“Then what are they?”
“They’re things friends do for each other.”
“So is that what we are? Friends?”
“Mmm. I would hope so.”
It was my hope we would be much more than friends, but I’ll settle for that right now. “It’s nice to have a friend. You’re my first real friend, you know.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“But I do.” The Lortab has made me loose lipped.
“Tell me, how is it that I’m your first friend?”
“When I was young, my mom discouraged friends. Or maybe that’s not the right word. She never encouraged friendships with anyone. I wasn’t allowed to spend the night anywhere and after I said no a few too many times, people stopping asking. And of course, I was never allowed to have overnight guests. Now I know why, but back then, I always thought she was just being mean. And now that I think about it, she always made me fade into the background. None of my clothes were cute or stylish. My hair was always cut in some drab style and I was never allowed to wear makeup.” The thought that she never wanted me to stand out or for others to admire me stings. Though I know why she did it, the idea that she let me grapple through my adolescent years without any way to become my own person gouges my heart.
Drex doesn’t seem to be able to keep his hands off me. He touches my face, my arms, shoulders, everywhere. I find that I don’t want him to stop. “Don’t let it do this to you.”
“Do what?” How does he know what I’m thinking all the time?
“Upset you. You’ve gone all tense on me. I can see your frown, even in the moonlight, Gemini. She was only trying to protect you.”
“Maybe, or maybe she was working with them. Who knows?”
“She wasn’t working with them. She was running from them and was doing everything she could to keep you safe. The letter and box with its cryptic messages are proof. Tell me what happened when you went to college and why you didn’t have any friends there,” he says. He’s great at getting my mind off this.
“I think by that time, I didn’t know how to make friends. I went through my whole life without learning how. By the time I hit college, I was lost in the sea of students. So I kept to myself. I was so awkward and uncomfortable. And the dorm … gah, that first semester I wanted to crawl in a hole every day. My social skills in a group setting pretty much suck so I would huddle in my bunk most of the time, avoiding my suite mates. They thought I was on drugs because I acted so sketchy around them. But I honestly didn’t know what to say to them.
“Then I met Nick at the end of second semester. But I never felt like we were friends. We went from acquaintances to dating to being in love and living together. Or at least I thought we were in love. I had feelings for him, but not those kind … the right kind. And then it all exploded after my injury. The stress of it. And now he’s dead because of me.”
Drex’s voice is soft. “Onyx. You can’t beat yourself up for that. You didn’t know. Couldn’t know. It wasn’t your fault.”
“No, maybe not directly, but it the end, it was my fault.”
“Stop. Don’t do this to yourself.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “Let’s get some sleep.”
Insomnia chokes me as thoughts of my mother and what she’s done eat at me. All this talk with Drex has driven home how methodical she’s been over the years. I never thought of my mother as calculating, but was I ever wrong. You always hear how children are the result of the environment in which they were raised, and it makes me wonder what the long-term effects will be of what she’s done over the years.
MORNING COMES WAY too soon, and so does the blinding light. Drex has the curtains drawn, but they’re not the blackout kind like I have at home. I need to take another pill, so I move to get out of bed and notice I’m not in my room—I’m in his. He must’ve carried me to his bed last night. I find myself grinning at the thought.
“What has you smiling like that?”
He’s awake and watching me. I decide to tell the truth. “You.”
He squints and says, “Me? Why me?”
“Just because.”
“That’s it? Just because?”
“Yep.” I give him a sneaky grin. But I know I need my meds, so I carefully make my way to the bathroom. I hear him say, “On the right side by the mirror.”
“Thanks.” I down a pill with some water and head back to bed.
When I get settled in, he says, “We really do need to get your hair evened out.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Let’s just say it’s not something you’d see coming out of a salon.”
That comment strikes me as funny. Drex doesn’t seem like the salon type. “And you would know that how?”
“I’m only assuming, you know.”
“Ah, I see. Think you can go back to sleep?”
He raises his brows and says, “Gemini, I’m in bed with an extremely sexy woman. How can you even ask me that?”
Holy shit! My eyes wander to his chest—how did I not notice that he’s shirtless? What’s wrong with me? Have I suddenly gone blind? The man is perfect. Before I can think about it, my hand reaches out and touches him. I don’t dare look at his face because I know one look from him will melt me on the spot or give me an indication that this isn’t appropriate, and I don’t need him to tell me that. I know it’s not appropriate. Hell, it’s not appropriate for me to be in his bed, either, but here I am, and damn if I’m not going to enjoy every minute of it.
My fingers trace the curves and slopes of his rigid muscles, down to his tiered abs. He doesn’t have a six-pack; he has an exquisitely sculpted set of matching eights that lead me to that sexy V. I know where that V leads, but I can’t go there because his boxers are in the way and I’m not brazen enough to slip past the elastic waistband.
But before my thoughts take me any further, his hand traps mine.
“Gemini, what do you think you’re doing?”
My voice is lost, trapped in thickness. Desire. I’m shocked to find I want this man. Lust unfurls in my belly and it’s bad enough that I swear I can taste it. My tongue moistens my lips as my mouth has suddenly become as dry as the Sahara.
“Aren’t you going to answer me?”
His voice is deep, yet soft, and sends a current racing through me. Even though it’s only his hand touching me, I feel him all over my skin.
“Um, I …” I find I have no words.
“Gemini, look at me.”
Oh God. I know if I do, I’ll be lost. I am so screwed.
“Gemini?”
My head tips upward and I’m nailed by his heated stare. He’s giving me the half-closed, sexy look.
“You can’t touch me like that and not expect repercussions.”
What does he mean by that?
“You don’t think I’m going to let you do that and not retaliate, do you? All I’ve been doing since you walked into my life is fantasizing about fucking you and here you are, running your fingers across me. Do you think you can get away with teasing me like that?” I don’t have to wait long because as soon as he finishes his sentence, he’s on me like a cat on prey.
His kiss is pure heat and fire and it ignites one inside me. Our breath mingles as we consume each other with our tongues. His hands set my body aflame. Our actions are frenzied, crazed, and a part of my mind screams for control. But then I cut it off because for once, I don’t want or need control. I only want this to be about the moment.
He must’ve read my mind because he stops for a second and asks, “Do you want me to stop? Tell me now.”
“No! Please, don’t!” I pull him back to me.
“I don’t want this to be difficult for us afterward. Think about it before we go any further.”
“I don’t care about anything right now but this.” And that’s the damn truth. Maybe it will be difficult after, but if so, I’ll deal with it then.
“I know, but are you prepared to handle the aftermath?”
�
��Yes! I want you, Drex. Do you want me?” I’m suddenly barraged with doubt.
“Look at me. Touch me. Feel what you do to me. Do you even have to ask?”
His lips are parted and those damn eyes draw me in. But when my gaze drifts down to his boxers, I find my answer. My hand reaches for him, and when I feel how hard he is, I know there’s no stopping us now. We both know it. I sit up and pull my shirt off and watch him as he studies me. The rise and fall of his chest quickens, matching mine. I hold my breath as his hand extends because I know what he’s going to do and I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand it. When his thumb slides across and pinches my nipple, it feels as though a million sparks ignite in my belly and radiate outward. My back arches as I push myself closer to him and sigh. I drop my head back and let the sensations take over.
My sigh turns into a moan when I feel his lips, and then his tongue take over and lick me. But when he turns it to aggressive sucking, my arms find his neck and I jerk him toward me. There is nothing gentle between us. It’s rough, hard and the most erotic sensation I’ve ever experienced.
His hands push me until I’m flat on my back and he resumes his delicious torture of my breasts. First one, then the other, until I’m twisting beneath him and he can barely maintain his hold on me. His mouth travels south and hits my ribs where he scrapes his teeth and gently bites me. But when he moves to the softer flesh next to my hip bones, I’m once again a writhing mass, as pleasurable sensations zing through me.
My borrowed sweats are tugged off and I feel the cool air graze my scorched skin. His fingers dig into the muscles of my thighs as he spreads my legs. “Tell me what you want.”
I’m speechless. I’ve never told anyone this before. The truth is, I’ve only ever been with one man, and that’s Nick. What do I say?
“I want you to keep doing what you’re doing.” My voice sounds breathy.
“Is that all?”
“No.” I decide to be bold. “I want you to put your mouth on me.”
“Here?” he asks and kisses my thigh. And then bites it.
Now he’s teasing me and I don’t want to be teased. “No.”
“How about here?”
He kisses me right above my pubic bone.
“No!” I say in frustration.
“Then tell me exactly where you want my mouth. And Gemini, I want you to be very specific.”
Holy shit! I can’t say that! Instead, I point. “Right there.”
I can hear the laughter in his voice now. “Uh-huh, you need to tell me, not show me.”
So I blurt out, “On my hoo-hah.”
“Your what?”
“You know.” I can’t resist. I have to look at him—he’s got the goofiest grin on his face. “Please don’t make me say it. Pretty please?” My hands cover my face as it burns. This is so embarrassing.
He’s not going for this. He grabs my hands and pulls them back down so I’m forced to look at him. Then he takes his lower lip between his teeth and says, “Only for today will I grant you a pass. But after this, no more.” His hands cup my ass cheeks as his mouth drops down. My hands find themselves in his hair, as I get lost in the way his tongue works me over. He pushes my thighs apart and up and I’m completely exposed for him to do as he pleases. And boy, does he please.
When he adds his fingers to his tongue play, I’m quite sure I nearly rip his hair out by the roots. My orgasm is so forceful, I can’t stop the noise that erupts from me. I clamp my hand over my mouth, shocked that I’m so loud. But by then, he’s crawling up my body, kissing me along the way, until he gets to my mouth. “I take it you and your hoo-hah enjoyed that.”
“Fuck, yeah,” I breathe.
He shakes his head. Then he gets up and I’m so disappointed because I want to lie there and have him hold me. But then he’s back, holding a condom between his teeth.
“For you,” he says, smiling.
“For me? I think it may be for you too.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right. Will you do the honors?”
Hmm. I’ve never done this before. Shall I tell him? I think I need to in case I don’t get it on right.
“Only if you tell me whether I’m putting it on correctly,” I murmur.
“Well, that tells me a lot.”
“I’m sure it does.”
“Your first time?”
I’m not sure if he’s asking me if I’m a virgin virgin or a condom-putter-onner virgin.
“First time?”
“For putting on a condom.”
“Yeah. I’ve never put one on a man before.”
“So … does that mean you’ve put them on women before?”
My mouth drops open as he chuckles.
“Well, then, I’ll be happy to be your teacher. It’s the least I can do.”
“It is if you want to have sex with me.”
“Touché.”
I open the packet and he tells me what to do. I love the feel of him in my hand. “Mmm. This is nice.”
His voice is strained when he replies, “Yeah, it is.”
He pinches the little bubble at the end and looks at me afterward. He’s serious again and his gaze is pure heat.
“You’re nothing short of beautiful, Gemini. And you taste so perfect. But when you came, it was fucking sexy as hell to watch. That’s something I want to see, hear and feel again and again.”
He’s let loose a regiment of butterflies in my stomach and I want to crawl all over this man.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“For you to tell me what your pleasure is. Top or bottom. Front or back.”
Front or back. I hope he doesn’t mean that kind of back. “Er, your choice,” I say.
“Uh-huh. You decide this time.”
“Bottom.”
“I get the feeling my lady doesn’t like to be in control.”
While that’s an interesting observation, it’s one I don’t care to analyze right now. “Hey, can we get back to the moment here?”
“Not only does she relinquish control, she’s impatient.” And as soon as those words leave his mouth, he plunges into me, filling me until I can’t possibly take any more. I cry out, then sigh as he pulls out and repeats the motion over and over. I pick up his rhythm, my hands gripping his hips to pull him back to me every time. Then he hooks his leg around mine and we roll to our sides where he pulls my leg up and over his hip as he continues to move in and out of me. My body feels like liquid fire is pouring though my veins. This is not easy, it’s fierce … intense. Exactly like Drex. Just like I imagined it would be. He’s all power, dominance, and control. Just like he is in everything else. And I find it so exciting that I want him to always be like this.
“Onyx, kiss me. Let me taste your sweet mouth.”
I couldn’t refuse that request if I tried. But why would I want to? He’s so much more than sexy. His dark hair is messy and he has several days’ scruff. His bedroom eyes are almost more than I can take, but his mouth, as he runs his tongue across first his upper and then his lower lip, makes me want to taste every bit of him. My mouth clumsily hits his—we’re both moving so fast and hard—but when I latch on, I suck his lip. I’m not gentle, either. He returns my actions and it follows the pace of our lovemaking. Our breathing is ragged and we’re both near climax as our bodies pound against each other’s.
Then his hand slips between us and he rubs circles on my clit and says, “I want to watch you orgasm again, Gemini. Do it for me so I can come too. I want to feel you come on my dick. I need it, babe.” His words are husky and demanding as he breathes them into me.
“Ah, yessss.” He sends my body straight into the spasm land of orgasms and he is right there chasing me. Sweat rolls off us and I love it.
Then he flips me on my back while he’s still inside and hovers as he stares at me, right before he dives down for a mouthwatering kiss. This one is slow, sensuous, sweet. He kisses every part of my face—eyelids, brows, cheeks, nose, and chin.
Wh
ile one hand holds the top of my head, the other caresses the nape of my neck. “Wow. You’re beyond awesome, Gemini.”
“I think you are too. That was quite the thing, wasn’t it?”
“Quite.”
I rub the rough of his cheek with the back of my hand.
“Did I scratch you too much with this?”
“No. I like it. Especially when you …” I shut up before saying it.
“When I what?”
“Nothing.” Now I’m mortified.
“Gemini, we’ve just had one amazing fuck, and that was after I went down on you. It’s not like we’re twelve. Tell me.” He grabs my hands in one of his and pulls them over my head, trapping them.
“I’m not used to speaking about this stuff.”
“So? Tell me. I’m going to make you get used to it, you know.”
“Okay. I like the scruffy part on you when you go down on me. It’s very, um, arousing.” I have to look away because this is too awkward.
“Really?” He’s surprised by this. The fingers of his free hand thread into my hair and he forces my head to face his. His forehead rubs mine and our eyes meet. “So it’s nice, then?”
“Yeah. It feels really good because it rubs me in the right spots.”
“Okay. The scruff shall remain.” He moves to the side and rubs his scruff against my nipple. Oh lord, it feels so rough but so good. I groan. He does it again and again all over my girls. This guy knows exactly what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I think you really do like my scruff. I see all sorts of possibilities here.”
That makes me smile. “Drex, what we just did was really great for me. I mean totally, you know?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” I say.
“When you were involved with Nick, didn’t you ever discuss this kind of stuff?”
Whoa. I was not expecting that. “Um, no.”
“So, you didn’t talk about what turned you on and what you needed?”
“No,” I squeak.
“How did you know?”
“I guess we both assumed. I don’t know. Sex with him was just okay. But it was never like what we just experienced. Can we not talk about this?”
“Sure. But I’m warning you now. We will talk about this stuff. A lot. Sex has to feel good. All the time. And when it doesn’t, you have to tell me. I’ll certainly tell you. Sometimes I like it hard and rough. If it’s too much for you, you have to tell me. I want it to feel great for you.”
Tragic Desires Page 11