Freakshow

by Jaden Wilkes

  “He doesn’t hate you, and you are most definitely not one of them. You are an unknown. But he is very threatened by you and Cairo. We can all see what’s going on, the chemistry between you two is almost embarrassing,” Paris said and glanced at me, “I mean it’s cute and I’m happy for you two, but it’s not going to happen if father has anything to do with it.”

  “I know about Cai’s fiancée,” I said as we reached the RV. “He told me everything.”

  “You know they’re coming next month? Her papers have cleared and the family is going to transfer money to father. It’s a done deal as far as he’s concerned.”

  “What about Cai?” I asked as we stepped up, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  Paris turned back to me, rolled her eyes and smiled. “I think you know that’s a totally different story. If it were up to him, you two would run off together and join...well...not the circus, but maybe the real world? If we didn’t need him so damn much, and it weren’t so dangerous for him to be away from the family, we’d let that happen. I just wish you knew the depths of the connections and history we were talking about. It’s so hard to explain it to somebody outside of the family.”

  “I wish you could try,” I said. “But I’m staying here. I’m not trying to take him away.”

  “Do you have half a million to cover your dowry?” Paris took one look at my face and knew the answer. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Listen, you’ve got maybe twenty minutes at most. Father is in a teleconference with some performers in Belgium. He’s trying to bring them over, so he’ll be a little while. I’ll take you out when you’re done.”

  I stopped in front of a door and tapped it. Cairo opened it, looked at Paris then me. As soon as he saw me, his face lit up and he grinned. He grabbed me, pulled me into his arms and buried his face in my hair. “Thank you,” he said to Paris, dragged me inside and shut the door with his foot.

  “Oh my god, I’ve missed you,” I said and felt tears spring to my eyes.

  “Me too,” Cai said, “I’ve been so worried about you. I thought they might have...” his voice trailed off when he pulled back and seemed to notice the injuries on my face. My lip had healed but still had a crack where it had been split. The black eye was faded to a sallow yellow and my cheek had a splash of light purple where a fist had landed. He couldn’t see my other injuries, but he could ascertain what had happened.

  “Are you okay? How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous.

  “Better,” I replied, “But you should see the other guy.” I smiled to lighten the mood, I didn’t want to get into it when we only had such a short time.

  “Did you see who it was?” he asked, concern painted his features.

  “I didn’t see them,” I replied, “I have no idea.”

  “That’s good,” he said, “I’m just happy you’re healing. It’s probably safer for you if you can’t identify them.”

  “Yeah, I don’t remember anyone but the wolf,” I laughed, “Can you believe that? A wolf saved me!”

  “A wolf? You remember that? Fuck. I’m so sorry you’ve been dragged into all this,” Cairo said and pulled me close, I laid my face on his broad chest and sighed deeply, inhaled his scent and felt his body next to mine. This was home, beyond any apartment or no matter how attached I was to my little trailer, right here in his arms was where I wanted to be.

  This was home, and I decided right then and there I’d do anything to make it back here.

  *****

  “I can’t fucking believe he’s keeping you locked up like this. Can’t you just walk away?” I said. I was straddling his lap on his bed, facing him with his arms wrapped around me.

  “He’s got control over me, Liv. I know you don’t understand it, but I can’t deny my father when he commands me to do something. But being around you makes it easier to stand up to him, I think that’s why he doesn’t want me to see you. And I needed to say, I know it looks bad,” Cairo said, “but I swear I have no idea how my phone ended up with Cara. I was so terrified you would think I killed her. My father told me that you were too afraid to see me and were thinking of heading back to Canada because of it.”

  “No way!” I exclaimed, “I’ll admit I was freaked out at first, but mostly because I’ve never seen a dead person before, especially one that was so chewed up like that. And your phone...that worried me. But I trust you Cai, I believe somebody is trying to set you up.”

  “I have the same feeling,” he replied, “but why?”

  “Who has the most to gain? Your father gains control over you, the real killer gains the police not focusing on them. Who could that be though?”

  “If I had any idea, I would have told the police,” he said and furrowed his brow, “I’ve been going over it in my head and there is no clear answer. One of the girls disappeared before I came back to the Cirque, and the second disappeared a few months back. There is nothing to connect them all together as far as I can tell.”

  “Have there been any more?” I asked. “Maybe long before your return?”

  “I don’t have access to the employee records, my father has locked me out.”

  “Can you find out? Ask Paris for help?”

  “I don’t know how much she knows, I still think my father is doing this to keep us apart. I’m not sure I want her knowing about the disappearances.”

  “I’ll do it,” I said, “If you can tell me how. I already know about the disappearances and Cara’s murder. I’m already a target, let me help you.”

  “I won’t put you in that kind of danger,” he said and kissed me, I let myself melt against his broad chest and felt his muscles ripple under his shirt as he rubbed my back and held me close.

  I pulled away and said, “I’m already in danger apparently,” and gestured to my bruised face and wounded neck. “Let me help you, please. I feel helpless right now. I need to figure this out so you can be free and we can be...” My voice trailed off, I wasn’t sure I could say the next part out loud.

  “Together,” he said for me and I smiled.

  “Exactly,” I said, “I want to see what’s going on with us too, why I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “God,” he moaned and pulled me tight against him again, “I know, you haunt my every waking moment and show up in my dreams at night. When I’m talking to my family, I’m thinking of you, when I’m by myself, I’m thinking of you. You’re in my blood, Liv, and I want to be with you so bad.”

  “Me too,” I whispered and melted against him again. I loved how our bodies fit together perfectly, how when I was in his arms, I felt safe and loved. How all my anxieties and fears dissipated when I let him hold me like that.

  “I need to tell you about the wolf,” he said suddenly and broke our embrace. He looked at me as if searching for signs of weakness.

  “What about it?” I asked.

  “It’s from the Cirque,” he said slowly and kept watching me.

  “One of Alexi’s animals? I knew it!”

  “Not an animal...not really,” he said. He took a deep breath and went on. “Liv, there’s something about us circus folk, something you don’t know. Nobody from the outside knows. But if you don’t understand what’s going on here it could get you killed.”

  “Okay, now you’re freaking me out.”

  “You know we have a crazy intense connection, right?”

  “Yeah,” I replied carefully. My suspicious insecure side was waiting for him to dump me or tell me to leave.

  “Well, we’re shifters,” he said slowly, carefully, watching my face the entire time. “Most of us are. And all different types and varying degrees.”

  He held my arms and watched me comprehend what he’d just said.

  “Shifter.”

  “Yes.”

  “As in what, werewolf?”

  He drew a long shuddering breath and said, “Kind of. Some of us are wolves, but not all of us are beholden to change.”

  “As in full moon, hairy with four legs and
big bitey teeth?” I didn’t really believe him at this point, I figured being cooped up had sent him a little crazy...and yet that wolf, the way it had looked at me.

  “Yes,” he replied, “although we are able to change at other times of the month if the need is great enough. Under times of duress, when my father compels us to or when we’re excited.”

  “So you could turn into a wolf right now,” I said, not comprehending his words, but unable to deny the power that coursed through him that told me he wasn’t lying.

  It was just going to take a while to wrap my head around it.

  “Not entirely,” he said, “maybe if we had sex I could partially change at the time of orgasm. Or if you threatened my life somehow. Or somebody threatened you...”

  “When’s the last time you changed?”

  “I changed the other night when you needed me, I felt it like a distress beacon and had to act. Other than that I haven’t felt compelled since we found you,” he said, “and that’s what threatens my father. Since I’ve met you and fallen so far... I have been able to control the change during the full moon, and my father can no longer force us to change. In fact, the full moon fell on the night I first had you, and I didn’t even notice. Your power is incredible, but you don’t seem aware of it.”

  “You were the wolf who saved me? And I’m able to help you control your powers? This is all too much for me, I’m sorry if I don’t fully believe it,” I told him with a chuckle as I processed it all. I knew I wore a disbelieving smirk on my face, it wasn’t out of disrespect but more of a guard. I was expecting him to start laughing and mock me for half believing him at any moment.

  “We all have felt your presence and have been able to deny my father and control our shifting,” he said, “You’ve really shaken up the Cirque and offered us freedom from lunar magic. You’re special, Liv, maybe more special than you ever suspected.”

  “Oh god, so everybody knows I can do this? They’re all going to see me as some kind of shifter Jesus or something, aren’t they?” The thought of being seen as a freak among freaks made me anxious, just when I thought I’d found some comfort among society’s outcasts.

  “No, nobody else has made the connection directly to you. They all believe my father arranged it. It makes our lives so much easier, and of course he allows them to think this.”

  “Less threat of angry villagers with torches and pitchforks and such from the outsiders.”

  He laughed, and said, “You have no idea.”

  “I’m glad to be of service,” I replied, “but I don’t know why this would make me a threat.”

  “My father is the pack leader and is the one generally in control of when we shift, he sees anything that lessens his control as a threat. Just stay away from him, keep out of his way until I can figure this whole thing out.”

  “I can’t, I’m in his act,” I said. I was stunned, and maybe in shock at his confession, because the impact of what he’d just told me didn’t hit home. Not yet anyhow. It was like my ears heard it, but it didn’t feel real yet. It was still just a story, a meaningless mythology that had nothing to do with my real life.

  There was a light tap at the door and Paris said, “I’m sorry, but we’ve got to end this now.”

  I felt tears springing to the back of my eyes again, and much to my horror, a couple fat droplets spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want him to see me cry, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “Hey,” he whispered and brushed the tear off my cheek, “it’s going to be okay. We’ll get this figured out and we can be together in no time at all. Just watch yourself.”

  “I know,” I said, “I just don’t want to leave. And I don’t know what to think now.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” he replied softly, “but we have to play their game. I’ll get the information to you to access employee records, and we’ll meet up again in a couple days. I’ll be thinking of you until then.”

  “Me too,” I replied and kissed him again. Paris tapped at the door a second time.

  “Be safe, Liv,” Cairo said, “and whatever happens, be careful around my father. I don’t want him to know we’re meeting, and although I don’t think he’s involved in Cara’s death or the other girls, I don’t want to find out what happens if he feels cornered by you. We need to find out why you have this ability, and then we’ll know how to protect you better.”

  “I promise I’ll be careful,” I said, “he’ll never suspect a thing.”

  He held me with such reverence and intensity I was certain he had more to tell me. “I–” he started to say but was cut off by Paris’ insistence that I leave.

  I was positive he’d been about to tell me, “I love you,” but hadn’t had the chance.

  “Me too,” I said and climbed off his lap, kissed my fingertip and pressed it against his cheek, and turned and left the RV.

  Paris left before me, checked out the area, saw nothing and indicated for me to follow. I was a little excited, not just from my encounter with Cai, but this intrigue was thrilling to me. I was getting a little buzz of nervous energy from the spy like game I was playing.

  Some part of me didn’t believe I’d ever be hurt, or anything bad would come of my part in things.

  If only I’d known then how wrong I was.

  Chapter Twenty One

  The Cirque was scheduled to spend two weeks in Portland, during which I was supposed to practice with Orion a total of eleven times, perform with him on stage a total of six times, and spend as much time as possible meeting with Cairo.

  I hung onto the promise of those visits and found the moments in between them moved with agonizing apathy. Time itself was indifferent to the ache of my heart, and no matter how I railed against it when I was gone from Cairo’s side, nothing changed.

  Being away from him didn’t give me time to pick apart his confession, that he was a wolf. It was strange that it didn’t alarm me more, that I didn’t spend every waking moment trying to figure out who was a shifter and what kind of animal they became.

  His love dulled all other things in my life, no matter how they would alter my world view or self perception.

  It was Cai who kept my mind occupied, my obsession alone took up residence inside my body.

  Paris kept me satiated by bringing me little notes of love and instructions from Cai. I cherished each one and would tuck them in a little leather bound journal I’d been given years before and had never used for anything. Now I would put those notes inside and tie it shut, slide them under my mattress and find some comfort sleeping on his words of love.

  “Pay attention,” Orion’s voice pierced through my daydream. I’d half-forgotten I was practicing with Orion just then. “You are going to get seriously injured if you don’t follow the direction of my knives.”

  “I know,” I replied, trying not to scream at him or demand he let me see Cai right then and there. “I’ll do better.”

  He grunted and set me spinning again and began to throw his knives. We were practicing as usual, nothing was out of the ordinary, but I had heard a rumour that he was going to take the Cirque back to Quebec earlier than originally planned. My chest tightened at that thought and what it meant. Would they be planning Cairo’s wedding in Quebec?

  I was afraid of what would happen if we made it back to Canada before I had figured everything out. It would take a week or so of driving to get back there, so I definitely had a little time, but I couldn’t shake the newfound sense of urgency.

  Once they made it back to Canada, Orion was going to fire me, I was sure of it. Get rid of me and force Cairo to marry Mila so Orion didn’t owe the wrong people too much money.

  I concentrated on the knife he let fly and dodged it expertly. Part of our act now involved several near misses before the final blow. We were working on me appearing to jerk out of the way at the last moment while becoming more and more distressed. This way the audience would believe Orion was either aiming for me, or losing control, both
scenarios creating additional drama for the performance.

  “Better,” he said, “a little more believable. You know Liv, you have a remarkable ability for deception.”

  He let loose another knife without warning. I flinched out of the way at the last second. I wondered if he had intended it to hit me, but what was the point? We were part of an act together and he knew I’d feel nothing.

  Then again, I might not be able to feel pain, but I could still feel fear.

  “It’s all part of the performance,” I replied, spinning on the wheel. I wished he’d stop so I could get a better look at his face, understand where he was going with his rambling.

  “You are most excellent at it though,” he said and threw another knife. This one didn’t come near me, so I relaxed a little. “Have you ever considered something that would earn you a little more money?”

  “More than this?” I asked. “Speaking of which, I meant to tell you that I haven’t gotten paid yet.”

  “You’ll have to lodge a formal request to HR,” Orion said and threw a knife, missing me again. “I have nothing to do with that. But I could help you earn ten times as much for even less work though. And it would keep your mind off my son.”

  “I don’t want to keep my mind off your son,” I replied steadily, “I want you to explain to me why you have him locked up.”

  At that, Orion abruptly stopped the wheel from spinning and stared at me with a predatory gaze. I felt my body jerk with the sudden loss of inertia and my head snapped back into place so I could stare back at him with my own intensity.

  “It’s for his own good, my dear, you should have heard about that by now with all your covert visits and communications,” he replied, raised an eyebrow, stroked a knife and threw it towards me. “Tell me, are you interested in other work? It may give you a chance to spend more time with my son.”

  “I might be, get me off of here and we can talk,” I said, trying my best to remain calm. I hated it when Orion got under my skin, but he always managed to find my weakness. In this case it had been my sneaking around with Cairo, I’d been so sure we were discrete about it, but obviously his eyes saw more than I’d thought.