A knowing expression crossed Cassie’s face, and he could almost see her make mental calculations in her head for the higher hills. Jake reached out to take Heidi by the hand and began pulling her toward Applesauce, hearing Cassie and Jackpot follow closely behind.
“It’s a long way, Heidi. And it’s steep back to the reservoir. If I ride with you, will you let Applesauce take us back up to the truck?” Jake felt Heidi stiffen and plant her feet beside him, but he continued to hold her hand and walk to take the horses reins, dangling in the grass. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll ride with you, all you have to do is sit in front of me and hold on. I’ll do the rest.”
Heidi’s eyes were wide and wild, and she looked back over her shoulder at Cassie. “I … no. I … can’t, Yake.”
Cassie reached out and took Heidi’s other hand, squeezing it tightly. “He couldn’t come help before because he was keeping a promise Heidi. He’s making you one now, and you have seen that he keeps his promises.”
Heidi nodded, biting her bottom lip and looking up into Jake’s eyes. “If I ride with you, Yake,” she said hesitantly, “you have to promise me that no matter if you have to go, you will always come back. If I ride this horse, you can’t decide that it means you don’t have to come home anymore. I can’t go to Wyoming, Yake. Even if I could ride.”
Jake dropped his sister’s hand and turned to face her. Grabbing her shoulder, he shook her a little and looked into her frightened eyes. “Listen, Heidi, I don’t come home to help you with Applesauce. I don’t come back because I like the mustangs better than you, and I don’t come back because I have to, even though I like Wyoming. I come back because this is home.” Tears rolled down Heidi’s cheeks now as she leaned against his chest, wetting his shirt with her fears.
“You only came back for Melinda, and then the mustangs. You say lots of things to pretty girls that you don’t mean, and you always go Yake, always.”
Jake heaved a sigh and put both arms around his little sister. “You’re right.” He breathed into her hair. “I do say lots of things to pretty girls, and I do have to go sometimes, but, Heidi, I never make them promises I don’t keep, and I promise you, I will always come back. Always.”
Heidi nodded against him, drying her cheeks and taking deep breaths, “Okay, Yake, I’ll ride with you.”
Jake mounted the gray mare and pulled Heidi up to sit in front of him as Cassie handed him the reins. He was struck by the soft curve of her mouth as she offered a tender, approving smile. She mounted her horse, and they began plodding out of the meadow. As Applesauce moved beneath him and Heidi, Jake felt the girl stiffen at the swaying motion. He wrapped one arm firmly around her waist, gripped the reins tightly, and told her to hold the horse’s mane as well.
Cassie and Jackpot walked quietly beside them, encouraging Heidi to feel the movements of the horse instead of bracing herself against them. As the horses climbed, Heidi relaxed, allowing the trip to proceed without complaint. Quietly they walked onto the road and then north into the tall trees. The horse’s hooves were only interrupted by the birds and their own deep breathing as they meandered.
Jake watched Cassie as she rode. Her horse was unsaddled as well, and Jake admired the line of her lean body pressed into the flanks of the horse’s flesh. She moved with the animal, occasionally whispering quietly and stroking her mane with deft hands, asking the horse to drop behind or in front of Applesauce. Her eyes glowed with the depth of the apparent trusting relationship she shared with this horse. She pressed her face against Jackpot’s neck and smiled fondly.
“How long have you been blind?” Jake suddenly asked as Cassie raised her head from the horse’s mane.
“Most of my life, since I was four years old.”
“What happened?”
“When I was about two and a half, my parents noticed that I was running into things more and more. My mom would find me with my ears pressed against the door listening to the outside world, but I wouldn’t go into it. My dad said I liked the feel of the refrigerator vibrating beneath my palms. Before I would walk to another room, I would find the vibrations in the floorboards until I located a wall. I would follow the surface with my fingers into other rooms. My parents were concerned when I wouldn’t look at books, or watch TV, so they took me to an optometrist and then an ophthalmologist, who eventually sent me to an oncologist.”
Jackpot snorted and shook his head, just as Jake was going to warn Cassie about a low hanging branch protruding across the road. Instead, Cassie dropped her face back to lean against the mare’s neck as the branch passed overhead.
“An oncologist?” Jake asked as she raised her head. “Cancer?”
Cassie nodded her head and then shrugged. “I had tumors growing all along my optic nerves, and they were interfering with the transference of images to my brain. They did everything they could, — operations and chemotherapy, — but eventually in order to ensure that the cancer didn’t spread to my brain, my parents opted to have my optic nerves removed.”
Jake couldn’t hold back a slight gasp, and Cassie grimaced at the sound. “I don’t know if that’s exactly what happened, or if that’s just how they explained it to me. The point is my eyes work, there’s just no connection to my brain.”
“They took out your optic nerves? That seems kind of extreme.”
Cassie tossed her hair back from her face and shrugged. “Maybe,” she said, “but if you came to me and told me the person I loved had a time bomb ticking behind their eyes, I would have no problem trading their sight for their life.”
“It wasn’t just your sight though, Cassie,” he insisted. “Haven’t you ever wondered what dreams you might have chased if you could see? You are pretty amazing with these horses and the therapy, but you have to admit, you are never going to be an airline pilot or a race car driver.”
Cassie laughed, a sound like bells through the trees surrounding them. “I think I’m all right with that, Jake. I don’t think those ever would have been my dreams anyway.”
Jake frowned as Heidi elbowed him in the ribs and asked to get off the horse. “I want to walk in front of her,” Heidi grumbled. “My butt hurts.”
Jake grinned at Heidi, but then pulled Applesauce to a stop and helped Heidi slide awkwardly to the ground. Slipping from the horse’s back, Jake could hear the sound of Miriam’s voice ahead and Cassie’s thighs rubbing against Jackpot’s hide as she also dismounted. They walked in the direction of the trailer, close enough for their hands to graze each other’s once or twice.
“Aren’t you angry, though, someone else stole your dreams and now you have to clean up the aftermath?”
“I’ve had dreams, Jake, like everyone else. Dreams that are just that … dreams. Not all of them can come true.”
“That’s not fair. Other people make choices and you have to live with a broken dream?”
Cassie sighed and reached out to squeeze his hand beside her own. “No, Jake,” she said firmly. “You dream a better dream.”
Chapter Twelve
“Jake?” Cassie asked over her shoulder, as she handed the horses off to Troy for stabling. “You want to talk about Jake?”
When Debra Caswell had arrived that afternoon, Heidi was riding bareback on Applesauce. Even though Cassie still needed to accompany her on the horse, Heidi’s progress since the ride with Jake was remarkable. Heidi was fascinated with the animal; the unalterable patience of the horse was providing Heidi more confidence every day.
“Jake and I are not that close, Mrs. Caswell. I’m not sure I could tell you anything.”
“I am actually interested in your professional opinion, Cassie, and please, call me Debra.”
Cassie attempted an untroubled smile, but she could feel that it had come across more anxious than she intended.
“Okay … Debra, I’ll do my best.”
Cassie located her white cane, unfolded it, and began moving along the fence line, unclear as to whether or not Debra was following. Heidi went up ahead, and Cassie
heard the sound of her voice mingled with Troy’s as Debra and Cassie approached.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Debra began nervously, “but Jake is becoming withdrawn and distant. He is isolating himself from the other parts of his life, and I see something in his eyes I haven’t seen for a while.”
“Something? What do you see?”
“He’s … tortured, haunted almost. I hear him at night, trying not to cough, or make a fuss, but I know he’s not sleeping. He hasn’t been to Mcgoo’s or out with any of his friends since the fire, and I think it may have triggered an old memory.”
“What kind of memory? You said you saw this … . something in him a while ago. How long ago?”
Debra stopped, and Cassie felt her hand reach out and slow Cassie’s progress too.
“This is not the first fiery tragedy Jake has survived. The other one was much worse, but is it possible he is traumatized just the same as he was then?”
“Without knowing much about Jake’s history, I can’t really say. Post-traumatic stress occurs after experiences like a fire, to one degree or another, but I don’t know about this other one. What happened?”
Debra took a shuddering breath. and Cassie felt the older woman’s hand grow cold against her warm skin.
“Jake and some of his friends were in an accident where the truck caught fire.”
Cassie nodded, and tried not to picture Jake in that circumstance. It was difficult to keep an objective viewpoint if she saw it in her mind.
“Were they hurt? What happened? Give me an idea of what Jake might be dealing with.”
Cassie wrapped her hand around Debra’s, which was trembling against her arm. Cassie braced herself for the details as Debra talked, finally understanding why Jake had been so close, yet so distant lately.
“He was in a truck, on his way home from a graduation party with his girlfriend and her brother. They were coming down from Navajo Canyon, and they missed a curve on the narrow canyon road. The truck rolled six times, and Jake was buckled inside when it started burning.”
Cassie winced openly, trying not to paint gruesome pictures in her mind of the scene.
“How did they get out? Debra, I know this is bringing up painful memories for you, too, but if the fire retriggered the trauma in Jake, then he may be reliving something else, too. I need to know as much about it as I can so I know how to help him.”
“Jake got himself and Carter out by undoing the seatbelts and climbing through the broken windshield, but …”
“Carter … Carter Langdon?”
“Yes, Carter was Melinda’s brother. They were twins.”
Cassie gasped. “I heard Jake and Heidi talking about someone named Melinda, but I had no idea.” Debra sniffed a little, and Cassie’s mind formed another picture with the sound. “They were twins? As in past tense?”
“When the truck rolled, Melinda had been sitting on the console between the seats. The windshield shattered in the rollover, and she was thrown out of the truck. It rolled over her as it fell down the side of the canyon road.”
Cassie was staring wide eyed at Debra’s face, seeing nothing but the horror she could feel hanging between her and Debra.
“Was Jake driving?” Cassie asked quietly. “Does he blame himself for the accident?”
“Jake tried to take the keys away from Carter so he could drive, but Carter was drunk and wouldn’t let Jake have them. Jake wasn’t even supposed to be in the truck that night. He and Melinda had gone to the party together, but when Carter got drunk and wanted to leave, Melinda wouldn’t let him go alone. Jake couldn’t talk them into going with him. He went hoping to talk Carter into letting him drive. Does he blame himself for it? Absolutely.”
Debra punctuated her last statement, and Cassie blew out a shaky breath.
“He saved her brother from the fire, but he couldn’t save her,” Cassie stated to clarify.
“Worse than that.” Debra sighed. “He walked away without a scratch on him. Carter tore his shoulder up pretty bad, and he was on track to be the next team roping champion at the national finals rodeo. He has never been able to rope since that night, and he blames Jake.”
Cassie sighed again, still shaking her head.
“Is that why Jake doesn’t drink? I have been with him at Mcgoo’s and he always has a drink, but I have never smelled anything but cola on him. I thought that was strange for a guy who picks up women in bars.”
Debra didn’t respond as Heidi’s soft bubbly voice skipped up next to them.
“I’m ready, Mom. I want to go tell Yake about riding today, let’s go.”
Debra reached out quickly and took Cassie’s hands in her own.
“Thank you, Cassie, for all your help and all you will be able to do with …”
Cassie tried not to frown at Debra as she thanked her again and left with Heidi. I do not want to know this much about Jake, she argued internally. It makes him too tragic of a hero.
The smell of dusty earth and horse hair mingled in Cassie’s nose as she left the barn’s enclosure to begin her notes on Heidi’s session. Running her fingers along the smooth painted surface of the barn’s door, she turned her face away from the sun and felt the hot afternoon light against her hair. With skilled, practiced hands she began swinging the tip of her cane above the graveled dirt high enough so as not to catch the rutted drive that would be underfoot in the next thirteen steps.
As Cassie’s feet took her from the barn to the ranch house, they paused with the slight change in inclination of the road. She focused her attention on the path of her travel. If even a few feet off track, Cassie would miss the end of the wide porch near the kitchen door, and she and the chickens would end up fighting over who was going to escape the coop first. Cassie wrinkled her nose at the smell of feather fumes that wafted toward her. Side stepping away from the sound of the creaking coop, Cassie held her breath. The hens were particularly pungent today, and once again she found her thoughts lost in barring the smell from her senses.
As she turned her nose to breathe air not fowl, she caught a brief scent of soap and skin before colliding headlong with someone.
Cassie staggered back with a gasp, fumbling apologies and hoping no one had been watching her. The few months at The Rocking J ingrained her mind with a mental map of the ranch, but weather and unpaved surfaces were always subject to change and she would forever have to be conscious of her steps.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you stumble on someone you or your horse hadn’t already sensed was there.”
Jake’s voice was casual teasing, but Cassie’s defenses sharpened with his comment, and she openly glared at him.
“Most people don’t stand as quietly as possible in the middle of the road waiting for a blind person to bump into them.”
Jake was silent at her angry retort, and her cheeks blushed furiously. She heard him shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other before stepping back from her.
“I’m sorry, Cassie. I wasn’t watching to see if you’d bump into me; I was just coming to talk to you about Starlight, and I wasn’t thinking.”
Cassie grimaced guiltily and tossed her dark hair back from her flushing cheeks. “I’m sorry, Jake. I’m still a little unsteady around here, and you startled me.”
“Where is everyone?”
Cassie heard his voice drift from side to side as he looked around the ranch yard.
“If the vans and trucks are gone, then they have already gone to your place for the annual benefit dinner.”
Jake was silent, and Cassie narrowed her eyes against the heat of the sun blaring against her left cheek.
“Why would they have gone without you? Are you supposed to be walking the six miles to the ranch?”
Jake’s voice held a sharp disapproving edge, and Cassie fought back a smile. It surprised her that he had immediately picked up on the predicament she would be in if all the vehicles were gone and she was not with them. Most people rarely remembered that she could not
just jump in her car and go wherever she wanted.
With an unconscious shake of her head, she attempted to fight back the fluttery feeling his response sparked in her. Jake Caswell was not a man to be trusted, she forcefully reminded herself. Everything Debra told her about Jake’s past and the times Cassie unintentionally witnessed his genuine goodness had planted seeds of faith in her mind. Seeds that now seemed to be exploding into full foliage on their own accord.
“I’m not going to the fundraiser. Cody is with his grandparents in Reno, and he calls every night at nine. Someone has to be here for the call. He doesn’t care who, so I told Miriam I could use the time to catch up on my therapy notes. My screen reading program has been down for a couple of days while I wait for the upgrade.”
“Your screen what?”
“My screen reading program,” Cassie reiterated. “How do you think I work on the computer?”
Silence met her again, and Cassie pictured Jake’s blank expression as he tried to imagine her on a computer. Her laughter broke the stillness of the heavy heat, and Jake began chuckling dark in his chest as well.
“I guess I never thought about it.” Jake made the admission sheepishly, but Cassie’s ears picked up on a different sound.
“Jake … your lungs are still rasping. Have you been to a doctor yet?”
Cassie turned, putting the setting sun behind her again and moved toward the house, Jake trailing her and the dust her stick was kicking up. As he stepped beside and took her elbow in his hand, Cassie automatically pulled her arm free of his grasp and slid her hand to hold his elbow. She fell in one step behind him as they kept walking, her mind registering how naturally she let him take the lead of a sighted guide, and how instinctually he’d done it as if they’d practiced it before.
“I had it checked with the doctor; he says there will be some scarring, and I just need to stay active so I don’t lose any of my lung capacity.”
Jake stopped at the stairs to the porch, and Cassie dropped her hand from his arm.
“It’s a good thing you and your ears aren’t around my house. My mom is hypersensitive about every cough and tickle in my throat. If you talked to her about what you hear, I would be in bed around the clock.”
Killing Casanova Page 9