by Jody Klaire
“I feel better than I have in years . . .” Frei grunted. “If I could move something it would be useful.”
My mother appeared above me. “None of you will be able to move until you’ve dried off.”
Another woman stomped into my line of sight. “What?”
Judging by the way she was eyeing Renee, I guessed she was the one and only Abby Fleming. She weren’t that pretty.
“Can’t be all fun. The bosses decided to get some training in too,” I said with a smile. “We were running a drill on how to protect someone.”
“Involving drowning Lead Agent Frei in a river?” Fleming scowled down at me, which looked kinda funny as she was upside down.
I chuckled, I didn’t know why but after all the worry, I couldn’t have cared less who Fleming was. “What makes you think they weren’t just tryin’ to drown me. They’re stuck with me a lot.”
“Stop doing that,” Renee muttered. “You’re wonderful. We like being stuck with you.”
“I’d marry you myself if you weren’t so hard to buy clothes for,” Frei added.
The shock on Fleming’s face made me erupt in belly laughter. “Agent Frei?”
“As you can see, I’m fine. My team members are all in great shape,” Frei said, her voice as monotone as ever.
I snorted with laughter. I didn’t understand why I was so giggly but I was guessing exhaustion would do that to a person.
“Why are you here?” Frei sounded like she was trying to keep her laughter in.
Fleming put her hands on her hips. “Me? I think you’ll find you’re the one who has a lot to answer for.”
I shivered. My muffled chuckles made my eyes water. I clamped my mouth shut, trying my best to keep quiet, but I just couldn’t. I felt kinda drunk.
“Stop laughing,” Renee muttered between giggles. “It’s a serious matter.” She took a long giggly breath. “I’m sorry, Abby, it’s all the exercise. We’re a bit . . . um . . . drowsy.”
Drowsy? I managed to roll my head to stare at her. That was an understatement. I was quite happy to sleep where I was, for maybe a week.
Fleming lifted a bottle of beer up and strode around to Renee. “Yes, I can imagine.” She sounded like she was gonna throw it at her. She glared at someone above my head. “Agent Lorelei, I’ll wait by the car.”
Uh oh. That didn’t sound good.
“We’re on vacation,” I shot after her as she stomped off. “We’re allowed to drown people on vacation, right?”
Renee sighed. She wiggled her fingertips and pulled herself to sitting. “I’d better go after her.” She sighed again. “Least I can do.”
She met my eyes and I offered her a smile. I hoped it was anyhow ’cause it took a lot of effort to move my face. “You were trying to keep her safe. You’re a hero, just remember that.”
Renee nodded. My mother and Aunt Bess helped her upright, she wobbled, then straightened herself out. Her jeans were ripped, her shirt twisted, and she had a watermark up to her chest. She tucked her hair behind her ears and staggered out of the door.
“How’s the thawing on your side,” I asked, seeing Frei’s sharp eyes.
She rolled onto her side with a grunt. “Quicker than the bath in Caprock.”
I frowned at her. “Don’t do that to us again, okay. You got Renee worrying.”
Frei’s eyes twinkled. “You weren’t worried?”
“Nah, you’re a machine. Plus you had a mini-you to help out.” Wherever Jessie was. I closed my eyes for a second and saw her with Stosur and Huber. “They’ll drop her at your place. She’s okay.”
“Jessie tore off into the open and got Jäger’s men to pursue her.” She scowled. “And don’t think I didn’t hear automatic weapons.”
“If she’s anything like you, I’m pretty sure they’d bounce off her anyhow.”
Frei rolled her eyes. “Funny, Lorelei.” She stretched and blew out a breath of relief. “Some vacation.” Aunt Bess helped her, and she straightened up like she had been on a relaxing stroll. She would have pulled it off if she wasn’t covered in mud and sludge and her hair was flattened. “I’d better go assess the damage to my car.”
“I got Grimes to fill up a gas can. Should give you enough to get to the gas station.” Aunt Bess sounded as calm as ever. It felt good having her around.
Frei turned around and raised her eyebrows as she set eyes on her. “Some genes.”
Aunt Bess chuckled. “Back at you, Icy.” She thumbed to the door. “Let’s go fix up your ride.” I beamed at Aunt Bess as she winked at me. “You did good, Shorty.”
I watched them wander out. Frei was still wobbling, so Aunt Bess moved to walk closer to her. Although Frei’s face was stoic as always, her eyes warmed as she noticed the gesture of support.
I rolled my head back to look up at the ceiling of the boathouse. I could feel my mother, I could feel her watching me like she was trying to think of something to say. Funny how the people you were related to could be the hardest to figure out.
I knew she was battling with all kinds of thoughts and worries. Her energy felt like it was pinging off the walls. “Aunt Bess is cool.”
I rolled my head as far as I could to my right.
My mother was perched on the cooler, looking impeccable as always. “She is indeed.”
“She’s a lot like Nan.” My legs were still asleep, my body ached more than usual. Out of practice. “How come you didn’t tell me about her?”
My mother flicked her gaze to the door. “I didn’t know where to start.” She examined her nails, flexing her fingers to do so. “You’ve probably guessed that painting is only one of her talents.”
I murmured my agreement. I knew I’d put my body through a lot but I didn’t get what I’d been healing myself for. I decided that I wasn’t going to think on it too much. The awkward silence settled over the boathouse and I sighed. I’d never known Aunt Bess but found it real easy to talk to her but it had never been the same with my own mother. There was something kinda skewed about that.
So I lay there, drying off, and she watched me. I felt all her emotions rumbling around her and I could only assume she felt mine.
“You could have drowned,” she muttered as if deciding to give in to something.
I nodded. I was pretty sure that I did. There’d been a couple of moments when everything drifted away from me.
“You never thought twice about it, did you?” Her voice poured worry toward me. “You never think about it.”
“I’d suck as a protection officer if I did.” It was pretty simple. I’d learned that from Renee. You did your job and hoped for the best. In my case, prayed and depended on guardian angels to rescue my sorry butt.
My mother held up the plate my dad had given me, the bullet mashed into it. “If it wasn’t for this . . .” She tapped it. “I don’t know what I would have done.”
“The perils of being my mom.” I shrugged. Good thing my dad was paranoid.
“Mom?” Her eyes met mine. I didn’t even realize I’d said it. “I don’t know any more than Ursula.” She stared down at the plate. “Mom.” She shook her head. “I’ve been in charge for so long that I’ve never earned that title.”
The sorrow from deep inside her rippled toward me and I studied her. She looked like she wanted to do nothing more than hug me and make sure I was okay but she didn’t know how to. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I wasn’t like my half-sisters who she could ease into a bond with. I was an adult. She couldn’t just make it better with ice cream and a bedtime story. Adults were so much harder. I was harder. Maybe I was being too hard. I’d been telling Renee she was a hero, expecting Fleming to understand the choices she made when I was acting just like her. It wasn’t easy being the one on the outside. Protecting the people you loved meant closing them out and hurting them at times. It was the only way to shield them. It was better they couldn’t bear the thought of you than know how much loneliness you felt.
The wonder of CIG. At least how they’d al
ways operated. It was time that changed. Our job was hard enough as it was without trying to muddle through it alone and if it was going to change, it had to start with me.
“When I was eight, I first got on a dirt bike.” I stared down at my dormant legs. “Came off it when I hit a hedge. Iris knew I’d busted myself up an’ didn’t do nothin’. She didn’t take me to the doc’s, she just told me to push the bike back.”
My mother drew in a shuddering breath. I could feel her reliving the memory floating in my head. I didn’t even need to tell her, she could see it but I wanted to.
“I got to the place, ditched the bike, and limped to the cabin.” I touched my legs, feeling them tingle from the memory. “Nan took one look at me and burst into tears. Dad turned up and his face was all kinds of white.”
“Of course they were.” She fiddled with her wedding rings, guilt floating around her all over again.
“I got real sick after it. Didn’t go to school for a while. I know my head hurt . . . a lot.” I met her eyes. She needed to understand. “Iris never took a day off. She never so much as asked me if I was okay.”
My mother’s eyes glistened with tears. “She should have. She must have cared.” She shook her head as if torn between anger at Iris and anger at herself.
“When I woke up after Sam, you were there. You looked like dad, like Nan did.” I wiggled my toes, glad they responded, and sighed. “I’m mad at you. I don’t understand you sometimes and . . . you just strolled back in like nothin’ happened.”
Her chin wobbled and she took long slow breaths. “I did what I thought was best for you.”
“Which proves my point.” I moved my legs enough to wobble to my feet. “You love me.”
“Yes.” Her words shuddered out. “I couldn’t not love you.”
Her words wrapped a big warm blanket around me and thawed out every worry I’d had.
She loved me.
My parents, dimwits they were, both loved me.
“So whether I’m mad at you, confused, and don’t get why you gotta hide everything from me . . . I love you right back.” I held my hand out to her and helped her off the box. “Which means that you don’t need to earn nothin’. You’re my mom and you know what?”
She shook her head, tears running the mascara down her cheeks.
“That makes you a hero in my eyes.” I pulled her into me and wrapped her up. “The best kind.”
She gripped on, her tears rumbling through her. “I thought you’d hate me.” She clung to me, her barriers crumbled all around. “It was agony to watch on, agony not to run to you and hold you.”
“So let it go.” She pulled back and I smiled down at her. “I’m here now, The Big Guy fixed it.” I wrapped her under my arm. “Besides, it was probably a blessing that you missed my teenage years.”
“Iris didn’t seem to enjoy them all that much.” Her voice held a hint of satisfaction that made me smile.
“Nope. Got her back for the bike too.” I flashed a cheeky smile at her. “She never did know who spray painted her car.”
My mother led us toward the door. “If Abbey launches an official investigation. She could get hurt.”
“Renee will win her round.” I smiled as we headed out into the chilly night air. Renee sat on the bank next to Fleming. “She has that effect on folks.”
“She was a mess before she met you, I won’t lie.” My mother’s energy felt heavy with guilt. “With all that happened to her, with the ambition she had to follow her father, it took you to help her heal.”
“Some stuff don’t ever really heal.” I knew she’d always have scars from it but then I had scars too. Scars weren’t necessarily a bad thing. “I don’t really like the people she pretends to be on cases.”
“I would hazard a guess that she feels the same.” My mother looked at Renee sitting all prim and proper on the bank. It wasn’t the Renee I knew. “It takes a lot of energy to do what she does.”
“How come she was going to marry Fleming if she wasn’t being herself?” There were some things I didn’t really understand and that was one of them.
“Ah, that’s women for you. A lot become who they think is wanted, then feel trapped by the illusion they’ve created.” She sighed. “It takes someone to love them, really love them to bring them out of their shell.”
“That’s what worries me.” I followed my mother down to a car. A guy, who I assumed must be Grimes, was in the driver’s seat, snoring. “She loves somebody an’ I ain’t sure she knows if they love her.” I chewed on my lip, it tasted of river water and I screwed my face up. Yuck. “I don’t want her trying to be nobody else.”
My mother tapped on the passenger side window and Grimes jolted awake. His car looked like the inside of a dumpster. My mother opened the door and pulled out a can of pop. “It might help if you tell her that.”
I looked at Renee. Maybe but I wasn’t the one she was trying to impress. “So how did Fleming get involved?”
My mother watched me crack open the can and drain it. “Someone informed her, which means we need to keep a closer eye on our team.”
“Somebody trying to get us in trouble?” I asked not understanding why. From what I knew about CIG, which probably weren’t a whole lot, folks lined up to try and get in. At least from the military side.
“I hope not. I hope it was a simple miscommunication because Ursula left so suddenly.” Her eyes didn’t quite believe her words by the worry in them. “Either way. I’ll be watching more closely from now on.”
I smiled. “No use trying to outplay an empath—”
“We can see all your cards,” my mother finished.
I blinked at her, kinda shocked.
“Nan use to say it, although it was ‘a Lorelei woman’ as opposed to empath.” She smiled up at me. “You’re a lot like her yourself.”
“Which means I’m a lot like you too.” I pulled her into another hug, chuckling at her surprise. She may have seen many things, but she didn’t see that one coming. “Feels good to know.”
My mother relaxed into my hug. “Yes, yes, it does.”
Chapter 78
RENEE TOOK A long shuddering breath as she approached Abby. This wasn’t going to be pleasant.
“Your hair looks nice,” she mumbled. Not a great starting point. “You’ve changed the color.”
“More to cover the gray. Kids will do that to you.” Her grumpy tone added extra punch to the “I got married and had children” taunt.
“Wouldn’t know.” She glanced back at the boathouse. Part of her wondered why she was bothering. What was the point? Abby had moved on in record time anyway.
“You could have.” Abby sat on a tuft of grass on a plastic bag she’d dug out from somewhere. She didn’t do dirt. Renee plonked herself down not caring. She was covered head to toe in she didn’t like to think what.
“You must have a short memory. I don’t have that capacity.” Her tone was as snappy as Abby’s.
Abby turned and glared at her. “My memory?” Her nostrils flared like they always did when she was angry. Renee hadn’t missed that delightful detail. “I remember being engaged to a woman who left and never came home.”
“Was that before or after you got pregnant?” Renee’s temper fizzed and she shut her eyes. It wasn’t going to calm the situation. Calm. Somehow, she needed to find it. She held up her hand to stop Abby’s retort. “I’m sorry I had to keep it from you. I did it for the best.”
“I know you did. I read the file.” Abby stared at her nails. “You should have been medically retired.”
“Yes.”
“Why weren’t you?” Abby sounded more concerned, more worried now. It was better than anger but just made Renee feel guiltier.
“I can still do my job.” Renee kept her tone as level as she could even though it prickled at her. “I’m good at my job.”
“I never said that you weren’t.” Abby shook her head. “You have no peripheral vision, not to mention the damage to your legs a
nd back.”
“I’m better now.” How did she explain it? Before Aeron had helped her, before Sam had run her off the road, she’d been in agony with her back and legs. Walking was painful, anything more was excruciating but she got on with it. Then when Aeron had helped her after Yannick in Saint Jude’s, she’d fixed everything else too. Not something a logical woman like Abby would ever understand.
“So you’re telling me you can defy medical science?” Her tone was more IA than ex-fiancé and Renee tilted her chin.
“I’m telling you that I’m fit for duty. If you want me to prove it with a fitness test, Agent Fleming, feel free.” The inner soldier came out without her meaning for it to but she puffed out her chest anyway. She was a soldier, like her father, and she was proud of it.
“I wouldn’t do that to you.” Abby shook her head. “You’ve changed.”
Had she? Maybe but Abby hadn’t known her. “So have you.”
“If you’d talked to me, if you’d let me in, I would have been there for you. Martin or not, I wouldn’t have left.” The unsaid words “and wrecked her career” drifted through the silence.
“It wouldn’t have been possible then. The rules were different then.” Renee sighed. Abby didn’t—and couldn’t—realize that Renee meant the military. She’d told Aeron that Abby had met her mother but really what she’d seen was yet another front. Her mother knew how to act, what to say, she’d been doing exactly that since she married Renee’s father. All show, little truth, not even the right birthday.
“I loved you. That would have counted out everything else.” Abby sighed and stared down at the glimmering ring on her finger.
“Instead of wondering where I am every time I leave, wondering if I am okay, wondering what scars I’ll bring home, you have someone who’s there.” It was strange how much at peace she was with that. Yes, she’d loved Abby but it was nothing compared to how she loved Aeron. “Someone who deserves your full heart.”
Abby blinked a few times, unshed tears glimmered in the moonlight. “You think I haven’t tried?”
“I think . . .” She tried to be as gentle as she could. “I think that you need to talk to him, honestly.” As if she was always honest with the people she loved. “I think, you need to give him a chance and let the ghosts go.”