Learning to Let Go

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Learning to Let Go Page 10

by Cynthia P. O'Neill


  He started working his fingers in both my holes, all the while whispering words of adoration as his lips trailed all over my body, drawing out an earth-shattering orgasm that had fireworks going off behind my eyes, before taking me again. The last thing I remembered, other than feeling blissful, was him cleaning me up before climbing into bed and pulling me to his chest.

  His faint whisper echoed in my ear. “Stay with me, always.”

  Laurel’s prescription for her nightmares appeared to be working. She managed to sleep through every night this week. Her appetite’s returning and she seems to be growing stronger both physically and mentally. Although, her ability to sleep might be a result of us not being able to keep our hands off of one another and falling into bed, exhausted, after we’re both fully sated. No matter how many times I have her, I just can’t seem to get my fill of her or that sweet pussy. She calls to me on some level I don’t understand.

  The week passed by in a blur. The first day I revealed a bit of myself to help Laurel feel more at ease with Jocelyn, which about fucking killed me. Since then, the sessions have been primarily focused on her issues with Chase. I knew she had repressed things, trying to run from the past and focusing on the future instead, but I thought she had dealt with some of the rape issues. I found my heart aching to soothe her soul as she revealed that she never gave herself time to mentally heal and accept what had happened. Instead, she focused on her school work and her plan to get as far away from Chase as possible.

  I had to laugh a bit when I realized Grace’s comment from the hospital, “You two are a lot alike,” seemed to be spot on. Laurel was doing the same thing with Chase that I did with in my youth. I focused my mind on other things and never really dealt with the issues at hand, never really letting go of the pain I felt when my family died.

  She had been given the option of discussing things just once a day for an hour or two, but Laurel chose to discuss things multiple times a day, some with me present and other times just the two of them, to push through her anger, grief and other emotions.

  Jocelyn tried to get her to slow down. “There’s no need to rush, dear,” she reminded Laurel over breakfast. “These things take time.”

  “I know,” Laurel replied, “but I want to move forward with my life. I let him make me a victim and then turned around and let him control me with my dreams. I want to purge him from my system and take back my life, starting now!” She slammed her hand on the table to emphasize her point.

  The fire in her, along with her determination, kept me in a state of awe and arousal. My little minx would get her life back and I’d make sure she would never be hurt again.

  By the end of the week, she’d insisted it was time to stop hiding and go back to Orlando. I was glad, because Jonathan really needed to get back to his own business and I had some pressing meetings that I couldn’t postpone anymore. When we started packing, Laurel turned toward me and asked, “If Grace is living with Jonathan now, where do I go?”

  I had wanted to have this discussion with her for sometime, but knew if I brought it up and demanded she stay with me, she’d fight me on it. God, I loved her independence and feistiness.

  I crossed the room, putting my arms around her waist and drawing her close. I pressed my forehead to hers and kissed the end of her nose. “I’m glad you brought that up. I don’t feel comfortable with you going back to the condo with Chase on the loose and him knowing where you live. I’d like it if you would stay with me,” I said quietly. “At least my place has round the clock security and is difficult to penetrate.”

  Her breath caught and her eyes widened. “I guess I could stay a little while.”

  I shook my head slightly. “I’m not asking for you to stay a little while,” I admitted, running my hand down her jaw. “I want you with me. When I promised I’d never let you out of my sight again, I meant it. If you’re not comfortable sharing my bedroom, then I can put you in the one next to mine, but I’d like to try sharing everything with you.”

  Her hazel eyes seemed to melt and I felt her relax in my arms. She looked up at me with amazement. “Everything?”

  “Yes, love, all of it.”

  “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

  “It’s a big step for me and I can’t promise that we won’t have disagreements, but I gave you my word that I’d try for something more than just casualness. Just promise me you won’t run at the first hint of trouble.” This was going against every fiber of my being, taking a step I had never been comfortable taking, not even with Andrea, but I couldn’t fathom not having Laurel with me. She was the breath of fresh air my heart needed and the sensual desire my soul craved.

  “Okay,” she said. “I promise, but I eventually need to hear the rest of your story. I know there’s something you’re not telling me, more than just what went on with Andrea. I hope in time you’ll trust me enough to share your whole story with me.”

  My heart filled with a sharp pang of regret, knowing that eventually I would have to come clean. Jocelyn had been urging me all week to just push through the barrier and finally let go of all the hurt from the past. It was the one thing that kept me from taking the leap I wanted to take with Laurel, but I was sure that as soon as she knew my secret, she’d be gone.

  A conversation with Jocelyn, earlier in the day, began to play through my mind.

  “When are you going to let go of things, Garrett?” she’d asked for the millionth time. “Accidents happen and you can’t be responsible for every accident that happened in the past. No matter what you did, what you said, or even tried, nothing would’ve prevented the turn of events that led you to the Waters family. You’ve kept people at arm’s length far too long. You finally got over part of your aversion by caring for your new family. Now it’s time to tell Laurel you love her, too.” She never did hesitate to get right to the point of things.

  My mind spun at her words. I didn’t want to admit my feelings, so I lashed out. “I’m not capable of loving someone so close to me. If I care too much, it will just end in disaster again. I don’t want to risk losing another person by loving them!” My shoulders slumped at the idea. “I can’t lose Laurel. She means too much to me.”

  It was no surprise when Jocelyn pulled me into a matronly hug; she’d always been like another mother to me. “Life and love are a gamble with an element of risk, Garrett. You’ve taken a lot of risks in your life to get where you are today in business. You need to buck up and take those same risks in love. You can’t guard your heart forever.”

  I was about to argue with her when she let go and held me by the shoulders, looking me squarely in the eyes. “You can’t just shut down and avoid emotion the rest of your life. You have an amazing woman in Laurel. Life has handed you both a lot of crap to deal with, but together you seem to get through anything. I normally wouldn’t recommend a codependent relationship for people, but for some reason, with the two of you, it works. You both complete one another and thrive together.” She patted my shoulders warmly and gave them a squeeze. “It’s obvious that she loves you and you love her, so stop denying it and grab her before she has the chance to slip away from you.”

  Maybe I did need to push all my fears aside and take a chance. But would she still care for me if she knew?

  Dillon was driving us back to Orlando in the limo as Thompson followed in the SUV, and Garrett was doing an amazing job of keeping me distracted with his sexual prowess in the backseat. Unfortunately, my subconscious kicked in and my pulse quickened the closer we got to the center of Orlando, finally arriving at Waters Towers. I found it harder to breathe and started panicking knowing that Chase was lurking somewhere within the city.

  Garrett’s warm hand surrounded my shoulders and pulled me into the warmth of his chest, cradling my head just under his chin. His hands rubbed soothing circles up and down my arms. “Shh…it’s okay,” he soothed, “you’re reacting to what happened the last time you were here. I’ve had the security system upgraded to the highest te
chnology, one that Peterson Securities doesn’t even know how to produce yet. They’ve been installed at all of my facilities. Plus, you’ll be staying with me and will have a guard on you at all times when you’re outside of the penthouse.”

  His words comforted me and I began to match his breaths, feeling my heartbeat slow and my anxiety start to slip away. “What am I going to do about work? Won’t it look suspicious having a guard on me while at Bio-Medical Solutions?”

  His muscles stiffened underneath me and he went straight to the point. “You’re not going back there.”

  I leaned back so I could show him the puzzled face I knew I wore. “Why not? I still have a job, don’t I?” What was he getting at?

  “You still work for them,” he assured me, “but I’ve reassigned you for the time being. Your projects have all been moved to an office right next to mine at WMI.”

  I couldn’t believe him. He was going to force me to work at the same office as his? And right next door? This was going to be embarrassing. As much as I liked being whatever with Garrett, I hated getting preferential treatment. “How are you going to justify me being there? Won’t that raise suspicions about us? I don’t want to be accused of sleeping my way to the top.” I was sure to be part of the new rumor mill at work.

  He kissed my hair softly, pulling me closer to him. “I told you I wasn’t going to let you out of my sight and I’m not. I don’t care what people think. Besides, I need your knowledge on a project that has caught my interest. We’ll be meeting with the company in a month, so I need all of that time to pick your brain and prepare. Your supervisors have been told you’ll be temporarily assigned to that office until further notice or until the project is complete.”

  I had to laugh. He had an answer to everything.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked with his quirky half smile and eyes piqued with interest.

  “You are!”

  “Why?” He tried to put a puzzled look on his face, but it was all he could do to stifle his laughter.

  “Let’s just say that I guess it’s good to be the boss sometimes. You seem to be able to pull off anything.”

  “Only for you, baby, only for you.” His lips sealed over mine in a kiss filled with passion and reassurance. His teeth nipped at my upper lip, while his tongue swept into my mouth, probing, searching; devouring my mouth and soul, making me forget that we were sitting outside the Waters Towers in the limo.

  I jumped when a knock came at the rear window.

  “Okay, enough of that, you two!” Grace called out, though I knew she couldn’t see what we were doing inside, thank goodness.

  Dillon, who had escorted us home in the limo, had barely opened the door when Grace threw her arms around me, hugging me tight and pulling me out of the car.

  “I’m so glad that you’re finally home!” she cried. “Are you feeling better? How are you doing? Have you agreed to stay with Garrett?”

  I just shook my head and laughed. It was good to see Grace again. I didn’t like how we had left things and wanted so badly to right things with her. “Enough with the questions, cuz. It’s good to see you, too.” I pulled her close and whispered, “I’m going to be okay, and yes, I’ll stay with Garrett for now, unless you need me.”

  Grace pulled back and just shook her head. “When are you going to stop worrying about me and take care of yourself for once?” She looked past me toward Garrett. “Have you told her about the surprise yet?”

  I looked between the two of them. Lord. “What surprise? You both know I hate surprises.”

  “Hi, Laurel. I hope you’re feeling better.”

  I looked over to the sound of my name. Coming out of the doorway was Jonathan, along with his parents, Harris and Olivia, and their daughter, Sarah. They all had big, welcoming smiles on their faces and I couldn’t help smiling back.

  Harris was the first to speak, stepping forward to give me a hug. “Welcome home, Laurel. It’s good to see you looking more like yourself. You gave us quite a scare.”

  Before I knew what was happening, everyone closed in around me, forming one big group hug. My family had always been somewhat close, just busy with their own lives at times, but the love these people emitted was overwhelming my heart.

  “Hey, can you make room for us?”

  No way! That voice was too familiar. It couldn’t be! I looked up at Grace and Garrett. “My surprise?”

  They both nodded and beamed as everyone parted like the Red Sea to reveal Donny and Freddie standing there with huge smiles on their faces, Donny’s arms outstretched. I don’t know who closed the gap, but Donny’s arms came down around me, quickly lifting and twirling me in the air.

  “It’s good to see you, sis. I’ve been worried about you. No one will tell me what’s going on, but I expect us to have a heart to heart talk soon. Right now, I’m just glad we’re both here.”

  My eyes filled with tears that were threatening to overflow if all this mushiness kept up. “I’ve missed you, too. And we’ll talk, soon, I promise.”

  As soon as Donny’s arms released me, Freddie was pulling me in for a hug. “We’ve missed you, Water Bug. Please tell me you’re okay. You’ve had Donny and me on edge the last few weeks.”

  I stepped back, a little uncomfortable with how close Freddie was holding me, and felt the hard chest of the man I knew so well against my back. Garrett wrapped one arm around the front of me possessively, before whispering in my ear, “I thought it would be nice for you to have some of your family around. I tried convincing your parents to fly down, but their schedules wouldn’t permit it just yet.”

  Was there nothing this man wouldn’t do for me?

  We were all chattering with one another when Harris spoke up above the din. “Why don’t we take this upstairs where we can sit down, relax, and enjoy spending time with one another?” he suggested. “I’m sure Deidre is up there preparing a spread.”

  Everyone was in agreement and we took a very crowded elevator up to Garrett’s penthouse. Over the course of the next hours, I learned that Garrett had given mine and Grace’s apartment over to my brother and Freddie. Donny had transferred from Duke to the University of Central Florida to finish his master’s degree and Garrett had arranged Donny’s desired internship with the Financial Management Company, which my brother had been salivating over for a year. Garrett had even managed to find Freddie a new position at the firm Sarah worked for. Even though she was an architect, the firm was a one stop shop for business. They handled everything from the design to the construction to the landscaping to the wireless implementation, which was right up Freddie’s alley.

  Both Grace and Garrett kept dropping hints that I should speak with my brother in one of the other rooms and I kept ignoring them. Grace finally cornered me when I was getting a drink from the kitchen and whispered, “I accept that you’re not ready to talk to your parents, but he knows something’s off and you need to tell him. He’ll be there for you. I know it.”

  She and Garrett both gave my hands a squeeze as I finally gave in to the requests to speak with Donny alone and led him nervously down the hall.

  We had barely made it into Garrett’s library when Donny confronted me, his face full of worry and his voice determined to get to the truth.

  “Thanks for deciding to talk to me, sis,” he started. “I know something’s been going on with you and I respect that you want to retain your privacy, but damn it, Laurel, I’m worried about you. I keep thinking Garrett has done something to hurt you or keep you from talking with me. Grace assures me that isn’t the case, but you have my mind running wild with all kinds of crazy thoughts.” He ran his hands through his hair, looking increasingly agitated. “I just need to know that you’re all right!”

  My stomach felt queasy and a knot formed in my throat. I started to speak, but my voice was shaky. “Iiifff Iii tell you, will you promise not to tell Mom and Dad until I’m ready?”

  He looked down at his feet and then met my eyes. “You know I don’t like keepin
g secrets from them, but at this point, just to find out what the hell is going on… Sure, why not? I’ll keep whatever you have going on under wraps until you’re ready.” He stepped forward, encompassing me in a firm hug as I started to shake and cry. “What gives, Laurel?”

  I didn’t know how to approach it other than how you would remove a BandAid—just rip the sucker off and get it over with. “In college, Chase raped me and forced me not to tell. He said it was my word against his,” I rushed out before Donny could respond. “I kept my distance from him as soon as I realized what was happening and quit the swim team. He used my blackouts from my recently diagnosed low blood sugar to his advantage, pushing my limits in the water and causing me to pass out while he had his way with me. It wasn’t until later, when I woke up in the middle of it, that I realized what he was doing.”

  Donny’s body went rigid and I watched as his face became enflamed with rage and his hands tightened on my arms, barely able to control his anger. I was thankful he didn’t say anything, so I continued.

  “I wanted to get as far as I could get from the campus and from up north, where he worked. He sent threatening letters to me for months and then on the day of graduation had a card dropped off in my dorm room that said he was coming for me. Garrett called in his security that day to make sure I was protected and to track his whereabouts. That’s why I took the job here; to get away from him. I didn’t expect to fall for Garrett in the process.”

  His grip on me tightened. “Does Garrett know?” he managed to whisper.

  I nodded. “He found out the day before graduation. He kept the cell phones and apartment in the company’s name to throw him off so there would be nothing to trace, but somehow the bastard found me anyway. It was during the time I pushed Garrett away for not telling me who he actually was. Within a few days, I started getting cryptic messages in my mail and realized they were from him.” Tears began pouring down my face. “He found me!”

 

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