Panic lanced through her.
He was beside her, had hurt her, to prove that he truly did love her.
She stifled a sob of terror.
"Honey-cat. Honey-cat."
John pulled her into his arms, dragging her over his body as she cried.
"Don't kitten-mine. Don't cry. I can't stand your tears."
His voice brought reason, banishing the pain.
"Kuno? Is it you…?"
"Who else lies beside you? Who else has had his feena inside you for twelve hours, but Kuno? Or maybe you are dreaming of another?" His fiery gaze probed. "Yes, another, I see the shadows. He did that to you?" His hands fastened on her hips. "He did that to you, kitten-mine?"
"Don't look in my mind, John. No. Please--no!"
But it was too late. Like a cat, John's thoughts pounced. Captured and merged with hers, he would not be denied. He saw everything.
His anger washed through her. Anger and disgust--aimed at himself.
"I hurt you as he hurt you."
"No…Tony--oh!" She had been forbidden to ever speak his name.
"I thought you said your monster-husband's name was Andy?" John's voice was tight, the controlled hatred behind it was utterly terrifying.
"Yes," she whispered.
"His true name was Tony Sinclair."
She stared at him. "How can you know that?"
"My spies." His arms tightened around her. "He's dead. Gone, kitten-mine. But he still frightens you." John ran his fingers through her hair.
Sam blinked away the tears. "When I met him, he was Tony. But later, when I was married…he became Andy."
"Because he was a brute. A destroyer of worlds. A coward. I know his reputation. Who in Starwatch didn't know him as one of GTC's most ruthless operatives? A felinus marks his enemy and Tony Sinclair was mine. Poetic justice in the end for all that he did, that you gave his fortune over to Starwatch." He smiled grimly. "I appreciated the irony then--as now."
"You knew?"
"From almost the first email. Honey-cat, you were hardly clever or discreet and I was determined. He can't hurt you again. Let him go. Let me exorcise him from you." His mind lapped hers, as his tongue lapped up her tears.
The darkness she had carried inside slipped away, like a ghost.
"Yes," John said, kissing her temple. "A ghost of the past. Let me banish it properly."
Sam rubbed her cheek against his, as a cat rubbed against her owner.
"You give me the kitten's kiss?" John asked and she looked at him, saw the tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.
"What is the kitten's kiss?"
"The felinus kiss--cheek to cheek. Saved only for those we love."
She remembered Hari's parting gesture. She should have known, as with all things felinus, every gesture had hidden nuances, layers of meaning.
"Will you do it to me?"
John's cheek stroked against hers. She trembled. He regarded her in shocked disbelief. "You want me again? Again? I have loved you beyond Desire. I love you to the madness."
"You love me?" she asked.
"I love you, kitten-mine. Have I not proved it to you these past days and nights? But I hurt you. The Desire took hold." He swallowed. "I never knew it was so…pervasive."
"You're not going to die?"
"Not today," John said, smiling crookedly. "Not for a long, long time. But I do have to go home. I have to mate there, receive the energy, the mutatis."
"I don't understand."
"It's an important felinus ritual. Without it, my two selves are in conflict."
"I see." She dipped her head and his finger beneath her chin raised her so that he could study her.
"Will you come with me, to my birth-world, kitten-mine?"
"No human is allowed there."
"Except a mate. That relationship overcomes every prohibition. Besides, Harimal has gifted you the secret name of our home. He has bitten you. You are his sister."
All hurts vanished. "You want me to go with you…home?"
"Of course. Do you think I have been playing with you, and no thought to the future? You are my mate, Samantha! You are my future, you are all my futures."
"I love you so much, Kuno, it hurts."
"That is the Desire. It's bloody impossible, but once you've tasted of it, no other emotion runs so deep. I am yours. You are mine. Kiss me, kitten."
She rubbed her cheek to his and his arms tightened around her. Beneath her, she felt the ramrod hard, hot length of him. She shifted her legs and he entered her, the slightest intrusion.
"You can do better than that, cat-boy!"
"I was hard on you before, Sammi. There was pain and blood. Mine. Yours."
"Hari said I would make you pay in body-juice. Is he never wrong?"
John snorted. "Not often, only don't tell him I said so. There's nothing worse than a conceited cat."
Sam twisted her hips and coaxed him to her inner heat. "I know about conceited cats. Now, shut up and love me. I want you deep inside."
"Again?"
"Again. Bite me, claw me, love me, one thousand and one ways, in one thousand and one days." She kissed him, biting his lip.
Honey-cat! I am voracious. Such is Starlight Desire.
That's Okay, Kuno. Take what you need. And if we make it to one thousand and one ways in less time, then you can start over.
We can? You promise?
Yes.
* * * *
"A party?" Sam looked at John, horrified. She hated parties.
He smiled, that special smile of his that was aimed to devastate. He had learnt that trick from Harimal--to good effect. Sam lifted her chin, narrowing her eyes--for effect. John grinned, spreading his hands.
"It's the felinus way, honey-cat. When each of us is called home, for the Desire, it is a rite of passage. A cause for celebration. With family, but more so with friends."
"Harimal was called home. He left without any fanfare."
"His call was an order. For me, I am Called."
Felinus meanings and layers--how was a girl to understand? With her heart--how else? Sam squared her shoulders. "You want to reveal your…um…mating-desire to everyone? Is nothing private?"
"Where sex is concerned, with felinus…why private? You can be so human."
Sam sniffed disdainfully. "You're human, too. There are some things it's proper to keep private."
"Proper?" John roared with laughter. Then growled. "I'm more cat than man, Sammi. You know that."
"Yes, but…"
"But?" John raised a brow, silently encouraging her to speak.
"You've never changed into a cat. Is that going to happen, when you get home?"
"When we get home, Sammi. You and I will Recognize."
"What's to recognize?"
John smiled tightly. "Once we're on Chizan, you'll understand."
"Tell me, now! Who, or what, am I supposed to recognize?"
"The man and the cat."
"You're being deliberately obtuse."
"Me, darling? Me?" His grin broadened.
"You aren't going to explain?"
"Nope."
"So, will you at least tell me why can't you shift to cat?"
"One has to be a pure-blood for that. I have tried."
"Does that disappoint you?"
John lifted a shoulder. "It used to. Not any more. Shifting to cat can be complicated."
"And you have enough complications?"
"Exactly." John pushed himself away from the door of the conservatory where he had been leaning, haloed by the darkness of space and the stars. "Anyway, Kareena is arranging the party for tonight at Rendezvous."
Great. Sam swallowed. "And who is going to be there?"
"My friends and a few surprises."
Where felinus were concerned, the word surprise tied her gut in knots. She never knew what to expect. "Surprises, huh? Like tentacle man?"
John grinned, padding towards her, panther-like. Circling her. Sam turned with
him, as he stalked her. This was a new game. The flash in his eye was dangerous, feral. Reaching out he trailed a warm finger along her shoulder blades. "Honey-cat, I thought I had overcome your aversion to tentacles."
"I don't mind your fingers, Kuno, but I draw the line at meter-long, purple feelers."
John laughed. "Feelers, I like that, Sammi. You have such a way with words. How would you like me to feeler you?"
"You don't have the equipment," she retorted.
"No? Let me remind you!" John flung aside his black silk robe. "No, Sammi?"
Dry-mouthed she glanced down at his erection--the felinus ridges splayed. "You can't."
He pounced on her and lifted her into his arms, holding her crushingly close. "I'm feeling you, honey-cat. Are you feeling me?"
"Ah, yes."
John stepped to the bed and set her down upon the quilt, kneeling between her legs. Bending forward he used his cock to trace over her, pressing himself into her favorite meridian points. As he moved, he swept his hair over her breasts…feeling. Oh, great stars! Sam shivered.
"You've done it to me again." She slapped his buttock. "Naughty cat-boy!"
"I have done nothing to you--yet."
"Yes, you have. You've distracted me. I wanted to talk to you. When you don't want to talk, you seduce me. It's not fair."
"You talk too much, honey-cat." He took her mouth in a searing kiss, silencing her.
Samantha allowed herself to be silenced--for the moment.
* * * *
What was a girl to wear to celebrate her lover's sexual maturity? Or, as Kuno insisted--his rite of passage.
Desire was just the first stage and there were others to be entered once on the felinus homeworld.
Mutatis--for one.
She didn't like the sound of that. And she was going with him to Chizan, the felinus homeworld. Few outsiders had been allowed to enter Chizan, and that she was invited was both exciting and alarming. As to what else awaited her--time enough to worry.
First, this party at Rendezvous. It was important to John, so she couldn't refuse to go.
Which left her in a pickle--what to wear?
Hunting for hours through the on-line stores had been fruitless. Nothing caught her eye. The galactic couturiers offered garments to every discriminating taste from replica renaissance gowns with laces and ribbons--John would enjoy the ribbons--to sheer plastic body-suits, with only a strategic ruff--optional--to retain some semblance of modesty.
She wasn't going to wear that! Not even in private. She scrolled through the pictures.
Nope nothing suitable.
She supposed she could fall back on her LBD, or a traditional ankle-length gown. Sam drummed her fingers over the computer keys, instantly regretting it as the machine squealed "incorrect sequence". The bloody thing was talking to her. She hated smart-mouthed machines. The images of more gowns paraded across the screen. Everything she saw was so--
Safe.
She was tired of playing safe. She was with a felinus now and her world, her tastes had altered.
Samantha took up the digital stylus and sketched some designs, refining until she had a garment that was hers and hers alone. She stared at the creation. She couldn't.
She could.
Yep, she would.
* * * *
"Aren't you ready, yet, honey-cat? You've been in there for hours. Unlock the door." To give emphasis, John knocked. Loudly.
Sammi smiled. Cats weren't known for their patience, or the ability of a closed door to keep them out, if they wanted in.
As she rubbed Chizan-patchouli oil on her wrists and beneath her lobes, she turned this way and that to study her reflection. The pearl necklace around her throat, with the fire-opal drop earrings, were her only jewelry.
"That's it, I'm done." She smiled at her reflection and turned away, stumbling, righting herself, as her eight inch stilettos caught in the carpet. A whole new way of walking perched on those heels--she had practiced for hours.
Samantha keyed open the door. John stood there. He stared. She stared at him.
"You spied on me, John-Kuno. How could you?" His intent gaze was her only response. "You are a naughty cat-boy. I have to have some secrets from you."
"Like hell you do, kitten." He strode into the bedroom and stalked around her. She lifted her chin and stood tall, but inside she was a quivering mess. She was so not like her… Her hair, her dress--she was a stranger to herself and perhaps to John?
He had mimicked her style and choice of color. He wore black quefram, the felinus equivalent of silk.
His wide harem-style trousers were tucked into black ankle length boots adorned with silver studs. His collarless shirt was open part way to reveal his sun-kissed chest. No jewelry except for the band of crystals and pearls around his wrist and in his left lobe, a fire-opal. Her outfit was similar--the harem pants tucked into her ankle high boots, the heels adorned with crystal diamantes. Her red bustier was laced at the back and over it she wore a short-sleeved bolero. Her blonde hair was spiked with red and black.
She had painted her face. Sweeping up from her left brow was a trail of gold and silver stars and a sparkling swipe of purple dust to her forehead. Her lips shimmered crimson and her lids and lashes were indigo.
John's face was painted--on the right side from temple to cheek--a vibrant swath of indigo with one silver star. His golden hair sparkled with red and black…some of it artificial but his felinus hair was returning.
"You're beautiful," she whispered.
He inclined his head, felinus fashion, and bowed, his hands over his heart. "I was about to say the same thing to you. You do me much honor, T'serlan."
"Am I your beloved?" Sam swallowed against a tight, dry throat.
"Yes." He exhaled.
She caught his scent and drew it into her lungs. Musk, and cat and Desire. Her body clenched in all the right places and her legs turned wobbly--only because of the stilettos, she told herself. Not bloody likely.
"We are one, honey-cat. Different, but matched."
"I sense a felinus ritual in those words."
"Of course."
"Care to enlighten me?"
"Later."
She flung her hands on her hips, exasperated. "Kuno-John, you always say that, but later never comes with you!"
Grinning, he ran a finger over her mouth. "I always come," he said.
"You know what I mean, cat-boy!"
"Do I?" Laughing, he stepped back and studied her from head to toe, back again, several times. Sam forced herself not to fidget. He held out his hand to her, palm upwards in the felinus greeting. "Sam, I have something for you, please to follow me."
He spoke felinus and as was often the case, the syntax was ass about. But she understood on a deeper level, and that level was all that mattered. She put her palm against his and he backed out of the room, facing her, all the way to the lounge. He halted by the table and on it she saw a long, red velvet case. She looked up at him in silent query.
"My desire gift for you, Samantha. T'serlan."
She studied him, noting the dilated pupils, the husky tremor in his voice. He wasn't going to go mad with Starlight Desire again?
He smiled. "Not for awhile. I am in control. To a degree."
"It's the degree that I'm questioning."
"Samantha! Aren't you going to open the gift?"
"If you can give me back my hand. I can't open it with one hand."
"You could use your teeth. You are very skilled in this regard."
Sam flushed. She could bite and nibble as good as any cat--if John's reactions were any indicator.
He nodded and stepped away, his palm sliding over hers. Finger tips touching. Electric. If he does that to me again, I'm going to melt.
"Promise?" John asked. "Will you melt for me later?"
"I'm going to screen my thoughts from you, cat-boy. I have some secrets to keep."
"But not from me." He nodded to the box. "Please."
Sa
m untied the silver and purple cord and carefully opened the box. She stared. On a red silk cushion lay a silver bracelet, plain, but as she lifted the bracelet she amended her first impression. It was etched with a design, of roses on a vine and within the flowers, sparkled a light, much like the lights when desire had engulfed them.
"It's gorgeous," she said.
"You accept it, T'serlan?"
"Yes, T'serl." She rolled her tongue over the 'r' as John had done and he smiled.
"You sound like a cat. You honor me, Samantha."
"You honor me, Kuno-John." She inclined her head.
He took the bracelet from her fingers and opened the catch, fastening it around her wrist. He stroked the silver, studying her, his eyes dilating.
Uh-oh. She knew that look! He smiled ruefully.
"Later, Samantha. Later. We'll be late if we delay and I don't want to muss up your hair." He touched the spikes. "Besides, if I give in to the feeling, then it will lead to Desire. I have to try and avoid it until we reach Chizan." He clenched his jaw as he studied her.
"The flower on the bracelet, looks like a rose, but it's not. What is it? I think it's special."
"It is the farseth. From my world. Farseth is the lover's flower--the promise of all things."
"What does that mean? The promise of all things? Felinus is so enigmatic."
"We don't want to reveal ourselves, our true selves to strangers. So our language is layered in meaning and ritual and often doesn't translate."
"I know that."
"And you will understand all, once we reach my home and anyway, you know that you comprehend on a deeper level. Your mind doesn't, but your body does, your spirit. What else is there, honey-cat?"
Sam breathed out and John caught her scent.
"You're turning philosopher on me, Kuno. I'd love to have a deep metaphysical debate with you, but we'll be late."
He smiled, nodded and stepped back. "Yes. And since I called the party, it would be bad manners for me to be late. So…" He held out his palm and she took it. Together they left the apartment and headed down the corridor to the public elevator that would deliver them to the lowest level and then after that, the secret elevator and corridors to the felinus hang-out.
* * * *
Rendezvous was decorated to reflect the personalities of Sam and Kuno--this was the first thing Samantha noticed when she passed through the silver curtain from the atrium.
STARLIGHT DESIRE Page 4