Keeva pulled her hair. “I guess maybe I need some time to step away from the relationship and really find out what I want, you know?”
Shara nodded hesitantly. She had been thinking Keeva needed to drop Mark since she met her, but she wasn’t about to say that.
Keeva’s cell phone rang. She looked at the number. “Speak of the devil.” She clicked open the phone. “Yes sweetie? . . . I remember honey. I needed to pick up a book at Shara’s. You want me to meet you back at my place? . . . Well, I guess you could pick me up here, but my car . . . Well, it is actually much closer here—around the corner really . . . Okay, honey.” She gave him the directions to Shara’s apartment.
She frowned. “He is acting so strange. He insisted on taking me out to dinner tonight. He’s afraid I won’t make it back to the apartment in time for us to make our reservation so he’s insisting on picking me up here. Is that okay?”
“Sure, as long as he doesn’t come in here cussing at me.”
“He won’t. He’s not like that. I don’t know why this is so urgent. Maybe because he’s flying out tomorrow for a whole week. I guess he wants to spend some time with me before he leaves.”
“Was it my imagination, or was he ridiculously rude to me on the phone last night? Is that just how he is or should I take it personally?”
Keeva sighed. “I think Mark blames you for all the changes in me lately. He attributes my starting to speak my mind and teaching dance classes and wanting to be celibate all to you.”
“Oh, isn’t that wonderful? So in his mind, I’m the cause of your relationship problems?”
“Yeah, he has no clue things were bad before. He was happy and it doesn’t matter to him that I wasn’t.”
Shara clenched her teeth.
Keeva asked, “Why do you always do that?”
“What?”
“Whenever I talk about Mark, you get this look on your face like you’re going to explode if you don’t say something, but then you never say anything.”
Shara let out a long breath. “Relationships are sticky. I’m your friend, so on the one hand, I want to say things, but then on the other hand, I feel like it’s none of my business. So I keep my mouth shut.”
“If you weren’t trying so hard to keep your mouth shut, what would you say?”
“Unh uh. I ain’t saying nothing. I don’t want to be one of those girls that ain’t got no man talking ’bout, ‘girl, you need to kick him to the curb.’ ”
They both laughed.
“I think friends should be supportive and listen and not give advice when they’re not in the situation,” Shara said.
“In other words, you think Mark is horrible for me and I should have let him go a long time ago.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But that’s what you think.”
“Keeva, what do you think? That’s the real question.”
“You’re right. I have to figure this out for myself. I guess I’ve spent so much time going with the flow I never examined whether I was happy with him.” She frowned at Shara. “Why does being around you cause me to challenge everything going on in my life?”
“Oh, so you’re blaming me, too?” Shara asked. “Isn’t it better to ask these questions now than to end up being miserable later?”
“I know. It’s just hard, that’s all.”
There was a knock at the door. Shara hopped up to answer it. Mark was as handsome as Keeva was beautiful. He had that same classy style as he sauntered in with beige linen pants and a matching linen shirt on. He was caramel brown with short black curly hair. The thin frame glasses he wore gave an intelligent look to his handsomeness.
He glanced at Shara. “I’m here for Keeva.” He brushed by her into her apartment. Shara looked at his back about to go off, but Keeva looked anxiously at her, so she backed down.
“Come on, Princess, we’re going to be late for our reservation.” He surveyed Shara’s apartment with apparent disdain.
Keeva tried to introduce Shara, but he was back outside as quickly as he had come in. She paused at the door. “Sorry, I’ll call you later.”
Shara watched Keeva rush out the door to where Mark was standing in the hall waiting impatiently for her.
Not too long after Keeva left, Shara looked around her apartment for something to do. She had cleaned up earlier that morning and had studied a bit before Keeva got there. She thumbed through a notebook, sighing with every turn of the page. She finally shut the notebook. “Oh, forget it.”
She picked up the phone and dialed Mother Hobbs’ number.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Mother Hobbs, can I speak to Quinton?”
“I’m fine, Shara. Thanks for asking. Good to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry. I just—”
“You don’t have to apologize, baby.” Mother Hobbs chuckled. “I understand. Here he is.”
Shara froze. Why had she called Quinton?
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” She was more frozen after hearing his voice.
“Shara?”
She made herself say something. “I . . . I just wanted to say hi.”
“I’m glad you called.” Quinton laughed. “Boy, you’re breaking all the girl rules. You called me the very next day after a first date. Doesn’t the rulebook say you’re not supposed to call me at all? You’re supposed to be all nonchalant and wait until I call you.”
She relaxed a little. “I told you I never read the girl rulebook. Sounds like you know more about it than me.”
“Yeah, I’ve played and been played in enough relationships to know a little something about the girl rules.”
“Is there a boy rulebook too?”
“Yeah, but it’s nowhere near as sophisticated as the girl rulebook. It has simple stuff like don’t sleep with her best friend and if she comes over while the game is on, say ‘yes honey’ or ‘uh-huh’ for at least every fifty words she says.”
Shara laughed, relaxing more. “Do either of the rulebooks say anything about how long after the first date you have to wait to have the second date?”
Quinton was silent for a second. “Why do you ask, Shara Anderson?”
She could hear him grinning. “No reason. Just figured if I’ve committed myself to a second and third date, I should know a little bit about the rules.”
“That’s the only reason you asked?”
“Yep.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.”
“Why?”
“Because, if you were asking because you were interested in going ahead and getting the second date out of the way so we can get to the all-important third date, then I would have asked you for directions to pick you up so we could catch a movie. But, since you were asking for informational purposes only, I guess I won’t be asking you,” Quinton teased.
“See, I don’t know about that. I’m thinking there must be something in the girl rulebook about waiting at least a week before going out on the second date.”
“I tell you what. How about we throw both books out the window and follow our hearts?”
“I don’t know about that, either. My heart could get me in a lot of trouble. In fact, I think the reason for the rulebooks is to protect us against what our hearts might lead us into if we have no rules,” Shara said.
“And just what might your heart lead you into?”
“Hmmmmm. Why don’t you ask me that question on the sixth date?”
“So is that a guaranteed commitment to the sixth date?”
“Sounded like it to me.”
“Gee, what’d I do right?”
“Are you coming to pick me up or what?”
“Only if we make a deal,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“Let’s spare ourselves the agony and both wear jeans and T-shirts.”
Shara laughed. “That’s a deal. I just got all my clothes back in the closet.”
“Shara, you’re not supposed to tell me that. I might have to g
et you a copy of the girl rulebook.”
She gave him directions to her house. “See you when you get here.”
Shara couldn’t believe she asked Quinton out on a date. She pulled on her favorite pair of jeans and a T-shirt and waited for him to arrive.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Mark drove quietly the entire ride to the restaurant. Keeva wondered what was on his mind. He pulled up at one of their favorite places, Anis. She was impressed. They usually only came here on special occasions like her birthday or their anniversaries.
They sat down at their table. The maitre’d came over and Mark ordered a bottle of expensive champagne.
Keeva raised her eyebrows. “What’s the occasion?”
“Do I need a special occasion to treat my Princess well? Things have been strained between us lately and I wanted us to be able to have a good time together for a change.”
Even though she had been annoyed with his attitude at Shara’s, Keeva vowed to have a good time. If she was going to think of ending the relationship after having invested so much time, she wanted to at least give it a fair chance first.
After the second glass of champagne, she began to relax. She laughed at his corny jokes as if he was straight off of Def Comedy Jam.
After dessert, they drove back to her apartment. Mark was quiet again for the entire ride.
“Is something wrong, Mark?”
He looked over at her. “I’m fine, Princess. Just glad to have you back.”
She smiled. This did feel like old times.
When they got to the apartment, he walked over to the CD player and put on a Sade CD. He turned down the lights. He was actually setting the mood for the first time in a long time. She realized where this was going. For a moment, she was angry that he was purposely ignoring her desire to be celibate. She relaxed a little though as she remembered his request to wean slowly. He had been behaving since their talk and hadn’t even protested about being sent home every evening at 10:00 pm.
She felt a stirring deep inside. It startled her. She hadn’t been “in the mood” for a long time.
He held out his hand and invited her to dance. They danced sensuously to the music as he showered her with kisses. She melted in his arms. They began to kiss passionately. He stopped. She gave him a questioning look. For the first time in forever, she didn’t want him to stop. She was glad he had and was touched that he was trying to respect her wishes.
He stepped back and led her to the couch. She sat down. He took a deep breath and then fumbled around in his pocket. He pulled out a small, blue box and dropped to his knee. Keeva’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open as he opened the box to reveal a beautiful diamond marquis. It was huge. Had to be at least three carats. Her mouth hung locked open as her eyes went from the ring to his earnest face.
He rambled through an explanation of how long they had been together and how much he cared for her. Keeva realized she was barely listening to him when she noticed he had stopped talking and was now anxiously awaiting her reply. He looked so vulnerable, so serious, so intense.
He frowned as a large tear rolled down her cheek. “What’s wrong? We talked about this. I thought this was what you wanted.” He looked like he was about to cry. “I thought we—”
“Of course this is what I want. I . . . I’m just surprised. I’m just so . . . happy. I . . . I didn’t expect—”
He ended her stuttering with a kiss. “You just made me the happiest man in the world.” He looked into her eyes as he slipped the ring onto her finger. “I am going to make you so happy. We’re going to be perfect, you’ll see.”
He held her tightly and she hugged him back. She hoped that if she held on to him tight enough, the emotions raging inside her would go away. The hug became a kiss and the kiss became more passionate until she found herself being carried to her bedroom. Mark covered her body with kisses as he took off each article of her clothing.
She felt as if she were watching the two of them from the outside and could barely respond. Luckily he didn’t seem to notice, probably because of her recent bar on sexual activity. Her mind kept drifting to her conversation with Shara earlier that afternoon. She tried to shut the thoughts out and tell herself this was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with—that she should be happy.
She realized Mark was finished when he gave her the usual kiss on the forehead, threw his arm over her waist, and lay facing the wall. In a moment, his breathing became labored and she knew he was asleep.
She stared up at the ceiling as hot tears stung her cheeks. She pried herself out from under his arm and went to the bathroom. She sat on the floor hugging her knees to her chest. There was something so comforting about the coldness of the ceramic tile beneath her bottom. She began to cry, slowly at first, but then began heaving as if the tears were coming from deep in her belly. When there were no tears left, she breathed heavily with her head propped up on her knees.
Her fingers traced circles around her perfectly manicured toenails as she stared forlornly into space. Why couldn’t she be happy? She should be in bed, curled up next to Mark, dreaming about the life they would have together. Instead, she was sitting here crying.
Something in her head, or heart, refused to let her believe the lie she had been living for the past three and a half years. Whatever it was, it let her know she couldn’t marry Mark. What was she going to do? She had already told him yes—or let him think she said yes, and he was so happy. She couldn’t bear the thought of breaking his heart. She wouldn’t even know what to tell him. It wasn’t like she had a real reason.
She slowly pulled herself off the floor and stood to look at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red. She had black tear streaks down her cheeks. She took a deep breath, washed her face and slipped quietly back into the bed. As she fell asleep, she said, “God, help me—please.”
At 6:30 the next morning, Mark awoke with a start. He cursed and squinted to see what time it was. He had an obsession with being at the airport two hours before any flight and was scheduled to leave at 8:30. He liked to leave his car at the airport because he hated it whenever Keeva was late picking him up.
After he showered and dressed, he came over to her and kissed her softly on the forehead. “Princess, I’m leaving.”
She used the sleep-feigning act she had perfected as a child when she didn’t want to get up. “Hmmmmm?” She rolled over and dug deeper under the covers.
“I said I’m leaving. I don’t want to be late for my flight. Jade’s gonna pick you up later to go get your car. I’ll call you this afternoon, okay?”
She turned further away from him and made some mumbly sounds. He laughed and kissed her one more time before he left.
When she was sure he was gone, she got up and went to the window. She saw him emerge from the building and practically skip to his car. He looked so happy.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
How was she going to tell him she couldn’t marry him?
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Keeva, are you avoiding me? I’ve barely seen you in the last month.” Shara was glad she caught Keeva on the phone early on Saturday before she went to one of her dance classes.
“Of course I’m not avoiding you, silly. Don’t act like it’s my fault. You’re the one who’s always busy. Every time I call you, you’re gone or on your way out the door. What’s up? Wanna hang out today?”
“Well, Quinton and I are about to get together for a run and then he’s all jazzed about taking me somewhere special for lunch.”
“Quinton, Quinton, Quinton—seems to be all you talk about and all you have time for these days.”
“Cut me some slack. I have a lot of dateless years to make up for. I do miss you, though. We can get together this evening. Quinton is taking his ‘boys’ out for pizza.”
“Oh I see. Quinton’s busy tonight so you call me.”
“Girl, stop tripping.”
“You know I’m joking, Shara. I could
n’t be happier for you. So when’s the wedding?”
“Now you’re really tripping. We’ve only been seeing each other for a month.”
“Yeah, but every day for a month is equivalent to about six months of normal dating.”
“It hasn’t been every day.” Shara added sheepishly, “Just every other day.”
The last few weeks had been wonderful. Running with Quinton almost daily, dinner at fancy restaurants, a jazz concert at Chastain Park, putt-putt golfing, movies and hours of talking. He had taken her bowling again and given her real lessons. She had even bowled a strike and a few spares. The best part had been studying the Bible and praying together.
“You’re pitiful,” Keeva said. “You deserve it, though. You held out and waited for the right one without compromising your standards and God sent you exactly what you wanted . . .”
Something in her voice didn’t sound right. Shara felt guilty for neglecting her friend. She thought about the fact that Keeva had missed a few Sundays and all the Wednesday night services over the past month. Before that, she had been faithfully attending every Sunday and Wednesday since she had gotten saved. She had even been coming to intercessory prayer some Friday mornings before class. Shara knew better than to believe her when she said school was getting busier, but she had been too caught up in Quinton to press Keeva for the truth.
“Are you okay?” Shara asked. She heard Keeva sigh loudly. “Oh boy—that bad, huh?”
“You know me. Always some drama,” Keeva said. “Speaking of drama, how ’bout I cook dinner here tonight? I wouldn’t want to burst into tears in a restaurant.”
“Tears? Keeva, what’s going on?”
“I’ll tell you when I see you. 7:00?”
“I’ll be there.”
“This is my special lunch?”
Quinton pulled up at a building a few blocks from the church. There was scaffolding on the front and some construction workers putting in windows. Compared to the other buildings on the block, it looked great.
Dance Into Destiny Page 24