9
Emily arrived at the soccer field just after the start of the game. She tried to slip into the stands unobtrusively, but during a time-out in play, B.J. caught sight of her from the field and made a mad dash in her direction. He threw his arms around her in a hug that almost knocked her off balance.
“Dad said you were back and that you were coming,” he enthused. “Did you see me on that last play? I almost made a goal.”
“Did you really?” she said, smiling at his excitement even over an apparent near miss. “I wish I’d been here, but it must have been when I was walking over from the parking lot.”
“You’re gonna stay, though, right? For the whole game?”
“I’m definitely going to be here,” she assured him.
He glanced toward the field where play was about to resume. “Gotta go. I’ll see you after, okay?”
“Okay,” she said.
She’d barely taken a seat in the bleachers when Boone appeared from somewhere above her in the stands and sat down beside her.
“When you weren’t here at the start of the game, I assumed you couldn’t make it, after all,” he said.
“I told you I’d be here.”
He merely lifted a brow at that.
She frowned at him, hurt by his complete lack of faith in her. “Do you really not trust me at all?”
“How can I?” he asked simply.
She held his gaze, her own look steady, until he flinched. “Okay, here’s the deal,” she said finally. “I will do my absolute best never to let B.J. or you down again. When I make a promise, I will keep it. If for any reason on God’s green earth I can’t, I will tell you ahead of time so neither of you will be disappointed. I don’t know what else I can do, Boone. I really don’t. Life’s unpredictable. Things come up. You have a successful career. You must know that.”
“The difference is that I put B.J. first, always.”
She nodded. “I respect that. He’s your son and it’s what he deserves from his dad.”
Boone frowned. “But he’s no real relation to you, so you have no obligation to do the same?”
“That is not what I meant,” she said impatiently. “Of course he’s important to me.”
“But work will always take precedence?” he persisted.
“Not always,” she said, frustrated by his determination to misread her. “But sometimes, yes. Can you honestly tell me that you’ve never once let B.J. down because something came up at work? Not once?”
She watched the play of expressions on Boone’s face and knew she’d struck a nerve. “When Jenny was alive, you thought it was okay,” she guessed.
Boone sighed. “More than I should have,” he admitted eventually. “Now, though, I’m all he has. It’s different. It has to be.”
She touched his arm. “And I get that, Boone. I really do. You have no idea how much I admire your devotion to B.J. He’s incredibly lucky to have you as his dad. Believe me, I know all about workaholic fathers who don’t put their children first, or even second. That is not you.”
“It could have been,” he said quietly, his expression distant. He met her gaze for just a heartbeat. “I came so close to being exactly like that.”
She saw the regret in his eyes, heard the pain in his voice and understood in a way she hadn’t before. Boone wasn’t an amazing dad because it had come to him naturally. He was, at least in part, making up for past mistakes.
And when she screwed up, on some level he saw himself in her actions, and it reminded him of a time he was trying desperately to forget.
* * *
Boone had revealed far more than he’d ever intended to about the way he’d once been, driven and ambitious, yes, but also cramming every minute of the day with activity to keep Emily out of his thoughts.
At least he hadn’t given her so much as a hint about the mistakes he’d made in his marriage as well as those he’d made with his son. He never wanted Emily to know about the probably inevitable distance there’d been between him and Jenny, a gap he hadn’t been able to close no matter how much he’d wanted to, all because a piece of his heart had been missing. That was a guilt he’d have to live with forever. And if he ever forgot it, the Farmers would always be there, ready to remind him.
What he had revealed was damning enough. Emily was right about one thing, for sure. She, of all people, understood what it was like to have a father who was so absorbed in his own world he neglected everyone around him.
As close as he’d been to the family for all these years, Boone barely knew Sam Castle. He could count on one hand the number of times Emily’s father had put in an appearance at the beach. It had been her mother who’d dropped the girls off when they’d spent summers with Cora Jane, who’d paid visits to check up on them, who drove over for holiday meals with their grandparents. Even when Emily’s mother had died and Boone had skipped school and driven across the state to be there for Emily at the funeral, it was as if Sam Castle weren’t really there. Oh, he was physically present, but emotionally he’d been in some other place. It had been Cora Jane who’d comforted the girls and handled the reception.
Samantha rarely mentioned their father. Emily spoke of him mostly with disdain. Only Gabi seemed to worship him, carving out a workaholic lifestyle for herself in Raleigh in an unmistakable attempt to get his attention. From what Boone had observed and heard, it hadn’t worked.
If Boone had needed a role model for the type of father not to be, Sam Castle would have been it. Even so, he’d wandered dangerously close to being exactly like him.
Jenny’s death had shocked him into taking a closer look at the man he’d become. He hadn’t liked what he’d seen. Ironically, even though she was long out of his life, on some level he’d found a way to blame Emily for that, too. After all, had he been able to throw himself heart and soul into his marriage, he wouldn’t have chosen work over his family time and again.
Emily’s return had raised all those complex emotions once more. Just the realization that he was still attracted to her had filled him with guilt. He’d shortchanged his wife, shortchanged his son, buried himself in work and, in the end, it had been for nothing. Emily still had a hold on his heart...and he hated that. Now she had a hold on his son, and he hated that even more.
Boone was suddenly aware that Emily was on her feet beside him, shaking his arm. All around them people were cheering.
He stared at her blankly, but instinctively stood up. “What happened?”
“B.J. just scored a goal, that’s what,” she said excitedly.
He looked at the field where B.J. was surrounded by his screaming teammates. B.J. looked toward the stands, a mile-wide smile on his face.
“Did you see?” he mouthed.
His words couldn’t be heard, but Boone knew what he wanted to know. He gave B.J. a big thumbs-up, his own smile as big as his son’s.
When play resumed, Emily regarded him curiously. “Where’d you go a few minutes ago?”
“I was right here,” he equivocated.
“Physically, yes, but you sure weren’t paying attention to the game.”
“My mind wandered for a minute, that’s all.”
She looked as if she had questions she wanted to ask, but for once she kept them to herself. Good thing, he thought, since talking to her about the mistakes of his life and her role in them would open a can of worms best left sealed tight.
* * *
In the end, B.J.’s team won the game, two to one. B.J.’s goal had been the winning one, and now everyone was going out to a casual restaurant in nearby Manteo to celebrate. B.J. bounced up and down in front of Emily.
“You’ll come, right? It’s okay, isn’t it, Dad?”
Emily saw that it was anything but okay with Boone. “Sweetie, I really should get out to C
astle’s and see how things are going.”
“But you have to come to the celebration,” B.J. insisted.
Boone interceded. “You heard her, son. She has other obligations.”
“A half hour,” B.J. pleaded.
Used to getting his own way, he seemed to know all the persuasive tactics required—asking, pleading. Emily suspected there’d be pouting next.
“That’s not so long,” he told her. “I get a prize for scoring a goal. Don’t you want to see that?”
Emily glanced at Boone, who shrugged, clearly giving up the fight just as B.J. had obviously anticipated. Sadly, she wasn’t made of tougher stuff.
“A half hour,” she conceded. “Just till you get your prize. Cora Jane will definitely want to see a picture of that. I can take one on my cell phone.”
“You can ride with us,” B.J. said, dragging her toward their car.
“I really should take the rental car, so I can leave,” Emily protested.
“I’ll bring you back to get the car whenever you’re ready,” Boone said, his voice resigned.
At the restaurant, B.J. immediately bounded off to sit with his teammates. Emily glanced at Boone, who stood just inside the door looking thoroughly uncomfortable.
“You planning to ditch your unwanted date?” she asked lightly. “Maybe hang out with some single soccer moms?”
His lips twitched. “And hear about it from now till eternity from B.J.? I don’t think so.”
“I won’t tell anyone. After all, it would be pretty humiliating. Why would I tell?”
He laughed. “You might not, but B.J. will have a lot to say. He may not have a name for what he’s up to, but my son is matchmaking.”
Emily was genuinely startled by that. “He is? He’s only eight.”
Boone nodded. “That’s old enough, apparently. We can probably thank Cora Jane for planting the idea in his head. She’s not even subtle about her agenda.”
“No, she’s not,” Emily agreed. “So we’re just supposed to go along with it?”
“Hardly,” Boone said with heartfelt conviction.
Despite herself, Emily chuckled. “Well, that certainly tells me where you stand.”
Boone looked vaguely chagrined. “Sorry. Did that sound like an insult?”
“Maybe a little.”
“I only meant that we both know where things stand between us. We just have to be civil while you’re here, try not to give either of them any false hopes. Isn’t that what we agreed to when you first arrived? We just need to stick to the plan.”
“So, we sit over there, order a couple of sodas, share a little idle conversation, then you take me back to my car, and we call it a day.”
He shrugged. “Works for me.”
Emily wished it worked for her. It should. In fact, after her disconcerting conversation with Gabi a few days ago, it should be exactly what she wanted, some careful chitchat with no complications. Except this was Boone, and she wanted more than anything to know where his thoughts had roamed back at the soccer field when he’d looked so lost and had missed his son’s winning goal.
He took her silence for assent and led the way to a table. Emily sat across from him, then agreed to the beer and the burger he suggested ordering. She thought about the best way to find out what she wanted to know, decided to be direct, then leaned forward.
“Boone, why did you get so upset earlier?” She spoke in a low tone, even though the restaurant was so noisy she risked not being heard.
He frowned at the question. “I wasn’t upset.”
“Yes, you were. When you were talking about the kind of Dad you’d been before Jenny died, it obviously took you to a bad place.”
“The last thing I’m going to talk to you about is my marriage,” he said tightly.
She studied the tension obvious in his clenched jaw, the way he avoided looking at her. Still, she persisted. “You told me you were happy. Was that a lie?”
“Of course not,” he snapped.
Emily saw the flush in his cheeks and knew he was still lying to her. “Did you love Jenny?” she asked quietly.
“Of course I did. Why are you trying to dredge all of this up? Do you want to torture me?”
She found his choice of words telling. “If you were in love with your wife, if you were happy, then thinking about those days shouldn’t be torture. It would make you sad, but it wouldn’t make you angry or guilty of whatever it is that’s put that look on your face.”
His gaze narrowed. “What look is that?”
“The one that says you’re considering your options for shutting me up,” she said, her tone deliberately teasing. She had a feeling lightening the mood might get her closer to the answers she wanted.
His expression did ease. There was even a faint twinkle in his eyes. “I remember how I used to do it. Do you?”
“With a kiss,” she recalled, her breath hitching. “Probably not the best way to go right now.”
“It was always effective, though,” he reminded her, holding her gaze. “Always.”
The air between them seemed to crackle with tension, as she waited to see what he would do, not entirely certain if she desperately wanted that kiss...or was terrified of it. What on earth was wrong with her that she insisted on dancing toward danger with him?
Finally when she thought she might die if he didn’t do something, he swallowed hard and closed his eyes.
“You could drive a saint to drink,” he finally said, meeting her gaze again. “We can’t go back, Em. We just can’t.”
“I know that,” she replied softly. “But every now and then, like right this minute, I can’t seem to remember why.”
“Yeah, I’m having that problem, too.”
She pushed aside the untouched burger. “I should probably go. It doesn’t seem as if they’re going to hand out those prizes anytime soon.”
Boone nodded at once, clearly relieved by the reprieve. “I’ll take you.”
“But you could miss the ceremony,” she protested.
“I’ll make sure one of the parents takes pictures, and I’ll be back before B.J. even realizes I’m gone,” he said, leading the way to the car.
“Is he going to be upset again because I missed it?” she worried.
“I’ll make sure he understands. You already told him you had to get to Castle’s to help out.” He gave her a curious look. “I’m a little puzzled by what you’re planning to do over there, though. They’ll be closing for the day in an hour. Are you planning to wash dishes?”
“Very funny,” she replied. “I’m going to sit Cora Jane down and have another conversation about making some updates. This time I have color swatches and sketches.”
He gave her an amused look. “Maybe you ought to run those by B.J. first, since he has such good instincts and all.”
She frowned at his attempt to be funny. “I think I can handle this.”
“I swear, I was serious,” Boone said. “Cora Jane adores B.J. You know she’d listen to him.”
“She’ll listen to me, too,” Emily said grimly.
“Yeah, but you’re going to take it personally again when she rejects your plan.”
“She’s not going to reject it,” Emily said confidently, though she knew there was every chance that her grandmother would, indeed, turn her suggestions down flat.
“How about this?” Boone said, pulling into the Castle’s lot. “After we finish up here and B.J. gets a shower, I’ll bring him over to Castle’s. You two can talk your ideas over, then double-team your grandmother.”
She frowned at his persistence. “You really think this is doomed, don’t you?”
He nodded. “Afraid so.”
“But I’m good at what I do,” she protested.
“I’m sure you are, but Cora Jane is stubborn as a mule, to say nothing of set in her ways. She doesn’t want to change the restaurant. I’m still a little shocked that she went along with Wade’s plans to update the whole cashier area.”
Emily chuckled. “Of course she went along with it. She had to keep him around if her plan to set him up with Gabi was to succeed. Are you aware that she’s figured out some essential change he had to make practically every day?”
Boone regarded her with surprise. “You’re kidding. And Wade’s gone along with it?”
“He seems to welcome it. The man hasn’t taken his eyes off Gabi since that first day, at least according to Grandmother. He’s no more anxious to leave than she is to let him.”
“And Gabi?”
“Oblivious,” Emily admitted, grinning. “It’s driving Grandmother crazy. Samantha’s finding the whole thing highly entertaining.”
Emily slanted a look at Boone. “I know a surefire way to get her to agree to these changes I want to make.”
“Oh?”
“You could agree to supervise and we could get Wade to do all the carpentry,” she said, oddly pleased by the deviousness of the idea. “Two birds with one stone. She’d be in matchmaking glory.”
“And we’d be exactly where?” Boone asked.
She grinned. “Deep trouble, I imagine, but it could be worth it.”
“Just so you could get your way?”
She nodded. “I’m just saying, I’d certainly consider it a favor.”
Boone shook his head. “Sorry, sweet pea. No can do. Not even for such a noble cause. You’re on your own unless you want B.J.’s help.”
“Fine,” she said, as he pulled up behind her car. “Bring him over. Even a pint-size ally is better than none.”
Boone laughed. “See you in an hour, then.”
As Emily watched him drive away, she couldn’t help wondering when he’d stopped worrying about her spending time with his son. Had he started to trust her, after all? Or had he simply accepted that B.J. would make it all but impossible for Boone to keep them apart?
Sand Castle Bay Page 12