Twenty minutes later, she was stretched out on the chaise longue with her feet up, a cup of Earl Grey tea beside her along with a plate of shortbread cookies she’d baked the night before. She’d thrown an afghan over her legs and was wearing a sweater she’d knitted. Emily was in a rocker she’d pulled into a patch of warm sunlight.
For a while, they sat there in companionable silence, but Cora Jane knew better than to let it drag on. Emily was probably sitting there right now dreaming up excuses to keep her problems to herself.
“Okay, young lady, tell me what’s going on,” Cora Jane encouraged.
She listened as her youngest granddaughter poured out her heart over the amazing job opportunity she’d been offered.
“I see,” Cora Jane said when she was finished.
“You’re disappointed in me for even considering it,” Emily said, her voice resigned.
“Of course not,” Cora Jane told her. “I’m not blind to the importance of that kind of work. And it says a lot about you that they want you for this job. They’re showing a tremendous amount of faith in you.”
“Doing these homes could make such a difference for so many families and women in trouble,” Emily said, her passion for the work unmistakable. “Working on this first house was the most fulfilling thing I’ve done in my entire career.”
“I know that,” Cora Jane said. “I could hear the excitement in your voice every time we talked.”
“I meant to tell you over Thanksgiving that I met several of the families when they moved in. There was one in particular that really got to me. They’d been housed in a run-down hotel, a mom and two little girls, waiting for this safe house to open. The girls are so excited that there’s a huge playroom and that everything in their room is new. And their mother?” She met Cora Jane’s gaze. “You should have seen the relief in her eyes just thinking about finally being someplace safe until she can get on her feet again.”
“Seems to me the answer’s plain as day,” Cora Jane said. “This means a chance for you to do something meaningful. You can’t turn it down.”
She saw the surprise in Emily’s eyes and smiled. “Not the reaction you expected, is it?”
“Far from it,” Emily admitted. “You didn’t mention Boone once.”
“Neither did you,” Cora Jane pointed out.
Emily frowned at the implication. “Are you suggesting he shouldn’t matter?”
“Absolutely not. You know how much I want the two of you to work things out, but it will only be right if you’re both content with your work as well as your relationship. You can’t build a life if one person resents the other for keeping them from something important.”
“He’s going to hate this, though,” Emily said. “It won’t be like what I’m doing now. I’ll have to be in Los Angeles practically full-time. That’s no way to build a real relationship.”
“Maybe not,” Cora Jane conceded. “You won’t know unless you try.” She gave her granddaughter a pointed look. “You realize I’m not the one you should be talking to about this.”
“I’m seeing Boone tonight, though I doubt we’ll have much time alone with B.J. underfoot,” Emily said, her frustration plain. “Boone wanted to invite Ethan over, too, but at least I think I convinced him not to do that.”
“No matter who’s around, you’ll find a way to make some time,” Cora Jane said. “If you have to stay up all night and lose sleep, then do it. I’ll have someone drive you over to Raleigh tomorrow to catch your flight so you don’t fall asleep behind the wheel. This is too important to be put off until it’s convenient.”
“Agreed,” Emily said, then sighed. “But I’m not looking forward to it.”
“Honey bun, life is always easier when it’s smooth sailing, but these waves are what keep it interesting. They make us stronger and help us figure out what’s really worthwhile.”
She was surprised when Emily moved to sit beside her on the chaise longue and pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s times like this when I really miss Mom, but having you in my life to talk to makes that a little more bearable. Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
“Sure I do,” Cora Jane said with a smile. “But it never hurts to be reminded.”
“Wish me luck tonight.”
“I wish you luck every single day of your life,” Cora Jane reminded her. “More than that, though, I want you to find the love and joy you deserve.”
She sat back with a sigh as her granddaughter left, hoping she’d given her the right advice, praying even harder that Boone would have the wisdom to listen not just to what Emily had to say, but to the unspoken longing that was plain, at least to Cora Jane.
22
“I can’t believe Emily’s home,” B.J. said excitedly. “She promised to play my new video game with me next time she came. Do you think she’ll have time tonight?”
“Maybe after dinner,” Boone told him. “Maybe you can teach Ethan, too.”
In the end, he’d gone ahead and invited his friend, convinced that it would be good to have a buffer between him and whatever was brewing with Emily. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was convinced tonight was going to go badly, but the feeling in his stomach hadn’t gone away. Knowing it was cowardly, he’d called Ethan and all but insisted he join them, at least for dinner.
“What’s going on?” Ethan had asked suspiciously.
“Why do you assume something’s going on? It’s been a while since you’ve been by for a meal.”
“And you have so much time with Emily these days that, what? She’s boring you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Are you coming over or not?” Boone asked irritably.
“I’ll be there, if only to try to solve the riddle of the man who doesn’t want to be alone with the woman he loves.”
In retrospect, Boone knew Ethan had been right. Inviting him had been ridiculous, especially since Emily had made her feelings about it plain.
As he was bemoaning his stupidity, he felt an impatient tug on his sleeve.
“Dad, are you listening to me?” B.J. demanded.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I said I already taught Ethan,” B.J. said, then confided, “He’s not very good. I don’t think he pays attention.”
Boone smiled. He could see Ethan being a little too intense these days to get involved with a video game challenge, even though there’d once been a time when he’d accepted any dare. In Boone’s opinion, a little fun from time to time wouldn’t hurt his friend one bit. What Ethan really needed was a woman in his life, but every time Boone tried to broach that subject, Ethan shot him down. Emphatically!
Maybe Emily would have some ideas, assuming she planned to be around. That was Boone’s greatest fear, that she was about to announce that she wouldn’t be back for months, if ever. He fretted over the possibility that the complications were simply too much.
No matter how hard he tried to convince himself she wouldn’t make that sort of decision without discussing it with him, he couldn’t shake the dread that had settled over him when she’d appeared so unexpectedly this afternoon. What if she was here to talk over exactly that, an extended absence of some kind?
“Dad, Ethan’s here,” B.J. hollered, racing across the lawn, then slowing suddenly as he remembered that despite Ethan’s agility with his prosthesis, it wasn’t a good idea to hurtle himself at the Afghanistan war veteran. It was a lesson learned after they’d taken a few good-natured tumbles to the ground.
Ethan crossed the lawn, listening to B.J.’s chatter, but his gaze fixed on Boone.
“Buddy, go into the house and get Ethan a soda,” Boone suggested. “Or would you rather have a beer?”
“Soda’s good,” Ethan said. When B.J. was gone, he gave Boone a hard look. “Mind telling me again what I’m doing here? Y
ou have one night with Emily and you want to spend it with me? Are you planning to break up with her?”
“In front of you? I don’t think so,” Boone said, though his laugh sounded forced. “Okay. Here’s the truth. I think she’s about to deliver bad news, and you’re here to postpone it.”
Ethan stared at him incredulously, then shook his head. “Oh no, you don’t, pal. I am not getting mixed up in this drama.”
“But there will be no drama if you’re here,” Boone protested.
“And if there’s going to be drama ever, you need to get it over with,” Ethan said. “I’m leaving, and what I will do is take B.J. with me. He can spend the night at my place. I’ll even let him beat me again at that video game he loves.”
Boone grinned despite himself. “You’ve been letting him win?”
“Of course. You didn’t really think that little kid of yours could beat me, did you?” he asked indignantly.
“Actually, I did. He thinks you’re pretty bad.”
“Well, sure. I work at stinking, so he’ll build up his confidence. I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do with kids.”
Boone shook his head. “You might want to kick your game up a notch. Something tells me he’ll still be able to take you. He whips my butt every night, and, believe me, I’m trying.”
“Yes, but you’re you,” Ethan said, then raised his voice. “Hey, B.J., forget that soda! We’re going out for burgers.”
B.J. came running out the back door. “All of us?”
“Nope, just you and me,” Ethan said. “Your dad and Emily have grown-up stuff to discuss.” He glanced across the yard at the sound of a car. “And there she is now. Run and give her a hug, then hop in my car. We’ll play miniature golf after dinner, then go back to my place. I’ve been practicing that video game. I might be able to take you now.”
“No way,” B.J. responded. He glanced at Boone. “Is it okay, Dad?”
“Sure. Have fun. Grab your toothbrush and a change of clothes. Ethan says you can stay over and he’ll get you to school in the morning.”
There was no mistaking Emily’s frown when she spotted Ethan.
His friend didn’t miss the look, either.
“Not to worry,” Ethan told her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m just here to pick up the kid, so you two can have some time alone.”
“I see,” she said, her expression brightening.
Ethan leaned down and whispered something in her ear that Boone couldn’t hear. Then B.J. emerged from the house, gave her a hug and raced off to join Ethan.
“What did Ethan say to you?” Boone asked as Emily joined him.
“He told me to go easy on you,” she said. “Any idea what he meant?”
“He meant that I’ve had it in mind all day that you’ve shown up with bad news.” He scanned her face. “Have you?”
Unfortunately she didn’t immediately deny it. Instead, she stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his lips before taking a step back. “You may see it that way,” she admitted. “But I hope you won’t.”
This time the feeling of dread didn’t settle in Boone’s stomach. It stole through his heart.
* * *
Though Emily suggested they wait until after dinner to talk, she was so fidgety through the meal, Boone had to wonder why he’d even bothered cooking. She’d shredded the chicken on her plate but hadn’t touched a bite. He’d automatically shoveled the food in, but it had been tasteless.
“Obviously putting this off was a bad idea,” he said, as he took everything inside. He left the dishes piled in the sink, poured them each another glass of wine and gestured toward the living room.
“Inside or out?”
“Let’s sit in here. It’s starting to get chilly outside,” she said. “Maybe the weather’s finally turning. It is December, after all.”
She wanted to talk about the weather, he thought impatiently. No way. They needed to get this over with. Boone waited until she chose a place on the sofa before dropping down beside her. He set his wineglass on the coffee table.
“Okay, let’s dive right in. Are you calling it quits?” he asked, then held his breath as he awaited her reply.
She looked genuinely startled by the direct question. “What? No. Absolutely not.”
Boone released a sigh of relief. Anything short of breaking up couldn’t possibly be so bad. “Then fill me in. What’s going on?”
He listened closely as she described the opportunity being offered to her in Los Angeles and knew at once it would demand her presence on the West Coast pretty close to full-time.
“And you’re going to accept the offer, aren’t you?” he said, resigned.
“How can I not? It’s the most meaningful work I’ve ever had.” She regarded him earnestly. “Boone, I wish I could make you understand what it was like working on this safe house and then seeing those women and children when they saw it for the first time. If you’d been there, you’d know how I felt.”
Much as he regretted it, he was forced to admit that he did understand. And as desperately as he wanted her to be here, with him and B.J., he also knew she’d resent him if he insisted that she give up this opportunity. He wondered what she’d do if he even dared to utter such a selfish ultimatum. She’d probably throw it back in his face and walk out. Her career was something she could hang on to. Their love was untested.
It was already clear to him that her mind was made up. This whole conversation was little more than a polite exercise. He had several choices, all of them flawed. He could walk away and live the rest of his life with regrets. He could fight her and wind up losing in the long run when she came to resent him. Or he could man up and try to work through this.
When he looked into her eyes, he saw the shadows of worry there. She was obviously scared that he was going to react badly. That look made him desperately want to find the right words. He just had no idea what those words might be.
He reached over and touched her cheek, felt the dampness of a tear that had escaped. “I know you want my blessing, Em.”
She nodded. “I do, more than anything.”
“And if I say no, that a long separation just isn’t going to work for me, what happens then?”
Another tear leaked out. “I don’t know,” she whispered miserably. “I see your point. I know this will be hard.” She looked into his eyes. “But will it be harder than never seeing each other again, not being in each other’s lives?”
When she put it that way, it shook Boone. He’d been without her for years. And despite having a loving wife and son during that time, a part of his soul had been missing. He didn’t see things being a whole lot better if he lost her again, especially after they’d come so close to getting it right this time.
“Boone, say something,” she pleaded. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that no matter what I say, it’s going to be wrong. If I tell you to turn this down, that our relationship needs to be your first priority and it simply won’t work with such a long separation, then I’m being selfish and unreasonable.”
“No, you wouldn’t be,” she insisted. “Believe me, there’s a part of me that totally gets that what I’m asking of you is too huge.”
“But you want this job,” he said. “It’s given you something you felt was missing. How can I deny you that and still claim to love you?”
Now her tears flowed unchecked. “This whole thing stinks, doesn’t it?”
He smiled, dabbing at her tears with a napkin. “I think I can safely say that if we were talking about a lousy idea that truly stank, we wouldn’t be having this problem. You wouldn’t be torn up over whether to take this job, and I wouldn’t be torn up over letting you go.”
Alarm immediately filled her eyes. “Letting me go? That’s your solu
tion?”
He needed to feel his way through this, try to get it right. “Em, you need to be free to do this. With B.J. and me in the picture, even with my blessing, I know you’re going to feel torn every minute. You’ll be sure you’re shortchanging the job or us, no matter what you do. Can you deny that?”
Though she clearly hated making the admission, she shook her head. “No.”
“Then you need to do this without worrying about me. You need to throw yourself into it a hundred percent. Once the project is off the ground and you’ve had some time to see how the work needs to be juggled, we can take another look at us.”
Offering to let her go—even temporarily—was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he knew it was for the best. She couldn’t give this her all while looking over her shoulder and worrying about letting him down.
She sat back, her expression stunned. “I thought you might be mad, that you might tell me to make a choice—you or the job—but I didn’t expect you to break up with me. Am I supposed to be thrilled that you didn’t give me an ultimatum?”
Boone frowned at her anger. “I’m doing this for you, so you’re free to do something you obviously want to do.”
“No, you’re telling me to go and do this, but to count you out. You’re picking up your marbles and going home. How manipulative is that?”
Talk about an unfair accusation. “I am not trying to manipulate you,” Boone argued. “I’m trying to be fair.”
“What’s fair about losing you before we even give this a try?” she demanded, on her feet and pacing. “Were you just looking for a way to end this? Is it too complicated for you? Well, guess what, Boone? Life gets complicated from time to time. You don’t manage it by making some fake magnanimous gesture.”
He regarded her with confusion. Okay, he was merely a man, but he’d thought he was doing the right thing here. Breaking up sure as hell wasn’t what he wanted. He’d figured he’d give her a few months, let her tackle this new job with her full attention, then they’d give their relationship another shot. Obviously she didn’t see it that way—exactly as he hadn’t seen her departure as temporary years ago. Clearly, though, this had gone way off the tracks, and he needed to get the conversation pointed in the right direction.
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