He took a breath. “I’m afraid I got…carried away. Something let loose in me, I guess. Like a dam breaking.”
She nodded. “I know. I walked…down here to see…” She paused and took a breath, herself. “To see if I could get you to kiss me.”
A smile tugged at his mouth. “You broke the dam.”
“Sure did,” she murmured. “Blew it to smithereens. That was some kiss.”
And now he knew what else he had to say. Not the loving promises and pledges that he longed to make. No, he had to protect her from those, which would only hurt her. He would give her warnings, delivered with a smile that he hoped would take the sting out. “That might be the only one I can ever give you,” he said. “I thought I’d make it count.”
“You certainly did.” She bracketed his face in her hands, and she seemed to want to ignore the first part of his statement. “But it was a one-sided kiss, Boone.”
“It’s better that way.” And it was, he knew. Letting her go after what they’d just shared wouldn’t be easy, but once he’d known the joy of burying himself deep inside her, letting her go would be impossible.
“Better because you get to stay in control and I don’t?”
“Maybe.” He took a deep breath. “But I wouldn’t say I’ve been totally in control. I really didn’t mean to…”
“And I didn’t mean to let you.” She combed her fingers through his damp hair as her gaze searched his. “But I did,” she murmured. “So where are we now, Boone?”
“Probably in a hell of a mess. Nothing’s changed for me.”
“Nothing?”
“Not really.” He sighed at her look of disappointment. “I know that’s not what you’d like to hear. But the truth is, I wanted you before. The only difference is that now I know what I’ll be missing.”
Her jaw firmed under his grip and her eyes gleamed in the dim light. “Not by a long shot. This is the tip of the iceberg, mister.”
“I was afraid of that.” The ache that he thought he had under control began building again. To distract himself, he looked around for the clothes she’d tossed on the floor. He reached over and picked up her bra. Holding that lacy confection did nothing to ease his discomfort. He shook it to get any bits of straw out and handed it to her.
“My cue to make tracks?” she asked.
“People will start to wonder where you are.”
“They know where I am. I get the impression they approve.” She slipped the bra on and arched her back to fasten it from behind.
“I’m sure they do. But I have to handle this situation my way.” He shouldn’t watch her fasten her bra, not if he wanted to keep his sanity. Glancing around, he located her shirt and picked that up, too. “The way I see it, the more we get involved with each other, the tougher it’ll be when you go back to San Antonio and I have to stay here to deal with Elizabeth and Jessica.”
She remained silent, not disagreeing, but not agreeing, either.
Shaking out her shirt, he gave it to her. “Don’t pin your hopes on me, Shelby. I’m not your fantasy cowboy. I have two people depending on me. They have a prior claim, and I mean to honor that.”
She put her arms in the sleeves and pulled the shirt over her head. Then she gazed at him. “Boone, could it be possible, just slightly possible, that Elizabeth is not your child?”
“She’s mine,” he said, surprised at how much the question irritated him. One look into the baby’s eyes and he was ready to fight for the title of daddy. “But even if she’s not, Jessica asked me to be her godfather for the time being. So either way, I have an obligation to Elizabeth. And to Jessica.” Wrapping his arms around Shelby, he lifted her up as he rose to his feet. He made sure she’d regained her balance before he loosened his grip.
“I see.” She’d fastened her jeans and reached for her coat before she spoke again. “You probably think I’m shameless, coming down here tonight. Especially when you’ve made it clear that you don’t want to get involved with me.”
He caught her chin and made her look at him. “I am involved with you. I can’t help myself. Everything that happened just now, I wanted as much as you, maybe more. I think you’re a beautiful, sexy woman. But the timing stinks.”
She nodded and put on her coat.
Her resolute expression tore at his heart. She’d had to stuff her feelings about her parents and sister getting killed in order to be strong for Josh. Now he was asking her to stuff her feelings about him, too. “I wish I could be what you need,” he said, knowing how lame that must sound to someone who’d fought the inner battles Shelby had.
She took a long, shaky breath and shoved her hands in her pockets. Then she gave him a bold once-over, tilting her head in a cocky, devil-may-care way. “You might not be Mister Right, but you make a fantastic Mister Right Now. I had a great time.”
His heart broke. He didn’t want to be the cause of her putting on a brave front, but he was. “Me, too,” he said softly.
“Tip of the iceberg,” she said, turning on her heel. “You might want to remember that.”
“I probably will.” Like for the rest of his life.
She paused, her back to him. “I don’t know what this Jessica person is doing running all over the countryside, when a man like you is waiting right here, willing and ready to protect and take care of her. She must be ten kinds of a fool.” Then, her head held high, she left the barn.
After she left, Boone paced the length of the barn a few times until his body cooled down. Gradually the full impact of his behavior settled on his conscience, and finally he sat on a bale of hay and dropped his head in his hands.
For reasons that escaped him, Shelby still had him on some sort of pedestal. She ought to have him run out of town on a rail.
All his life he’d thought of himself as a gentleman, a guy who treated women with every consideration. Darlene had even complained that he was too much of a gentleman, but he’d explained that was the way he was made. He had such respect for her and all women that he had to be polite, even when making love.
What a crock. Given the right circumstances, he could be an animal. He could get drunk and make a good friend pregnant without her consent. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he could meet a stranger and within twenty-four hours have her stripped and moaning in his arms.
And in spite of the fact that he knew that it was wrong, wrong, wrong, he wanted to do it all again. He couldn’t imagine a sweeter fate than to be locked in a bedroom with Shelby for about two weeks.
But even so, he was prepared to abandon her, telling her she had to be sacrificed to his noble principles. Ha. He had no stinkin’ principles, at least when it came to one short, well-endowed blonde.
He’d damn well better get some, though, and fast. Shelby didn’t deserve to be treated like that. From now on, he wasn’t laying a hand on her. He was never touching that silky skin again. That warm, creamy skin…that tender mouth…those plump, tasty breasts…
He groaned. Life used to be so simple.
12
IF ANYBODY NOTICED Shelby’s rumpled condition when she came back from the barn, they were polite enough not to mention it. She managed to escape to the bathroom and repair the damage to her appearance while Matty, Gwen and Luann hauled out the supplies for making the party favors.
The damage to her heart would require a little more than a comb and some makeup, though. There was no doubt Boone wanted her physically. She’d gotten a whole lot more than she’d bargained for tonight. But no matter how wonderful he’d made her feel, his lust wasn’t enough to satisfy her. She wanted everything Boone had to offer, and it seemed he was saving himself for Jessica.
Frustrated as she felt, she couldn’t blame him for that. He thought he and Jessica were the parents of a child. If so, then he’d made love to her, and Boone wasn’t the sort of man to take that lightly. At this very moment he might be trying to think himself into falling in love with Jessica, to justify what had happened. And while his thoughts were cent
ered on another woman, he couldn’t very well let Shelby into his heart. Unfortunately he’d already found his way into hers.
By the time Boone came into the house, Sebastian and Travis were ready to head for the bachelor party at the Buckskin and the four women had begun assembling the favors at the dining-room table. Travis and Sebastian both came over to kiss their sweethearts goodbye.
Travis gave his mother a peck on the cheek, too. He dislodged her red granny glasses in the process, and although she pretended to be impatient with his gusto, Shelby could tell she was thrilled with the attention.
Shelby was the only one of the four who went kiss-free, and she was painfully aware of Boone’s slightest movement as he waited for the others to say their goodbyes. Her skin flushed when she thought of the fevered kisses they’d so recently shared. And if she wasn’t careful, she’d get caught giving him soulful glances.
Determined not to look like Miss Lonelyhearts, she aimed a brilliant smile in his general direction. “Have a great time!” she said cheerfully.
“How can he have a great time if he’s drinking root beer?” Travis walked over and hooked an arm around Boone’s neck as if to put him in a hammerlock.
Boone braced himself, looking as immovable as a bronze statue.
After Travis realized he couldn’t knock his friend off balance, he gave up the effort with a grin. “It’s not bad enough that he can usually beat me at arm wrestling even when he’s drunk. Now that he’s turned into a damned teetotaler I’ll never win again.”
“Somebody has to drive,” Boone said. “I’m sure as hell not letting you have the keys, bridegroom.”
Even the sound of Boone’s voice made Shelby’s whole body tingle. She’d have to get control of herself.
“None of you has to drive,” Gwen said. “I think the three of you should crash at Hawthorne House tonight. That’s walking distance from the Buckskin.”
“Walking distance?” Sebastian looked offended. “You must have us confused with yuppie city slickers. We’re big he-man cowboy types. We drive our manly trucks or we ride our manly steeds. We don’t walk.”
“Oh.” Gwen grinned. “Excuse me. Then maybe you’d like me to pick you studly dudes up when I come back into town?”
“No need,” Boone said. “I’ll be fine to drive. And I’m supposed to bring Travis back here, right?”
“If you’re sure you’re all not going to stay at Hawthorne House,” Gwen said.
Sebastian adjusted the tilt on his Stetson. “Nope. Thanks for the invite, but we’re coming back here.”
“Okay,” Gwen said. “Then, yes, please bring Travis back with you. Luann and I can get more done in the morning if he’s not around.”
“Fine talk,” Travis grumbled. “This is your new husband you’re talking about.”
“Exactly,” Luann added. “And it’s traditional for the bride and groom to be separated the night before the wedding.”
“Got it,” Boone said. “See you all later. Come on, you party animals. Let’s go.”
See you all later. Shelby had been included in the crowd. No special look, no special words for her alone. It was as if the moments in the barn had been a fantasy.
“You used to be a party animal,” Travis complained. “I don’t know how one little ol’ long-neck will compromise your honor.” He continued his lament as they went out the front door. “Or two little ol’ long-necks. Or—” The door closed after them.
Shelby went back to wrapping favors, her heart aching. She believed that Boone wouldn’t drink tonight, but she almost wished he would. Maybe alcohol would unlock some of the secrets of his heart.
“I hope they’ll be okay,” Gwen said as Boone’s truck pulled away.
“They will.” Matty tied her blond hair back in a scrunchie before she continued wrapping chocolate kisses. “Boone won’t have anything to drink. He and Sebastian both have a stubborn streak a mile wide.”
“I like Boone,” Luann said. “He seems solid and trustworthy.”
“He is,” Shelby said. “And I’m very grateful that he decided to help me and Josh.”
“He plays his cards pretty close to his chest, though,” Matty said. “Far as I know, he’s only been in love once, and that didn’t turn out well.”
Jessica? Shelby couldn’t ignore the possibility. Maybe Boone was in love with Jessica, but she didn’t return his love. That would make him feel especially guilty about the baby. And he hadn’t seen Jessica in more than a year. He was probably frustrated, both sexually and emotionally. Of course he’d react the way he had in the barn tonight. Maybe he would have reacted that way with any woman.
The phone rang, and Matty went to answer it.
A lump of misery clogged Shelby’s throat, but this was supposed to be a joyous time for the other women at the table. From years of self-discipline, Shelby was able to swallow the lump in her throat and begin asking Gwen and Luann questions about the decorations for the wedding. Gwen would be a beautiful bride. Shelby imagined how perfectly a white wedding gown would contrast with her dark hair and eyes and the golden tone of her skin.
The last wedding Shelby had attended had been her sister’s lavish extravaganza. Patricia had been married with plenty of glamour, but not a tenth of the joy Shelby knew would surround Gwen and Travis’s ceremony. Poor, doomed Patricia. At least if Shelby found herself feeling weepy tomorrow she wouldn’t be the only one in tears. Happy tears and sad tears probably looked about the same on the outside.
In the midst of Gwen’s description of how she and Luann had decorated the bed-and-breakfast and the surrounding Victorian garden for the reception, Matty returned.
“It was Jessica on the phone.” Matty sounded weary.
Anger and jealousy coursed through Shelby. “What did she want?”
“The same. To know that Elizabeth’s okay. That’s all she ever asks and then she gets off the phone immediately. I could hear traffic in the background. I’m sure she was using a pay phone somewhere.” Matty sat down again and picked up a chocolate kiss.
“But where?” Luann asked.
“Who knows?” Matty sighed and threw the piece of candy back in the pile. “I’m getting damned sick of this, you know? I think we hired a dud of a detective. He’s turned up practically nothing, except to tell us she’s been traveling all over the place, which we knew, anyway. She’s always one step ahead of him. Maybe Sebastian and I should fire him and try somebody else.”
“It is getting ridiculous,” Gwen agreed. “We need to know which one of these guys is the father so we can all get on with our lives.”
Shelby would be in favor of that, too. “Have you ever asked her about that when she calls?”
“We’ve tried,” Matty said. “That’s the point in the conversation where she hangs up. She doesn’t want us to know who Elizabeth’s father is, apparently. Or she’s not willing to say on the phone. I did tell her just now that Boone is here, to get her reaction.”
Shelby tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice. “And?”
“She just said ‘good.’ Then when I tried to ask if Boone was the baby’s father, she hung up, like she always does.”
Shelby began wrapping kisses again. So Jessica was happy that Boone was here. Maybe that meant she would be coming back. Maybe she’d decided she loved him, after all. She might have been waiting for him to arrive. “Boone really thinks he’s Elizabeth’s father,” she said.
“Which makes him absolutely no different from the other two,” Gwen said. “Travis and Sebastian are driving Matty and me nuts with their squabbling about it. I think you should consider hiring a new detective, Matty, or at least have a long talk with the one you’ve got.”
“I’d vote for that.” Luann took off her granny glasses and gazed at Matty and Gwen. “I’ll always think of Elizabeth as my granddaughter, but I’d like to know if it’s official or not.”
“We’d all like to know,” Matty said. “I think you’d like to know, too, wouldn’t you, Shelby?” she
added softly.
Shelby glanced up and her cheeks felt hot, but she looked bravely into Matty’s blue eyes. Sebastian’s wife missed nothing. “Well, sure, for Boone’s sake,” she said.
“And what about your own?” Matty asked.
“Uh, I think it would be premature to—”
“Hey.” Gwen joined the discussion, reaching over to put her hand on Shelby’s arm. “Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger, hon. Matty and I have been where you are. It’s hell when you’re falling in love with a guy who won’t commit because of some phantom woman who’s running all over the countryside.”
Shelby’s cheeks warmed even more. “Oh, no. I’m not—”
Gwen squeezed her arm. “Sure you are. It’s written all over your face when you look at that big cowboy. Right, Matty?”
“I’m afraid so.”
Shelby was mortified. “Do you think he can tell?”
“Are you kidding?” Luann unwrapped a candy and popped it in her mouth. “He’s a man, sweetie. You’d have to splash it across a billboard.”
“I don’t really want him to find out,” Shelby said. “He already has so much to worry about, and I—”
“And you have a lot to worry about, too,” Matty said. “Don’t be too easy on the guy, or too hard on yourself. As Luann pointed out, he’s a man. He probably has no idea what’s good for him.”
Gwen laughed. “Talk about stating the obvious. Of course he doesn’t.”
Matty picked up a piece of candy and stared at it for a while. Then she glanced at Gwen. “Maybe after you and Travis head off for your honeymoon, Sebastian and I can make a quick trip to Denver and talk to the folks at the agency.” She looked across the table at Shelby. “Luann’s going to be busy running the bed-and-breakfast for Gwen. How would you feel about baby-sitting for a couple of days? You and Boone?”
Boone’s Bounty Page 14