“Wow, this actually feels really nice.”
“You feel really nice,” he says, bringing his lips to the crook of my neck and kissing me. Instinctively, my arms circle his neck and his hands drop to my ass, lifting me up until my legs are wrapped around his waist. I can feel his arousal growing as our lips meet. He flicks his tongue out and gently licks my bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth then slowly releasing it, teasing me. His lips curve up into a sexy grin as he slowly brings his mouth back to mine. Our tongues collide and a rush of excitement billows through me, making me grab on tighter and turn myself over to him, wanting him to give me more. Alex pulls away.
“Mmm, don’t stop,” I plead.
He stares at me for a moment, lust in his eyes. “I have to or we’re going to drown.”
“We’re fine.”
“This is the Jersey shore, not the Bahamas. Any minute now, a wave is going to come and knock us down.”
I can’t help but laugh at his statement. “Okay, okay.” I nod. “You’re right, let’s go.” I say, unwrapping my legs from around him. We make our way back to the lounge chairs, holding hands, and pack up our things.
On the drive back to my house, I take the opportunity to ask Alex a few important questions. “Okay, so since we’re supposed to be getting to know each other better … what’s your favorite color?”
He smiles. “It’s blue. How about you?”
“Green, but not like a hunter green, like a nice seafoam green.”
He chuckles. “Got it. Seafoam. Favorite ice cream flavor? Mine is rocky road.”
“Cookies and cream.” I think for a moment. “Favorite book?”
“What’s yours?” he prods.
“I asked you first.”
“Let me guess. Billionaire, virgin, handcuffs, that sort of thing?”
I laugh because he couldn’t be any closer to the mark. “You got me. Now you.”
He thinks for a minute then glances over at me when we come to a red light. “The Odyssey.”
“Really? Like the one they make you read in high school?”
“Yeah, I read it in school and I loved it. Odysseus is gone, missing for over ten years, and his wife waits for him the entire time. She never gives up on him, no matter what, no matter how many men try to make a move on her. It’s about his journey back to his family. I mean, there’s a bunch of other stuff that happens but … you get the gist.” I can see the importance of family to Alex, what it means to never give up hope and fight for the people that you love. I understand his need to keep his brother close since his parents have long since destroyed their relationship with him. My heart hurts for him, my lost boy, and that desire to protect him comes back with full force. I hate it. I hate that I care so much, especially about him, because now I realize that if I ruin this, I’ll just be another person that has let him down. That puts a lot of unwanted pressure on me.
“Hey. Why don’t we do something fun tonight, Alex?” I ask, trying to lighten my mood.
“I have a few ideas of fun activities we can do tonight.”
“I’m sure you do, but I’m thinking more along the lines of going out somewhere, maybe dancing. I haven’t been dancing in such a long time.”
“Ummm.”
Clearly, he doesn’t want to go anywhere, but I think a night out together might be good for us. See how we do in social situations as a couple. “Please. We don’t have to stay long. If you don’t want to go to a club, we can go to a smaller lounge, have a drink and hear some music. It’ll be fun.”
“Alright, princess,” he says, putting his hand on the nape of my neck in the way that I love.
An awkward silence falls between us as we make it back to my house. I drop my beach bag by the door and turn to Alex. “I’m tired from the beach. I think I’m just going to go upstairs and take a nap.”
“Alright. I’m going to the gym for a bit. Do you have a spare key I can use? I don’t want to wake you when I come back.”
“Sure.” I turn and walk over to the key rack, which hangs by the front door. I grab a set of spare keys and hand them over to him.
“Thanks.” He lifts my chin up with his thumb and forefinger and places a kiss on my lips. “I’ll be back soon.”
I smile at him, taking him in for a second before I head upstairs to take a shower. The hot water feels good on my skin, washing away the residue from the sand and ocean. I’m not sure what it is about Alex that feels different to me. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever dated. He’s nothing like Mark. Not that Mark was a bad guy, he wasn’t, but he just didn’t get me. To Mark, I was just a pretty girl that was playing hard to get. It was a game to him, and he thought he’d be able to win me in the end, that I would agree to move in together and forge a commitment. He thought that my issues were just stupid excuses to keep him at a distance, but Alex … Alex gets me in a way that no one really ever has before. He understands, for the most part, why I’m not fired up to get involved with someone only to have it blow up in a ball of flames. I get that I’m not the only person to come from a broken home, but everyone handles things differently, and this is just my way. I hate how people try to judge me for it. Alex doesn’t judge. He listens and tries to understand. I’ve known him for over a year and he didn’t try to pursue a romantic relationship before now. That’s never happened before.
The sound of my feet hitting the treadmill belt as I run helps to calm me down. I came to the gym because I needed to get away for a while. Being around Jordan is fucking with my head. On one hand, things are great because I’m so attracted to her, and I’ve grown to care about her over the last year as our friendship has developed. On the other hand, it’s bad because, intuitively, I know that she can be very dangerous for me. She brings up all these protective instincts that I have, the need to take care of her because it’s what I’m used to doing. When she flipped the tables on me earlier and went up against Victor, I was floored. That did something to me on a very primitive level. I wanted to find an empty room and take her right then and there. It took every ounce of control I have to not let everyone in that room know exactly how I feel about this girl. I’ve never had anyone jump to my defense before. She thought that I was being taken advantage of and she didn’t hesitate to speak up. I know most men wouldn’t want their woman defending them in any situation, but fuck me if I didn’t like it. It felt good to have someone take my back. The only other person who’s ever done that is Victor, which is why I’m so fiercely loyal to him.
I’m not sure exactly when this shift in me happened, when these feelings for Jordan became so intense. They started off friendly in nature. I mean, of course I was attracted to her, she’s beautiful, I’d be blind not to notice her, but I was able to just fool around with her in the past and keep our friendship intact. I think the turning point was the night of Victor and Ellie’s wedding. Jordan looked stunning, but as the night progressed, she started to get more and more intoxicated. I took it upon myself to make sure she got home safely. I got her ready for bed, and when I tucked her in, she grabbed my hand and pulled me down to her.
“Don’t leave me, Alex. I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she said, barely above a whisper.
I hesitated for a minute, unsure if I should stay or go, but she looked so defeated in that moment. “Okay.” I slipped into the bed next to her, pulling her warm body tight against mine. “I’m right here.” I began stroking her hair, letting her know that she wasn’t alone, that she was safe with me. I noticed a few tears sliding down her face. “Hey, what’s the matter, princess. Why are you crying?”
“I’ll never have what they have.”
“Who?”
“Victor and Elle,” she responded with a sob. “She’s so brave. She’s been through so much more than I ever have and she managed to let herself fall in love. She let him into her life and I don’t think I’ll ever be that strong.”
I’m not sure what to say right away. I realize in that moment that Jordan and I have more in common than I ev
er thought. I think that maybe my childhood is the reason that I’ve never actually committed myself to anyone. It’s a revelation that I don’t want to think of. I wipe away her tears and stroke her cheek lightly. “Just because she went through more than you doesn’t make your experiences any less meaningful. You will have what they have, trust me,” I say, pulling her deeper into my arms and holding her tightly. I let her cry it out until she finally finds sleep.
That was the moment for me when I knew I had to be a part of her world. Then, she walked out of my life. For four months, I wondered what the hell I did to make her practically vanish. I thought that our conversation that night had embarrassed her, but Jordan doesn’t get embarrassed easily. Now, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember that conversation at all, and the real reason she left me at her place alone was because she thought we had drunken, meaningless sex that night. I’ve got to give it to her; Jordan does drama like no one else, but it doesn’t matter. She’s what I want, and for once in my life, I’m going to do whatever it takes to get it.
Alex takes me by the hand and leads me into the lounge. It’s bigger than I thought it would be, and it’s packed. He tightens his grip as we make our way through the crowd of people to reach the bar. He pulls me to an available stool and instructs me to sit, while he stands behind me and places his hands on the bar, effectively caging me in as he orders our drinks. I can tell it’s his way of staking his claim to me, letting every man in our general vicinity know that I’m taken. It’s kind of a Neanderthal move on his part but I like it. What does that say about me? I turn around in my stool until my back is to the bar. I casually slip my arms around his waist and tilt my head up to look at him. He really is all kinds of sexy. His cool confidence easily draws me to him.
“How did you hear about this place?” I ask.
He smiles down at me. “A buddy of mine from the gym.”
“Well, I like it,” I say, taking a look around.
He brings his mouth down to my ear and tugs at it with his teeth, making a familiar warmth pool in the pit of my stomach. “You want to go dance, princess?”
“Yes.”
Alex grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, leading me through the crowd and onto the middle of the dance floor. He wraps his hand around my waist and starts to move us to the bass-filled beat that’s invading the space. My arms go up around his neck and I match his movements, feeling the rhythm vibrating through me as we sway to the music. It’s an uncontrolled, heavy beat, and the combination of the music and Alex’s hands on me, his breath in my hair, his close proximity makes me dizzy with something that I can’t explain. Desire maybe, or intoxication. I’m engulfed by him, his arms around me. His body against mine makes me feel more alive as everything else melts away, until it’s just him and I entwined in our dance. A fleeting moment that I wish could last beyond the length of a song. Before long, his lips are connecting with mine, his kiss filling me with warmth and anticipation. Suddenly, our dancing bodies are the last thing on my mind.
The kiss ends, along with the song, and I can’t help but look around, feeling like I’m on display.
“It was just a kiss, Jordan. No one cares,” he whispers into my ear. I smile up at him, knowing that he’s right, but making out in public has never really been something I’m comfortable with. When it comes to Alex, it’s easy for me to get carried away. Be something I never thought I’d be, do things that I never thought I’d do. Things like agreeing to try a relationship in the first place, but dammit he can be persuasive. Those eyes are hard for me to resist. Right now, they are speaking volumes to me about what the night has in store for us. I need to break the moment because it’s getting a little too hot and heavy for the dance floor. “I’m going to the ladies room.”
He nods. “Meet me back at the bar?”
“Okay.” He places a gentle kiss on my lips and lets me go. Turning away from him, I make my way down the narrow corridor that leads to the restrooms. As usual, the wait for the ladies bathroom is out the door, and I find myself in an obscenely long line. My mind wanders to the past few days and how Alex has pushed his way into my life. Granted, I didn’t put up much of a fight, but it’s funny how things can change so quickly. As much as I tell myself that his advances have been unwanted, realistically, I know that isn’t true. His infiltration into every crevice of my life excites me on some level. It’s not like we have a love at first sight kind of relationship. I’ve known him for a while, but I’m starting to realize that my feelings for him run deeper than I ever imagined. Why else would I let him in so easily? Let him run Mark off? Practically move into my house? Is it possible that deep down, I’ve been waiting for Alex to be ready to give me more than just an occasional make out session?
I finally make it in and out of the bathroom then I walk out through the hallway to the crowded lounge area. I’ve only been gone ten minutes but the size of the crowd has grown significantly. It’s hard to see through the bodies dancing, and I’m not sure if I can make it back to Alex that way. I decide to circle the dance floor instead. The bar comes into view and I come to a halt as I take in the scene in front of me. Alex is leaning against the bar, surrounded by not one, but two women. The tall brunette closest to him puts her hand on his shoulder and leans in to say something in his ear. He throws his head back and laughs at whatever she said then turns back to the bar and fetches two drinks, handing them over to the women. I can feel the heat rising up to my cheeks, a mix of anger and jealousy taking over my senses. Why would he bring me here just so he can flaunt other women in my face? Instinctively, I want to walk over to them and stake my claim on him or cause a scene, or better yet, leave him here and let him wonder what the hell happened to me. But I choose to go against my natural inclinations and do something to get back at him instead.
I turn away from them and spot a group of guys standing off to the side of the dance floor. At this point, I don’t care what they look like. I set my sights on one and make my way over. He sees me coming and slowly smiles at me. He looks like a lion about to pounce on his prey. He’s cute for all intents and purposes, I’ll give him that. He’s a little shorter than Alex, less muscular, but handsome, nonetheless.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he says as I get within earshot. “Looks like my night just got a whole lot better.”
I plaster a fake smile on my face and give him a wink. “I saw you from across the room and thought I’d take a chance and ask you to dance. You up for it?”
His eyes roam the entire length of my body and I can almost hear the disgusting thoughts that are surely running through his head, but all I care about is putting on a show for Alex. Making him see that he’s not the only one that can play this fucked up game.
“I’d love to dance with you,” he says, taking my hand and leading me out onto the dance floor. Luckily, he picks a prime spot, right in front of Alex. I begin to move against the stranger as his hands find their way down to my hips. We dance to the beat of the music and I start to feel sick to my stomach. I know I’m being childish, but when I’m hurting, I don’t always make the best decisions. It doesn’t take long for him to start grinding against me. He slides his hands around to grab my rear. I move to lift his hands but before I get a chance, a set of strong arms slide around my waist and hauls me away.
Alex is in my face, looking nothing short of murderous. If I didn’t know him, I’d be terrified. “What. The. Fuck. Are you doing?” he spits out at me.
Before I can even attempt to answer him, my dance partner is at my side. “What the fuck is your problem?” he asks, getting in Alex’s face.
“My problem is that you’re all over my girl. If you like your face the way it is, I suggest you walk away now, pretty boy.” He snarls.
I’m actually scared for pretty boy, and since I dragged him into this mess, I feel it’s my duty, at the very least, to warn him off. I cross my arms over my chest and roll my eyes. “I’d do what he says if I were you. He’s not joking.”
He stands there
for a minute, probably weighing his options. “You can have her!” he says to Alex but glares at both of us. “She’s not worth it,” he yells over his shoulder, walking away to rejoin his group of friends. Alex glowers at me and grabs my arm, pulling me off the dance floor and out of the building as quickly as he can. When we reach the car, he opens my door and practically shoves me inside. He says nothing to me on the way home, which seems to take forever. The tension between us is palpable, but I refuse to speak. My anger is just too much for me to handle right now. It’s consuming me and I’m sure he’s feeling much the same way. I have nothing to feel bad about. He started this. I mean, who does that? Who openly flirts with two women while his date is in the bathroom?
He pulls into my driveway, and the car barely comes to a stop before I jump out and storm into my house, locking the door as I get inside. I toss my keys on the table and dash upstairs. I make it up two steps before I hear a key starting to unlock my front door. I forgot I gave him a key this afternoon. I turn around as Alex comes in and closes the door behind him.
“Get out!” I yell, coming back down the stairs.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he spits out through nearly clenched teeth. “We need to talk.”
I glare at him with as much venom as I can muster up. It does nothing to deter him and I know he’s not going to budge until we have this out right here, right now. “Fine! Speak.”
“What the hell was that back there, Jordan?” He enunciates each syllable in a way that lets me know he’s walking a fine line between keeping what’s left of his composure intact and completely losing it on me. I’m so enraged that I could care less about which end of the line he lands on.
“Me?” I scream. “What about you, Alex? I came back from the bathroom and you had two chicks hanging all over you! You were laughing and buying them drinks! What did you expect was going to happen, huh? You thought I was going to join you?”
Desperation of Love Page 5