by Gabrielle G.
“How the mighty have fallen,” Salomé says. “Someone has finally dethroned Alane in Barn’s heart.”
“About fucking time,” Aaron grumbles behind me.
“Come on, Barn, let’s go home,” Avery says against my lips. She jumps down from the table, extending her hand to me, and I follow her home like a tiny antelope male we watched a documentary about last night would do to his female.
“Barnabas?” I jolt, hearing Debra’s voice next to me. “I’m looking for Andrew. Have you seen him?” I look at Ave and then Deb, Ave, Deb. I have no idea what to do and what Deb is doing here, or how she got here. Of course, fate would put me in front of her the moment I tell another woman that I love her. All I need now is a fucking moose destroying my car on the way home.
25
Avery
My eyes fall on the girl in the wheelchair, and I just need to take a glimpse in Barn’s direction to know this is Debra. I might even have recognized her from way back when she used to hang with Lou. Perusing around, there is nobody else in sight. If I weren’t sober, I would really consider to stop drinking. How did she get to the bar? With whom?
I wait for Barnabas to say something, but all he can do is look at her, then at me, then at her again. He’s as white as snow after a long winter, greyish-white, and his eyes have no life in them. He won’t be any help, so I take matters into my own hands.
“Debra, hey, it’s me, Avery. Do you want to come in?”
Deb widens her eyes and looks at me as if I am crazy.
“I’m too young. I don’t think Mr. Mussington is going to let me in. Or he’ll call my parents, and I’m not supposed to be here.” Jake’s father has been retired for a while now, and Jake is the only one taking care of the bar since his brother Reed left for New York. Rumor has it, he left after a fight he had with Jake about said bar.
“Okay then, do you mind me asking, how did you arrive here? I heard you were living pretty far away.” I don’t really know where she lives now, but even if she’s been locked up for thirteen years in her parents’ house, it’s impossible for her to have come alone in her wheelchair.
“I’d rather not say…” She rolls her eyes at me like a teenager would.
“Barnabas, have you seen Andrew? He needs to drive me home before I get caught.” Barnabas shuffles back two steps and leans against the wall for support. I step closer, but he raises his hand to ward me off and slouches down to sit on the sidewalk.
“What’s wrong with him? Is he high?” Debra asks, totally oblivious to the effect she has on Barn.
“Something like that,” I mutter, finding my phone in my back pocket.
I try Andrew first, but he’s not answering. Of course, if he’s having angry sex with Donna, why would he pick up the phone. I try again, and again, hoping if he hears his phone a few times, he'll know something is wrong. Nothing. Then I call Melissa, but my call is directed to her voicemail. Same for Jake. I call back and leave message after message to call me back asap. I try Donna, but I know after our fight that she won’t answer until she cools down.
Nevertheless, I call a dozen times and leave voicemails as well. While I call our friends one by one, I keep an eye on Barn who’s still in shock looking at Debra. He’s behaving as if he has seen a ghost, which is pretty accurate in the situation. As Barn’s siblings are still inside the bar, I try to peek through the window to get their attention.
“What are you doing?” Barnabas finally stutters.
“I’m just trying to get some help.” I attempt to comfort him with a sympathetic look. He looks disheveled and undoubtedly isn’t in any state to drive. I didn’t bring my wallet. I can drive him home without getting caught, but I don’t think we should leave our friend’s sister alone in a wheelchair in the middle of the street knowing she has a memory condition. I loudly bang on the window. Most of the bar turns my way, but it’s Luke’s eyes I find first. I jerk my head for him to join me outside. Seeing that I just wanted to talk to one of the Gritts, the people in the bar go back to ignoring me.
“Look, Deb, I can’t reach your siblings. Maybe I can call your parents? Do you remember their number?” I squat down at her level.
“Oh no, no, no, no, my parents are going to be so mad. You can’t do that. There is this boy, you know. He helped me get out. It’s Mel’s birthday, and I wanted to surprise her. That’s what he said this morning. Today is Mel’s birthday, so the cute boy helped. He said I won’t remember tomorrow; he said I should enjoy today. I don’t know if it’s true. I just wanted to be with her.” She cries, her face contorted with the fear of being caught.
“Where is the boy?”
“I asked him to leave me here. I thought I could find Andrew. He’s always at the bar.” Who would leave a girl in a wheelchair in the middle of the street alone? Barn doesn’t even move at the revelation that this night could have gone really wrong if the ‘boy’ she’s talking about had decided to do more than abandon her in the middle of the street. I want to scold her, to tell her to be careful, to get some sense into her, but I know it’s not her fault, and she can’t really do anything about it.
“What’s the…” Luke stops in his tracks when he sees Deb in front of him and Barn still on the ground, hunched forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and his face bent down.
“We have a situation,” I smile at Luke, “and you’re going to help me deal with it. Right, guys?” I peek behind his shoulder for the three others to understand I really need their help. They all nod.
“I can’t reach any of the Marshes, and I don’t have their parents’ number. Debra here kind of escaped, and I don’t have my driver’s license on me to drive her where she should be, and,” I point at Barn, “let’s say, someone is too high to drive.” I lie, not to alarm Debra.
My phone rings, and I’m relieved to see Melissa’s name across my screen.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Why? Jake said you called like twenty times. What’s the matter?” I step aside from the group. Salomé is talking to Deb now, while Luke is trying to get Barn to get out of his stupor.
“Your sister is at The Bar. She heard there was a party there for you tonight, and she wanted to surprise you. A party you didn’t show up for, and your brother left as well. Barn is with me, in shock, on the ground, and I don’t know where to take Debra. So again, where the fuck are you?”
“Vegas,” she says with a tremble in her voice.
“Vegas? Tell me it’s like the bar in the next town over, Vegas, not the Sin City Vegas.” The sigh she gives me as an answer is enough for me to know she’s thousands of miles away.
“Your parents?”
“They are on vacation. Look, call Andrew. He’ll know what to do.”
“I tried, but he’s with Donna, and neither one of them are answering. I’m with the Gritts; just tell me where to drive her back to, and I’ll do it.” She rattles an address that seems to be at least two hours away and asks to talk to Deb. I hand her the phone, explain the situation to Luke and squat in between Barn’s legs. He’s still studying an imaginary spot on the ground. Taking his chin in my hand, I force him to tilt his head, so his eyes can meet mine. I gently smile at him. He’s lost. Pain overflows his irises, and guilt comes out of every one of his pores.
“So,” I let my thumb rub his lips to soothe him, “Luke, Alane, and Aaron are going to drive her back to the facility, and you, Sal, and I are going home.” I use my soft voice as if he was a four-year-old I need to influence. He squeezes his eyes shut and sighs.
“Oh my God. Congratulations, Mel. I’m so happy for you!” Deb squeals behind us. “Guys, Mel and Jake got married today. They eloped!” As delighted as I am for our friends to finally get their shit together and for Mel to stop feeling guilty about being happy while her sister is not really living her life fully, dread fills me when I feel Barnabas drooping his head again and retreating to his thoughts. I get my phone back, congratulate my friend, and focus on the man in front of me who seems to b
e falling into depression faster than anybody listening to Radiohead.
“Okay, youngster, let’s get going,” Aaron says, walking behind Debra and pushing her away toward his car.
“Bye, Barnabas. I hope you’ll get better soon,” Debra says, waving back at him. Barn sighs in relief.
“Let’s go home.” I wait patiently for him to make a move, but it seems we’re spending the night on the street.
“I can’t get up. I need a joint,” he says without looking at me.
“Want me to call Dad,” Salomé asks, clearly knowing better than me what to do in this situation. Barn nods, and Salomé calls her dad for him to come to move his son from the street.
“I can drive you home, Barn.” I touch his knuckles, but he jolts his hand away from me.
“No, you go home. I need my dad. But be careful on the road; don’t hit any animals.” It would be comical if it weren’t pathetic. What the fuck am I doing here if the man I’m ready to give everything to, prefers to call his daddy rather than have me support him? I know I’m an asshole and that what happened tonight is not easy on him, that I should be understanding, but where is my place if he doesn’t think I can take care of him? It hurts. Seems to me, I’m just a pussy to devour when Barnabas shits happiness. I get up and step back, not really knowing what to do for him anymore. And when he doesn’t reach out to me, it aches a little more. I try again to understand his actions, but I come up blank to the reason why he’s shutting me out. Thankfully, Ridge is here in a matter of minutes. He pulls in front of us and helps his son to his truck. Barn isn’t able to walk much, holding his back as if he’s suffering profusely.
“Can you get in the front?” Ridge asks with his deep voice. Barnabas shakes his head and sighs. Ridge searches his back pocket, finds a blunt, puts it to Barn’s mouth, and lights it. Then he helps his son walk to the back of his truck, lays him on the bed, and goes to the driver’s side.
“Girls, get in!” Ridge commands. Ridge has always impressed me. His prominent stature, his piercing blue eyes, white long hair and beard, and the look he can give you when he thinks you're stupid, could make a grown man cry for his mommy. As fun as he can be, you don’t fuck around with Ridge Gritt. I stand tall and try to hold my ground.
“I’m fine, Ridge. I’ll sleep at my mom’s tonight. I can walk,” I answer, my voice saddened.
“Bullshit, Avery. You’re coming. He needs me tonight, but he’ll need you tomorrow. So, get your ass in this truck and don’t walk out on my son when it gets tough. Bella will text your mom to keep Alexis tomorrow, and you’re going to talk about what happened with him and why his back is hurting all of a sudden.”
“What about his truck?” I shake, trying to find an excuse to flee.
“Avery,” Ridge heeds a warning, “get in my fucking truck, now!”
I gulp and try not to shit my pants. Salomé chuckles behind me and gives me a slight push to get me moving.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “He barks more than he bites.” I walk to the cab of the truck and get in, sitting between Barn’s dad and sister.
“Now, tell me what happened and how we’re going to fix it.” Ridge ruffles my hair as if I was twelve. So, I tell him everything I think is essential for him to understand the situation.
“Barnabas also climbed on a table, saying he loved Avery, and then Melissa and Jake finally got married, eloping,” Salomé interrupts me.
“Fuck!” Ridge exclaims. “Let’s hope we don’t see a fucking moose now!”
“Something to know about the men in my family,” Salomé whispers in my ear. “They believe in fate more than they believe in hockey.”
As I turn my head to ask details, what do I see on the side of the road? Big lousy ass antlers and a stupid animal attached to it.
“Watch out!” I scream, and Ridge brakes. Fucking moose.
26
Barnabas
I wake up in the middle of the night, my back hurting less but the pain still there like a nag from my conscience that I forgot Deb and never should have.
After years of doctors' appointments, I know that if I crumbled under pain and couldn’t move last night, it was because of the stress the situation threw me into. I needed to smoke to relax, but when Sal proposed to call my dad, I knew only he could get me upright. Luke and Aaron would have been strong enough as well, but there was no way Ave and Sal could have walked me to my truck and carried my weight. And fuck, I didn’t want the woman I just told the whole town I loved to see me infirm. I don’t care about being seen as ridiculous, but I don’t want her to see me as weak. Knowing Avery though, she took it as I chose my father over her, that I don’t trust her and don’t need her. Bullshit. She treated the Deb issue better than I would have and dealt with my stupor like a pro. I try to feel if she’s home, but my pain gets in the way of my Avery sensor. Shuffling around, I stand and amble, taking one step at a time to get upstairs. My bed is empty, and I hate seeing it so. I hate that she didn’t feel like she could fall asleep in there without me. I drag myself to the guest bedroom and push the door. There she is, lying in the dark, pulling on her hair, biting the inside of her cheek. Her eyes find mine right away. They are blue-anguish, and it’s all my fault.
“Why aren’t you in my bed?” I come closer and lower myself to the mattress with difficulty.
“Because as you just said, it’s your bed.” A sad smile spreads on her face.
“Ave,” it’s a brittle plea for her not to put her walls up. She closes her eyes and a tear rolls down her cheek. Pain or not, I won’t let her cry alone. I crawl toward her, spread myself on her tiny body, and burrow my face against her neck.
“I love you.” I pour my heart against her collarbone. She clamps her arms around me and kisses the top of my head, weeping.
“I love you too, asshole.” She strangles her words between cries. “I almost walked away from you tonight.” I shower her neck with little kisses while she speaks, allowing her to continue her explanation if she wishes. “Not because of Debra and your reaction to her, I can understand that. I can understand your pain. I can understand you will always love the young woman you lost, but because your dad is the one you needed tonight, not me. It hurt, Barn, it hurt so much.”
“I know,” I whisper into her ear, “and I’m sorry.” I crush her some more, wanting our bodies to melt into each other. “Why did you stay?” I add when the silence becomes too heavy to go on. She strokes my hair a few times, chasing away my pain. She has this magic touch that makes me feel better instantly as if she's the cortisone shot that I need but can never get.
“Because of a fucking moose,” she mumbles, and I freeze. How many times would that humongous herbivorous affect my love life? I try to push up on my arms to meet her eyes, but she doesn’t let me, tightening her angel wings around me.
“Did you know that if the spirit animal of a moose appears to you, it means you should get over your fear, conquer your goals? That it symbolizes solidarity and togetherness? How you should strive to have them in your relationships?”
“No, I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure it’s when you dream of a moose, sugar, not when it appears on the road and nearly kills you.”
“But it didn’t kill us tonight, and it didn’t kill you then. If you believe in fate, Barn, you have to believe everything we went through brought us to that point. The point where everything was meant to be. The good with the bad. My father dying, the accident, Lou leaving, Deb’s wheelchair, your pain, Noah, all the bad we went through. You can’t only say the good is fate. Everything is fate. Me seeing that moose tonight is telling me not to give up on you, not to let my fears guide me. I don’t know what it meant when you had your accident, but you have to accept that if you want to be with me now, if we love each other in ways we can’t understand, if we’re the cover of each other’s pot, then, this fucking moose I saw tonight peeking his head from the forest has a lot to do with it.”
“I saw one in the mountains when I went hiking the day af
ter you gave me a massage.”
“You see, fate. I guess we’re getting a moose inked on our skin one day.” One day. As in the future, together. I push back, and this time she lets me. I straddle her, and her arms are hooked around my neck.
“Marry me.” Her eyes are blue-surprised.
“No.”
“Marry me,” I insist, diving for a kiss. She pushes me away.
“No.” She laughs. “I’m not marrying you now. I’m not saying never, but I need more time. You need more time. I’m not marrying you when I’m in the middle of a shitstorm with my ex about my daughter, and you’re still wounded by guilt and other shit with yours. I’m not marrying you when we haven’t been on a proper date once. I’m not marrying you when I have hated you longer than I loved you.” Her eyes are filled with amusement and mischief.
“You’re fucking with me, right? Those are not good reasons not to marry me, sugar.”
“I’m not marrying you now, Barnabas.” She’s all serious, and I know there is no way I can get a yes tonight. “How is your back?” She changes the subject.
“Better when I’m with you. Better since I love you. Better when I have you.”
“Cheesy.” She rolls her eyes.
“True.” I kiss her nose.
“You want to tell me about it?” I can see she needs the truth more than I need to tell her. It’s time to tell someone anyway. I’ve carried the weight alone for long enough. Lying down next to her, I lay my head on her chest so she can play with my hair and let my fingers trace an invisible design on her skin.
“It was the summer I was twenty-five. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just happy to be me, doing my own thing. I’m not sure where Andrew was anymore, but I was just enjoying life, working with my dad, hiking, smoking. One day, kind of out of the blue, Deb asked to come on a hike with me. She was just the little sister of my best friend, you know. I thought nothing of it. We went for a walk, she was dressed perfectly for an early morning hike, and off we went, nothing to report. But as the sun started to get warm, she began to undress, and it was more suggestive than I thought would be possible. Her pants got removed and tight little shorts curved her ass. Her sweater was forgotten, and a see-through tank-top was shoved at me. Deb had turned into a sexy temptress, and she was far from the innocent little sister I started the hike with. By noon, we were fucking against a tree on the side of a trail. I didn’t even think of Andrew and Mel because in that moment, she wasn’t their sister anymore, she was the hot as fuck girl who wanted in my pants. We snuck around a lot, and the more time we spent together, the more time I discovered the free-spirited, sexually-compatible partner I wanted in my life. She got pregnant, but we saw it as a sign. One thing led to another, we decided to elope. We were young, crazy, impulsive. I think we loved the fact of doing something unconventional more than the idea of getting married. We told Andrew and Mel, and even if they were a little shocked, they accepted it and decided to come with us. Mel and Jake decided to elope as well.