“Why are you saying this to me? Of course you are not stupid.” His mind was a mass of confusion.
“You may not have known the exact words she would say, but you knew she would say something about ‘the nurse.’ What happened in there is your fault! She was right. You didn’t want us to meet. When you shoved this brunch down my throat I asked about your mother. She didn’t have plans like you led me to believe. You didn’t invite her. Where I grew up we have a saying, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. As your mother pointedly stated, you are her son. Her tree, her fruit. I trusted you. You lied to me. I don’t want you to hold me. I don’t want anything from you.”
“Wait a minute,” he said with rising panic. “How can you say that to me? I am not like my mother. You know me.”
“I don’t know you, but you are teaching me a valuable lesson about cavorting with strangers. You can’t be trusted.” Logan’s head felt like it would explode. Ava said she didn’t trust him. Everything was unraveling. Cold sweat covered his body, his chest ached, and his heart was beating too fast. His brain wasn’t processing fast enough.
“And this is a promise you can bet I’ll keep. I will never forget what happened today.” Mind reeling, Logan didn’t know what to do.
“Are you going to drive me home or should ’the help’ start walking back to town?”
“Don’t, sweetheart, this isn’t us,” his voice almost pleading. “I’m sorry baby, sorry for everything, more than you could ever know.”
She cut him off before he could say another word.
“I’ll walk.” Ava backed away from him, and started the walk down the brick laid circular drive.
He ran after her and gripped her elbow.
Ava spun on him, “get your hands off of me,” she said, with fire in her eyes.
He let his hand fall in defeat. “I’ll drive you home. Wait here, I will drive the car around.”
Every few miles, Logan would glance at the passenger seat Ava occupied hoping she would look at him. She didn’t. He watched at she fingered the heart necklace he had given her as the miles slipped by. When she closed her fingers around the pendant and tugged, he thought he’d careen off the road. They rode the forty-six miles to Shell Cove in silence. When they arrived at Ava’s house, she leapt from the car like piranhas were at her heels. Logan attempted to walk her to the door. She stopped him in his tracks.
“Go home Dr. Masters.”
“Let me come inside. We can stay here tonight.” Keeping her by his side was his priority. Do not let her run, he told himself.
“No,” she said with finality in her tone. “I haven’t changed my mind.” She unlocked her door, went inside, and shut the door never looking back.
Logan was still in Ava’s driveway thirty minutes later. He could not bring himself to leave her with his mother’s poisonous words hanging between them. How could he fix this? Ava wouldn’t look at him, she wouldn’t let him touch her. An emotion Logan had no experience with surfaced, fear. Raw, guttural, and unrelenting.
The ringtone from his phone interrupted his thoughts.
“Is Ava okay?” Darwin asked with concern in his voice.
“She is as far from okay as east is from west. Darwin she won’t even look at me. I will probably be arrested for parking in her driveway overnight.”
“Brother, this is beyond messed up.”
“She won’t let me in the house,” he said in a frustrated tone. “Told me to go home, but I can’t leave her.” He ran his fingers through his hair repeatedly in an attempt to calm down.
“The stuff mom said was crazy. I almost can’t believe it happened. I knew she had some extreme views on status, but I never imagined she would have said those things to anyone.”
“I am pissed at her. Money does not give you the right to trample on other people.” Logan knew his mother was a snob, but her behavior bordered on hatred.
“When I left Dad looked like a two by four had split his head open and mom was crying about some stuff that happened after you were born.”
“I can’t lose Ava,” Logan broke in on his brother’s update.
“You won’t lose her. Ava cares about you, she needs time to deal with her own feelings without having to worry about yours. Maybe you should go home.”
“You are insane.” Logan was pissed that Darwin would suggest such an asinine idea. “I am not leaving my woman alone after what just happened to her. You don’t have a woman. What you use your women for doesn’t constitute a relationship. You’ve never had a woman you wanted to keep.” Logan’s voice was low and desolate.
“Stop trying to piss me off and listen. Ava might need some space and time to clear her head. Respect her wishes on this. She just found out her boyfriend’s mother is an elitist and a drunk,” Darwin said, bluntly. “That is a significant bit of information to process for most mortal minds.”
“Stop being a smart ass, Darwin.”
“I’ll ignore that because you’re upset. But think about Ava’s feelings after being in our mother’s company for three minutes. Knowing our mother does not respect her, may never like her. Mom believes your relationship is against the natural order.” Darwin sighed, “I recommend you give her space. Use the time to get your rage under control.”
“Ava is mine. I will not let her leave me.”
“Listen to yourself. Ava is hurting. This isn’t about what you want. You can’t drive her to your desired conclusion. All she asked was that you go home. She didn’t end the relationship according to what you told me. Give her some breathing room in the relationship.”
“Giving a woman breathing room is an opportunity for them to mess everything up,” Logan said through a clinched jaw.
“Not giving your woman breathing room, leads to you messing everything up, big brother. Ava is sweet, but she’s not a weak willed woman you can control. And she’s not Brooke.”
Logan growled into the phone. He did not need another reminder of the differences between Ava and Brooke. Brooke could not be trusted. Ava had his trust. But, having her close insured an impenetrable bond. That’s what he told himself.
“Goodbye Darwin,” he pushed the end button on his cell and threw it in the passenger seat.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the car door, and stepped outside. One thought in mind.
Go get your woman.
Hearing the jingle of keys at her front door had Ava bounding off the couch.
“Logan Masters, if you open that door you will live to regret this day.” She saw the door handle move from her position by the door. When she didn’t open it, he rang the doorbell.
“Please, let me in. I already regret this day, more than words convey.” She couldn’t see him, but from the sound of his voice he was running finger tracks through his hair. God, she wanted him.
“Ava,” his tone pleading, “don’t leave me out here.”
Either he pushed the door, or laid his head to rest against it. “I want to be with you,” she heard the muted words.
“I know,” the tears fell staining the front of her dress, “but you can’t fix this.” Ava pressed her forehead against the cool wood of the door, a connection to him, as the pain of today’s events eroded the fantasy of a life with Logan. She fought to steady her breathing as tears flooded her eyes. He couldn’t be the one to comfort her through this.
“Logan.” Her heart was breaking for both of him.
“I’m here sweetheart.”
“Go home.” Tears flowed with the intensity of a swift moving stream.
“I am not leaving you.” The steel in his voice said he’d bind their wrists together until his demands were met.
“You aren’t leaving me. I’m asking you to go. Do this for me, okay.”
“I want us.”
“I know what you want, but this is what I need.”
“For you, I’ll go.” She released a breath of relief at his acquiescence.
“Ava.”
“I’m here.”
&nbs
p; “I will be back for you.” Her breath hitched at the resolve in his voice. She heard his footsteps become more distant, then the slow rumble of the car engine as he pulled out of her driveway.
I’ll be back for you.
Stupid heart. Trying to hold on to a man that could never be hers. Stumbling to her bedroom, she tripped over a bag. Her toiletries, and flat iron spilled from the bag, caught under her foot and sent her barreling toward the floor. Catching her balance by grabbing the corner of the bed, Ava let her body slide to the floor. Where she stayed, drowning in her tears of sorrow.
Her head on the carpeted floor, she spied her tablet amongst the contents scattered around her feet. She needed to talk. Lina had her own relationship troubles. She would call Janna in Okinawa, Japan. With the change in time zones it was Sunday evening in Japan.
Ava wiped her face with the bed coverlet, logged in to Skype and dialed Janna’s number. Relief washed over her when Janna’s face appeared on the screen.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Ava looked into the camera and Janna’s smile fell away. Janna and Ava were roommates after everything went wrong with Marcus. Ava hadn’t felt safe living alone, back then.
“Hello Lieutenant.” Ava felt a pang of loss referring to her rank. As young women, they had plans to join the military on the buddy system. But, all that changed after the assault.
“I wanted to talk to a friend.” Ava offered a weak smile.
“You wanting to talk is unlikely,” Janna said, in a low concerned tone. “What’s wrong?”
“I wanted to talk with you about joining the Navy.”
“Are you thinking about joining after all these years?”
She had never stopped thinking about the decision to come back home to lick her wounds. Wounds that still drove her decisions. Wounds that served as an endless well for her insecurities and doubts.
“I completed my commissioning packet,” she said between sniffles. “I don’t think anything will come of it, because my employer endorsement wasn’t approved.”
“I’m proud of you. Why was your endorsement denied?”
“It’s a tale I don’t have the energy to repeat tonight, but can you do anything to help me?”
“What about Logan?” At his name, the tears started flowing again.
“Let’s not talk about Logan. I want to talk about me, my future. Why are my friends so concerned about Logan’s plans for me! Does anyone consider that I have plans for my life and I don’t need Logan?” She could feel her lips starting to quiver. Her shoulders shaking with anger and grief. And yes, heartbreak. She didn’t need Logan, but she wanted him.
“Ava what happened?” Janna paused. Waited for her to regain some composure.
“I can’t get away from us.” Ava said with a torturous cry. “I eat, sleep and breathe Logan. I’m drowning in him. And I don’t fit into his world.” She was struggling to take a breath. The sobs racking her body, she dropped the tablet. Collapsing onto her back Ava sobbed. Gripping the material of her dress, praying for the pain to stop.
“Ava!” Janna’s voice was high pitched, startling.
“I’m here.”
“Come to the camera. I can’t see you.” Ava did as she was told. Her thin fingers, trembling when she picked up the tablet. Janna’s wide eyes filling the display. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’m a wreck and I should not have called. But, I feel so alone.” She had asked him to leave. But she was inexplicably fused to Logan. To a man and a life he couldn’t share with her.
“Has Logan hurt you?”
No, but she was hurting because of him. Because he couldn’t stay without losing everything. And she couldn’t go without losing everything.
“He’s not physically hurting me. He could do whatever he wanted to me and I would probably let him. What if it gets like before?” Ava was almost in a panic. Thinking of her past. She had allowed Marcus to keep her bent on hands and knees to please him. A man she didn’t love. “Logan could hurt me worse than Marcus. I don’t think I would recover, Janna.”
“Logan is crazy for you. Talk to him about your feelings. Don’t do this to yourself. You are afraid because of Marcus. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You are a different woman. You’re stronger and it’s going to be okay.”
“Nothing is okay,” she screamed. “I think we make each other crazy. Everything centers on what Logan wants. It’s like a force I can’t resist is slowly absorbing me. The yearning I have for him is beyond understanding. I feel caged, waiting for the gate to rise when I’m away from him. That can’t be healthy to want someone so badly.”
And now he’s gone.
“I am not the best person for relationship advice. You know I am a ‘boy toy’ kind of woman. I steer clear of complicated relationship stuff, but I am going to step out on a limb.”
“This better be good.” The first smile Ava felt since she’d crossed paths with Maribelle Commando Barbie Masters.
“If being with Logan helps to relieve the pressure perhaps your relationship with him isn’t the cause of the problem. Maybe you are fighting your feelings for him. The past is just that.”
“If the answer lies there then I may never reach a solution,” Ava interrupted.
“Maybe, you should explore your own feelings. Separate them from what you feel for Logan.”
“You aren’t going to help. Everything is feelings and Logan.”
“Ava, just think about what it is you really want. What would you be risking?” Ava’s hope dimmed. Logan had ram-shackled her world. Hijacked her two friends. She had no one.
“I don’t need your help. I can do this on my own.”
“That’s not true. I’ll do what I can to help you. My friend Morgan, was a navy recruiter. Give me twenty-four hours to make contact and follow-up.”
A genuine smile stretched across Ava’s face. “Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your help means to me,” Ava sniffed. “Now that you’re my friend again, how are you and Dawson?”
“He’s committed to the Marine Corps, me the Navy. Neither one of us has the time for a relationship. We scratch one another’s itch.”
“A lot of itching taking place these four months. I don’t want to spring any surprises on you, with you being trained in self-defense, but you’ve been in a relationship for four months.”
“We have fun relieving some pressure. It’s nothing serious, not what you and Logan have together.”
“You are too stubborn for your own good, but I love you just the way you are.”
“I love you too, but be sure you are ready for what comes your way.”
“Thanks for answering my call. And don’t think I missed you changing the subject from you and Dawson, to me.”
“Goodnight, Ava.” Her tears had all but stopped.
Ava was excited when she ended the call. She had taken the first steps in securing her own future. She had made a decision for herself, a smile shone through her tears. She could move forward without Logan.
Chapter 15
Two weeks without Ava. She had arranged her schedule to avoid working with him. Logan refused to talk with anyone in his family. When he heard their voices, images of Ava’s face looking at him with unshed tears in her eyes replayed the personal horror movie in his head. Sunday golf outings with his father and Darwin were a thing of the past.
When he heard the distinct hum of his father’s engine in his driveway. Logan did not budge from his office chair when Robert Lee all but tore the front door off the hinges trying to get inside. He had finally taken Graham’s advice to lock all the doors. Logan didn’t answer his front door or let his father inside. He didn’t want to hear what his father had to say. He did not want to hear what any of them had to say. Not even Darwin. Darwin suggested giving Ava space. Now Logan could not find her. He had exhausted every possible avenue available to him save one. Not wanting to pull Ava’s best friend in the middle of their rift, he had no other choice. Lina was his only link to Ava.
He was angry with himself for not being able to protect her. He was angry at his family for jeopardizing what he had with Ava. And he was angry with Ava, for not caring enough about him to resist running away.
As he walked through the door of the psychiatric unit he reassured himself the opportunity to reclaim her would come. If he had to seize the opportunity by the throat and drag it punching and clawing he would do it. He had to believe he would get her back. He saw the nurse he was searching for directing a patient into a group therapy room. “Lina.” She turned in his direction.
“Yes, Dr. Masters.” It took a moment for him to comprehend her words. He directed her to step into a private therapy room, “Lina?”
“What is it that you want?” Logan closed his eyes in frustration. “You’ve talked to Ava. Lina please let me explain. I never meant to hurt her.”
“Of course you didn’t, taking an unmistakably black woman to brunch with a family full of elitist and possibly closet racists, is protective by anyone’s standards.”
He ground his teeth, fingers into fists. “Lina, my family is not racist. My mother is a snob and a drunk, but she is not what you said.”
“In my experience the -isms stick together.” Anger reflected on her face.
He looked at her in bewilderment.
“Classism, racism, sexism, you get the picture. You meet one, scratch their surface, low and behold, there’s another -ism reinforcing the one you see. Save your song and dance for some other sucker, because I’m not buying it. The most generous, kind hearted, woman in the world isn’t good enough for the Masters family.”
“My family is none of those things. It was my mother, no one else in my family. We are friends. What happened between my mother, Ava and I has no bearing on our friendship.”
“You know the old adage, mama’s baby. Most of us are a byproduct of our mother’s beliefs and values.”
“I am not a hen pecked boy nor am I an ignorant man. I have my own beliefs and values. None of them include treating people differently because of money, status, and definitely not because of their skin color.”
Chasing Ava: A Bachelor of Shell Cove Novel (The Bachelors of Shell Cove) Page 20