by Juliet Chase
As she milked, she told all the cows not to worry, that she was sure Gran had a plan. They seemed more agitated than usual, though, and Tess worried for them. It wasn’t their fault, after all.
When Gran arrived, Tess put on a fresh pot of coffee. She tried to lead her gently into making some decisions, but she knew right away that approach wasn’t going to work.
“I’m not going to pick out five of my cows. How could I? That’s like being asked to pick just one of your children. Besides, your Mr. Hale would just see it as an opportunity to get rid of the rest.”
“But Gran…”
“Don’t you but Gran me. There’s got to be a solution, we just haven’t found it yet, and all the attorneys buzzing around are just confusing the issue.”
“They are?”
“Absolutely, it’s what lawyers do best.”
“Gran, you know I can’t stay here much longer.”
“You’re leaving Nate already?”
“Nooooo… I never planned to stay. I’m not sure what I have with Nate, but I’m worrying about that separately from everything else.”
“Ah. Any particular reason you think you can’t stay?”
“I don’t live here, I don’t have a job here—I’d have to change my driver’s license?” Saying them out loud made her objections seem smaller than they were. The simple fact was she didn’t belong anywhere at the moment, and her employment status was just plain sad.
Gran just waved a dismissive hand. “Those all seem pretty solvable. Not that I want you to stay with the lawyer. You know, Brendan can really grow on you…”
“No thanks, Gran. Nate has way better manners.”
“Is that the best you can come up with?” Nate’s voice was laced with amusement. “I’d better work harder at impressing you.”
Tess jumped up and turned around in consternation.
Nate was dressed in yet another suit, leaning against the doorjamb per usual and looking like he’d just stepped off a runway. How did he manage it when she knew he didn’t spend any time shopping? In fact, most of his clothes he ordered over the internet.
He didn’t seem at all concerned by what he’d overheard. He leaned in to give Tess a possessive kiss. She wished she didn’t feel that it had been mostly for Gran’s benefit.
“I thought you weren’t coming home until later?”
“I forgot a file.” He smiled at her benignly.
Like hell you did, she mused to herself, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Hey, Tess, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?”
She nodded and followed him. He leaned against the kitchen counter but didn’t make a move to touch her. “Listen, I got a stack of new cases dumped on me this morning. They should have been processed months ago, but someone wasn’t doing their job. I’m not going to able to be around very much for the next couple of weeks.”
“Oh.” Confusion filled her voice. Was he trying to say he didn’t want to pursue anything now? Had last night been a letdown for him? Disappointment and embarrassment bubbled in her stomach.
“Stop jumping to conclusions.”
She looked up at him guiltily.
“We’re picking up where we left off just as soon as we’re both available and don’t have company. I’d put it on my calendar, but something tells me you would prefer a little more spontaneity,” he added dryly.
Her eyes widened. God no, she didn’t want an appointment for sex. How desperate was that? Or sad or mechanical or whatever.
Nate headed out through the kitchen door, and Tess wandered back into the living room. Her mind was spinning on when exactly this spontaneous coming together was really likely to happen. Was it going to be more blindfolds and massages, or “it”? She bit her lip nervously.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
On Monday, Sarah met Tess in the barn at Nate’s place. Gran drove up in her ancient station wagon a few minutes later. Gran looked like she hadn’t slept a wink, but she was here, Tess noted thankfully. She’d already separated Pointless from the rest of the herd, tying her to a post by a rope on her halter. Sarah gave her a quick once-over and then turned. “She’s not had a last-minute recovery, Callie. It’s only downhill from here.”
Gran wiped tears from the corners of her eyes and gave Pointless a hug. The cow seemed to sense the importance of the occasion, and looked deep into her eyes.
Gran nodded. “I know it’s time.”
“You’re okay with this?”
“I have to be, don’t I? I can’t do anything more for her except make sure she doesn’t suffer.”
Sarah patted her on the arm. “I understand. I hate to be so blunt, but we need to discuss how you want to proceed. What do you want to do with her remains?”
Gran looked shocked. “I… I don’t know! I hadn’t gotten past her leaving us.”
Sarah nodded sympathetically. “It’s just that even though she’s a miniature, she’s still pretty heavy. If you want her cremated, then that’s one thing. If you want to bury her, then we should do this procedure close to where you want the grave. Because of the substances I use, we’ll need to do that right away. She can’t stay above ground for more than a few hours because of eagles and other birds. It can kill them.”
Gran looked like she was about to faint, and even Tess was having a hard time having this conversation with Pointless standing there—a shadow of her youthful self, she was sure, but still.
“I want her to be under one of the apple trees at the cottage. That’s okay, isn’t it?” Gran peered at Sarah, who nodded. “Pointless used to love grazing under them, and one time she even got drunk on the windfalls. Do you remember that, Pointless? You almost fell down the hill.” She laughed sadly and patted the cow’s neck. Pointless just stood there shifting her feet slightly, her dull hide hanging in looser folds than the younger cows, her hipbones painfully prominent.
“Okay, then we should probably take Pointless over to the cottage. Do you still have the ramp in your car?”
Gran nodded, and Tess was amazed. A cow in a car? But Gran had it down. She opened the hatch of her car and unfolded an aluminum ramp. With a little urging, Pointless walked up it and folded herself into the back of the car. She seemed to know the end was coming.
Their three vehicles made a small and solemn procession back to the cottage. Gran unloaded Pointless, who tried to walk to the barn she knew as home. Gran stood there holding the lead rope with tears running down her face. Tess got out and went to give her a hug. Gran clung to her until Sarah arrived, then she wiped her tears and they headed back to the orchard.
“Hey, Callie, I called Mick on the way over here and he’ll stop by in about an hour to dig the grave. I don’t think any of the three of us need that on top of all this emotion. Okay?”
Tess and Gran nodded assent. So under one of the apples trees that was already blooming with clusters of narcissus and tulips nearby, Sarah gave Pointless a sedative. With a long sigh, the little cow folded up her legs and laid down her head. When her heart stopped there was no sound but Gran’s weeping and the rustle of a light breeze through the trees. Tess rather thought she could feel Pointless’s spirit finally relax. She gave Gran one more hug. “She… waaaas… a good… little cow,” Gran finally got out, and that seemed to say it all.
Tess saw Sarah surreptitiously check her watch, and knew she must have other appointments, so she gently nudged Gran back to the driveway. “Gran, why don’t you come back to Nate’s with me? I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
“Well, Walt’s here somewhere.”
“Still. I’d like it if you came with me. I’ll bring you back in time for dinner, all right?”
“Okay, I’d like that.”
Sarah departed with a silently mouthed “thank you,” and Tess bundled Gran into her car and took her back to what she was starting to think of as home. They spent a quiet afternoon with Gran mostly reminiscing about Pointless and the other “first cows” who were all gone now. “Maybe it’s a
sign, Tess. Maybe I’m not meant to be trying to take care of all these cows. But they’re friends! I can’t just abandon them.” Tess nodded sympathetically and poured more tea. As per the new normal, Nate still hadn’t returned by the time she took Gran back to her house and turned her over to Walt’s ministrations. She took a quick moment to check the orchard, and saw that Mick had indeed been busy. Freshly turned dirt was neatly raked under the tree, and some clumps of tulips had been relocated so that it wasn’t such a harsh contrast. By next spring it would not be distinguishable from the rest of the orchard, but Tess knew Gran would always know the exact spot.
When she got back home, she poured herself a big glass of wine and went to sit on the porch with Daisy. She was really glad the day was over.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
There was only one way this was going to happen.
She examined the perfectly made king-size bed and tried to judge between the two navy pillows to determine which side Nate typically slept on. She closed one eye and then the other, but she couldn’t see a difference. She leaned over and sniffed. There was a faint tinge of his aftershave, but not enough to go on, which she decided was probably a good thing. She abandoned observation for logic and finally reasoned that Nate was most likely to try to stay near the phone on the nightstand and be on the side closest to the bedroom door. He was a fan of efficiency. So she padded over the forest-green carpet to the left side of the bed and pulled the covers back. She couldn’t believe she was about to lie in wait for a man with the sole purpose of seducing him. Although that seemed a bit strong, he’d made it clear he was willing to seduce her, he just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. She frowned. Was she being too forward? Was this one of those unspoken signals that the magazines in the checkout aisle hailed as Move On, Girlfriend? Or was she in line with the ones urging women to take the sexual lead?
She was fully in support of women going after what they’d wanted. But when it came to approaching a man romantically, she personally got the jitters to the point where she was a verbal and physical klutz. She’d tried it once in college, thinking she needed to assert herself more, but with disastrous results. Somehow she’d ended up offering to teach the guy to knit. She still wasn’t sure where that had come from, but wasn’t at all surprised when he took to avoiding her and giving her strange looks when their paths crossed on campus. Sad, really. She thought she could probably carry off lying in wait for Nate if she was asleep while she did it.
He’d been right when he said he wouldn’t be around much. She’d barely seen him in the last two weeks, and when he was there he gulped food and headed straight for his office, where he stayed until long past her bedtime. He was rushing out the door about the time she was pouring her first cup of coffee before milking. He looked horrible. Which she shouldn’t have been pleased about, but it did convince her he wasn’t just trying to avoid her.
She should be happy, shouldn’t she? She hadn’t wanted to get involved. But he’d planted those images in her head, and she wanted them gone. She was tired of waiting. Who knew how long this could go on for? And hopefully it would be less awkward if it were just a natural continuation of finding her in his bed, instead of waiting for the big lead-up.
“Ugahh!” she gurgled in pain. Tess sat straight up with a hand to the bridge of her smarting nose; stars danced in front of her eyes and tears were welling up in the corners as she tried to figure out what had just happened. A light clicked on and Nate was there, looking both confused and concerned.
With her free hand she stretched out for a tissue on the nightstand and then dabbed at her eyes. Hell, her face hurt. Nate pried her hand away and gently tested her nose. “Not broken. I had no idea you were there or I’d have minded where I put my elbows. Not that I’m objecting to finally having you in my bed, but has something happened?”
“Nothing’s happened. And that’s why I’m here, because nothing has happened.”
“Ah. Taking matters into your own hands, huh? I like initiative in a woman.” He was cheerful in his teasing, but touching her face gently with his fingertips to assess the damage.
“Well, doc? Will I live?”
“I think so, but your big plan is going to have to wait a little longer—that should probably be iced.”
Mortified, Tess moved to get out of his bed, but Nate pushed her gently back.
“I’ll take care of it. You stay there.” He headed out and returned shortly with a bag of frozen peas. Grabbing a hand towel from the bathroom, he folded it up into a compress and handed it to her. She put it tenderly to the middle of her face, which meant she couldn’t see anything but a close-up view of the photograph of peas on the bag. It was better this way.
“I should go back to my room.”
“What? Now that I’ve finally got you here? No way. If I wrap my arms around you, I can’t possibly hit you with my elbow again.”
She grumbled, “I’m so embarrassed.” Her nose throbbed. She could feel it beginning to swell.
“Don’t be—I’ve been trying to free up my schedule so we could spend some serious time together. Guess I lost track of time. Sorry about that.” He aimed a kiss below the bag of peas and made brushing contact with her chin. “You good? Need to visit the bathroom or anything?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
He put another pillow behind her back so she could recline more vertically, and then got back into bed and turned off the lights. True to his word, he wrapped a long arm around her waist and was sound asleep in less than ten seconds.
Tess knew it was ten seconds, because she counted his breaths in order not to count the throbbing of her sinuses, and wondered if she was ever going to get more sleep herself.
When she woke up, he was gone and so was the bag of peas. Still embarrassed even though there was no one there except Daisy, she went back to her own room and got dressed. That was the absolute last time she made any attempt to seduce anyone. Maybe she should consider becoming a hermit or some kind of non-religious nun. If there weren’t any, she could start a movement and be the first.
Over the next couple of days, she relaxed into the routine of chores. Her gran came by to visit the cows, but strangely never around milking time. Given that Tess was still using her taped-together law book stool, she didn’t have the heart to force the issue. Her elderly grandmother might break a hip if she had to try to milk like that. Gran made vague references to a big plan in the works, but was short on details.
Tess had heard back favorably from the few of the rentals in Idaho she’d queried, but something stopped her from actually sending in a deposit. She needed to take action, but she didn’t want to be running away, either. Caught in the middle ground, she decided to maintain the status quo for one more week, then she’d make a decision.
In the meantime, she started looking into writing jobs. There was no reason to delay that—so she might have to move and work at the same time, but so what. She couldn’t wait any longer. She sent emails to all the authors she’d worked well with before, inquiring if they had any upcoming projects, and then watched replies trickle in over the next few days. Most didn’t, they were still trying to sell the first script she’d done for them. A few might have something in a few months but not now, and then there was the odd one that was from a former college friend trying to make it big in indie films. He doubted she’d be right for it, but everyone was being asked to read the book and submit a sample so she was welcome to join them. The book, an old western, was so old that it was available for free on the internet. What the hell. She found the book and downloaded it. Her friend was right—she wasn’t much for westerns, but her bank account said she wasn’t allowed to care anymore. She read the book in between milking, and in the evenings when Nate still hadn’t come home. She wasn’t waiting up for him, though. She wasn’t. The book had a lot of cows and cattle references, being a western and all, so she picked one of those scenes for her sample. It took her an hour to write, which surprised her—usually she had to stop and l
ook up a few things. Tess sent it off that afternoon and then forgot all about it, caught up in more local problems.
Gran’s big idea went bust, like all the ones before it. She’d heard about people painting advertising on the sides of cows, and thought that would be sure to work. But she’d forgotten that those cows had been alongside major highways, not on an island. Back to the drawing board.
Tess kept looking for an opportunity to confront her grandmother on the years of secrets, but the timing never seemed right. Timing seemed to be a major problem for her in everything lately.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Tess was scrubbing potatoes in the kitchen sink so they’d be ready to put on the stove when she came in from milking. The potatoes weren’t getting much of her attention, because Ferdinand had bounced into view in the small paddock behind the house. Nate had reinforced the lower section with chicken wire because the calves were so short that they could easily move under the lowest rung of the fence. She knew she shouldn’t get emotionally attached, but Ferdie really was a sweetheart. His pale, cream-colored hide sparkled against the green grass. His erratic baby gait looked half intentional, like it was just more fun to bounce.
Nate’s voice drifted down from upstairs, calling her mentally back to the kitchen.
“Tess? You busy?”
“Not particularly, why?”
“Come up here for a minute, will you?”
She finished scrubbing the potato she was holding before drying her hands on the nearby tea towel and headed upstairs. What could he possibly need help with? When he was in the house he was usually either eating or had his head buried in legal files. When he wasn’t doing that he was helping her with the cows. Which she appreciated, but she’d rather he either avoided her or picked up where they’d left off the time before he accidentally hit her in the face. She felt embarrassed all over again over that, and guilty at how she and the cows had just moved in. Well, it had been his idea, but still.