by Amelia Stone
“Actually, that would be perfect,” Hannah said, her voice higher than normal. “We had um, something we were going to do tonight.” To her credit, she only blushed a little. But I still scowled at the traitor. How could she think about sexy times when I was in crisis mode?
Sam chuckled. “Let’s give the almost newlyweds a little privacy, eh?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
I took a deep breath, looking around the room. I seemed to be the only one not on board with this plan. “Okay,” I said reluctantly. “That’s fine.” I cleared my throat. “Thank you,” I added, because manners were important to me, even if I wasn’t feeling particularly thankful.
“My pleasure,” he murmured, his eyes going warm as he smiled at me.
“Don’t forget about girls’ night on Thursday,” Hannah reminded me as she handed me a plastic container full of cookies. We had plans to go out with Sabine and Celia for drinks, since Hannah was closing the restaurant early. “Celia’s coming to pick you guys up at seven sharp.”
I nodded and smiled, actually feeling excited for once. I could really use a fun night with my best girls.
“I can’t wait.” Hannah grinned. “We haven’t been out in forever.”
“That’s not our fault! You’re the one who’s been too busy conquering the fine dining scene to see your friends,” I teased.
“Sorry not sorry!” she crowed.
I was a little envious to see the pride in her eyes. Sometimes I wondered if I’d ever be as fulfilled by my career as my friends were. Then again, I’d need an actual career for that. My job now felt like little more than a placeholder.
“I can’t believe how well it’s doing so far.” Hannah’s smile was dreamy and soft.
“You earned it,” I replied. And I meant it. She worked so hard, and she was beyond talented. She deserved every good thing that came her way.
Sam cleared his throat, and I looked up to see he was right next to me. Again. I took a deep breath to steady myself, feeling suddenly light-headed.
“Ready to go?” he asked, his green eyes smiling as he looked down at me. I nodded, unable to speak all of a sudden.
“Rude much, Sammy?” Hannah scowled at him. “We were talking.”
“Don’t want to make Sabine late for her show,” he retorted. “That would be rude.
I checked the time again. Shit. She would need to leave any minute if she was going to make it on time.
Hannah stuck her tongue out at her brother. “Fine. Get out of here, both of you.”
Sam grinned at me mischievously, like we were heading off on some grand adventure, not making the twenty-minute trip from Scottsdale to Tempe.
“Awesome,” he said. “Let’s do this.”
I led Jamy to my car with my hand on the small of her back, and I bit back a grin, trying my best not to let out a triumphant whoop. Alone together, and an excuse to touch her? Fuck yes.
“I can walk by myself,” she said, glancing over at me, a frown pulling down the corners of her mouth. “I’m not going to trip or whatever.”
I chuckled. “I know.” She looked pointedly at my arm, then back up at me, her eyebrows raised in a silent question. I grinned. “Would I get slapped if I said I just wanted my hands on you?”
She tensed beneath my hand, and her frown deepened. “Very funny.”
“I’m serious.” I continued to smile at her, but my mind was churning overtime. She seemed almost upset by my comments, and I wasn’t sure why.
“Okay,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. Her shoulders were slumped as we walked, her eyes trained on the pavement.
Okay? I couldn’t help but frown myself as I guided her around the hood of the car and opened the passenger door. I watched her get into the car and buckle her seatbelt, my thoughts churning. She almost sounded like she didn’t believe me. Wordlessly, I got into the car and turned the engine, cranking up the air conditioning. After a moment, I felt Jamy shift restlessly next to me.
“Nice car,” she murmured, almost too quiet for me to hear.
“It’s a rental,” I replied absently.
I was still thinking about her strange reaction, the way she’d practically shut down on me. What was the problem? Admittedly, my attempts at flirting thus far had been kind of cheesy. Things between us were still a little awkward. But this reaction seemed extreme. Was she still mad at me? She’d seemed to thaw a bit earlier, even smiling and joking with me. But I hadn’t actually apologized, I realized. Maybe she was holding out for that.
Or maybe it was something else? Was there another guy? As far as I knew from my sister (and, to be honest, from some covert Facebook research), Jamy was single. But I was sure she wouldn’t stay that way for long. She was a forever kind of girl, the woman with whom you spend your whole life. And though I was pretty sure I could be her forever guy, she might have other dudes vying for the position.
I turned to face her, determined to get to the bottom of whatever was eating her. I wanted to know Jamy better than anyone else, inside and out. I was more than ready for this, for her, for us.
But maybe, I thought as I turned to face her, she wasn’t ready for me.
“Um, so, you just want to take the 101 to Rio Salado,” she said, looking distinctly nervous. “I’m just west of campus.” When I didn’t answer right away, she frowned. “Maybe you should turn on your GPS.”
I frowned. “Are you seeing someone?”
Her head reared back, her eyes widening in shock. Okay, maybe that was kind of abrupt. “Excuse me?”
But I needed to be sure of her status, so I plowed on. “Are you seeing someone?” I repeated. “Your Facebook says you’re single, but maybe you’re the kind of person who doesn’t update it that often.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, so you have looked at my Facebook page recently.”
I reeled, confused. “Um, yes?”
“Because I can’t remember the last time you talked to me at all, on Facebook or off.” Her eyes practically glowed with anger. “And if you had really paid attention, you’d see that I update Facebook all the time. So no, I’m not seeing someone.” She blinked rapidly.
“I’m not on Facebook much,” I admitted. Just every now and then, when Adriana wasn’t around.
Her nostrils flared. “This isn’t about Facebook, Sam,” she replied, her voice rising. “It’s about the fact that you dropped out of my life without any explanation whatsoever.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. So she was waiting for an apology. “I’m sorry, Jamy. I know I haven’t been in touch. It’s just…” I trailed off, not sure how to put it.
I thought about the fight I’d had with Adriana years ago. From the beginning, she’d been jealous of all my female friends, but especially Jamy. She’d probably noticed how I talked about her, how I smiled whenever her name was mentioned, how excited I’d get when I got an email or a call from her. I’d thought at the time – well, I’d convinced myself, if I’m being honest – that Jamy was simply a good friend, one of my best friends. But Adriana seemed to sense that it was more, and it made her crazy.
Eventually it had gotten so bad, with her constantly hounding me about where I was going and with whom, and even snooping on my phone and computer, that we’d blown up at each other. She’d demanded that I cut myself off from all my female friends – only bros from now on. God only knows why I gave in. I guess I was still too deep in love with her to see how wrong it was, how unhealthy things were between us. Or maybe I was just desperate to make the life I’d created in Portugal work, mulishly jamming a square peg into a round hole until the damn board cracked.
Whatever the reason was, I gave in, and honestly, I resented her for it. I missed Jamy, missed our friendship. I felt horrible for dropping out on her, and I blamed Adriana for dividing us. It wasn’t until years later, when our relationship was imploding, that I’d seen the truth. It wasn’t Adriana’s fault for asking; it was mine for agreeing. It was the worst thing I’d ever done.
I looked ov
er at Jamy, wincing at her pained expression. I hated that I’d hurt her. “You know what, it doesn’t matter why I did it.” I reached across the console, taking her hand in mine. “There’s no excuse good enough. You’ve always been one of the most important people in my life, and I lost sight of that. I’m sorry.”
She looked away, but she didn’t take her hand from mine, much to my relief. When she finally spoke, her voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear it. “You hurt me,” she accused.
She didn’t say anything more for a long moment. I flipped our hands over, twining our fingers together and rubbing my thumb over the soft skin of her wrist. “So much that you can’t forgive me?” I asked, half afraid of her answer.
She looked up again, her pale green eyes shining with unshed tears. Fuck. “I forgive you, Sam. I just don’t know if I can trust you.”
I leaned forward. “If you let me, Jamy, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll earn your trust. I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had.” And more. But I didn’t say that just yet. I was facing an uphill battle as it was.
She opened her mouth to reply, but her phone chimed with another text before she could speak. She looked down to read it, and we were angled in such a way that I could see the screen, too. The text was from my cousin, Sabine, who’d been Jamy’s roommate for the last few years.
Sabine [7/27 7:15PM]: Need to leave like NOW!!!
Jamy bit her lip, looking at me, indecision written all over her face. After a long moment, she sighed and looked down at her phone again, typing out a reply.
Jamy [7/27 7:16PM]: On my way. Be there in fifteen.
Once she was finished, she looked up at me again. “I need some time to think, Sam. Can you just take me home, please?”
Reluctantly, I nodded in agreement. It might kill me, but I could be patient for now. For as long as she needed, really. I knew what I wanted, and I would wait until she wanted it, too. In the end, I knew she’d be worth it.
Resolved, I put the car in gear, navigating my way to the freeway – without GPS, thank you very much. I was thankful, as I had been a million times while I was learning to drive, that the major streets in the Phoenix area were laid out in a grid. Directions had never been my strong suit. I got lost in my own neighborhood when I was a kid – more than once. But after years of practice, I could usually get around the Valley without too much trouble. Conversely, I’d never gotten the hang of the meandering streets and back alleys of Lisbon. Yet another sign that I hadn’t belonged there. I wondered again why the fuck I’d held on so stubbornly to my life there.
The silence in the car was tense and uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what to say. After a few unbearable minutes, Jamy reached over to turn the radio on, flipping the stations until she found the one she wanted. She bopped her head, singing along softly to a hip-hop song. I chuckled to myself.
From the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to look at me. “What are you laughing at?” she asked.
“You still like this crap?” I grinned, flicking my eyes over to her.
She gasped theatrically. “This is Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg,” she replied, her tone reverent. But her smile was cheeky, and the sight of it made my heartbeat kick up a notch. “This song is a classic.”
I raised an eyebrow. “A classic, huh?” Hip hop was not my thing. I liked classic rock, blues, folk. My taste in music put me firmly in middle-aged suburban dad territory, and I had no shame about it.
She shifted in her seat, turning until her upper body was facing me. “‘It's like this and like that and like this and uh / It's like that and like this and like that and uh,’” she recited. “How can you possibly deny the genius of those lyrics?”
I laughed. “Genius,” I agreed.
She laughed, too, and I tightened my fingers around the steering wheel to keep from reaching for her. God, I’d missed the sound of her laugh. Brash and loud and unashamed, in a way she never let herself be. Jamy’s laugh was a glimpse of the woman she would be, stripped of all her insecurities.
I zoned out for a few minutes, happily listening to her sing along to the radio, until she stopped suddenly.
“Take the exit for Rio Salado up here and get in the right turn lane,” she said, reminding me I needed to pay attention to the task at hand – taking her home. She directed me from there, and soon we were pulling up in front of her apartment.
“Hang tight,” I said, hopping out of the car and rounding the hood to open her door.
“Such a gentleman,” she quipped as she took the hand I offered. I led her to her door, not dropping her hand. Shameless, I know. But she didn’t try to break the connection, so I called it a win.
“I do my best. And let’s be honest, my Gran would kill me if I was rude to a woman.” I flashed her a cheesy smile, and she laughed. Christ, I’d do anything to keep hearing that laugh.
“Gran must be over the moon about Hannah’s engagement.”
I chuckled. “So am I. Takes some of the pressure off me.” I flashed her a grin. “For now, anyway.”
She smiled as we stopped in front of her door.
“So,” she said.
“So,” I replied.
“Thanks for the ride.” She looked up at me, her eyes luminous in the dim light cast by the street lamps.
“You’re welcome.” I lingered there in front of her door, still holding her hand. I knew I should go, should give her the space she requested, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave just yet. I found I wanted to spend every possible minute with her. I was selfish like that.
“Can I ask you something?” She sounded shy, and I immediately wanted to put her at ease.
“Anything,” I replied immediately.
She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “You said you wanted to be my friend. So why do I get the feeling there’s more? This is more, right?” She held up our still-entwined hands.
My heartbeat sped up. This was the perfect opportunity to tell her what I wanted – and she’d even been the one to bring it up. Maybe she was ready for me after all. Being patient suddenly seemed like the dumbest idea ever.
“This is more, yes. I do want more from you.” I took a deep breath. “I want it all.”
She swallowed audibly. “All?”
“All,” I confirmed. I waited, watching her as my words sank in. She looked scared and maybe a little intrigued. I bit back a grin. I could definitely work with that.
“But why now?” Her words came tumbling out, like she was afraid to say them and just wanted to get it over with. “You just broke up with Adriana. Shouldn’t it be too soon?” She shook her head. “I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to feel, but it seems like it’s too soon.”
I stepped forward, holding her gaze. “I know it seems that way, but I promise, I’m completely over Adriana. Honestly, it was over with her a long time ago. I think we both held on too long.”
She nodded slowly like she was processing my words. “But why me?” She took a deep breath. “I mean, you’ve never given me any indication that you wanted something more from me. We were always just friends.” She blinked rapidly, almost like she was trying to fight off tears. “You could have anyone you want. So why me?”
I took a step toward her. “I don’t want anyone else. Just you. It’s always been you, Jamy.”
“I don’t believe that.” She shook her head, looking away. “I mean, you’re you,” she said, like that explained it all. “And I’m me.” She finally pulled her hand from my grasp, and I immediately missed the contact. “You should be with someone who’s better for you.”
I frowned. Was she trying to say she wasn’t good enough for me? Oh, hell no.
“You’re right,” I said. She took a step back, her expression hurt. But I wasn’t finished. I took another step forward, holding her gaze. “You are you.” I ran my hands along her arms, and she shivered despite the heat. “You’re funny, and smart, and a loyal, supportive friend. You’re a talented artist. You’re beautiful, and so sexy it makes me dizzy.�
�� I took another step forward, until we were toe-to-toe. “From where I’m standing, there isn’t anyone better than you, Jamy.”
She bit her lip, tipping her chin down. After a long moment, she shook her head just once. “I don’t know, Sam.”
I let out a frustrated breath. I was willing to give her the time she needed to believe I was serious. But if she didn’t even believe she was worthy, then the battle wasn’t just uphill. It was already lost.
I could stand here all night and tell her all the things that drew me to her, all the little things I liked about her, that I could see myself falling for her so easily. But I somehow knew, instinctually, that my words would fall on deaf ears.
So I decided if she wouldn’t listen when I told her how much I wanted her, I’d just have to show her.
Slowly, I moved my hands up until I was cupping her jaw. My fingertips brushed across the silky skin behind her ears, and I gently tilted her head until she was at the perfect angle. Her eyes were huge, and her breaths came shallow and fast as she stared up at me. I searched her face, looking for some kind of sign that she didn’t want this. My breath caught when she gave a tiny nod. Yes.
I lowered my head and kissed her.
Oh, fuck.
Her lips were so soft, and warm, and just… perfect.
At first, she seemed to be frozen, and I panicked, thinking I’d misread her. But after a long moment, she began to move her lips beneath mine. My eyes closed, and I took control, molding my mouth to hers. I nibbled her succulent lower lip, earning me a little moan from the back of her throat.
Yeah, definitely perfect.
I grabbed her plush hips and pulled her closer to me, until our bodies were pressed together, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I parted my lips, taking in a quick breath, and much to my surprise, her tongue darted out, licking a line along my teeth.
Oh, fuck.
Forget taking it slow. All bets were officially off. I devoured her mouth, my tongue stroking against hers just like I wanted to fuck her – slow, deep, and wet. I fucking worshipped her mouth.
Until the door to her apartment burst open, and someone stepped out.