“She’s an idiot. What do see in her? Get back to what you were saying.”
I rush through all of my notes, anxious to get to her before it’s too late. I find her coming around the corner from the computer room and looking guilty as hell when she sees me. “What are you doing?” I ask, and all she can do is look away from me. “Give it to me, Laila, before he notices. And he will. And he will know it was you.”
“Ben, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She approaches me, leaning up on her toes to kiss me. “I’ll see you tonight,” she says surely knowing he will send me to kill her as punishment.
I stop her from leaving and escort her out the back door to the gardens and the only place I know Nathan hasn’t bugged. I verify we are alone and cradle her face to look up at me. “Are you trying to get yourself killed? Give me the key. I don’t even want to know why you took it. Just give it to me and let me fix this before it’s too late. I love you, Laila. I love you like I have never loved anyone in my life. Please don’t do this.” Her lips begin to quiver as she holds onto my hands. She slides a trembling hand from my grasp and reaches into her pocket. Before she can finish, I see the glowing red dot on her head. I force her into cover and take the key, drawing my gun and aiming it up at Nathan and Titus, both standing on the balcony with Nathan not wavering in his aim.
“Stand down, Ben!” Titus yells.
“No! Not until you agree to leave her out of this. I did it, not her.” Nathan scoffs at my request while Titus closes his eyes and sighs. He knows me. He knows I won’t back down, not while I am still alive. Laila tries to stop me, and I have to hold her off. “It’s fine, Laila. He won’t kill me. He wouldn’t dare.”
Titus lays his hand on Nathan’s gun and pushes it down. Nathan’s once eager demeanor is now nothing less than shock. “I want you both up here now,” Titus says calmly.
I holster my gun, maintaining my focus on Nathan until he goes inside. “Come on, Laila. It’s okay now.” I take her hand, and she crashes into my chest. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll fix it.”
“He’s going to kill you. You can’t go in there.” Her fear and concern is clear, but even more clear is the purity of her love for me.
“Let me handle this, and it will all be fine. I promise.” She fists my shirt, shaking her head. “Do you trust me?” She nods. “Then let me handle it.” I ease her fears, taking her hand and walking her inside. The men I have known and worked with for years, line the corridor. They all look at me, waiting for me to give them some kind of signal to switch sides. We have talked about it before. They’ve talked about it. Killing Titus, torturing Nathan to death, and putting me at the head of everything. It’s never what I wanted, but I don’t think I have a choice anymore. When we reach Titus, I wait for him to listen. I wait for the signal. Once I receive it, I step forward and let go of Laila’s hand. “It was a joke. I knew Nathan was anxious to get home, and I wanted to make him think he lost his key. I was planning on hanging it in the tree outside like a wind chime. I thought it would be funny to watch him run around frantic.”
“You honestly expect us to believe that?” Nathan fumes.
“It’s what happened. I didn’t expect you to catch on so quickly. I took it while you were talking to Laila. She had no idea. It was a bad idea. I’m sorry, Nathan. It won’t happen again.”
The silence is deafening. “I can’t save you from punishment this time, Ben.”
“I understand. I also know you want a change, and I’m ready to make that change.” In a few words, I agree to his offer and keep Laila alive and unharmed. He can’t touch her now, and he can’t kill me.
“What if I don’t accept the change?” Titus warns, and Laila tries to jump forward, but again, I stop her. I give her a smile and a wink. Titus stares hard at me and then her until I block his view and return the glare.
“She took it. I know it. He’s just trying to protect her. She must be one amazing fuck. You going to say something, Ben? You want to beat me up like you did Kian?”
“I want to talk to Laila without you, Ben,” Titus says, staring down at his desk.
“No.”
“Don’t say no to me. Leave and wait outside,” he seethes back.
I lean into Laila. “I will be right outside if you need me,” I say, gripping her hand and walking out with a warning glare towards Titus.
CHAPTER 24
Laila
I close my eyes as he walks out and listen for the door to close, for the latch to catch, before opening them again.
“He’s covering for you,” Titus says with a tense tone. “Would you do the same for him? I wonder.” Titus slides out a gun and places it on his desk. “I wonder how far you would go for him. I already know how far he is willing to go for you.” Titus gets up from his chair and looks Nathan’s way who nods with a smile. He nears me, looking me over. “How much are you willing to give up for him, Laila?”
He touches me, and I flinch, drawing in a sharp breath. “Whatever you need me to do. I’ll take his punishment for him.”
“Good, but you won’t be taking his, you’ll be taking yours. This is not a court of law. I don’t need a confession to understand. I make the decisions based on what I believe to be true. Ben is one of my best. If I kill you, I know he won’t let it go.”
“Who cares?” Nathan mutters.
“I do,” Titus snaps back at him. “Can you take your punishment without a word, without a sound, while he waits just outside?” I nod. “If he comes in here to help you, I will have Nathan shoot him. And he will be allowed to do whatever he wants with you, right in front of Ben as he lays dying. We’ll make him watch. And you will have to put on a convincing and pleasing enough show before he dies in order to save him. I care, but I only care so much. Do you understand? You understand silence makes this less painful for him?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You’re going to apologize to Nathan, and you’re going to do it from your knees. With your mouth open.” Nathan grabs me and forces me to my knees. “You’re going to enjoy this, and you’re going to make sure he enjoys it. The more he finds pleasure in your punishment, the less punishment Ben receives.”
Nathan slides off his belt and wraps it around my neck, pulling it tight to hold my head up. “You think fully clothed is going to make this good for me?” Nathan’s sinister smile sends chills through my body. He holds my head up high while he watches me unbutton my shirt. “You have a skirt on, slide the panties off too, just in case I prefer not to come in your mouth.” Nathan undoes his pants, taking out his erection to proudly display in my face. “Put it in your mouth and don’t take it out until I tell you to. I don’t care if you’re choking on it.” I slowly open my mouth, my lips quivering as I reach for him. He eagerly pushes it into my hand to rub it against my palm as he pulls my head forward. “Oh yeah get that mouth nice and wide.” It touches my lips and I have to take out a picture from my pocket. It was the day we went to the market. The first thing he wanted to do was climb into that photo booth and create memories – he said, memories of us together. He is so determined for us to build these memories together. I wish I didn’t love those memories with him to. I would do anything for him. Nathan pushes his fist into my mouth pushes it out to try and make room as he hangs my neck down from his constricting belt. Gasping for breath he starts to plow right into me when Titus stands up with a grumble, distracting Nathan.
Titus paces towards us, suddenly looking on edge. “That’s enough.”
“What? I am rock hard.”
Titus closes his eyes and pushes Nathan away from me. “I said stop. Put yourself back together and back off.” Nathan grips his belt tighter and drags me forward, choking me breathless. “I said that was enough!” Titus takes out a blade and slices the belt in half. He holds it to Nathan’s throat, staring him down. “You think I got into this position because of my charm? Don’t test me, Nathan.” Nathan swears back into his corner away from me, and Titus helps me to my feet. Titus pac
es around us. “Nathan, have Ben come in here, and you wait outside.” He nods, doing exactly as asked. Ben walks in and instantly notices the split belt on the floor.
“Laila?” he says, waiting for me to look his way. “Are you okay?” I force a smile and nod, but I am not sure my trembling posture backs my words. “What did you do?”
“Nothing, yet. Now shut up and listen. I have to give him something, Ben. If not her, then it has to be you.”
“Fine,” Ben says bravely.
“Damn it! It won’t be your boys handling this. Nathan knows as well as I do that they would protect you and turn on him in a second. And that would cause a huge mess for us all. We have an enemy ready to pounce the moment we look weak, and you want to pull this shit! You’re taking your beating this time and there is no doubt he’s going to enjoy it. Are you sure want to do this? And I don’t just mean the beating.” Ben remains silent and defiant as hell. Titus calls Nathan back in, and with Ben still standing tall and silent, Titus drones, “He’s all yours, Nathan.” Nathan’s smile returns. He takes hold of Ben and pushes him towards the door.
“No! No he didn’t do anything!” I scream, trying to stop him from leaving. Ben winks at me, confidently, and Titus takes my arm and holds me back. I am not sure where Nathan takes Ben, but it can’t be good.
It isn’t long before word spreads and Luca comes running in, fuming. “I can’t fucking believe you! How could you do this to him?” I assume he’s talking to me, but when Titus steps away from me, Luca’s eyes follow him.
“Luca.” I try to pull him away, try my best to keep him from getting into trouble.
“I want both of you out,” Titus sighs deeply, sitting in his chair and turning away from us to look out the window.
I had a plan. I had a plan, and then he got involved. I was going to leave today, let him go. I had Henry waiting outside for me. And then he stepped in, to save me. I have no idea where Ben is and have little power to help him at this point. I take a little comfort in knowing that Titus doesn’t seem at all determined to kill anyone, especially Ben. The best thing I can do now is end this thing as soon as possible, like I planned. I stole the key, and I broke into the computer and left an undetectable virus provided to me by Mika. Once I get word that Titus had the computers searched for any issues and found none, I make my call. “Mika, you’re good to go. Call me when you have something.”
I go to Henry’s to give him an update, and he demands to pull me out. I refuse. I didn’t come this far to give up.
“You’re going to be killed, Laila.”
“Ben assured me I wouldn’t, and I think he’s more than proven that I can trust him.” I leave Henry to organize. Henry is wary of my plan, but he knows better than to try and stop me. Now, I just have to wait and hope Ben returns home soon. He doesn’t. It’s hours and hours and on into the early morning before I hear the elevator come up. I can’t run fast enough to open the door. Luca steps out, holding up his brother. “Oh no.” He’s a mess, blood all over his clothes, but he has been cleaned up and bandaged, so I can’t tell exactly what happened to him. Luca helps him to his bed, and I fall in right behind, immediately cradling him.
“Damn, Tiger. I just got home. Did you watch a dirty movie without me?”
“That’s not funny, Ben. You look terrible. What did he do to you?”
He struggles to sit up. “I was hoping I didn’t look as bad as I feel. Luca, can you give us moment?”
“Sure. I’ll go hunt down some food for you.”
Luca leaves the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Ben looks at me with his one eye that isn’t swollen. I cradle his face. “Why did you do that for me? I would have been fine.”
“You would have been dead before you reached the gate. What I want to know is why did you do it? I think you owe me an explanation.” I look down, trying to think of something to say. “You’re going to lie to me. After all of this, you’re still going to lie to me? At what point do we start telling each other the truth, Laila?”
“Good question. Like, why does Titus favor you so much more than Nathan? Why did Titus come to my rescue when there was no reason for him to?”
Ben avoids looking at me. “We have an understanding between us, Titus and me. A respectful understanding. That’s all.”
I stare hard as he struggles to look at me. “What are you hiding, Ben?”
“What are you hiding, Laila?” he asks, shocking me. “Don’t act like we don’t both have secrets. Don’t shake your head at me. I love you, and I may be a fool for it, but I’m not stupid.” His eyes are focused and sincere, and I ache to hold him and tell him how I feel. “You don’t have to tell me anything else if you can be honest about one thing.” He breathes in and looks into my eyes, seeming pained already by an answer I haven’t even given him yet. “Just tell me if you love me or not? I won’t ever ask you about anything else if you, honestly, tell me how you feel about me.”
“Ben, I …”
“Don’t do that. Don’t dance around the truth. Tell me. Do you love me? I’ll tell you what. I’ll tell you everything—every secret I have—if you tell me you love me. That is all I need to know in order to tell you.”
“It’s not a simple question, Ben. It’s not a question I can answer right now. I want to—I just can’t.”
“I know about your parents. I know Nathan killed them, and I know you were there. Is that why you took the key, to verify it was him?” My mind races. I stand up and back away from him. “You think, after all that’s happened, I would have told anyone else?”
“Why are you telling me?”
“I’m hoping it will free you. Tear down the wall that prevents you from admitting how you feel about me.”
I look up from the floor at him and shake my head. “I took the key only to find out for sure that it was Nathan. Does it matter to you if I kill him?”
“No, I will help you do it if you give me some time. But I still need an answer to my question.”
“I’ll give you an answer, but I can’t give it to you now.”
He laughs with little happiness, shaking his head and looking away from me. “Unfortunately, I need to hear it now. If you can’t answer that question, Laila, then I think we should go our separate ways. I can’t continue like this—like I matter to you. I can’t keep lying to myself that somehow, someday, you’re going to let me in and let me love you. It’s only going to get harder for us from this point on. It won’t work, it will only distract me from taking care of my brother. And then I will lose everything I care about. I will become the ultimate fool.”
“Ben, I only need a little time.”
“And I can’t give it to you. Not anymore. You have to keep showing up for work. If you don’t, I can’t protect you. I’ll give you the space you need and limit our time together.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, while my head battles with my heart. What would be best? To leave him or love him?
“I told you. I need to know you are with me for the long haul and not just someday. If you can’t do that, then we are not ever going to work out. I’d rather face that now while I can still save myself from you, while I can still allow you to walk away.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“Clearly, none of this is about what I want.” He huffs, getting out of bed gingerly and waving me away when I try to help. “I’m going to take a shower. If you could get your things and leave before I get out, I would appreciate it.”
He moves slowly away from me, hobbling in pain—pain that I caused. I have to let him go. To try and win him back now would only be cruel once this all ends.
I move in with Henry for the short term, so he eases up a bit on pulling me out. Ben seems to be at ease with that decision even if Titus isn’t. Maybe I was hoping it would make him madder at me so he would hate me and I wouldn’t feel so bad about what I am going to do to him, what, I am, doing to him. Instead, he cares too much and only encourages me to stay with Henry, where I can slee
p more soundly and without an open balcony door. I can barely be around Ben without confessing everything and begging him to forgive me.
“How was your day?” Henry asks.
“Shitty as expected. Thanks for asking.”
He sits down near me. “You’ll get over him, you know?”
“No, I won’t,” I cry.
“Laila, you’re ignoring your own inner voice. You asked why Titus would help you. Why would he? Because he’s not in charge. We have a ton of evidence pointing to Ben being in charge of it all. His name is on everything coming through now. He’s taking over, Laila. If he’s not in charge now, then it’s only a matter of time before he is.”
“What if you’re wrong, Henry?”
“If he’s completely innocent; considering what he just did for you for the second time, and adding in the obvious threat that he is becoming to those who want Titus’s power, then I would say he pushed you away for a reason. His days are numbered. As he has done multiple times now, he’s protecting you. You said so yourself. Nathan does not like Ben. They’re in direct competition with each other for next in line. Whether Ben wants it or not, Nathan won’t care. He will make sure the competition is eliminated, either from the police or from his own people. Either way, Ben has a target on his back, one he won’t ever be able to escape. That’s not a way to live, Laila. I imagine that’s what he’s not telling you. He’s taking over, and that’s the only reason you’re both still alive. And you will stay that way if you stay away from him.”
“No, there is something else, something that no one but Ben and Titus know. I need to talk to him and explain, only I don’t know what I can say to him.”
“If you try, you will only cause more pain for you both when this all ends. He wouldn’t understand. Would you?”
I leave Henry and his beliefs to crawl into the bed of my old room. I curl up with Harrison and dream about Ben. Another night where he doesn’t rescue me from my nightmares. My usual screams for my father are now mixed with cries—for Ben.
Undercover: Secrets & Lies Page 20