Learning to Let Go

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I watched as her lips pursed, contemplating her answer. “I’m not sure what my week looks like,” she finally replied, “but I’ll keep your number handy.”

  That’s it; I’d seen and heard enough. I threw my plate down on the counter, causing it to clatter and everyone that was in the interior to jump. “Ms. Hart, might I have a word with you regarding your findings?” I barked. My voice came out a bit harsher than I wanted, causing Jerry to pull back.

  “Yes, sir.” Her eyes looked like they could shoot daggers, but she rose from her seat and followed me toward the door.

  “I should go see what we’ve decided to do about the changes and how the game is going.” Jerry excused himself and went out where Jonathan and the others continued to talk while the game was being played out, their team currently holding the lead.

  I motioned Thompson forward. “Please let Jonathan know that I’m going into the room next door to discuss things with Laurel. And tell the Williamstons we’ll pick our talks back up during halftime.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I grabbed hold of her hand and practically dragged her to the suite next door. Dillon opened the room for me, then stood watch between the two doors, his face a mask.

  I knew I’d been playing with fire when I let Jerry flirt with me, even more so when I dared to tease back. I wanted a healthy relationship, whether it was with Garrett or someone else. I didn’t want to feel my emotions in a constant state of flux because he couldn’t commit to either trying or not. I felt like a damn yo-yo, close to him one minute and feeling him pull away the next. I know I hadn’t been much better when healing from the second attack from Chase, but hell, I had my state of mind in a better place than he did. I couldn’t keep doing this with him, no matter how much I loved him.

  I wasn’t sure where he was leading us until Dillon unlocked the door right next to the suite. As soon as Garrett pulled us inside, he had me pressed up against the wall, kissing me like his life depended on it, only letting up for us to catch our breath, doing exactly what I’d been looking for and needing the past few days.

  “Are you trying to hurt me, Laurel?” he demanded, his voice weak and questioning.

  I wanted to feel for him, but I couldn’t. “Like you’re trying to hurt me?” I countered.

  One hand pressed on the wall along the side of my face as his other hand swept under my skirt to feel my underwear. “You’re not wet,” he stated rather bluntly as his chest and pelvis pressed into me. “Why are you doing this to me? Are you trying to destroy what we have? Would you rather have Jerry? Is that it?” He pressed his forehead to mine, breathing hard.

  “You know I only want you.”

  He slipped a finger into my folds. “You should know that this belongs to me.” He flexed his finger as if to prove a point and grabbed my mound. “This is mine. No one else is to touch what’s mine.” His Neanderthal, controlling ways were on full alert tonight. I didn’t dare tell him that they made me wet for him.

  “You know I love you, but I can’t keep doing this…” I raised my hand in the air, looking for the right words.

  “You can’t keep doing what?” His eyes beseeched mine, looking for some kind of answer.

  I took a deep breath in to steady my nerves; truth was always the best approach to things, at least in our situation. “My emotions are all over the place,” I admitted. “I’m not a plaything! You keep me wound up like a yo-yo on string. One minute we’re fine and you say that you’re willing to try for more with me, taking care of me and making me feel cherished, and the next you’re trying to push me away, making my heart question what I’ve done to turn you from me.”

  The knuckles on the back of one of his hands trailed softly down the side of my face before caressing it. I leaned into the touch, because it felt so good, so right, before realizing what I was doing and trying to push his body away from me. To my surprise, he backed away and freed me, turning on one of the small side lamps so we could see each other better. I looked over to see the door and windows to the balcony closed and sealed, thankful to have privacy.

  He paced the room like a feral cat; I half expected him to growl at me. “Damn it, Laurel, I’m trying!” he exploded after eight paces. “I told you I would and I am. I can’t help that my life and my emotions are fucked up. I closed my heart off a long time ago when my family died. The one time I dared to try opening it, I was screwed over by my girlfriend. Now, I find the one person who actually makes me feel whole again and her life is threatened if I continue to pursue her.” He turned and looked at me, his eyes panicked, his voice cracking. “How the hell am I supposed to handle it? I don’t want to lose you. You mean everything to me.”

  I stayed leaning against the wall, trying to figure out how to respond to that, when it dawned on me. “You take chances, Garrett. Nothing in life worth having comes easily. You have the good and the bad, the rollercoaster of emotions, and you work through it. It’s a game of risk.”

  His shoulders slumped in defeat as he moved closer to me. “You’re right, but I can’t risk you getting hurt. My world would end without you.”

  What was that? If he felt this way, why couldn’t he just say the words I needed to hear?

  I moved closer to him, letting one hand graze his chest while the other came up to cradle his face. “You told me a while back that I needed to learn to let go of things and move forward, that it was the only way I could reclaim my life and be able to continue on. All I’m asking is for you to take your own advice.” I paused, rubbing my thumb across his cheek. “You have a family who adores you, people who love working with you, and believe it or not, you’ve shown that you can share a piece of your heart with all them.”

  He shook his head, not believing a word I said. “My heart is nothing but a cold, empty vessel, incapable of love.”

  I stomped my foot, which seemed to catch his attention. “You are capable of love and you’ve been giving it whether you want to admit it or not. You show it in the way you care for your family, your concern for your workers, the way you protected Grace, and how you’ve looked after me when you didn’t need to do anything. You could’ve run in the opposite direction, but you stayed and fought for me to work through things. A man incapable of caring would have pushed everyone away and not thought twice about it.”

  Garrett’s eyes narrowed. “Fine. You want me to let go, then you have to finally talk with your parents and tell them what happened to you. No more hiding behind Grace, Donny or me.”

  “I’m not hiding anymore. If you’d noticed, my eyes still had a touch of redness to them when I left the downstairs room tonight. I’d finished my work early and needed something to do, and I realized the time had come to tell my parents everything.”

  His eyes were full of shock. “And?”

  “The conversation ended well, but it started out with them believing me to be a liar and trying to ruin Chase’s good name. They’d been impressed with his athletic abilities at swim meets and even more excited about the future he could have. He’d made some attempts at flirting with me in front of them and I just wasn’t interested.” I shook my head to clear my mind before continuing. “Anyhow, when I told them what he’d done, they thought I was lying. They said I was just passing the blame to him, that I was going through a similar phase as Grace did in high school.”

  His hands fisted by his sides and redness spread across his face, barely containing his anger at what I was saying.

  “I had to admit what happened to Grace and they thought I was delusional, so I conferenced her in on the line and we discussed things openly,” I continued. “They, of course, apologized and Mom started with the waterworks, but we were in a better place. They realize now why I was running from the north and from my hometown. It turns out that Chase thought I had gone back home after graduation and actually turned up on their doorstep a few days later, looking to speak to me, saying he was ‘just passing through town on business’ and wanting to check and see how I was doing. That’s how he fou
nd out I was in Orlando—they’d told him! It was just good fortune that I hadn’t given them my address yet.”

  “Damn that little fuck!”

  The curse was so loud that I jumped. His arms came around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest, where he began to rub soothing strokes down my back.

  “What else did you discuss?” he asked softly.

  “They asked if you knew and I told them yes. They could tell we had some chemistry, but I couldn’t answer them when they asked if were a couple or just seeing one another. They’re still under the impression that I live in the condo downstairs, where Donny and Freddie live.” I took a deep breath in, knowing the next part would be the hardest to discuss. “They were furious to find that they’d been left in the dark on Chase’s recent attack. I told them it wasn’t intentional, but you and Grace had been following my requests. It turns out Dad had been suspicious as to why Chase had suddenly shown up at their doorstep again asking if I was okay. Now he’d like to find the bastard and give him a taste of his own medicine. I told him not to worry, that the authorities were looking for him and that you and your team were protecting me.”

  He pulled back, looking at me. “When did he try this?”

  “Apparently, it was when you moved me from Orlando to Daytona and sent him on a wild goose chase. He followed the trail right to my parent’s doorstep. The first time he came by, they thought nothing of it, but the second…”

  He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, his sign that a headache was coming on. “This is why I can’t get to close, Laurel,” he said hoarsely. “Look at the extremes he’ll go to just to get to you. I care for you, but I’m not willing to risk your safety.”

  I grabbed hold of his chin, hard, and forced him to look at me. “If you push me away, then he wins and my life is destroyed, along with yours. If you open your heart, there’s a risk, but I know you’d do anything to protect me. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Are you?”

  Garrett’s mouth was on mine before I could get the final word out. His teeth nipped at my lip as his tongue forged its way into my mouth, exploring every inch and wanting more. I felt him backing me up until my backside hit the edge of the table.

  “You win.” His words came out breathy, sounding defeated and almost unrecognizable.

  My head was spinning from the intensity of the kiss. “What?”

  “You’re right. If you can let go and take a risk, then I can do the same.” His breathing was heavy and his muscles flexed beneath my fingers.

  “What exactly are you saying, Garrett?” He’d promised things before, but now I needed to hear the words.

  His fingers lit a trail of fire from my neck down to my cleavage as he undid a couple of the buttons from my shirt. His lips followed the path until they found my breasts, licking the swell of them in time with my altered breathing.

  I could barely speak with all the feelings he was stirring inside of me, but I had to say something. “You’re not getting any further until you answer my question,” I managed.

  He rose back up, caressing my face in both hands, brushing his lips gently across mine. “I want to date you, take you on a real date, and be seen in public. I want to explore your body, test the limits of our play, and see how much pleasure I can bring you. I need to sink myself into you and make slow, passionate love until we can no longer move. I love you, Laurel.” He pulled back as if not believing the words he just spoke. “There, I finally said it. I’ve been fighting the words for too long, thinking you would flee if I told you exactly how I felt.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them, his gaze meeting mine. “I didn’t think I was capable of loving another and haven’t said the words to anyone since my family died. I thought if I told you my life story, you’d run. I thought if I said I loved you, you’d run. But here you are.”

  “You’ve taught me to stand my ground and fight for what I want,” I reminded him. “You’ve helped me leave my past where it belongs, in the past. You’ve opened my heart and my eyes to new experiences, showing me how a man is truly supposed to treat a woman, enabling me to trust again. I am so unbelievably lucky to have you.” I moved closer, brushing my lips to his. “There’s no place I’d rather be than here with you, always. I love you, too.”

  A growl resonated from his throat as he pulled off his jacket and threw it against the chair. His hands quickly lifted my skirt to my hips as his lips came down and he bit into my nipple.

  “Ouch!” I screamed.

  “Sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.

  “No, they’re just a little sensitive right now. I sometimes get that way right before my monthly.”

  His hand rubbed my nipple softly as he pulled the black lace of my bra aside and lavished the bruised nipple with his tongue, sucking on it softly, making me so wet. I moaned as his lips continued, his fingers tracing of the outer edges of the thong I was wearing.

  “God, you’re so damn wet,” he groaned. He pulled back, spun me around, and pressed me down onto the coolness of the polished wood table. “I want to take you from behind, mark what’s mine.” His hands reached up to my thong, pulling it off and helping me step out of it. My mind was headed toward pleasure when a sharp smack hit against my bottom.

  I jumped at the first strike. “What are you doing?!” I squealed.

  One hand held the center of my back down as the other gave me another smack. “You can’t expect to go without some form of punishment,” he said reasonably. “You flirted with Jerry tonight, intentionally trying to make me jealous. As payback, I want to see this fine ass of yours a nice shade of pink. When it’s nice and warm to the touch, I want to sink into your heat and take you fast and hard, to make you mine.”

  His words brought back the fire in my belly, making me crave the feel of his cock deep inside me. “What about the meeting?” I asked.

  “We haven’t been gone long and it hasn’t hit halftime yet. That’s why this will be quick. I want you to count to ten; we’ve already got two down.” He continued to alternate his hands against my ass, sensitivity and desire sparking at his every touch. “You’re mine, babe.” His words echoed his proclamation as he shoved into me, his slapping balls against my backside.

  He wrapped one arm around my waist to steady my hips as he thrust in and out of me in long, hard strokes. The edge of an orgasm began to make its appearance as he reached his other hand around to rub my clit, cresting me faster than I wanted. An explosion went off behind my eyes, causing me to clench hard against him, making him scream out, “God, I love you!”

  I wanted to relish the connection we had and the intensity of our words, but we heard the buzzer sound, announcing the end of the first half of the game. Garrett’s phone went off and he reluctantly answered.

  “We’ll be right there,” he said, not bothering to hide his labored breathing while on the phone. “We’re still discussing issues with the design.”

  I looked back in confusion. “It was Jonathan, wanting to know where we are. Tom Sr. wants to discuss the changes you came up with and push forward with the deal.”

  I began to get up from the table when a wave of nausea hit me. I put my hand up over my mouth and looked around the room, trying to find the bathroom. I darted in that direction, forgetting that my skirt was up around my hips and that my panties were on the floor. I had just barely made it when my entire dinner and what I had earlier today came up.

  “Get out of here!” I moaned, the tears that come with vomiting falling down my cheeks. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Laurel. I know I’ve pushed you away, but I’m here now. What do you need?” His eyes seemed pained at the sight of me throwing up.

  I heaved a couple more times until my stomach was empty. I felt the coolness of a washcloth press against my forehead and wipe my mouth as a bottle of water landed in my hands.

  “Can I get you anything?” he whispered.

  I shook
my head. “Thank you. The water is all I need. I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

  “Are you sick? How long have you been feeling this way?”

  I went over to the sink and washed my hands and my mouth out. I took the washcloth to try and wash away the evidence of our encounter. His hand landed on mine, halting me. “I’ll take that. I’ll clean you up a bit, but I want the smell of our encounter to weigh heavily on you, so Jerry will know you’re off limits.”

  I had to laugh. “So you’re turning into a dog?”

  His mouth pursed with amusement. “While I may not be lifting my leg to mark you, I do want it known that you belong to someone—me!” His arms came around me to help clean me up and slip my underwear back on. When we were both put back together, he grabbed my hand. “If you’re not sick, how long has this been going on?” he asked seriously.

  “My stomach has been in knots over us, life, Chase, you name it. I think I just have a bit of the nerves these past weeks. In the past I’ve often thrown up and been unable to hold down food when my emotions get the better of me.” You’d think that as an adult I would’ve grown out of the nervousness, but it persisted.

  His hand came up and caressed the nape of my neck, pulling me to him for a kiss. “I worry about you. You’re always so concerned with work and everyone else that you don’t take good care of yourself. If this continues, then promise me you’ll let me call a doctor to see if there’s something they can give you to help hold food down?”

  I didn’t want to agree, but my sugar levels had been out of whack lately and the nausea had made eating nearly impossible. “Okay, but only if it persists.”

  I was about to suggest we return to the meeting when there was a sharp knock at the door. I panicked and asked, “Did you need to hear my thoughts on the prosthetic?”