by Mia Ford
I stand, dropping the tablet on the couch, and I move to the door way to leave. Before I can fully make it out of the room, Mr. Banker grabs onto my arm as if it’s a last-minute decision and he holds me there. I freeze, staring up at him, desperately begging him for answers, silently of course.
“Sorry, Pru,” he says quietly to me, leaning in so there’s no chance of eavesdroppers overhearing his words. “I know this is hard for you. We’ll talk about it whenever you’re ready.”
There’s something deep in his eyes that I don’t quite know how to decipher, but it’s definitely a look that’s only for me to see. As I nod, I wonder if me and him have a secret, an in joke that we won’t share with anyone else. I kinda hope we do but there’s part of me that thinks I’m just desperately searching for something now. I need a connection more than ever because I’m completely alone, but that doesn’t mean there is one…
Chapter Seven – Logan
As soon as I crash through the door into my apartment, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Thank God, that day is over. The moment I got an Internet alert about Pru’s father dying in jail I knew it was going to be awful, but I didn’t realize quite how bad. I didn’t know how deeply my dream was going to affect me all day long, making it a challenge to even be near her. How the hell am I going to work with her if I can’t even be in the same room without freaking out?
I need a nice cool shower, I think that’s just about the only thing that’s going to keep me in check today. I drop my bag on the floor and make a beeline for the bathroom, ignoring any distractions along the way. I need to wash off the discomfort I felt all day long by simply being in the same building as Pru, I need to get rid of all these churned up confusing feelings, I just need to be clean. Right now, I feel like the dirtiest son of a bitch around.
I don’t wait, as soon as the water is running I strip down and leap into the shower, trying my hardest to relax as the jets pound off my muscles. I rest my palms flat up against the tiles on the wall and I slide my eyes closed. In an attempt to clear my mind, I think of nothing but darkness. I don’t let anything from the day seep in, but somehow it isn’t enough. Somehow her beautiful face still remains firmly there, taunting me, making me feel like a mad man, obsessed. What is it about this young beauty that drives me so wild? Is it just that she’s unattainable? Am I that into the taboo or scared of commitment that I can only really fixate on someone that can never be mine?
In some ways, it wouldn’t be impossible for me and her to have something of a normal relationship. She’s only eight years younger than me, which might be a big gap now, but will be nothing when we’re older. If I met her in another situation then maybe, but I didn’t, so I can’t.
I just need to get her out of my system, that’s all.
My hand slides down my body and I grab onto my cock which of course is hard as steel as I’m trying to imagine what life could be like with Pru. I know I’m an animal, it’s all totally fucked up of me, but as long as it only remains in my mind, that isn’t a problem, is it?
This time, as I tug myself off, I picture Pru sitting on the dining room table in my home with her legs spread wide for me and I’ve already removed her panties so all I need to do is dip my head down, inhale her sweet, untouched scent, and flick my tongue all over her. I want to give her pleasure, I want to make her feel as incredible as she did me… in my dream… while I fantasize about her. Urgh, what a mess. Still, right now as I harmlessly play with myself in the shower, it feels right.
“Oh, Mr. Banker,” she whispers as I cause her pussy to pulse and shudder. “That feels so good. You’re corrupting me, turning me into a sexual deviant. I might have to just stay with you.”
I suck her clit, playing with it between my teeth, trying not to think of the words my brain concocted. This is all just a sexual fantasy thing, there’s no point in complicating it by adding a silly amount of romance into the mix. Even imaginary Pru and me can’t be together.
A pressure builds in my chest as I picture Pru writhing and rolling her hips so my tongue slides into her. My cock trembles in my hands. I fist myself hard and fast, knowing this release is exactly what I need. Once I’ve got this moment of madness out of my mind, I can continue on as normal…
“Fucking hell,” I grunt as I cum everywhere, making a mess of the shower. “Fuck, Pru.”
Once I’m done, and my cock is limp in my hand, I pant hard and fast while I wait for my heart rate to calm down. Pru should be gone from my mind now, I can start making plans for the evening. I can order a take out and binge, watch some box set, or I can go out to eat in a bar where I might see someone else exciting enough to grab my eye for a while. Or maybe I can just have a drink and go over some paper work, get ahead of myself so I’m in a better position tomorrow. I have been distracted today after all, that would be the smart thing to do. Usually, that’s the path I’d take because even when I’m out screwing around and blowing off some steam, I do so once my work is complete. My job always, one hundred percent of the time, comes first.
But today, I can’t seem to get myself into the work mode, or into the idea of going out and having a good time actually, despite the fact that I’ve just… sorted myself out, I’m hard again.
“Fucking hell, Pru,” I mutter angrily to myself as I step out of the shower. That didn’t work so there’s no point in remaining. “What the hell are you doing to me?”
I’ve never been like this before, I feel like there’s a beast of passion inside of me that won’t be tamed however much I need it to be. I need something else to sate this madness, and I don’t think having some more me, myself, and my time will cut it.
I grab my cell phone, already hating myself for what I’m about to do, but knowing that if I don’t I’ll end up pacing up and down like a crazy person with insomnia. I don’t think I can go through another night of barely any sleep, and I also don’t know if I can succumb to more dreams like I experienced before either. I can’t keep thinking of Pru like that, it’s sending me deeper and deeper into madness. I need someone else to take my mind off her and I don’t have time to find a stranger.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I press the cell phone up to my ear and bite down on my bottom lip while I wait. Roxy lives three floors down and we occasionally call one another for a hook up. I don’t like to do so because she lives so close to me, I know it might get awkward, and I’m also afraid of too much sex leading to her wanting a relationship, but right now I don’t have much of a choice. Plus, I did hear a rumor that she might be moving home soon anyway, so that will solve everything.
“Hey there, Logan,” Roxy purrs as she answers. “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“You up?” I ask in a teasing tone, trying to mask my neediness. “You fancy a night cap?”
“Oh, you know me. I’m always up for a drink. Be right there.”
I grin with relief once I hang the phone up, glad that she’s being so compliant. I don’t bother to get dressed because I’ll be naked again in a moment, so I wander into the kitchen with the towel wrapped around my waist to pour Roxy a drink. Luckily, she drinks the same brand of whiskey as me when she’s here which keeps things very simple. I enjoy how easy she makes hooking up, if only it wasn’t so risky. This is something we could do all the time otherwise.
The erection underneath the towel might be for a different girl completely, but since she’ll never get to experience it, I can have some fun with someone else. If I simply focus on Roxy and her overt sexiness, then it’ll be easy to forget about Pru for the night, I’m sure of it.
Knock, knock.
“Oh, thank God,” I mutter as Roxy alerts me to her arrival. “Come in.”
I hear the clip clop of high heels which make their way through my apartment to join me in the kitchen. Once there, Roxy grabs her tumbler of drink from me and she knocks it back in one.
“I’m moving next week you know,” she tells me while slinging off her top. “So, this might well be our last hurrah
unless we bump into one another in a bar somewhere.” She slides down her trousers with a cheeky smile. “Which is highly unlikely because we don’t ever drink in the same places, so I suppose we better make this a good one, shouldn’t we? This might very well be it.”
She grabs me and kisses me hard, trying to guide me towards the living room but that isn’t what I want today. I know what my heart desires and while it might be wrong, I also know that I need it.
“No, on the table,” I grunt to Roxy. “Sit up on the dining room table.”
Roxy’s body is a very different shape to Pru’s and she also has a different shade of blonde hair, but this is the closest thing I’ll get to making my shower fantasy come true. It’s wild and crazy, but I’m sure people think of all sorts of stuff and people while screwing. I can’t be the first, or the worst.
“Oh sure.” Roxy peels off her panties, slides off her bra and perches on the edge so I can access her easily. Her glistening slit is luring me in, begging me to live out my day dream inside of her. “Like this? Is this how you want me?” Then she slides off and bends over the table. “Or this?”
Oh fuck. “The second one,” I murmur while grabbing onto a condom that I keep in the drawer. “That’s much fucking better.” I don’t tell her why, but it’s better because I can easily imagine her as someone else this way. I can drive myself into her from behind, pretending that it’s Pru.
Not that Pru would ever behave this way I’m sure, she’s much too sweet and innocent.
I rest the flat palm of my hand on Roxy’s back while I drive into her. I bang her hard against the table, causing all sorts of excitable groans to fly out of her mouth. Once I’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm I reach around the front of her and I flick my finger over her clit, so Roxy can enjoy this as much as I am. She feels good around me, this is fine…
If I’m totally honest with myself, I don’t think this is as good as I thought it would be. I assumed that I’d forget and it would all be lots of fun, but if anything, having sex with Roxy is leaving me cold and a bit hollow. It’s enjoyable as the sex goes, but picturing her as Pru just makes me sad and now I’ve made it impossible to see her as anything else.
We both cum together and I feel deflated once it’s done. This little issue of mine isn’t going to be solved as easily as simply getting it out my system. I know she’ll be gone soon, but I’m beginning to doubt that even that will be enough. I hope I don’t end up as a sad lonely man who can’t get one person out my mind. That’ll just be awful.
“Well, amazing as always,” Roxy announces proudly. “It’s a shame I’m moving but I can’t stay for you.”
I smile thinly, agreeing with her sentiment but hating the way it reminds me again that I’m completely by myself. Fucking hell, what a mess.
Chapter Eight – Prudence
This is the right thing to do, I think anxiously to myself as I pace up and down in front of Mr. Banker’s door at five to four, impatiently waiting to go inside. This is the way to make it right.
I have honestly been trying my best, genuinely trying to work things out on my own but it isn’t enough. The more I figure out my practical plan, the more I realize that I need to just get out there. I’ve set up some appointments, now I just hope that he’ll agree to my plan. I don’t know if he will, I know that I’m taking a huge risk just by asking him – especially when I think about how weird things are between us – but I have to at least try. There isn’t anyone else I can come to with this.
A creak rings out, the door swings open, and my heart stops dead. Mr. Banker gives me a look that shows he doesn’t quite know how to act around me, before he indicates for me to come inside. I wonder if he’s being weird because my dad just died or because there’s a strange atmosphere hanging in the air between us. I could get sucked in and worried about this, but I’m not going to. This is far too important for me to get blind-sided by my own doubts. This is my future.
“So, Pru,” he says quietly as he takes he seat. “How have things been going?”
“I’ve been doing my homework.” I figure that starting with a positive note is the best way to go. “I’ve been doing a lot of research online and working stuff out. Budgets, apartments, jobs, all of that stuff, like you told me to do. And you were right, I do feel a little more prepared now, but…”
Just as I’m about to launch into the speech that I’ve been practicing all morning, Mr. Banker interrupts me. “Actually, first I wanted to check in to see how you’re doing with your father. I know that must be really hard for you, and I’m sure you’re in a place where you can’t talk about it.”
I hang my head low, blinking back the tears that threaten to come. That’s always there in my mind, circling through me and reminding me that I’m lonely, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow it to change things. My father and his choices and actions have controlled my life since I was eight years old when my mother died. Now, I’m the one in charge and I want to focus on that.
“I’m sad.” I half shrug and keep my eyes fixed downwards. “But I’m still going to continue on with my mission. I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted… I don’t know what else I can do.”
Mr. Banker lets out a sympathetic groan and he sighs. “Look, I know it might seem easier right now to push it to one side and forget about it while you’re about to go on this big life journey, but shoving your feelings down isn’t healthy. They’ll come back up eventually.”
I know that he’s right but still I don’t want to get into it. I came here with a mission and it’s one I need to complete. I think after all this time of being introspective has helped me to deal with things on my own. Yes, I’ve had someone to discuss things with from time to time, but most of it I’ve done alone. I’ll be fine, I know it. I nod slowly and smile the brightest one I can manage.
“Honestly, Mr. Banker, I’m okay. I know it’s weird to feel this way, but I suppose he’s been nothing more than a mythical creature somewhere off in the distance for the past five years. Yes, I feel a bit sad without him, but in a way, it’s freeing. This way, I can put my past behind me completely. A big part of me was always worried how things would be when he got out of prison anyway, and now that’s something I’ll never have to face. I won’t have to keep looking over my shoulder and wondering what it’ll be like when we meet. He’s gone, so it’s never going to happen.”
A hollow sensation fills my chest but I cough to cover it up. It’ll be fine, there’s a lot of truth to my words anyway. I won’t have to keep looking around me all the time.
“Right, yeah, okay. I suppose you’re right about that.” Mr. Banker nods. “Well, just know that I’m always going to be here for you if you want to talk. Even if you’re not here anymore. My door will always be open for you. If these feelings do resurface, just come and speak with me.”
“Thank you… that means a lot to me.” I well up again, but this time it’s because I’m so pleased to have met such an awesome person while being in here. It wouldn’t have been half as nice an experience if Mr. Banker wasn’t here. I would still be the shy girl who doesn’t even make eye contact with anyone. I suppose I have come far, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. “I will do.”
“Okay, great. So, would you rather talk about your plans you’ve been making?”
I breathe deeply, trying to regain the confidence I built up outside these office doors. “I would actually, and I think I have a plan about it. One that will help me more than the Internet.”
“Yeah?” Mr. Banker narrows his eyes at me. “Well that sounds positive. What’s that?”
“Well, as I was looking at apartments and jobs I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all, but that’s because I feel like maybe I need to see them in real life.” A cringe fills my chest, I don’t know how he’s going to react. “And I know I’m supposed to wait until after my birthday, but I really want to get out of here the moment I can – even more so now my father’s gone.” I feel a bit shit using that as an excuse,
but I need to use all the tools I can at my disposal. “So, I set up some for… tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Mr. Banker gushes in shock. “What do you mean, tomorrow? They aren’t going to let you out on your own while you aren’t yet eighteen to do stuff like that. I know you’re keen.”
“I am keen.” Shit he isn’t getting it. I’m going to have to spell it right out. I wanted to avoid this, but it seems I can’t. “Which is why I was thinking you could maybe come with me.”
“You want me.?” He gives me an incredulous look, which isn’t what want. “On a weekend?”
Ah, maybe I didn’t think this through after all. Maybe he has weekend plans, maybe he’s going to be with his girlfriend. This might be terribly inappropriate of me. All of a sudden I feel small and childish as I feel my big plan crumble all around me. I’m just so scared of being forced to get a job while still living in the center while I figure things out. I want to be gone, I’m so done now.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I suppose I didn’t think this through. I just got so carried away.” I shake my head as embarrassment curdles in my stomach. “I’ll call the apartment viewings and job interviews now.”
“You organized all of that since Tuesday?” Mr. Banker asks me, clearly very shocked. “I have to say, Pru, that’s very impressive. Especially for someone like you. I haven’t forgotten how scared and shy you were when you first came here. This is… well, it’s a very big step.”
I nod, but since I no longer trust myself to speak I don’t say anything. What started off as a very important meeting to me has become a pit of shame. I want to get out quick before I make things worse than they already are. I can’t have any sympathy from Mr. Banker, it’ll kill me.