“Spence is full of—Spence is wrong. I have tried.”
“And you’ve given up?”
“It doesn’t look like I have much choice.”
“Others aren’t quite so eager to see you give up as you are.”
“Frankly, I’m surprised she hasn’t shown up, or is she next?”
“She?” Daniella asked, her lips quirking.
“You know who I mean.”
“Can’t you even say her name? You did marry her. You did father a child on her. She’s putting on weight by the way. This is the worst time in the world for a woman to be alone. She needs her husband, Pace. If you love her.”
“She needs a man, not an invalid. And of course I love her. But you don’t have to run and tell her that. I don’t want to hurt her anymore, shimá.”
“Then be her husband, Pace, and let her be your wife. You offered your life for her safety not long ago. Now you let your pride keep you from making her happy?”
“You don’t understand.”
“I hope I don’t, Pace, I truly do. Because right now what I see is a man drowning in self-pity. A man whose ego is more important to him than his wife and son, more important than his obligations. I never thought you would ever stoop so low as to go back on your word.”
“I’m not going back on my word,” Pace swore. “Not like you mean. I’m trying to give Jo her freedom.”
“What gives you the right to decide that’s what she needs or wants?” Daniella’s patience was legendary, but it was being sorely tested. “Marriage and ownership are not the same thing, Pace. Do you think Joanna suddenly lost her ability to think for herself just because you got her pregnant? The others have been complaining for weeks that you’ve been acting like a child. I see they’re wrong. You’re just being a typical, pigheaded, egotistical man.”
Pace’s jaw flexed. “That’s where you’re wrong, Mother. My definition of a man is someone with two legs.”
“And no brain.”
Pace’s lips twitched. He could never stay mad at his mother, no matter how he tried. “Does my father know you think like this?”
Daniella pursed her lips to keep from grinning. “Where do you think I learned it?” She gave him a mock glare. “If you repeat that, I’ll call you a liar.”
Pace chuckled, then his smile faded. “I know you don’t approve, but I know what I’m doing, Mother.”
“Do you, Pace? You just might be losing the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“And that will be the best thing that ever happened to her.”
Chapter Nineteen
In Mexico City, President Porfirio Díaz, whom some called a dictator, roared in outrage when he heard the tale of the murder of his best advisor’s daughter at the hands of the poor girl’s own husband. He’d known of Juerta’s reputation. A man does not earn the name El Carnicero in secret. As for the woman, Díaz did not care how many women the bastard killed. But Don Tomás was upset over his daughter’s death, and when Don Tomás was upset, the railroads of Mexico did not expand with appropriate speed.
Damn Juerta for causing such trouble! “Bring me the head of the one called El Carnicero!”
Red-shirted Mexican troops were dispatched at once. When they reached Hacienda Juerta in the state of Chihuahua, they found only poor servants ignorant of their master’s whereabouts.
El Presidente had more important matters to deal with than the disappearance of one man. He’d done his duty, sent the troops. Juerta’s estate and all his holdings had been confiscated and bestowed onto the grieving father as a replacement for his lost child. Don Tomás seemed satisfied, so Díaz went on about the business of running the country and put Don Rodrigo Francisco Alfredo Martinez Juerta out of his mind.
“It feels more like June than the first of February,” Joanna said to Serena and Daniella after breakfast. “Why don’t we go into town and see LaRisa and the baby?”
Daniella studied her granddaughter with dismay. It had been nearly a week since Daniella had visited Pace. She had thought Joanna would have gone herself by this time. She was slightly disappointed that Joanna had not even spoken Pace’s name in days. Jo seemed content to leave him to his own devices.
“You want to go to Tucson?” Daniella asked carefully.
Joanna knew what her grandmother was thinking. She was thinking that it was time Joanna went to see Pace. No one knew just how hard it was to keep from doing just that. She wanted nothing more than to run to him, throw herself at his chest, wrap her arms around him and hold on for dear life.
He wanted her to stay away.
Joanna had hoped, prayed that if she gave him what he thought he wanted, he would start to miss her. Maybe ask how she was doing when one of the others in the family went to see him.
He’d done no such thing. In the beginning she had questioned each person when they had returned from El Valle. Did he ask about me? About the baby?
“Sorry, Pumpkin. All we did was yell at each other.”
“No, sweetheart, he didn’t mention your name.”
“I’m sorry, JoJo, no, he didn’t. But I’m sure he was thinking of you.”
Pace wasn’t the only one with pride. It ran bone deep in every Colton, and Joanna possessed her fair share. She refused to further humiliate herself by begging for crumbs from Pace. A day in town was just what she needed to keep her mind off him.
“Yes,” she told her grandmother firmly. “I want to go to Tucson.”
“He’s grown so much,” Joanna exclaimed when LaRisa handed her the baby. “Uh oh. There, there, little man, don’t you fuss. You couldn’t help it, could you? Your legs are just too short for you to make it to the outhouse, aren’t they? Your mama will fix you right up.”
“Oh, no,” LaRisa said, laughing. “You go right ahead. You need to get in some practice before you have one of your own.”
“Practice?” Joanna gulped.
Serena and Daniella laughed at the look on her face.
“Okay, Chee Colton, show me how to change your diaper,” Joanna said.
LaRisa instructed, and Joanna complied, feeling both awkward and elated as she accomplished the deed. “LaRisa, he’s so perfect.”
“He is, isn’t he?” The new mother beamed. “You can’t imagine how Spence dotes on him. For a white man—no offense,” she offered Daniella and Joanna, “he makes a fine daddy.”
Joanna’s eyes misted over. Pace would make a wonderful father, too, if he’d only give himself the chance. Would he ever relent? Would he ever hold his own son in his arms and know the pride of fatherhood?
She snuggled the baby closer. “Are you a daddy’s boy, Chee Colton?” Her own son might never have the chance to be a daddy’s boy.
“Here,” she said, thrusting the baby back into LaRisa’s arms. “I…I’ll go downstairs and see if Spence needs any help while we’re here.”
She fled the room, but had to stop at the bottom of the stairs to swipe at the sudden moisture beneath her eyes. Damn tears, anyway. Useless tears.
Squaring her shoulders, she continued down the hall and found Spence at the desk in his office.
“What’s wrong,” he asked instantly.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just had my first lesson in changing a diaper, courtesy of your son.”
“Changing diapers makes you cry?”
The sudden stinging behind her eyes took her by surprise. She mashed her lips together and shook her head. “I was just thinking that Chee is so lucky to have his mother and his father. My baby…” A sob choked off her words.
“Ah, damn, Jo.” Spence held his arms out to her.
Joanna paused, telling herself not to give in to the comfort Spence offered, but another sob shook her. She walked into her uncle’s arms, laid her head on his shoulder, and gave in to the heartache and tears.
Her crying spree was short-lived, for which she was grateful. It had embarrassed her. When Spence handed her his handkerchief she mumbled her thanks and blew her nose.
; “I think you needed that.”
Her smile was wobbly, but sincere. “I guess so. Thanks.”
“What are you going to do?”
“About what?”
“About Pace.”
Joanna sighed and gave him a wry smile. “Knock his teeth down his throat?”
Spence laughed. “I’m sure he deserves it, but as his doctor, I wish you wouldn’t.”
“As his doctor, do you have any suggestions?”
“For his legs, yes. For his attitude, your suggestion holds great merit.”
Joanna didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t help herself. “What would you do for his legs?”
“You mean if he’d let me?” When she nodded, he pulled a chair up to the side of his desk for her and took his own chair behind it. “He needs therapy, and he needs it now. The longer he goes without it, the less complete his recovery will be.”
“You’re that certain that he can walk again?”
“Certain? Not one hundred percent, no. But I do believe it’s possible, even likely. If he’d just cooperate.”
“In what way?”
“He needs to use his leg muscles before he doesn’t have any leg muscles left.”
“But if he can’t move his legs, how can he use his muscles?”
“In the beginning, someone has to do it for him.” Spence described how someone needed to work each joint, from toes to hips, and flex each muscle. How Pace would have to concentrate on each muscle and try as hard as he could to move it.
“It wouldn’t be easy for him. It would hurt like hell. But as soon as the muscles start to respond, he can brace himself on something and stand up. He’ll never walk again by lying in bed all the time. He has to get up. And he’ll be like a new baby. He’ll have to learn to stand all over again, to keep his balance, everything. Then he’ll have to learn to walk again. Like the rest of it, it’ll hurt like hell. It will be the hardest thing he’s ever done, and it will be even harder on the person who has to help him, because Pace will want to quit ten times a day.”
Spence paused and shook his head. “I’ve offered to hire someone to stay out there and work with him. He said if I did, he’d disappear again.”
A slow, burning anger kindled in Joanna’s chest. “Let me be an invalid the rest of my life, or you won’t see me again?”
“That’s about the way of it.”
“Why that sorry, no good…” She let her words trail off, too angry to speak. And the anger felt good. It felt tremendously better than the sadness and pain she’d been holding around herself like a cloak these past weeks.
Still, she didn’t see what she could do to make Pace cooperate with Spence.
That evening when the three women returned to the Triple C, it became clear that nothing was going to make Pace cooperate with anyone. Simon had sent word that Pace was making plans to leave El Valle. Pace had asked for a wagon and someone to drive it, to take him to a destination he would not name.
Joanna felt as if her entire world were crumbling around her. No matter what he’d done or said, no matter the promises she’d made to herself, deep down she had never given up hope that she could somehow reach him.
Now he was leaving again. Running. She knew that if he had his way, she might never see him again.
Joanna placed her splayed hands over her abdomen and started to cry. Angrily, she dashed the tears away.
“Damn him,” she muttered. “I’m not going to let him get away with this.”
“Jo?”
Joanna blinked, surprised to realize she was still standing in the parlor, where Grandad had grimly told them all the news that Pace was leaving. Had it only been a moment ago? She felt as though she’d been in a fog for days.
Feeling one pair of eyes on her more intently than the others, Joanna searched and found Gran staring at her with a peculiar gleam in her eyes. “What are you going to do,” Gran asked her.
“Do?” Joanna squared her shoulders. “I’m going to get that man out of his bed and on his feet, if it kills both of us. If he’s going to leave me, by God, he’s going to have to do it standing up.”
Joanna whirled for the door, her mind already on what she would pack to take with her to El Valle. From behind her, she thought she heard her grandmother softly whisper, “Hallelujah.”
By nine the next morning, Joanna stood outside the closed door to Pace’s room at El Valle and wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt. Her father had insisted on personally bringing her. Before giving in to his demand, she’d made him swear he would help her down from the wagon, then leave. He couldn’t go inside the house, couldn’t see or talk to Pace. Matt had reluctantly given in, but she knew he hadn’t liked doing so.
Joanna’s carpetbag stood beside the door. There were only two bedrooms in the house. One belonged to Simon and Lucinda; Pace occupied the other. She decided to save the issue of where she was going to sleep until after the initial confrontation.
She’d already spoken with Simon. She was five months pregnant and might need help in getting Pace out of bed when the time came for that. Simon had readily agreed to make himself available.
Okay. She’d gone over everything in her mind a dozen times. No sense putting it off any longer. With a smile pasted on her lips, she wrapped sharply on the door one time, then pushed it open.
Someone had made the bed and Pace was lying on top of the covers. He was dressed in denims and a blue shirt, stockings but no boots. He took one look at her, rolled his face toward the wall, and muttered, “Shit.”
“You sweet talker, you. I’ll bet you say that to all the girls.”
“What are you doing here?” He rolled his head back and glared at her. “I told them to make you stay away.”
“You know I’ve never been very good at doing what I’m told. Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m here, and I’m staying.”
Pace glared at her. “You stay just as long as you want. I’m leaving this afternoon.”
“I’m afraid not,” she said, inspecting the contents of the water pitcher, finding it full. “Your trip has been…postponed.”
“The hell it has.”
“What were you planning? To lay around at Pa-Gotzin-Kay for the rest of your life and let all those beautiful dark-skinned Apache girls wait on you hand and foot?”
“Shit.”
“You already said that. Neither you nor I are going anyplace until you can walk me to the front door of this house. Spence believes that with a lot of work, you can walk again.”
“Spence is full of it.”
Joanna glanced around the walls of the room.
“What are you looking for?”
“Your medical diploma.”
“It’s right beside yours.”
“Then I guess we’re both in trouble. We’ll have to rely on Spence. He says there’s every chance you can walk. I’m here to make sure you don’t throw that chance away.”
“Why are you doing this?” he demanded.
“I guess that’s a fair question, since you’ve done nothing but push me away since you realized you weren’t going to die up in the stronghold.” She stood beside his bed, hoping he couldn’t tell how terrified she was. “I don’t know what happened to me in Mexico, but somehow I fell in love with you. Miracle of miracles, you fell in love with me too. I still love you, Pace. You’re the only man I will ever love.”
“Joanna…”
“I think you still love me, too, but it really doesn’t matter. You’ve decided you don’t want me for your wife, that you don’t want to be a father to your son.”
Pace started to speak, but she cut him off.
“I know you think you have your reasons, and you know I disagree. We’re at an impasse. I can’t make you stay, and you can’t make me stop loving you. I promised you your freedom after the baby is born.”
“My freedom? Is that what you think this is about?”
“No, not really.” She shook her head slowly, sadly. “You think you’re giving me mine. Never
mind that I don’t want it, you’ve decided that you know what’s best for me. In turn, I have decided that I know what’s best for you.”
“Meaning you, I suppose.”
Joanna wanted to smile, but she couldn’t. “I do happen to think I’m the best thing that ever happened to you. You told me yourself that I was your destiny. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve decided that you’re going to walk again. I know you don’t think it’s possible and I know you don’t want me here. But I’m not leaving, Pace, so accept it. Now, let’s get to work.”
Before Pace had time to react to her words, she was reaching for the buttons on the fly of his pants. She had three of them undone before he thought to push her hands away. “Stop that! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“We can’t do the exercises Spence says you need until I get your pants off.”
Joanna leaned over him and braced a hand on each side of his hips. For the first time, he saw the anger in her eyes.
“You listen to me, Pace Colton. If I have to tie your arms and hands to the bed, I’ll damn well do it. I’m going to work your legs the way Spence told me to, and you’re going to cooperate. You’re going to work harder than you’ve ever worked in your life, and Spence says there’ll be pain—yours and mine. We’re going to work and sweat and probably feel like killing each other, but you are by God going to walk again. I’m damn sick and tired of you using your paralysis as an excuse to get out of this marriage. You’re going to walk on your own, and then you’re going to look me in the eye and tell me again you want a divorce.”
Pace had trouble concentrating on her words because when she leaned so close, he smelled sunshine and flowers, and the smell went to his head faster than cheap whiskey. Then her words penetrated, and his own anger rose to match hers. “That’s what this is all about. ‘Let me help you, Pace,’” he mimicked. “‘I know you can walk, Pace.’ You’re looking for a way out of the divorce.”
Shocked, Joanna gaped at him. “Are you saying that it doesn’t matter whether you can walk or not? You want a divorce anyway?”
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