I bit at my lip, thinking over Vera’s advice. I supposed from her perspective it was as simple as forgetting about Vic and moving on. I could do anything I wanted to.
Except what I wanted was to know my brother.
“Can I have your drink?”
“What?” I looked at Vera as she reached for the julep she’d made me. “Oh, yeah sure.”
I shrugged deeper into the couch, watching the waves crash over and over as Vera slurped down my drink. Eventually I’d figure everything out. I had to. Right?
I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling particularly useless. I’d excused myself from Vera to go rest and there I was, two hours later, staring at the exact same spot on the ceiling.
Feeling determined, I stood up—maybe a little too quickly, as the two-hour prostration meant blood rushed quickly to my head and had me reeling back. Nevertheless, once I gained all my faculties, I was out my bedroom door. Vera was also in the exact same spot I’d left her, making me feel a little less pathetic for having spent two hours doing nothing.
“Whazzzzuuup?” Vera droned. I eyed her curiously; her Louisiana twang sounded more than silly with the slang.
She shrugged. “I’m just tryin’ out the local lingo.” Popping a tortilla chip with guacamole in her mouth she added, “And food.”
“I’m going out,” I explained, reaching for the keys I’d left earlier.
“Oh please can I come? I’m more bored than the day my mama had me try on wedding dresses. We can use my car!” I paused, keys dangling from my palm. I wanted to ask her what she meant. Had she run off on her wedding? Is that why she was in California? The way Vera casually looked away and continued eating her chips and guacamole made me think it wasn’t the time. Besides, I had something important to do. I mean, it had pulled me out of bed.
“I wish, but this is something I got to do on my own.” And I did wish. I wished I could’ve had her come as moral support, because what I was about to do was already giving me heart palpitations. I’d taken Vera’s earlier advice to heart; maybe I should just beg off my brother. Maybe it was time to leave my family behind once and for all. What good had family done for me, anyway?
Still. I’d come all this way for my brother. It was the reason I’d come to California and not gone someplace like Nashville, some place I actually wanted to see. Don’t get me wrong, California was growin’ on me, but I’d never actually planned on moving there.
Before I cut him out of my life for good, I was going to give it one more shot. One more chance to regrow the dehydrated and dying bond with my brother. If it didn’t work, then I’d reevaluate. Maybe I’d check out Texas.
I jangled the keys in my hand, feeling bad as Vera’s face sunk. I tried to change the subject. “Do you have any job prospects?”
At my question, Vera’s face lit up with an odd smile. “I have a few lined up.” She looked away from me, playing coy. Again, I felt drawn into her mystery, but I didn’t have time. I could ask later.
I was halfway out the door when I realized something. I turned back to Vera. “Have you seen Chad lately?” Chad, our landlord and other roommate, had been nonexistent since we’d moved in. Most days it felt like only Vera and I lived together, despite the fact that it was Chad's place.
“Naw. That boy is at school all the time. He gets up at the rooster’s crow and doesn’t come home ’til well into the night.”
I sighed. At that point it felt like I was never going to leave. I shut the door and walked back into the apartment.
“Is that weird? Should we think that’s weird?” The entire situation seemed too good to be true. Both Vera and I were living in a beautiful apartment that was practically on the water. We paid next to nil in rent and we hardly ever saw our roommate. I may have been naïve but I wasn’t dumb; I knew that didn’t happen to people.
What should’ve happened was Vera and I ending up at the shelter because we couldn’t afford to rent anything, yet somehow we’d landed in the lap of luxury.
Vera shrugged. “I learned to never look a gift horse in the mouth. Damn, I’m out of guacamole.” Vera peered into the bowl as if it would magically replenish. I could tell she’d been drinking. She had that boneless lilt about her that drunk people got, as if the liquor made their body jelly.
“I’m gonna make more. Want some?” Vera looked up at me, eyes wide and glassy.
I stamped down the queasy feeling I had. I could only deal with one fire at a time. First Vic, and then I could tackle our too-good-to-be-true house. Or maybe I should have just taken Vera’s advice and not looked a gift horse in the mouth.
Shaking my head, I turned back toward the door. “I really need to go.” As I reached the door I heard Vera call my name from the kitchen. I placed my hand longingly on the door, the mint-painted wood contrasting with my skin. I give up. I’m clearly never leaving this apartment.
“Yes?” I turned to see Vera peeking her head out from behind the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. She had a wide drunken grin and avocado on her cheek.
“Be sure to use my car. No friend of mine is taking the bus!” Vera chucked her keys at me and ran back into the kitchen before I could respond. I caught the keys, fumbling awkwardly, and walked out into the Santa Barbara afternoon.
I’d never driven a car before.
With Vera’s keys in my palm, my feet lead me to her car. I say my feet lead me because it felt like I wasn’t thinking, just walking like some kinda zombie to the metal hunk by the curb. It looked like freedom and power, and Vera had given me the tools to wield it.
I walked up to the driver’s side and unlocked the car. The click of the lock was deafening to me, as if I’d just unlocked some ancient secret. Slowly I slid inside, feeling the smooth leather against my legs. I gripped the steering wheel, the notches rubbing against my bones.
I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’d only been in a car a handful of times. Ask me to drive one? May as well ask me to pilot a plane.
The buttons looked like the drawings I’d read about in the books about Egyptians that Mama had given me. I imagined they were just as serious, too. One of them was squiggly, another one a triangle, one was just plain crazy looking, and don’t even get me started on the knobs and sticks.
I didn’t plan on driving the thing. I figured the only thing I’d know how to do was stick the key in the ignition, but even that looked daunting. I removed my hands from the steering wheel and rested them in my lap. People took this for granted, definitely. Just then a car zoomed past me, probably going to the grocery store or something mundane.
They were probably upset that they had to do the errands, not realizing the freedom they had at their fingertips. They could go anywhere at anytime because they had the power. I was always relying on other people. I used the bus and trains to get to California, and boy was I grateful those existed. Still, if I’d had a car…
I gave the steering wheel one last feel before exiting. After all, I had places to be and a bus to catch.
When I got off the bus, I made sure to thank the driver. I felt my shirt lift up slightly as it drove away to its next stop. Even though I was still on the street, I remained in place, staring up at my destination. Vic’s place—or rather Vic and Lenny’s place—nestled inside an old-looking apartment building. It was close to the beach, a couple miles down from my and Vera’s apartment. It was also much older. There was something eerie about it, but then that could have just been because it was old.
History often gives buildings that spooky quality; much better to wash it all away and forget it ever happened. Right?
I walked into the building, across shiny, beige marble floors, and pressed the up button on the elevator. It was very cold and shivers formed as I waited. Growing up in Georgia had made me expect over air-conditioned buildings. They overcompensated for the heat outside by making it an icebox on the inside. I expected it, didn’t mean I’d gotten used to it. Still made me shiver and break out in goo
se bumps.
As I stepped into the elevator, I watched the doors close on the lobby. I wondered why it was so cold there; I’d thought it was just a Georgia thing. Then again, I’d only ever been in Georgia. There was so much I didn’t know about the world. Maybe everyone over-ACd their buildings.
I was quickly realizing how small I was. I’d grown up in a tiny town and even there I’d felt minuscule; now I was out in the world and it was as if I could only be seen under a microscope. I was deathly afraid a stranger was going to ask me a question, because chances were I wasn’t going to know the answer.
It wasn’t long before I’d reached Vic and Lenny’s apartment. My mind was so swarmed with worry that my feet had done that zombie thing again and suddenly I was standing in front of the black door. I hadn’t even given myself a pep talk.
I’d come there for a reason. I was going to talk to Vic. I’d been so busy feeling small and insignificant, I hadn’t hashed out what I was going to talk to Vic about. Somehow I didn’t think “Let’s try being family” was going to convince him. I let out a breath, deciding to knock anyway.
Only a few beats passed before the door opened. An internal sigh of relief was released in me when the woman, the one Vic called Lenny, answered the door. I couldn’t handle Vic yet.
She smiled, not even looking surprised. Stepping aside as if to let me in, Lenny spoke. “Hey, Grace. What’s up?”
“I was hoping to talk to Vic,” I said, peering around her nosily.
She nodded. “I’m afraid you’ve just missed him.”
I frowned, feeling dumb. I should have called. That’s what people do. They don’t just stop by unannounced. I should have borrowed Vera’s phone and called. I was like an alien trying to blend in among humans.
“But…” Lenny snaked her head, getting into my line of sight. “I’m about to go to dinner. Want to come?”
“Oh I don’t want to impose on you and your friends.”
“Not imposing. It was just going to be me.” Lenny shut the door, ushering me along the hallway. Again I was reminded of how little I knew, of how small my worldview was. I couldn’t fathom a woman eating alone, yet Lenny acted as if it was nothing.
“Do you have any food allergies?” Lenny asked as we stepped into the elevator.
“No—I mean, I don’t think so,” I stuttered. I hadn’t had much food in my life. The world kept growing around me and I felt like a pinprick. Maybe I did have food allergies; I honestly didn’t know.
“Well,” Lenny said, smiling wickedly. “I think the best way to find out is through trial and error.”
I gulped. I had a feeling my world was about to get a whole lot bigger.
THREE YEARS BEFORE
I covered up the newest bruise from Daddy with makeup I’d stolen from the corner store. I didn’t like stealing. I felt horrible doing it, but I had no way to pay for it. There was a purple welt on the top of my cheekbone from when Daddy had backhanded me because I was caught leaving.
I was sure to be caught after tonight, but at least now I had makeup to cover up all the bruises. It took a while to figure out the right combination of colors to cover up the blue and purple, but now you could barely see it. It turned out the foundation I’d already stolen wasn’t enough to cover it up, so you could still see some of the bruise, but it wasn’t as noticeable. You had to really look now.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Eli. He’d barely spoken since coming to get me at our spot, the tree in Mrs. Nelson’s yard. As the years passed, Mrs. Nelson never said a word about us using her backyard to meet. She even still gave me jellybeans. I wondered if that wonderful woman would live forever.
I hoped so.
Eli gripped the steering wheel of his new car. It was a beat-up red truck. He loved it and I loved that he loved it, but I didn’t agree with how he’d bought it. Eli had started working for Zero, and I just knew Zero was no good.
Eli had taken me to a meeting with Zero a couple of weeks before, but I’d never go again. I tried to get Eli to stop, but Eli believed Zero was his ticket outta town. If anything, Zero was gonna keep him grounded. Eli had casually mentioned to me that his schoolmate, Deacon, dropped outta school to work with Zero. I’d asked him if he was going to drop out of school, too; I was worried because Eli was the best in his class. Eli assured me he wouldn’t, but the thought still haunted me.
Even so, when I saw how happy Eli was with the purchase, I buried the bad thoughts.
I was getting really good at burying the bad thoughts.
“I can see the bruise on your cheek, Grace.”
I touched my cheek lightly. “I did my best to cover it.”
“It’s not that,” Eli sighed, flipping down the turn signal. We turned left onto a dirt road. “I swear someday I’m gonna kill that man.”
“Let’s not talk about the bad stuff, Eli.” The number one thing I loved about his old truck was that the front seat was one big seat. I scooted across and snuggled up to him. “Let’s just have a good night.”
Eli pulled the car over and turned it off, leaving only the dim dashboard lights on. I tilted my chin up to him. I was pretty sure this wasn’t where the party was. Eli had promised me a party that night. I never got to meet other people, much less party with them, so he’d agreed to take me to one.
Eli hated sneaking me out just about as much as I hated sneaking back in. He knew what Daddy did when I was caught, and Eli couldn’t bear to be the reason for my bruises. No matter how many times I explained that I would get beat even if I didn’t sneak out, Eli felt responsible. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Eli to take me to this party.
Eli released his grip on the steering wheel and pulled me to him. I no longer cared if we were at the party. This was heaven: there with Eli, held in his arms. I thanked providence daily for bringing Eli into my life.
Eli pressed his lips to my forehead. “We could run away, Gracie,” he said into my hair. This was a recurring song with us. “Right now. We could take this truck and just drive until we feel at home.”
“I feel home with you. Always.”
“Let’s go, Gracie.” There was an urgency in Eli’s voice that hadn’t been there before. Even when he brought up running away, it was never like this. It never sounded so… terminal.
“And then what?” Reluctantly I removed my head from the perfect spot in his chest. Eli was smart. Not just our-town smart, but nation smart. World smart. He had a brain that would put Einstein to shame. He was meant for something more than just running away with me.
He was meant for greatness.
“And then everything.” Eli smiled.
I leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Let’s go, we’re going to be late.”
Eli kissed me back, his hands snaking around to grip me tightly on the waist. I felt drawn to him by more than his hands; I was drawn to him by energy. Slowly he pulled away and I whimpered, never getting enough of Eli.
“It’s a party,” Eli whispered. I opened my eyes just in time to see him wink and grip his steering wheel. “There is no late.”
Eli tugged my hand, leading me toward the barn.
“Eli wait.” He stopped, waiting for me to speak. “I just…” I wasn’t sure what to say, but I had to say something. Eli was waiting for me to continue.
The barn loomed in the distance, dark save for the gaping yellow maw of its open doors. I heard loud music, hooting, and hollering. I could see the shadowy outlines of people dancing and mingling. I saw one shadow pull another shadow tight as it tried to push away playfully. I watched shadows chase each other into the dark abysses.
I was excited. I was nervous. It was my first party; I didn’t know what to expect. I did know, though, that with Eli at my side, there was nothing to fear. I wanted to go and become one of those shadows.
I smiled at him. “I love you.” He tugged hard on my hand, making me stumble into his chest. I laughed as his body braced my fall.
“Grace Wall,” he said, holding me firm,
making me stand still. Eli pushed a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. He lightly grazed my bruise, not enough to cause it to hurt, just enough to acknowledge it. “Grace Wall, you are love incarnate. I’d cut out my heart and give it to you.”
“Gross, don’t do that!” I laughed. Eli wasn’t smiling, though; he was staring at me with the same intensity as in the car. I bit the inside of my lip, unsure of what was happening.
Touching my bruise again, Eli whispered, “Do you have any idea how extraordinary you are?”
I tried to shake him off. “Eli…”
Eli captured my mouth. The kiss was unlike any we’d shared before. I felt him stealing my breath and returning fire into my body. I’d never be a shadow because Eli was lighting me up.
When he was finished with me, I was dazed. A fog of Eli had covered my eyes and I saw nothing else.
“Come on, we can’t be late for the party.” Eli winked at me, grinning from ear to ear.
We entered the big door of the barn, music blasting from speakers I couldn’t see. No one paid us any attention; they were all too drunk or busy with someone to notice. I stared around the building, drinking it all in. Being locked up in my house all the time had made me a collector of experiences. I locked every new moment away in my personal vault, to look back on when I was at home. This party was an especially keen collector’s item.
Eli pulled me against him, breaking my reverie. “Dance with me, Gracie.” His breath was hot against my ear and my focus blurred. Butterflies became beetles in my stomach. I may have been young, but I had to believe this was love. Eli made everything pink and rosy. He made me smile through the bruises on my face.
I shook my head against his chest. “You know I don’t dance.”
“I don’t either. It’s perfect!” Before I could protest, Eli swung me into his arms and spun me back out. He had me swinging all over the floor, carrying me to the tune. A laugh bubbled out of me as we spun around the barn. We were moving so fast the people around us blurred together with the yellow lights. I was thrilled, breathing fast, and completely in synch with Eli. Our heartbeats pounded so loud I could barely hear the fiddle.
Let Me Go (Owned Book 2) Page 4