by Gabrielle G.
The scotch that is our secret because I begged him for years to keep everything to himself, and he did, not even telling my mother. The scotch that will make me forget that I’ll break my mother’s heart if she knows. Because if Bella Gritt is known for something, it is wanting to have grandchildren, and that’s something I can’t ever give her. I lost that chance in the car accident.
17
Avery
“I’m so glad we could do this!” Salomé says, sliding into the booth next to me. “Having a kid is good and all, but jeez, I’m glad I have my boobs back to myself. Between Arthur and Chris, I haven’t touched the ladies in over a week.”
“Do we want to know why Chris is touching your boobs?” Melissa raises an eyebrow. Salomé blushes slightly and smirks.
“Well, you can’t tell anyone. I mean it, don’t share this with your ‘whatever those guys are for you these days’, because then one of my brothers will find out.”
“Oh God, please don’t tell me. I really don’t need a visual. And don’t tell them either. Donna will share with Andrew, and Mel with Jake, and then Barn will know…” I raise my hand to get Jake’s attention so we can get our drinks.
“Speaking of Barnabas,” Mel starts. “How is the romance going?” I wasn’t supposed to, but after telling Donna at the salon, I told Mel we were faking it. She was blowing up my phone asking for details, so I told her we were only acting, but it had to be kept a secret. I certainly didn’t tell her what happened after the kiss. She was a little pissed that we used such a stratagem, but once I explained the ordeal with Noah, she thought it was pretty swoonish of Barnabas to accept, and she gushed about him afterward for a while.
“Well, it’s going.” I lower my voice so nobody can hear. “He’s not as bad as I thought he was.” My ears get warm, and I have the feeling that what we did is written on my forehead. I can’t stop thinking about it. About his hand on his shaft, his mouth on my clit, his teeth on my nipple. He gave me four orgasms and many more just by me replaying what happened between us or thinking of him masturbating. I moan.
“Oh my God, you got Barned!” Donna exclaims.
Salomé gags. “Please, guys, if we’re talking about my brother, I can’t. I’ll go order as Jake seems not to be in the mood to see us tonight. You have the time it takes me to order, so discuss whatever happened, and then we aren’t talking about Barn. Deal?” she says, getting up and strolling toward the bar.
“I’m so proud of you.” Donna starts forgetting our words at the salon, always too eager to know gossip. “What toys did he use on you?” My brows furrow.
“Hmm, well…” I try to find my words.
“Oh my, did he choke you? I heard he loves doing that!”
Melissa is not saying anything next to me, but she’s still waiting for every word to come out of my mouth.
“We didn’t fuck, per se,” I mumble between my teeth.
“Clothespin? His dick between your tits? Anal? Spanking? I mean, that’s quite boring by itself, but if he had an off night, I guess that’s the least he could do.” Oh my, there is no way I’m telling them we had missionary sex on a sofa now. It seems so vanilla compared to what they know about him.
“I’m not very comfortable saying.” I look toward the bar to see where Salomé is. She’s talking to Jake who’s looking at Mel.
“That good, huh? I told you that you couldn’t spit on it before you tried it,” Donna sings proudly.
“May I remind you, you’re in a relationship with my brother,” Melissa snaps.
“I am not. I’m in a non-committed relationship with your brother, which means, we fuck a lot until he doesn’t want to anymore.”
“Right, it’s Andrew’s fault… I forgot how it’s always his fault. You fucking his best friend isn’t your fault.” These two generally never fight, but I have a feeling they’re about to get into a big brawl tonight. I look at Sal and wave my hands for her to hurry up.
“I had sex twice with Barn, over five years ago. The fact Andrew has such a grudge toward me and not toward him, I just don’t get it. I mean, you don’t mind that Avery slept with Jake, right?” I zoom in on Donna.
“I never slept with Jake,” I say defensively.
“Right, he was your boyfriend in high school, and you never slept with him?”
“Rewind. You had sex only twice with Barn and a long time ago?” I ask, trying to forget that Jake and I dated for six months in grade eleven.
“Yeah, I know rumor has it we did it a lot, but we didn’t. Just because I helped by driving him home when he was too high a few times, doesn’t mean that I fucked him afterward, and especially not since Andrew and I are in such an on-and-off relationship.”
“Did you really never sleep with Jake?” Melissa asks me. I sigh, climb on the table and whistle to get Jake to look at me.
“Hey, barman, did you and I ever sleep together while we were in high school or even afterward?” I scream for all to hear. It’s a tradition in town when you want rumors to die, you just yell it standing on a table at The Bar. The fastest way for the whole city to know something. Jake climbs on the bar, smiling.
“Nope, Ave. I never was between your legs, and never will be!” He shouts, looking at Mel with sadness and resignation in his eyes.
“What happened now?” I ask, climbing down from the table, while Salomé hands us a drink. Jake and Mel started dating a long, long time ago. I don’t remember exactly when because they snuck around for a while. Mel, Sal, and Jake’s brother Reed are two years older than us. Mel and Reed were best friends, and nothing ever happened between them, or nobody knows about it. I remember one day Reed got pissed at his brother because he made his best friend cry. It seems Mel and Jake had crossed a line, but Mel was out of high school by that time, and Jake and I were long broken up. I was busy trying to get my mother afloat, so I don’t remember all the details, but twenty years later, they’re still not married but kind of together and kind of not.
“So?” I push Mel to talk. Salomé hands her a beer and a note with a heart on it. I look for Jake behind the bar, and he’s looking at Mel as if he was waiting for her to give him a sign.
“He proposed again,” she says, taking a sip and pushing the note away. Jake shakes his head, dejected, and goes to serve some of the piss beer to some locals.
“Mel, we talked about that.” Sal interjects, bringing a glass of white wine to her lips. “Marry him or let him go, but don’t lead him on forever. For twenty years that man has proposed every year, and you refuse. You can’t do that to him forever.” Mel's shoulders slump, and pain flashes across her face.
“Sal, you’re drinking alcohol?” Donna asks, trying to change the subject, seeing how Mel has grown uncomfortable.
“Yeah. Pumping and dumping tonight. If I don’t drink while in Springs Falls, I can’t survive my family.”
“Not better now that you married Chris?” I ask, my eyes still on Mel who’s lost in her beer.
“Ah! If you think giving one grandchild to Bella Gritt is enough, you’re in for a hard-awakening, Ave,” she says gulping her wine. “But enough about me. Mel, what are you going to do about Jake?”
“Would it be so awful to say yes?” I get kicked under the table, and Donna sends me a pointed look I don’t understand.
“I can’t…” Melissa starts to cry. “Not unless Deb…” My ears perk up at the mention of her sister.
“Deb what?” I insist and get rewarded with another kick under the table. But nobody answers. Mel continues to cry, and I’m left with many questions. Jake narrows his attention back at us and doesn’t hesitate one second to come over and scoop Mel away when he sees she’s crying. He kicks everyone out ten minutes later and closes the bar for the night.
“And that is why we don’t talk about Deb,” Donna chastises me. I look at Sal for an explanation, but she shrugs.
“Don’t look at me, Ave. I had one night to enjoy, and you fucked it up by insisting on a subject everybody in this town knows we n
eed to avoid.” She sits on the sidewalk, and we all follow her lead.
“You’re the one who said she needed to do something about Jake!” I say in defense.
“True, but I didn’t talk about Deb,” she whispers as if the light pole could hear.
“This is driving me crazy, guys. I don’t know what happened with her, but Barnabas left the room last time when I asked him why he had her name tattooed on his neck, and tonight Melissa lost it. I…”
“You asked Barn about Deb?” Donna murmurs. Sal looks horrified.
“Are you going to tell me what happened and why we are whispering?” Salomé shakes her head, not willing to share anything that isn’t her business. She’s the only Gritt that doesn’t gossip about her siblings. Even at a family supper, she doesn’t say anything that can draw attention to them. She keeps it all to herself.
“Lou never told you?” Donna asks, getting up.
“No… You told me not to say anything, but it was over ten years ago. I never did until tonight…”
“Oh shit, let’s get in your car. You’re driving me home and then driving Sal. I’ll explain what I know!” she says as if she was about to reveal the deepest secret of the universe. She slides into the back seat, Sal sits on the passenger side, and I start the ignition. Then, she starts talking.
“Are you going to be okay?” Sal asks when I drop her off at the main house.
“Yeah, it’s a lot, but…”
“It kind of shaped Barn, but wait for him to tell you his own version of the facts before getting some crazy story in your head, Ave. I know how you like to make assumptions and jump to conclusions, but, Donna wasn’t there and I wasn’t there. All we know are the stories we heard through the grapevine. Barn never really told me what happened. I know it through my parents and Reed, who heard through Jake.”
“Your brother will never tell me, Sal. We’re not really together…”
“Right, Ave, I do believe that he would stay home with your daughter instead of whoring around for someone he didn’t care about. He’s much more considerate than he wants people to know.”
“Yeah, but engaged, about to get married, the accident… that’s a lot, Sal.”
“I know. Just. Be cool about it.” She strolls toward her parent’s house, jumping in the arms of her husband who’s on the porch drinking with her older brother. Sal had been in love with her brother’s best friend for as long as I can remember and finally got him to see her for the amazing woman that she is. That’s a long time for unrequited love, but she got the man of her dreams. I walk to the barn, where everything is quiet, and it seems everybody’s asleep. When I get upstairs, Barnabas’ door is ajar, but I don’t dare to push it, afraid to invade his privacy again. I go to the guest bedroom and freeze, seeing the bed is empty. I check the bathroom, but Alexis isn’t there either. Breathing in deeply, I walk back to Barnabas’ bedroom and push the door to find him sleeping on his stomach, his hair in a bun, his face peaceful, and my daughter spread on his back, drooling on his shoulders with her hands around his neck, like a baby koala would hold onto one of its parents. My insides churn at the beautiful view of them sleeping like a daughter and father would, and a ball of sadness forms in my throat, knowing she never had this with her own father. I walk toward them and try to get her to release him to take her to our bed, but her hold on him is so tight, I can’t untangle her fingers from his neck.
“Let her sleep here. I don’t mind,” Barnabas says in a sleepy voice. “She had a nightmare and was crying. She wouldn’t sleep alone, so I brought her in here. I hope that’s okay.” I close my eyes and caress my daughter’s cheek.
“Of course, thank you.” I step back to go to bed, but his hand reaches out for me and grabs my calf.
“Did you have fun?” he asks, his eyes still closed.
“Kind of.”
“I’m glad you never slept with Jake,” he mumbles, shifting a little to get comfortable. I chuckle. Of course, the gossip train already made it to his ears.
“Good night, Barn,” I tell him, backing away, still looking at them together.
“Good night, sugar.” I rush to my bed and fall on it, exhausted by the secret my heart can’t keep any longer. If the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, the best way to a mother’s heart is through her child. And between all those times he took care of her, the conversation I heard before leaving tonight, and coming home to this, I’m falling fast and hard for Barnabas Gritt.
18
Barnabas
Call it a superhero complex, a God complex, whatever freaking complex possible, but I want to be the Superman of Ave and Lex’s life. Fly to save them, scoop them away from danger, and destroy the bad guy with my supersonic eyesight or whatever shit Superman took to be able to have destructive x-ray vision. I wish I could open my palms, spread my fingers, and create a shield of protection for them to be sheltered from the pain the world could inflict on them. I wish I was strong enough to carry their world like Atlas carried Gaia and to protect them from any outside meteorites trying to obliterate them.
My brother Luke is known to destroy anything in view when you anger him. I never understood his rage until today. I want to take Noah by the skin of his ass and send him into a black hole, so we would never see him again. I want to shred him into pieces with my Wolverine’s claw. I need to hurt him to feel better.
Lex is hiding behind my legs, not wanting to approach the douche, and I can’t blame her. Fucking asshole. Paulette is politely waiting on a chair at the table, tears in her eyes. I can see the guilt, the yearning, the sadness, it’s the same feelings I try to hide when I see Chris with my godson or Aaron with any of his children. She doesn’t have children yet, and it’s eating at her insides. If Noah is here, it’s for her. It’s maybe the only honorable thing he has done in years. Noah is trying to feign interest toward Lex, but he’s too busy eye-fucking Ave. I clench my fist but relax right away when I see how she’s ignoring him. Her blue-worried eyes are on her daughter. She’s trying hard to get Lex to engage, imploring me to help with begging looks I would love to experiment in another situation.
“She seems very attached to Barnabas,” sweet Paulette says. I lied to Noah. I never fucked his wife. I just wanted him to think so, to rile him up, to check if it did anything to him. It didn’t. Paulette is too lovely and sweet to cheat, even on a cheater. Noah finally stops looking at Avery and gazes at his wife with annoyance and surprise. Did he forget she was there, witness to his less than stellar behavior as a husband, father, and ex? His demeanor changes. He’s a ram ready to go head-to-head with me. He takes what his wife just said as a challenge to prove he can do better with Lex. But my rascal is not a thing you’re up to only when you feel like it. She’s a commitment for life, at least, that’s what she deserves. I look at Paulette and smile at her.
“Lex, this is my friend Paulette,” I scooch to meet Alexis’ eyes. “Would you like to say hi?” Lex grimaces, not sure of what to do.
“That’s not very polite, Lex,” Noah says, thinking he knows how to speak to my little friend, and that he’s endorsed to use the nickname only I’m allowed to use. She doesn’t let anybody call her Lex but me, others have to call her Alexis, no other nickname tolerated except Bee. I clench my teeth together and dip my eyes into Lex’s. She’s about to cry, and I can’t stand it. No man or boy will ever make her cry on my watch.
“And it’s not very polite to force a child to say hi if she doesn’t want to. Right, rascal?” Alexis nods and hides her face in my neck. I hug her back, holding her tight to let her know she’s got me, she always will.
“Don’t worry about him. Think of what I told you last night, baby girl. Your family is getting bigger, and that’s great. Right, Lex?” I whisper into her ear. I’m assuredly selling my soul to the devil doing so, but I won’t be the one standing in the way of her having a relationship with her father when he’s already building roadblocks by himself. If she were my daughter, I would tell her to kick him in th
e shin and run away.
“I don’t want to talk to him.” Lex pouts against me. Noah gasps, and I chuckle at his indignation.
“I see how it’s going to be. Should I call my lawyer right away?”
Avery freezes next to me, and I instinctively bring my hand to her calf and caress her leg through her jeans to help her relax. She tilts her head down to look at me, her blue-worried eyes falling into mine.
“I got this,” I mouth, but she shakes her head, always determined to get herself out of any situation alone.
“Noah, can I talk to you outside?” she says in a harsh voice that doesn’t leave room for compromise, and drags her ex onto the porch, not waiting for him to answer. He sends me a coy smile, unquestionably thinking he won this battle, but he has no fucking clue who Avery is and what is going to happen to him once she isn’t in front of her daughter. Nonetheless, I’m jealous of his wrist getting her touch, of him getting more of her attention than he deserves. But I’m a chameleon, able to adapt the look on my face to any situation, and it’s not the time to roar my possessiveness and jump down his throat. It won’t help the situation at hand. I sit on the floor next to Lex and sigh, letting her try to braid my hair. Paulette is watching us, her apologetic smile in place, waiting patiently for me to say or do something. Unrooting Lex from the floor, I sit her astride my lap so I can look at her beautiful eyes and feel her emotions.
“So, this is Paulette.” I point. “She’s your stepmother and a nice teacher who works at the elementary school. Maybe one day, she’ll be your teacher.”
“I know how to read already!” Lex announces proudly, looking at Paulette.