“Not because of this,” she said, pointing to her suspended arm. “Because I knew Ava was trying to join the Navy before she left. I know why she had to leave, but I miss her. I want her to come back.” There were tears in Monique’s eyes. Oh my Todd, where was one of the nurses. Even Spencer, had to be better at addressing the tears of a sixteen year old girl, than him.
“Ava left because she was selected to serve in the Navy Nurse Corps. It’s what she always dreamed of.” He understood that now, but it didn’t soften the blow that she had chosen a career over a life with him.
“That’s not why she left.” The confidence in Monique’s voice piqued his interest.
“Tell me why Ava left?” he moved closer to the bed, studying Monique as she became more animated.
“She left because some super rich lady threatened her because of you. She said I was getting worse because of Ava.” Logan stumbled back a step.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I overheard Kathryn and Spencer talking about that, a butt wipe named Randall. Ava left because of you and me.” He felt hope swell in his heart, then it plummeted to his feet. Ava had not told him any of this. She hadn’t trusted him to take care of her.
“Can you get her back, Dr. Masters?” The innocence in her request had him nodding his head in the affirmative.
“I knew you would. You like her, just as much as she likes you.” Monique was smiling now. The bedcovers hung near the floor because she sat up to turn on the light over the bed.
“I recognize that glimmer in your eyes. I don’t have a red cape under this lab coat. She’s in the armed forces, Monique. Ava can’t leave and come back home. It doesn’t work that way.” He wished it did.
“I know. My dad retired from the Navy.”
“So you understand, Ava can’t come home because you want it to happen.” He wanted her back, too. More than anything in his whole life he needed Ava by his side.
“I’ll call my Dad, he can help us get Ava back.” The likelihood of a military retiree being able to impact the assignment process was slim, but Monique was enthused and happy.
“You do that.” He didn’t want to be the cause of that smile turning upside down. The super-rich lady was his mother. What did she know to make Ava run? He’d let his father handle Maribelle. Randall Lester had a bull’s eye center mass, and Logan had his missile locked and loaded.
Chapter 18
She loved Logan. There, she had said it. Her watch read ten twenty at night. She dialed Logan’s number. She had taken to the stairwell at lights out. He answered on the first ring.
“Ava?” He sounded surprised, rather than the elated she’d hoped for.
“I miss you.” Straight to the point Logan would appreciate directness.
“Is everything alright, sweetheart?” He had called her sweetheart. Her eyes started dripping water. God help her. She couldn’t be crying again. Something had to be wrong with her tear ducts. She needed to schedule an appointment at medical for further evaluation. She didn’t think she cried this much as a baby.
“No.”
“What’s wrong?” The rehearsed profession of love escaped her. Where should she start when she’d done so many things wrong in their relationship? Admit it, own up to your role.
“It isn’t considered a conversation if you don’t talk Ava.” After a few long seconds, she found her voice.
“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I miss you.” The line fell silent.
“Are you still there?”
“I’m here, but I can hardly believe my ears. You shared your feelings with me without being prodded. Say it again.” She smiled.
“I know you’re still on the line, you are talking to me.” It felt good to tease with him, again.
“Repeat the part about missing me.”
“Oh that. I miss you, terribly. If I were there I would be in your arms, cuddled up close. I can’t wait to see you.” A relieved sigh, it felt so good to hear his voice. She should’ve called sooner.
“Why do you want to see me?” His question was a slap to the face. She hadn’t expected him to question her motives. Inherently she understood the importance of her response.
“You’re mine, and I am yours. I was wrong to leave while you were away; it won’t ever happen again. I made a mistake. I left Shell Cove. I didn’t leave you. What I did was immature and I should have tried harder. I will never do that to us again. I promise. Logan say something.”
“How is training?”
“I’ve had some challenges. But things are looking up.”
“Is it everything you wanted?” He wasn’t acknowledging what she’d said about missing him. He was everything she wanted. When it was her choice to walk away.
“It’s not as fulfilling as I had imagined.”
“Similar to your experience with me.” She gasped at his comment, obviously meant to be a dig on her.
“You are more than I deserve. I would undo how I left if I had the power. Hurting you was never a part of my plan.” He grunted at her confession.
“When are you coming home?” The line was eerily still and Ava knew he would not appreciate her answer.
“I have a permanent change of station orders to Virginia. The Navy has a large medical center there,” she said quietly. “It’s a wonderful area I understand.”
“That is good news for you, Ensign Walters.” His tone was troubling. Ava started to get nervous.
“Logan we can make this work between us. Virginia is not very far from Florida. We can see each other at least twice a month.”
“You finally tell me how you feel about me. Make promises to me, knowing you won’t be coming back.”
“No,” she said in a rush. “It’s not what you are thinking Logan. I mean every word.”
“I’m sure you do. Will you feel the same when you are standing face to face with me? Or will you run, push me away at this first sign of trouble? I know you Ava. You’ve been running away from the beginning.”
“I didn’t run from you. I was running from myself. The depth of my feelings for you terrified me. Being apart from you is harder than I ever imagined. I want you in my life.” Yes. We are communicating.
“Are you sure you aren’t using me as a crutch? Your parents told me you are failing officer training. Toying with me, have me run to your rescue, only to have you sail away after training. I don’t know if you were ever committed to me.” The flat tone in his voice broke her heart.
“I accept full responsibility for the damage I caused by leaving, but I will not allow you to second guess everything I’ve done in our relationship because of one error in judgment. I am committed to you. You are still the only man under heaven above that I want to hold me. To make love to me. I was afraid and the only way I knew how to deal with the fear was to guard my heart.”
“You don’t trust me Ava. What kind of relationship can we possibly sustain without trust? God knows, that I want you. You say you want me, but how can I know I won’t come home from work to find you gone again.”
It killed her to hear his doubts about her feelings for him, her commitment to their relationship. But she didn’t have a counter argument other than what she had already said.
“It’s me I don’t trust. Not you. If I didn’t trust you this entire conversation would be pointless.”
The hope that she had at the beginning of the conversation was slowly capsizing. “Do you want to be with me after everything that has happened between us?”
“You know the answer to the question, Ava.” Then why was he acting as if he’d had a change of heart?
“I’ve learned since joining the military to trust, but verify. Humor me. I want to hear you say the words.” She took a move from his playbook.
“You are the one that left, the real question is do you want me?”
“You’re stalling, Logan. I asked first, good manners dictate that you be the first to respond.” She hoped she sounded confident because that was not how she felt. Logan never beat ar
ound the bush. He always plowed head on into confrontation. Oh God, the shaking started in her hands, he was going to reject her.
She had ruined everything they had together when she fled. She should not have left Shell Cove, she should have waited for Logan to return, and told him about her past. She was being honest, talking about her feelings. There had to be a better way to broach the subject. She had gotten nowhere.
What good did it do to share your feelings with a man, when he beat them out of you like Marcus had? Or threw them back in your face? She was glad to be in Rhode Island right now. This would be the fresh start she talked about. No more reaching back for things you couldn’t have. Dang, her eyes were dripping again.
“I understand if you can’t be with me. I should let you go. Thanks for hearing me out.”
“Don’t put down the phone Ava. You are about to do it again.”
“Do what?”
“There is nothing okay about the way you left me. You couldn’t possibly understand how I feel. I was honest with you that first night. I don’t play games.” She could hear his anger at what she had done to him.
“I told you our lives were forever changed after we made love. You walked out on me like it meant nothing. So how could you possibly understand how I feel when you never really were honest with me? You didn’t give yourself to me. I gave you everything I am, but it wasn’t enough.”
“You are more than enough for me.”
“How can you ask me to believe you? It is so easy for you to walk away from me. To leave without an explanation, then hang up on me. I can hear it in your voice. You are getting ready to leave me again. To discard me.” She was crying in earnest.
“I can barely breathe without you. I feel like a fool for wanting you back Ava.”
“Nothing about you has been easy for me Logan. I wasn’t honest with myself, so it wasn’t possible to be fully honest with you. What you saw when we were together was an expression of my feelings for you. I can’t fake my response for you, my desire for you.” She took a breath and plowed through her confession. “Logan I am trying to fix my mistake. I’m setting myself up to be crushed by the man that holds my happiness in his hands. First...”
Logan’s call waiting indicator interrupted her plea. “I was saying …”
“Ava I have to take this call, hold the line. I will only be a moment. Dumbfounded was the only way to express what she felt. She poured her heart out to the man she loved and he put her on hold. Who was so important Logan had to take another call while they were repairing their relationship?
He would squash this business alliance once and for all. Sam Holbrook was calling. And he was not in the mood to keep rehashing the failed partnership. Ava waited for him on the other line. The sign he’d been praying for had come. Knowing that she left in a misguided attempt to protect him and Monique made everything better. She had not left him behind. But, he still had a lot of resentment to deal with. Resentment that had come through in their phone conversation.
“Sam, say what you have to say, and let’s be done with this business.”
“Hi, Logan.” Rebecca knew he had blocked all calls from her phone numbers.
“I told you not to call anymore, I know you’re not hearing impaired.”
“That’s rude Logan. First, I apologize for all the phone calls. I was trying to cheer you up. Besides, my father really wants this alliance and I have a favor to ask.”
“The answer is no.” Rebecca, like him had been reared to do her father’s bidding. Since Ava left she had redoubled her efforts to continue their illusion of a relationship.
“The foundation is having a Ladies’ Day fundraiser at the Preserve Saturday after next. The guy manning the booth with me backed out at the last minute.”
“Find someone else and don’t call again.”
“The monies benefit the pediatric surgical unit. Two hours in my company, then you are free to go. I’ll even swing by your place and drop off your research review proposal. The paperwork from Tyson Advantis came through legal affairs this week.”
“I am with Ava, and nothing is going to change that. I will not have you jeopardizing my relationship.” He didn’t want her getting any ideas about them being together.
“You can’t be with someone who isn’t here. We can come to an arrangement. Our partnership can still work.” He was done with pretenses. Ava was his woman and the rest of the world would have to adjust.
“Good bye Rebecca Lynn.” He ended the connection, then transferred the line back over to Ava.
“Sorry I took so long, some business I had to finish up.”
“You sound upset. Who was on the other line?”
“One of my mother’s friends.” He wanted to talk about their relationship.
“Which one?” Ava’s tone was curt though she tried to camouflage it.
“Rebecca Hol...” Before he could finish his sentence, Ava was speaking.
“Why is Rebecca Holbrook calling you at this time of night?”
“My mother keeps orchestrating events to push us together. It’s not going to happen.”
“I remember your mother mentioning her. Have you been seeing her while we’ve been together?”
“I just told you. Nothing happened between us. We have a difference of opinion regarding a business arrangement. I handled it. She’s coming over to deliver some paperwork regarding the research grant. That is it.”
“You invited her to our house! Have you been dating other women?”
“You left me. I will not have you grilling me about what’s happened in my life since your departure.” She was jealous. She was angry at the thought of him with another woman. This was a first, but he would not have her accusing him of wrongdoing.
“I left, but I never left you. You are mine. You will always be mine. So, you had better get rid of that woman Logan Masters. I’m not the pre-game show, either.” Ava’s voice was so loud he could probably hear her from the garage. “I don’t trust your mother. In all the time that I’ve known you, no woman has ever called you in the middle of the night. Did you sleep with her?”
“Sweetheart, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. Answer the freaking question.” The sound coming through the receiver resembled a bull getting ready to charge out of the pen.
Whoa, this conversation had disintegrated fast. Leave it to Rebecca Lynn and his stupidity for answering the call to make matters worse. Hindsight is a cruel teacher.
“I haven’t been with anyone else Ava. Put the lioness back in the cage. It’s still just you and me. No added drama.”
“I want you to come up to Newport for the ceremony. Mom and dad will be here as well.”
“I will be with you in spirit, but I can’t come.”
“What do you mean you can’t? Why not?” Because I have plans for us to be together he wanted to say. I have to be here to follow through on securing our new life. He didn’t say that either. He remained silent.
“Not that week, but I will see you soon.” And that was a promise.
“Only two days are allotted for travel between Rhode Island and my duty station. I want to see you.” He wanted to tell her everything, but it was too soon. When he had confirmation he would tell her.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. We will work something out.”
“When? I can’t come there, and you won’t come here. Logan, you gave me your heart.” The sorrow in her voice sneezed his heart.
“I did, but you never gave me yours. I have a busy surgery schedule tomorrow. We can talk again tomorrow.” He needed to get off the phone, before he was on a flight straight into her arms.
“You’re dismissing me!”
“No sweetheart, I am saying good night.”
She would be back in his arms, soon.
Chapter 19
Graduation day had finally arrived. It was so nice to look out into the audience and see her parent’s proud smiles. Aron and Zari had surprised her by accompanying her paren
ts to Newport. When she saw them she had hoped Logan would be amongst the familiar faces. She was a little sad that he didn’t change his plans for her. The old Logan would have been there for her, but the new Ava wasn’t waiting to be rescued. After her conversation with Logan she knew she wouldn’t move forward without him. She had two days to convince Logan she loved him.
Ava was grateful Janna had introduced her to Morgan. He had enlisted in the Navy prior to becoming an officer. The first few weeks of officer development school it was his encouragement that kept her from quitting the program. He was a dear friend and a mentor. Her family loved him. They had a great time getting to know one another over lunch following the ceremony.
“Ava, you both look so sharp in your uniform,” her father beamed. “The entire Walters family stands proud this day because you are the first commissioned officer in our family.”
“Everyone sends their love, especially Granny Lou. Your father and I tried for weeks to convince her airline travel was safe. She said if she couldn’t see the driver she wasn’t going.”
Her mom could not stop talking, she was so excited to tour the training base and meet Ava’s instructors. “We took a picture with anyone who was stopped including the housekeeping staff.” Her mother giggled. Flashing her smartphone scene at Morgan.
Her father and brother helped her load the car with her luggage. Her military uniforms had added another thirty pounds to her garment bag. Thank goodness she had a Jeep, since Morgan’s things would be making the return trip.
She followed her family’s rental car to the airport. They all looked puzzled when she boarded the rental car shuttle with a carry-on bag.
“Where are you going?” Her father asked.
“I’m going back to Shell Cove. I love Logan and he needs to see it.” Logan needed the words, but she needed to show him how much she loved him. That he was worth fighting for.
The direct flight from Newport to Shell Cove was quick. Ava could use an additional hour or two to harness her courage. To face Logan needed every ounce of mettle she possessed.
Chasing Ava: A Bachelor of Shell Cove Novel (The Bachelors of Shell Cove) Page 24