by Cross, Amity
"Do you wanna just talk for a while?" He said it so hesitantly, I smiled. The alpha male with his dirty mouth was hesitant over a woman? Maybe it was a good idea. The phone would be a barrier, considering every time we saw each other in person it ended up being the hands on event of the century.
"Okay." There was silence on the line and I began to think it'd disconnected.
"I didn't get this far," he said.
"How far's that?"
"Thinking of things to ask you."
"Oh."
"Shit," he hissed. "Should'a thought this through a bit more."
"Well, let me start." I shifted in my chair, flipping the laptop closed. What was I doing entertaining the 'getting to know you' part? "Where in Australia do you live?"
"Sydney, usually. Though I grew up on a farm in rural New South Wales."
"A farm? You don't look like you're from the country." I thought about all his tattoos, his dirty and dominating demeanor and couldn't place him in nature.
"Don't sound so surprised," he replied. "My parents have this big commercial farm. Potatoes mostly. I was learning to drive a combine harvester way before a car."
"Did you always want to be in a band?"
"Yeah, pretty much. I didn't really see myself being a potato farmer." He laughed in the way I liked, deep in his chest. "My best mate, Jake and I had the same idea. When we went away to go to Uni in the city, we started Affliction. It's safe to say we both dropped out before the year was done. It all happened so fast."
I pushed my chair away from the little desk I kept in my bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, sliding underneath the covers. "What's it like? Being on tour all the time?"
"Well," he said. "It's a rush playing to huge crowds, whether it's a venue or a festival. We get to see a lot of different places, meet a lot of people, but it's exhausting at the same time."
I kind of liked how he referred to the band as 'we'. "I guess you don't just play concerts, right?"
"No. There's interviews, signings, photo shoots, parties…all kinds of crap."
"Do you like it? Travelling so much?"
"In the beginning, yeah. I was twenty, so it was a dream, you know? Getting out of backwater New South Wales, going to America and Europe. It was what we wanted to do."
"You say 'we' a lot," I said, switching my phone to the opposite ear.
"Well, I guess we're a team, despite all that crap with Jake."
I'd seen the papers, there was no way I couldn't have being in the UK when it all broke. The lead singer of Affliction, Jake West and his epic downfall. But what was even more surprising, was the fact he bounced right back up and the world was heralding the guy like some kind of mental illness poster child.
"He's okay now? I was in London for a signing when the papers went mad."
"Yeah he's better. He's got his girl and his life back, so…" He trailed off and I wondered how hard the whole thing had been on Joe. All eyes had been on his friend.
"Are you okay?" I asked, tentatively.
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "So, you were in London for a signing? That's why you were on that plane?"
His less than subtle change of topic didn't escape me and I let it slide. How much of a hypocrite would I be, trying to make him talk when I wouldn't?
"Yeah," I replied. "I had a couple. Dublin and Edinburgh. The publisher pays for most of the costs and it's in my contract to do these things."
"You don't like them?"
"No, not really. I'm not great with people, that's why I make such a good writer. I like my computer and my stories and it makes me happy."
"You're fantastic with people," he breathed.
"You're only saying that because you get something out of it every time you see me."
"I do? What's that?" he asked wickedly.
"Fuck, Joe. You want to make me say it?"
"You had no problems with it last night when you stripped for me."
Moisture instantly began pooling between my legs and I fanned my face to cool the rising heat. Damn this man to hell and back.
"You're thinking about it now, aren't you?" His deep chuckle only served to make me wetter.
"What is it about you and sex?" I asked, trying to make my voice even.
"I like it, don't you?"
"Fox."
"When can I see you again?"
Swallowing hard, I glanced across the room at the computer. When? I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. Fuck, I was so stupid.
"Alexis? If this is going too fast, tell me. I can't read what's in that beautiful head of yours. You have to tell me."
For someone that strung words together for a living, I was having a hard time stringing them now. "I don't know. I have this deadline…"
"I can't stop thinking about you," he murmured, his voice becoming husky. "I can't stop picturing you underneath me. How you feel around my cock."
I bit my lower lip as his words shot through my entire body, right into my pussy.
"The way you touched yourself last night…fuck, do you know how utterly amazing you are? I'm hard just thinking about it."
"What would you do?" I asked, the words spilling from my mouth before I could stop them "If you were here, what would you do?"
He drew in a sharp hiss of air. "I'd taste you. I'd strip you bare and I'd taste you."
I trailed my fingers over my breasts, pinching a nipple. "How?"
Joe let out a strangled groan. "Are you trying to kill me with want, Alexis?"
"How?" I prodded, pushing my hand into the front of my knickers.
"I'd push your legs apart, open you up as wide as you could go. Then, I'd run my tongue along your pussy, tasting the way your body comes alive for me."
I began circling my clit with two fingers. "What are you doing now?"
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"Touching myself."
"Fuck."
"Yes, please."
"My cock's out, Storm, and I really fucking wish it was your hands on me, not mine."
Moaning at the sound of his voice, I spread my legs and stroked myself, palming my clit.
"If I was there, I'd be sucking on your clit, with three fingers in your pussy. I'd fuck your tight little cunt with my hand and bring you to the edge."
"Then, you'd put your cock in me," I moaned, totally turned on by the explicit turn our conversation had took. That barrier I'd thought talking on the phone would have? Yeah, it didn't seem to matter.
"I'd put my cock in you deep," Joe groaned. "You like it deep and hard, don't you?"
"It drives me mad when you pound into my clit." I slipped two fingers inside my opening and began fucking myself, imagining him over me, imagining the sensation of his cock stroking my pussy. Stroking me over the edge into oblivion.
I could hear his labored breathing over the phone and I knew he was pleasuring himself. He had his dick in his hand, running from root to tip as he spoke dirty nothings in my ear.
"Alexis," he murmured. "Are you imagining my cock pumping in and out of your sweet little pussy? Are you going to come for me?"
"Yes," I gasped, pumping my hips harder against my palm. "I'm going to come for you, Joe."
"Yes, feel my cock in you, Storm. Feel it." His words urged me to finger myself faster, to rub my clit with just the right amount of pressure to send me over the edge. I began to come, moaning into the phone, crying out my pleasure as his words came thick and fast. Dirty, uninhibited words… Then, there was a guttural grunt over the line as he came, then nothing but heavy breathing. He'd made me come undone again…over the fucking phone. Who was this man?
"I've never come like that over the phone before," he said with a chuckle.
"Can't say I've ever come on a phone call before," I said dryly.
"Can I see you?" he asked through another heavy breath. "Tomorrow? I'd really like to do that in person. Just putting it out there."
I didn't know what to think about that. Had it just gone back t
o being purely about sex? Or was I just being paranoid?
"There will be food and conversation not related to sex, if that's why you're not answering," he added.
"I don't know."
"Alexis."
"I'll call you."
Hanging up the phone, I let it drop onto the covers beside me, my heart thumping erratically in my chest. There was no ignoring it anymore. I did these things because…because I was falling for Joe Fox. Fucking stupid bitch.
I'd had that dream again. The one with the bubbling sound. The one where you're drowning in your own blood and there's nothing you can do.
It had haunted me for months and months, every night until they only came once a week, then once a month, then hardly at all. Now it was back, haunting the darkest parts of my mind, and I knew exactly why.
It was a warning.
And tonight? Tonight, I'd have it again.
I lived in a little renovated warehouse apartment in Fitzroy, just outside Melbourne's CBD. I didn't own a car, everything I needed was in walking distance and if it wasn't, I could probably get it delivered. I hardly left the house and that suited me just fine. My place was squashed between an art studio and an actual warehouse down a side street. It had been modernized before I moved in, all stainless steel appliances, dark slate bench tops in the bathroom and kitchen, exposed brickwork feature walls. I had about three pieces of furniture and almost exclusively lived in the bedroom. That's where I kept the computer, after all.
There were no neighbors to bother me. No neighbors to hear my screams through the walls in the middle of the night. Suited me just fine.
I was in the kitchen when my mobile rang again. I'd saved Joe's number in the contacts as 'Mr. November' just for a laugh, but I wasn't doing that when I saw it appear on the screen now. The dream had rattled me and I was beginning to think it was a harsh reminder that I was doing the wrong thing.
"Two calls in as many days," I drawled as I answered Joe's call, sitting on top on the kitchen counter.
"I wouldn't have to call if you agreed to come see me again."
His voice was so fucking intoxicating, I dropped my head into my free hand, screwing my eyes shut. I had to end this little game. He deserved someone who wasn't broken to the point she was irreparable. He had his own problems without having to deal with mine. Keep telling yourself that, bitch.
"I don't think that's a good idea." My voice came out in a whisper, despite trying to be strong.
"Alexis," he said, this time his voice firmer. "I can see something's not right with you. There's something you're too afraid to tell me. You don't have to be."
"It's none of your business," I snapped.
"It is if this thing between us is going the way I hope it is."
"It's not going anywhere, Joe." Fear was talking. Fear he'd find out. Fear at what he'd say when he knew. Fear his attitude would do a one-eighty. He wouldn't want me anymore, so I was just cutting out the middle-man and saving us all the trouble. He was a player anyway. What the fuck did he see in me that he'd fight for me when he could have his pick of any groupie that offered herself to him? A great fuck. That was all.
"What the fuck happened between now and last night?" he asked.
Dreams. Reminders. Warnings.
"I told you, Alexis. I'm not letting you go. Not without a fight."
"I don't understand."
"Who did this to you?" he asked thinly.
I wanted to scream at him. I did this. It was me. But the words were stuck in my throat.
"Don't fucking do this," he was saying. "You can't just walk away after-"
"After what?" I asked when he stopped mid-tirade. "After a bit of fucking? A few idle questions and answers? You don't know me. I don't know you. You want a fantasy. Alexis Storm doesn't exist."
"Alexis, fuck. Why do you keep fighting me? Tell me what I have to do, because I don't fucking know anymore."
I held the phone to my ear, tears threatening to spill any second. I didn't need him. I didn't need him. If I kept repeating it to myself, then I'd believe it. I didn't need him. He kept me alive.
"Don't do anything," I muttered.
I wrote about falling in love. It was what I was good at, but when it came to real life? Love wasn't something I deserved anymore. I'd ruined my chances forever. Joe deserved better. I wasn't his storm. I wasn't anybody.
Joe
"Alexis," I breathed down the phone. "Don't tell me that. You know I won't listen."
I'd change everything to be with her. Fuck, sometimes you just knew. All those random women I'd stuck my dick in to get off…I'd take it all back in exchange for her. One woman forever.
"Did somebody hurt you in the past?" Silence. "I would never hurt you. Ever. But you have to let me help you."
"Please, just leave me alone." She said these things, but she didn't hang up the phone. Something inside her was still holding on.
"Does it have something to do with your scar?" I asked. "You fucking flinch away every time I ask or even touch it."
I could hear her breathing become shakier, like she was holding back tears. Fuck, don't cry.
"Please, Alexis. Talk to me. I'm not going anywhere."
She was just giving up. Just like that. The spark that I'd felt radiating from her the other night had just disappeared. It was gone.
What the fuck had happened to her? If some fuck stain had hurt her… I felt rage building up in my gut. Rage, that someone could actually have the fucking gall to hurt her.
"Don't let it ruin your life," I murmured, the sound of her tears breaking my fucking heart. "You can't keep it inside. Let me help you."
"I can't. I'm not right for you, Joe. I'm obviously too fucked up. You have to forget about me. Forget and move on."
"Storm," I sighed. "It's too fucking late."
She didn't answer.
"Tell me where you are. Please."
The only reply I got was the phone disconnecting. Staring at the screen as it displayed 'call ending', I couldn't believe what just happened. I'd seen people dealing with issues before, but not to the point of shutting down like Alexis just did. The woman I just spoke with was nothing like the one I'd come to know. Just when I thought I was getting through some barriers, she just slammed all her doors closed and battened down the hatches. Her category five was hitting her hard.
The answer to calming my storm was simple. It was her. But what was Alexis' answer? There was no riding this one out, it wasn't a real fucking storm that would blow out in a few hours. It was like that big red spot on Jupiter - it would rage on and on with no end in sight and no signs of slowing.
She'd ripped me a new one, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew she was just activating one stupid as fuck self-preservation mode.
Oh Alexis, my fuckin' storm.
Alexis
Time stretched on into impossible lengths as the world spun out of control. Turning over and over like the universe was a tumble dryer spinning faster and faster until it stopped and everything crumbled and crunched.
The stench of burnt rubber. The click of an engine as it began to cool in the night air. The frost that was starting to coat the ground in sparkling beads of ice...the way it crystalized his breath as it bubbled from his mouth. Eerie, ethereal. Glassy eyes. Bubbling breaths, counting the minutes.
Then silence. Silence stretching for hours and the dull, slow drip of something leaking against the roof of the car, soaking the grey material black.
She was so sleepy, so tired. The world was askew and he wasn't moving anymore. Was she upside down?
A pulsing blue and red glow lit up the interior of the car and the last thing that pierced the haze were vacant eyes. Eyes that once held nothing but love were empty. The life that had sparked behind them was gone.
You did this.
And she slipped away into the darkness to find him.
"Lexi?"
I blanched at the sound of Jade's perky voice. I hadn't slept a wink last night and right t
hen, I was feeling it like a hangover from hell. If I closed my eyes, even for a second, the dream would come back.
I glanced at the energy drink on my desk and cracked it open. The world kept rolling and I had to keep on keeping on. It was the only way to get through the gaping wound that I'd inflicted on myself...to save Joe the pain of dealing with me.
"Lexi?" Jade asked again.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay? You sound wrecked. You weren't up all night with that fox, were you?"
The pun didn't escape me, but it wasn't the thing I wanted to hear. I wasn't up playing with my new toy boy, I was up all night staving off a broken heart and the nightmares that would follow. Working on my manuscript, putting down words that didn't make sense anymore. Words I didn't believe.
I had to give her something, so I said, "I was up all night working."
"Shit, your dedication to your writing is unbelievable, but you know I can get the deadline extended. You've got that kind of pull if you want it."
"I don't need an extension."
"You should be out having fun with Joe, Lexi. After all this time you deserve a break."
I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I'd done, so I didn't say anything. Jade had stuck with me for three years, suffering through my bouts of depression and anxiety. She held the wolves at the door with their accusations and grief while I tried to come to terms with my own. She was more friend that I ever deserved. This whole thing with Joe had brought up memories that I thought I'd locked away for good, but now I was thinking about everything. Broken bones and cut skin I could deal with, it was the emotional pain that no one could see that was the punch line. Suffering in silence.
"What did you see in me?" I asked. "The day you came to the hospital?"
"You might argue that I saw dollar signs," Jade replied with a laugh. "You had a highly marketable book, but I guess I saw Alexis Broadbridge, not Alexis Storm." Was the real Alexis that worth knowing? Even after that horrible thing that was all my fault?
"Oh."
"What's the matter, Lexi? Are you having second thoughts about Joe? Did he do something, because if he did-"