keep away for fear of ravishing those coral red lips.
Ellie blinked twice. She’d been seduced and rejected all in a span of a few seconds and so it took her a moment to retrieve her pride from Nicholas’s feet. Maybe, she rationalized, it was a good thing that he hadn't gone through with it and maybe it was sign that they should finally have that long awaited talk.
"Nicholas…Nicholas I think it's time that we talked."
The apprehension he’d been feeling all day pushed itself to the forefront of his mind and Nicholas resignedly sighed, knowing that the time had finally arrived. "Before we do, there's something I need you to see." Nicholas stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his pants, a sort of defense mechanism and turned to Ellie. "I need you to come upstairs with me."
"What is it? Is everything, okay?"
Nicholas walked ahead and stopped at the entrance, "I just need you to see this. Before we talk." He cryptically replied, then turned and headed upstairs, Ellie close behind him.
~*~*~*~
Unsure of what to make of Nicholas's sudden demeanor and the ominous shift in the air Ellie warily followed. Up the spiraling grand staircase, through the winding halls of the west wing, Ellie followed, her mind far too occupied to admire the opulence around her. What was it that Nicholas could possibly want to show her? And why now? Did what she have to see bear any relevance to their relationship? Question after question swirled in Ellie's mind, each one more pressing than the next.
"Nicholas…?"
Nicholas opened the door to one of the many bedrooms they'd passed and held the door open for her. Chancing a look at his withdrawn features Ellie frowned before reluctantly entering the dark room. Nicholas flicked on the lights and adjusted them until the room was immersed in a faint glow. "Please sit," he invited, pointing to the ottoman set right before the television screen a few feet away.
Ellie remained on her feet, her frown deepening. "Nicholas…"
"Please, Ellie."
It was with great reluctance and trepidation that Ellie took the offered seat. "You want me to watch a movie?" she asked irritably when the television turned on.
Nicholas remained silent, standing as far away from her as he could he pressed the play button. "Just watch."
The blank screen flashed to a massive stark room. Upon closer look Ellie realized it was a warehouse and in the very center of it sat a man with his knees to his chest, his face down, completely naked. The man appeared to be moving back and forth, as though he was trying to ward off the chill from his body.
Ellie heard the chattering of his teeth.
"What the hell…" She said quietly, unsure of what she was seeing. "What the hell is this? Who is that?"
Nicholas refused to talk but Ellie had her answer in the next scene and she drew in a sharp breath. "To…Tony?" She stood from the chair and approached the television in disbelief of what she was seeing. Tony was strapped to what looked like a medical table, still naked, he was trembling even more than in the last scene. His eyes fixated on something above him staring at that very thing with utter terror.
The camera shifted and focused on Nicholas and Ellie's eyes widened as realization suddenly dawned on her. She was beginning to understand with horrific clarity what was happening. "Off…" She whispered.
"What…"
"Turn it off!" she barked.
"HELP ME! SOMEONE…!"
The screen clicked off but the echoes of the screams remained and Ellie wanted to retch. She was trembling, probably just as much as Tony had been. She took a step back and then another, distancing herself from the silver eyed man who hadn't moved an inch towards her. "What did you do, Nicky?”
“What was necessary.” Nicholas said simply, emotionlessly.
"So…so…" she couldn't even speak her mind in turmoil. "so you…you just…is he…is he dead?"
"Yes."
Ellie shook her head, not knowing whether to sob from the shock or from horror. She took another step and took off towards the door, needing to escape, but Nicholas was there before she could reach it. He stood in front of the door and looked at her. "I have done horrible things, Ellie, far worse than what you've just seen. I am not the boy I was when you first met me, I have sinned and I have killed."
Ellie chocked on her sob. "Let me out Nicholas, please, let me out!"
"I can't, Ellie!" two lengthened strides closed the distance between them. "Since I can remember, I've always fought against becoming my father. I wanted his love, I needed a father but instead I received a dictator who’d beat me with his cane when I didn't do exactly what he wanted. When I was seven, he shoved his cane down my throat and chocked me with it all because I refused to do what I was told. Just before I headed off to boarding school, he strapped me down to my bed and raped me with that cane over and over again as a precaution to what disgracing the Grayson name would bring." Nicholas angrily swiped his hands across his cheeks before continuing, impervious to the tears.
"I grew up with hate for my father. I hated him so much, Ellie, that I wanted to kill him. I hated him and I despised my mother for not protecting me from him. Throughout my teenage years, I wanted to kill myself. I attempted to kill myself twelve times, before learning that I can take my hate out on innocent people. I used sex to hurt people. I manipulated and fucked until everyone I'd ever slept with felt as horrible as I felt inside. Their pain made me feel good."
Stunned Ellie could do nothing but listen, wordlessly listen as Nicholas Grayson poured out his soul.
"I was happy to piss off my father and just screw my life around. Until I met you." He derisively grinned. "Ellie Holbrook, beautiful, sweet, loving, Ellie Holbrook, you spun my life around. I fell in love with you even before I realized what it was. I found myself wanting to be a better person. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone to see me as more than what I showed to the world. Your opinion mattered. I wanted your daughter to love me. I wanted you to love me, care about me, smile for me. I wanted to possess you, as you'd so ignorantly possessed me. As much as I loved you, as much as I thought that it was all I needed to finally make me happy. My demons were stronger and when Isabella died, I just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore, so I gave up. I left. I had to leave, I had to leave you. Otherwise I would've destroyed us both. I wanted to stay. That night, after you left I got on my bike and almost came after you. But I loved you too much to put you through that. I loved you too muc
h to make you stay and help me fight demons I didn't even know I wanted to fight. Life, since then, has been hell without you."
Ellie cautiously approached him, but Nicholas shook his head and stepped back. "Don't…don't pity me, Ellie. I don't want your pity. I'm not telling you all this because I want you to feel sorry for me or even forgive what I did. I'm not making excuses for my actions. I just want you to know me, the real Nicholas Grayson. I'm not a man without flaws. I am selfish, I am possessive, and I am not a good enemy to have. I am ruthless, and I rarely play fair when something of mine is taken or hurt. I need you to see me for what I am, if something is ever to happen between us again, I need you to take me, as I am, my flaws and my sins. They are a part of me, they have molded me into the man I am today." Even with the distance between them, Nicholas made sure that Ellie held their gaze. "There are thousands of men out there who are far better fitted to be with you, than me. But none, Ellie, could ever love you as deeply as I love you."
Finally, he allowed himself to approach her. He stood close but did not dare touch. "I am only half a man without you, and will always need you far more than you'll ever need me. If you ever did forgive me, it would take me lifetimes before I ever forgave myself for the all the pain I've ever put you through. I am sorry for making you cry Ellie. I’m sorry for abandoning you when you needed me the most. I’m sorry for not being strong enough for you...." He swallowed his tears and tightened his jaw to keep anymore from falling. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I failed you."
He knelt in front of her, his head bowed, fists clenched tightly at his sides as he prostrated himself at her feet. "There is nothing I can say or do to take away all that you've endured, but know that here and now I vow to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, Ellie. You have my word that I will never abandon you again."
With her own tears coursing down her cheeks, Ellie gathered him in her arms, his head resting upon her abdomen, she held him to her. "I forgive you, Nicky. I forgive you for everything. I'm so sorry for all the pain you had to go through alone." She ran her hands through his hair as both a comfort to him and herself.