Desperation of Love

by Alice Montalvo-Tribue

  I open my eyes and tilt my chin up to look at him. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” he says, placing a kiss on my forehead.

  “Are you mad at me?” The question comes out a little too quietly for my liking. It makes me sound weak and I hate it.

  “No. I’m not mad, Jordan. I was just kind of disappointed that you thought I could take advantage of you like that. That’s not the kind of man I am.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I know you’re a good man, and even when I thought we did have sex that night, I didn’t blame you.”

  “I know. I just need you to understand that I wouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that. I didn’t even look at you that night, it just felt wrong. Not when we weren’t in a relationship and definitely not as our first time.”

  “I get that. I’m sorry for assuming.”

  He rewards my apology with just a hint of a smile. “It’s alright.”

  “What are you doing today?”

  “I have to meet Victor soon at a real estate property we’re looking into for the recording studio. You want to come and check it out with me?”

  “What would Victor say when he sees us together?”

  “Nothing. I’ll tell him the truth, that I needed a place to stay and you graciously offered.”

  “I didn’t offer. You just intruded!”

  Alex lets out a guttural laugh. “True, but you know you secretly loved it.”

  “Can’t we just say we ran into each other and you invited me along?”

  He lets out a sigh. I know he hates this. He’s not the type to lie about what’s going on in his life, especially to his brother. I love that he’s honest, but I need to keep this secret. I need to know if this is going anywhere before I let my best friend know that I’m in a relationship with her brother-in-law. It’s just too messy for me to go there right now.

  “Yeah, alright. If that’s what you want.”

  “It is. It’s not forever, Alex. I just need a little time to process everything.”

  “I get it. I’ll go along with it for a little while. Now give me a kiss, would ya?” It comes across as more of a command than a request, and for reasons unknown, when it comes from him, I love it. I shift in his lap so that I’m straddling him. I can feel him between my legs and the sensation makes my whole body flood with warmth. His eyes are searching mine, waiting, wanting that familiar connection between us. I shift my hips to get closer to him, causing me to rub against his growing erection. It creates a delicious friction between my legs. I control my urge to moan as I give him my lips. I open up for him, letting his tongue slide in and claim me. Alex can kiss. From that first night over a year ago when he kissed me on Elle’s couch, I knew that his kisses were dangerous, invasive, and sweet. It’s not a good combination. I never stood a chance.

  With every lick of his tongue, every second that passes, I can feel him growing harder beneath me and it drives me crazy. Slowly, I involuntarily start to rock my hips back and forth, rubbing myself against him. The tension in my muscles is mixed with little surges of pleasure. I don’t even recognize myself right now, but I also don’t give a shit. His hands grab onto my hips, encouraging my movements. I speed up, but I can’t get close enough. I don’t think I could ever get close enough to him to be truly satisfied.

  One of his hands leaves my hips, and I feel the loss immediately. I don’t want him to stop kissing me, to break this connection. Unconsciously, my arms wrap tighter around his neck. His hand comes back to me, but this time it doesn’t land on my hip. It’s sliding down, gently maneuvering to where I desperately need it the most. He manages to get past my underwear, and before I can register what’s happening, he uses his fingers to open me up, rubbing inside my folds, until he finds my entrance and slips inside. I stop moving and let out a cry, breaking our kiss.

  He brings his other hand up and grabs me by the nape of my neck, pulling me toward him until our foreheads are touching. “Shh, it’s okay. Don’t stop moving, baby. I’ve got you,” he says, slowly beginning to thrust his finger in and out of me, making everything feel so good, heightening my sensations. I can feel him everywhere, his finger inside me, his forehead on mine, his eyes burning a hole through me, his hand on my neck. It’s almost too much, an undeniable connection, physically and emotionally, and I know I can’t hold back. I start to move with him, matching his movements, accepting him inside of me, welcoming him in. He slips another finger in and I’m lost again, lost to him, taking whatever he wants to give.

  He lifts me up a bit, giving himself better access, letting his thumb find my clit. He begins to play with it, rubbing slow, meticulous circles around it, increasing the pressure with every whimper that escapes my mouth. I’m practically crying from the overload of sensations. I lower my head and bury it in his neck, getting as close to him as possible as I let out another cry.

  “I know. I’m right here. I’m going to make you come so hard.” He places a kiss on my hair as he increases the pressure again, relentlessly, unwavering until I can’t take it anymore. His words push me over the edge and I shatter, crying out his name as I grab onto him, clutching as hard as I can until I ride out the tremors coursing through every inch of my body. “That’s it. That’s my girl,” he whispers in my ear. His voice soothes me. My muscles start to relax and I loosen my grip on him.

  “You okay?” I can’t speak, can barely move, so I nod my response instead. “Alright, then. Why don’t you hop in the shower and get ready? We’ll stop at the coffee shop on the way to meet Victor, make our story more believable.”

  “I can’t. I just need a minute,” I say, trying to recover from the aftershocks flickering through my body.

  His arms around me get tighter as he shifts us, pushing himself further up the bed and taking me with him. He lies down with me still in his arms and positions us so we’re facing each other, my head resting on his arm. “That was intense,” I say, clutching onto his t-shirt, still needing to feel him close by. What a difference a day can make. I don’t really comprehend the unexplainable shift in me, but something has definitely changed. A wall of my defenses has come crashing down around me, and Alex is the one who bulldozed it. I watch as his lips curve up in a smile.

  “That was intense.” He lowers his lips to my ear and whispers, “I love watching you come. It’s pretty fucking hot.”

  His words have me ready to go again. I love what he just did to my body and I want to go further, experience everything that Alex is capable of. “Let’s just stay here,” I suggest.

  “We can’t. I promised Victor. We’re partners in this so he needs me there.”

  “I love how you always look out for him.”

  “I’m used to taking care of everyone. It’s what I’ve always done.”

  I lift my head up to look at him. “Who takes care of you?”

  He gives me a quick shrug of the shoulders. “I take care of me.” I don’t know what to say to that, but it makes me sad. The thought of Alex never having anyone to count on to be there for him makes me want to burst into tears. He has Victor, but until recently his career was his priority, and now Victor has Ellie and the baby. This leaves Alex with no one, and just for a brief moment, I think to myself that maybe I can be his someone. I can be the person there for him, to take care of him when he needs it. I push those thoughts out of my head. I’m just not ready to think about our relationship in those terms yet. I need to take this one day at a time or I will sabotage it. I know I will.

  “Okay, I’m ready to get up. I’m going to hop in the shower,” I say, pulling myself up to a sitting position.

  “Good. Meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes. Can you be ready?”

  “Yes. I’ll be right down.” He reaches up and places a quick kiss on my lips before he gets up and leaves my room. My mind and body are reeling from the events of the last half hour. How can one person make me feel so good and then so sad in a matter of minutes. Alex hasn’t had an easy life. F
rom the outside looking in, it would appear as though he’s led a charmed life, one filled with money, status and even some of his brother’s fame. But the ugly reality is that he’s lived a lonely life. He had a childhood marred by the neglect of an absentee father and an unavailable mother who forced him to live in the shadow of his brother’s success. Oh God, I hate them. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, no one knows what happens behind closed doors, but no child should ever grow up without love.

  I take a quick shower, and throw on a pastel pink sundress, a light weight white cardigan, and sandals. The weather will be changing soon and I won’t be able to wear stuff like this for much longer. The winters by the shore tend to be brutal. I apply a minimal amount of makeup, snatch my purse off the dresser, and head downstairs. Alex is ready and waiting for me by the front door.

  “You look very nice,” he says with a smile.

  “So do you.” He’s changed into a tan t-shirt that hugs his arms just right and a pair of dark cargo pants that hang low on his hips. It’s simple and sexy on him.

  “Come on, let’s get out of here. We have just enough time to go get some coffee.” He holds his hand out for me, and I take it without hesitation. He leads me to his car and opens the door for me. It’s a miracle what a mere twenty-four hours can do for a person’s clarity. Things just seem so different to me, like maybe this won’t be a huge mistake. Maybe I can get this right with Alex, and maybe it won’t be such a problem for my friendship with Elle. After all, no one can control who they end up falling for, it just happens. Alex makes me feel alive so how can that be wrong? Maybe I can do the same for him. He hasn’t been living his life fully either. He’s been too busy taking care of everyone else and neglecting himself.

  With coffee in hand, we enter what looks like the remains of an old radio station. I’m surprised to see both Victor and Elle here, along with their bodyguard, Rob, and who I can only assume to be the realtor. I thought Victor would be alone and it catches me off guard. He spots me first. “Hey, Shorty! What are you doing here?” he asks, grinning at me.

  “Hey, Jordan,” Rob says with a grin on his face. I can tell he’s questioning my presence.

  “Hey, guys,” I reply with a wave.

  Elle turns and looks at me, and I can see the question in her eyes. Why am I here with Alex? She recovers quickly though and smiles at me. “Hey, you. I was gonna call you in a bit,” she says, giving me a hug.

  Alex comes in to rescue me. “I was just over at Niecy’s coffee shop and ran into Jordan. I thought she might like to tag along to see this place.” I can see the sigh of relief wash across Elle’s face. She doesn’t want me doing anything that could hurt her family. I get it but that doesn’t mean her reaction doesn’t sting a little bit.

  Victor pulls me into his side for a hug, and I wrap my arms around his waist. “Well, this is Joanne. She’s gonna be showing us around.” Alex reaches out and shakes the older woman’s hand. Her hair is styled up in a beehive and her tweed suit has seen better days. She looks at Alex like he’s a stream in the middle of the desert, and she’d be all too happy to drink him up. I do my best not to laugh and just follow along as she walks us around the space. It turns out to be much larger than I expected it would be. There are multiple rooms that could be used for recording, so multiple sessions can be going on at once, as well as plenty of room for offices and an area in the front that can be used for reception.

  I can tell just by looking at Alex that he loves it. I see the excitement in his eyes and it makes me happy for him. I love the fact that he’s ecstatic about something that is happening to him, not around him. It makes him look like a kid in a candy store. “This looks great,” he says to Victor.

  “Yeah, it’s perfect. The location is great too. It’s not far from either of our houses and it’s close to all the major highways,” replies Victor.

  As if on cue, Joanne chimes in. “Are you looking to mortgage this? There’s a ton of paperwork that will need to be filled out.”

  “No mortgage. It’s a cash sale,” Victor replies. He turns to Alex. “Can you handle all the contracts and financials, bro?”

  Victor’s request angers me. It’s yet another thing that Alex has to take care of. I wish he would stand up for himself and say no for once. “Why can’t you handle that?” I chime in, trying to control my annoyance. I just don’t understand why no one can do anything for themselves in this family. Everyone stops and stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. “I’m sorry; it’s none of my business. I just mean that you should probably learn how to do all this kind of stuff since this will be a partnership, right?” I try to deflect the attention off my words by tossing in an offer of my services. “And, if you want, I can always help you design a website to increase your traffic.”

  “Umm, I mean, I guess I could. I’m just so used to Alex taking care of all these things.”

  Alex shrugs. “It’s not a problem. I can do it.” He looks at me, trying to convey a message with his eyes. I pretend to ignore it. I already feel like a jerk for butting in to begin with.

  “No, she’s right. We’re going into business together, so I should be able to do it too. I’ll handle it.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. And, Shorty?” he calls out to me. “We’ll definitely take you up on the website idea.”

  “Of course. Just let me know when you’re ready and I’ll hook you guys up.” I smile back at him. Victor really is a great guy and I’ve just made a complete fool of myself. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind.

  Alex turns toward Victor, Elle and Rob. “Alright then, I’m outta here. Let me know when it’s all taken care of. We’ll work out a floor plan and hire a contractor to get it done.” We hug everyone goodbye and head back to the car. Alex doesn’t say a word to me until we get back on the road. “You want to tell me what that was back there?”

  I’m not sure if he’s angry or just confused by my outburst, so I decide to play dumb. “What was what?”

  “Come on, princess. You know what I’m talking about.”

  “Fine. I just hate how everyone assumes that you are going to take care of everything. I mean these are adults. Can’t they handle anything without you?”

  “That’s what this is about? You’re trying to protect me from my family, babe?” He grins at me and brings his hand up to the nape of my neck. I’m starting to love it when he does that. It’s possessive in nature but it feels so nice.

  “I get that it’s like second nature to you, but I hate how they use you for everything. You’re not an employee. You’re family!”

  “I think you’re projecting the feelings I have towards my mother onto Victor. He’s not the bad guy.”

  “Ugh! I know, I know. I love Victor. I’m sorry. I’ll mind my own business from now on.”

  He gives my neck a gentle squeeze. “Thank you for trying to defend me. I appreciate it, I really do, but you don’t have to worry about me, okay?”

  I nod my head. “Okay,” I respond. But his request is easier said than done. Ever since our conversation this morning and the other day on the beach about what has always been expected from him, it’s like I can’t seem to let it go. I try to chase the thoughts from my mind, choosing instead to focus on what’s happening right now. “So … where are we going?”

  He glances over at me. “Where do you want to go?”

  I think about it for a minute. “Let’s go to the beach—your beach. We can stop at my house for supplies.”

  He shakes his head at me. “No.”

  “What do you mean, no?” I question, clearly not used to hearing that word in regards to something I want to do.

  “I mean no. You need to prioritize. We have no food in the house so we’re going grocery shopping. Then, we’ll pack a lunch and go to the beach.”

  I can’t help but let out a sigh. “Do we have to?”

  Alex laughs. “Yes! We have to. You need to start eating actual food that is prepared in your home.”

&
nbsp; “Are you trying to domesticate me already?” I tease. “I hate grocery shopping.”

  “You’ll survive,” he says, releasing my neck and grabbing my hand.

  I love being here on this beach alone with Alex. I still can’t believe that no one takes advantage of this place. True to his word, he dragged me to the grocery store and stocked my kitchen with all sorts of things that I have no idea what to do with. He packed lunch for us and brought me here. I look over at him, lounging on a beach chair, eyes hidden behind dark shades. He looks so much different to me than he did just yesterday. More appealing, if that’s even possible. There’s always been chemistry between us. Although, I never gave much thought to the type of man that he is, I knew that he was funny, smart, and kind, but there’s a depth to him. He has many different layers, and I suddenly want to get to know them all.

  The corner of his lips curve up slightly. “Why are you staring at me?”

  I giggle. “You caught me. I thought you fell asleep. You just looked peaceful.”

  “Yeah?” He slides his sunglasses on top of his head. “You just look hot. I like that bikini on you,” he says, eyeing my simple black string bikini. Alex gets up from his lounge chair and grabs my hand. “Come here,” he says, pulling me to my feet and wrapping his arms around my waist. “Want to get in the water with me?” His seductive grin stirs up a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.

  “It’s probably freezing.”

  He shakes his head and places a kiss on my lips. “It wasn’t that bad the other day. It should be fine.” I look in his eyes. They seem dark, hungry, and he’s looking at me like I’m his next meal. It terrifies me and excites me all in the same breath.

  “Alright, let’s go.” He lets go of my waist and grabs my hand, pulling me to the water. We wade in together slowly, hand in hand, until we’re waist deep. The cool water feels good on my overheated skin.