But the physical desire was there too, stronger than ever.
The way her firm, generous breasts pressed against him without the barrier of her poncho drove him crazy. Maybe it was just as well Matt was only a few feet away. The sobbing, trembling woman in his arms was in no shape to serve his baser needs. He’d given her enough to think about for one night.
Travis picked her up and returned to her blanket. He leaned back against her saddle and settled her against his chest.
Daniella was enveloped in a haze of warmth and security, the likes of which she’d never known before. If these few moments were all she would ever have of him, then so be it. She would take them and savor them for as long as she could. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
Her tears gradually ceased, and she relaxed against him.
She tried to stay awake, recording every touch, every moment, in her memory. But the warmth of his large hands stroking her back released the last of her tension. His deep voice whispered words of comfort as he buried his face in her hair.
Travis felt the grip on his shirt relax, and soon her breathing was deep and even. As once before, they reversed their roles, and it was Travis who stayed awake all night. God, but she felt good lying against him this way. He treasured every moment of the night. The feel of her slender body pressed against his chest, the clean, spicy fragrance of her hair, the way she clung to him even in her sleep.
No restless murmurings gave any hint that her nightmares had returned, and she slept the night away in his embrace.
It was almost dawn when Travis heard Matt stir. The boy came and stood beside him. Their eyes locked, speaking volumes to each other. Without words, Matt acknowledged that the scene he’d overheard last night was not to be spoken of to anyone. Nor was the fact that Daniella slept all night in his father’s arms. Travis motioned toward the trees with his eyes, and Matt silently agreed to stay away from camp until he was called.
Daniella came awake slowly, reluctantly. When she opened her eyes, a wide expanse of brown cotton greeted her. Directly in front of her nose was a deep vee of bare skin covered with tight golden curls, and beneath her ear beat a strong, steady pounding.
She jerked her head up and stared at Travis in surprise. Memories of last night swamped her, and a fierce heat flooded her face.
“Good morning,” Travis said. His soft voice poured over her like warm honey.
“G-Good morning.” She lowered her eyes in confusion. “Would you…let me up, please?”
“Not until you promise you’re not going to get all embarrassed about last night.” His arms held her firmly as he waited for her answer.
“I-I’m sorry. I managed to make a pretty big fool of myself, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t. Last night was my fault, and you know it. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Chapter Fourteen
It was two more long, hard days before they reached the stream dividing El Valle de Esperanza from Travis’s Triple C Ranch. Daniella had withdrawn into herself again, thinking over all Travis had said that night. She realized with reluctance that he was right. She did dwell on what had happened to her, and she had allowed it to control her too much. But she hadn’t done those things on purpose, or even willingly, and she didn’t have the faintest idea what to do about it.
The best she could do would be to get away from Travis and the unwanted attraction she felt. She needed to get home, throw herself into work, and think long and hard about herself and her future.
She needed to get away from him, but it was the last thing she wanted. To postpone the inevitable good-byes, Daniella asked Matt to get down and walk with her for a moment when they reached the stream.
Travis felt left out, watching the two of them walk away. What could she have to say to the son that she didn’t want the father to hear?
When they were far enough away that Travis couldn’t overhear, Daniella nodded toward the boundary before them.
“Do you recognize this stream, Matt?”
“Sure. It’s the east side of our ranch. Why?”
“It’s also the dividing line between your ranch and mine. See those hills there? Just on the other side is my ranch. It’s not big like yours, but it’s mine. There’s another stream that runs down the middle of the valley, and my house is on the other side of that stream.”
“Why are you telling me this, Dani?”
“Well, in case you ever want to visit, I want you to know how to find me. You know your father loves you very much. There isn’t anything in the world he wouldn’t do for you. But sometimes a fella needs a friend. I know fellas don’t usually have girls for friends, but I’d like to be your friend, if you ever need one. Okay?”
Matt scrunched up his face in thought. “You mean, like if there’s things I don’t want to talk to Dad about, I could come talk to you?”
“That’s right. But you must promise to tell someone where you’re going anytime you come see me. All right?”
“I promise. But can I bring Dad, sometimes?”
Her breath caught for a moment. “You can bring anyone you want,” she managed.
“Gee, thanks, Dani!”
On their way back to Travis, Matt stopped and motioned for her to lean down. When she did, he surprised her with a kiss. Her heart felt like it was turning over. How had she grown so fond of him so quickly?
“I sure do like you a lot, Dani.”
“And I sure do like you a lot, too, Matt.”
“Dani? Thanks for bringing my Dad to find me.”
“You’re most welcome, love.”
Travis stood next to his buckskin, waiting for them. When they approached, he said, “It’s my turn now, son. Wait for me across the creek, will you? I won’t be long.”
Daniella watched the deep frown on Travis’s face as he followed his son with troubled eyes. “Don’t worry,” she said softly. “He’s not growing away from you, he’s just growing up.”
Travis turned and studied her closely. “So, now you read minds, do you?”
“Sometimes,” she said with a small shrug.
Travis took a deep breath and let his hat dangle from his fingers. “I owe you, Daniella Blackwood. How do I repay you?”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Daniella protested, uneasy with his sudden seriousness.
“Oh, but I do. I owe you my life, and my son, and I owe you an apology for ever doubting you in the first place. If there’s ever anything you need—anything at all—just tell me. I can’t think of a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for you.”
He took a step toward her. She backed away nervously.
Another step, and she was up against the side of her horse. Travis’s hands came up, one on each side of her head, and rested on her saddle. Still he came closer. “I’d like to see you again,” he said solemnly. “May I?”
His deep voice sent goose bumps down her spine. “I-I’ve invited Matt. Y-You’re welcome, too.”
The tiny gold flecks in his deep brown eyes held her mesmerized, and as he leaned closer, the breath caught in her throat. No part of their bodies touched, until his lips met hers.
He brushed his lips across hers, lightly, slowly, breathlessly. Back and forth, so faint it might not have been happening at all but for the bolt of lightning that shot through them both.
Daniella was lost. She’d never been kissed before. She had no idea something so brief and light could arouse such feelings. She was hot and cold at the same time. Her heart pounded rapidly in her breast.
Suddenly Travis stepped away and dropped his hands to his sides, his dark eyes searching her face, as if committing her features to memory. “Think of me sometimes, and know that I’ll be thinking of you.”
Daniella looked at him in stunned amazement. As if she’d ever be able to think of anything else after this! Before she knew what was happening, Travis threw her up into her saddle and slapped his hat sharply against her horse’s rump, sending her speeding toward home.
“G
ood-bye, Woman of Magic,” Matt called from the stream.
“Good-bye, Little Bear Colton,” she returned over her shoulder. “Take care of your father,” she whispered to herself.
Daniella had been home for a couple of weeks, but still couldn’t put Travis out of her thoughts. She threw herself into work trying to get him off her mind. She, Tucker, and Simon patched the barn roof and mended the corral fence. These tasks and others kept her hands busy, but failed to occupy her mind to any great extent. She had too much time to think, and when she thought, she thought of Travis.
She’d never seen a father display such open affection for his child before. Until her last trip home, she had known her father loved her, but she now realized how restrained, or reserved, the atmosphere in her home had been. Her grandparents demonstrated their affection for her openly, but she thought that was just because they were grandparents. She had no idea parents would act that way. It made her feel as though she’d missed out on something important.
And then there was that kiss. A brief touching of lips, so faint, so light, it might not have even happened. At times Daniella was able to convince herself she had only imagined it.
Then she would feel the sun on her face and remember the warmth of tiny gold flecks dancing in the depths of soft brown eyes…eyes she could lose herself in.
The warm southerly breeze recalled his breath, clean and fresh, fanning her face as he came nearer. She could run a finger across her lips and feel again the brief touch of his mouth on hers.
She tried to sleep at night, as she’d done those few times on the trail, but the nightmares were there, waiting for her in the dark. Now she dreamed in the afternoons, too. These dreams were much more pleasant, but just as disturbing. She dreamed of Travis, his lips, his hands, his strong arms holding her.
Daniella knew her dreams would lead to nothing—she wasn’t for him—so her afternoon sleep became a thing of dread until she barely slept at all. The mirror showed dark circles beneath her eyes, and when combined with that hideous white streak in her hair, she looked as terrible as she felt.
Even her eating habits suffered. When she sat down to a meal, sometimes the food just stuck in her throat and she couldn’t eat at all. At other times, she caught Tucker and Simon staring at her in amazement while she shoveled food into her mouth like a starving ranch hand.
“Keep that up, girlie, and we’re gonna have to widen the doors around this place.” Tucker chuckled at his own wit.
Daniella bristled at his humor. Her face and arms were thinner than ever, and she looked downright skinny. No one could call her fat by any stretch of the imagination, unless he happened to realize that the reason she no longer tucked in her shirttail was because she couldn’t fasten her breeches anymore. That was something else she tried not to think about.
It had been several days since Tucker’s teasing comment, and nothing else had been said on the subject. But as Daniella knelt in the garden, pulling weeds from between tender seedlings, she began to wonder just what was wrong with her. She couldn’t go on much longer without decent sleep. And her eating habits were about to do her in completely. Even now she felt sick, and she hadn’t eaten more than a bite or two in two days.
Beans simmered right now in the house, and as she caught their aroma on the midday breeze her stomach heaved in protest. She choked and gagged, but nothing much came from her empty stomach. When the feeling passed, she stumbled weakly to the stream and bathed her face in the cool, refreshing water.
“How long was ya plannin’ on waitin’ before ya told me about the baby?”
The unexpected sound of Tucker’s voice startled her nearly as much as the words he spoke. She felt the blood rise to her face, then drain completely away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her knees trembled. She had to sit on the ground to keep from falling down.
“Don’t ya now?”
She finally had to admit the truth to herself. The streak in her hair wasn’t the only thing the Apaches gave her that night.
Her time hadn’t come since before her capture. She’d heard enough gossip from the girls at school to recognized the signs of pregnancy. And, too, she remembered how her mother had been while carrying the child that had eventually caused her death when Daniella was seven. The child had been born dead, but her mother hadn’t lived long enough to know it.
Oddly, Daniella didn’t fear her own death in childbirth.
But, as if she’d just that moment become pregnant, her breasts and abdomen suddenly felt heavy, weighed down by the unborn child. A bastard. A half-breed Apache bastard.
Oh God, why? Why?
She pressed her hands against her stomach and rubbed hard in a downward motion, as if to rid herself of the unwanted burden. How could she live with such shame? Hadn’t her life been ruined enough without this?
“No, no,” she moaned. It suddenly all became too much. “Oh, Tucker, what am I going to do?” she wailed. Tears seeped from beneath her tightly closed lids.
Tucker laid a gnarled, veiny hand on her shoulder. “Take it easy, girlie. Ain’t nothin’ you can do about it ‘cept make up yer mind to live through it.”
“Oh God, Tucker, I can’t stand it. The way people look at me and talk about me now is bad enough. I can’t let anyone know about this. I can’t!”
She sobbed against the old man’s shoulder for some time before he helped her to her feet and led her to the house. She spent the rest of the day in her room. She wanted to die. She never wanted to face another living person. She wanted to kill the ones responsible for the thing that grew inside her, the thing she hated.
Lying on the bed was a mistake. She fell asleep. Six leering, copper faces loomed over her. She woke with a strangled scream. It was dark. Outside her small window, the moon rode high. She must have slept a long time before the nightmare woke her, yet she felt far from refreshed. She felt like dying.
What could she do? Was there someplace on earth she could go and hide until this living nightmare was over? And what would she do with the child? She couldn’t stand the thought of looking at a living, dark-skinned reminder of that night. She couldn’t!
The darkness closed in on her. It seemed to steal the air from the room. To dispel the feeling, she lit a candle.
How would she keep this from her father?
She would stay in this house and not step foot outside until the child was born, that’s what she would do.
But then what? What would she do with her bastard child?
She would take it to the nearest mission and give it to the sisters to raise. Perhaps they wouldn’t hate it the way she did.
But who would help her during the birthing? Her earlier confidence deserted her. The thought of childbirth suddenly terrified her. Her own mother had died in childbirth. Would Daniella do the same? It would be too ironic for her to have lived through her night of captivity only to die nine months later from the end result.
A chill swept over her that had nothing to do with the cool night air. Her hands shook and her stomach turned over. She started pacing the floor. Oh God, why? Why?
If her father and Sylvia found out about her childbearing state, Sylvia would have Daniella packed up and shipped east so fast it would take a week for the dust to settle.
Daniella halted in the middle of the room. East. Her grandparents! They would help her.
No. She couldn’t bring this shame down on them.
But there are ways around that, a voice in the back of her mind whispered. She could claim to have married shortly after arriving home. Her new husband was then killed by raiding Apaches. Since her father hadn’t approved of the man, the young widow with a child on the way hadn’t been able to bear remaining at home. She’d come to her grandparents for shelter.
That was good. It might work. Unless her grandparents wrote to her father.
But how would she explain giving away her child when it was born? How would she explain a dark-skinned child at all?
An hour later s
he gave up her pacing, sat on the bed, and stared at the candle flame on her bedside table. No answers came to settle the questions.
The tiny flame before her flickered. Transfixed by the dancing light, she watched, unblinking, as the flame separated itself from the candle and grew until it filled the room with light.
Dark spots transformed themselves into faces. Two dark, young faces belonging to two Apache boys. Each boy was bound hand and foot, and gagged as well. An additional rope looped each thin neck. Now and then the nooses were jerked taut by an unseen hand.
Daniella blinked, and the vision disappeared. The small flame once again stood atop the stubby candle where it belonged.
She shook herself and hugged her arms to her chest. It was the two boys Cochise had asked Travis to look for. She knew it as surely as she knew her own name.
It was such a relief to have something other than her own problems to think about that she concentrated on what she’d just seen.
The two boys had been captured. But by whom? Whites or Mexicans? It could have been anyone. Everyone hated Apaches. And where were they? There’d been nothing else in her vision except a dark shadow in the background. She tried to recall it, but all she could see was a tall shape. With arms? A man?
No! A Saguaro!
Daniella groaned. A Saguaro was no help at all. The tall, stately cactus grew everywhere.
The only idea she could come up with was to ride into Tucson tomorrow. Maybe she or Tucker would hear something. Surely whoever had them would brag about it.
That decision made, she went on to the next one. What would she wear to town? Her usual breeches and poncho, or a dress?
Her breeches were so disreputable, it would have to be a dress. But that meant riding in the wagon with Tucker, because she hadn’t brought a sidesaddle from her father’s ranch.
She supposed she’d live over bouncing on the hard seat for one day. Who knew? Maybe she’d get lucky and fall off. Miscarriages happened all the time.
Apache-Colton Series Page 15