by Cindi Madsen
I jabbed a finger into his chest. “You. You’ve been my problem since the day we were born. You make messes and expect me to clean them up, but I’m not doing it this time. Every scheme we’ve ever pulled off, you always got the upper hand while I got screwed, but I’m not letting it happen this time. You don’t deserve that girl in there.”
For the first time, I’d gotten the good end of the deal, and I planned on doing whatever it took to keep it. “Gwen’s amazing and kind and ridiculously smart and funny, and I bet you don’t even know one unsuperficial thing about her.” I challenged him with my steady gaze, daring him to prove he knew anything besides she was pretty and had a lot of energy.
“She works at that animal place.”
“Something real. Something about her, not her job. Do you know what food she’s allergic to?”
His face screwed up. “I… She… Shit, I do remember she’s allergic to something and we can’t go to certain restaurants, but… What does that matter? She knows what not to eat.”
“Whose wedding did we attend, and why did she need support?”
“A friend’s.” His exasperation grew. “She’s my girlfriend, so none of this matters, and it’s none of your fucking business anyway.”
“I’m making it my fucking business. More than that, I’m going to tell Gwen everything and—”
The hotel door swung open. I flinched, wanting to bolt inside and close myself in the room with Gwen so I could explain what was going on before her world imploded, but her stunned expression made it clear that the cat was already out of the bag.
“I don’t under…” She looked between the two of us. “You…” Her gaze moved to Evan, then swung back to me. “And you…” She shook her head, then reached up and pressed her fingers to her forehead like she was questioning her mental stability. “Are you guys…? You have a twin brother?”
“Sorry, babe,” Evan said. “I was actually going to tell you about my brother on our way home, but I guess he needed something, so he just showed up out of the blue. I usually wait till things get serious since a lot of my girlfriends have been weird about it, but guess my secret is out. I have a twin brother.” The stupid smug grin on his face made it clear he thought he’d gotten away with it. That I’d just go along with switching places now that it’d been thrust upon me, the way it’d been dozens of times through the years.
But then Gwen’s eyes moved to me. And I could see she wanted answers from me, just like I knew she also wouldn’t like them.
She blinked rapidly, her breaths coming faster and faster. “I knew something was different. But I thought I was just…” She clenched her jaw, those big eyes still imploring me to explain as they glistened over with unshed tears.
“Gwen.” I reached for her arm, but she jerked it away.
“Bro,” Evan said, stepping up next to her. “He just came back from law school, and apparently he forgot his manners. You shake hands when you meet people, not grab their arm.”
She turned to him, dialing her expression to arctic blast, and my brother swallowed, his stupid charming smile finally fading.
“You must think I’m an idiot,” she said to him. Then she turned that icy glare on me. “You both must. And apparently I am.” Hurt flickered through her features, and I’d take her anger over the sad any day. “Just came back from law school? So, already a lawyer?”
I slowly nodded, my chest aching so damn bad I was sure it was caving in on itself.
“Ethan, I presume?”
Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed Evan’s jaw dropped, but I didn’t take my eyes off Gwen’s. I slowly nodded again.
“I thought that hotel clerk called you the wrong name. Or that it was the Benadryl.” She hugged her arms around herself. “That’s why you didn’t know about my allergy, or my name. There were so many times I…” Her voice cracked.
Instinct told me now wouldn’t be the time to point out that my brother probably didn’t know those things, either. “I was trying to tell you last night.”
“Last night?” Fire flared in her eyes, matching the singeing admonition in her voice. “You’ve been lying to me since that morning in the coffee shop.”
“How did you—?” At another icy glare from Gwen, Evan didn’t bother finishing his question.
She started backing away, clearly overwhelmed, but if I didn’t stop her, I was afraid she’d slam that door and shut me out for good. I went after her, bracing a hand against the door to keep it open. “I meant to tell you that morning at Sacred Grounds that I wasn’t Evan—that my brother was a tool who clearly didn’t realize what he had.”
“Hey! I know I messed up, but I’m trying to fix it.” Evan crowded into the doorway next to me. “Look, Gwen, I know that it was stupid. But you needed a date for the wedding, and I wasn’t sure you and I were going to last, you know? And Ricky was about to leave on his deployment, so I needed to say goodbye.” When Gwen only narrowed her eyes, he switched tactics. “I’ve felt shitty about it for days, which is why I texted you that I missed you last night, and I came here today to own up to it and show you I how much I care. That I’m here for you.”
“Own up to it?” I shook my head. “You’re unbelievable.” I shouldered past him, desperation clawing apart my insides as the girl of my dreams turned her back on me. “Gwen, just hear me out. Please.”
Her shoulders stiffened.
“Remember the connection? It was there that morning I met up with you for coffee. You were this amazing woman, and I fell for you right there on the spot.”
“Dude, you fell for my girl? That’s fucked up.”
“Telling your brother to take her on a road trip for you is fucked up, so let’s not go there.” If I kept on fighting Evan, I’d never stop, so I refocused on Gwen. “I know it’s crazy, but then you kissed me and… that kiss blew me away. And I told myself that you needed me to be there for you—and more, I wanted to be the guy you leaned on. But the more time we spent together, the more out of control things got. I wanted to tell you a hundred times. But I also wanted to hold on to you while I could, because I’ve never experienced anything so strong in my life as the pull between you and me.”
She turned around, so much anguish in her expression that it punched a hole in my chest and nearly dropped me to my knees. “I don’t know what to think. My mind won’t stop reeling. This is… it’s like twilight zone shit and…” She glanced at Evan. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a twin brother before? The real reason, not the bullshit one you fed me earlier. Is this something you two do a lot? Switch whenever one of you can’t be there?”
Evan had the decency to at least appear ashamed. “We used to here and there growing up, but we haven’t in years.”
“Yeah, since I went to law school and couldn’t,” I muttered.
He cast me a butt-hurt look and then refocused on Gwen. “What I told you a few minutes ago wasn’t total bullshit. Several of my past girlfriends have been weird about it. The instant I say ‘I have a twin brother,’ they have this fantasy of being double-teamed by two of me. Which is not something we do, for the record.”
“I’m not asking, for the record,” Gwen said. “I’m horrified enough that I’ve kissed you both, in spite of not knowing it until this very moment.”
Evan frowned at me. “I said keep it to a minimum.”
“You also said she didn’t like PDA, but when I was kissing her, she was all about it.” Oops. Evidently the green-eyed monster turned me into the type of guy who rubbed that in his brother’s face. But then I noticed this wasn’t helping my case with Gwen.
She was still studying us like we were a two-headed monster. One she was super pissed-off at.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, working to re-center myself. “This is getting off-track. Evan, can you give Gwen and me a minute?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve left you alone for way too many minutes, apparently.” He reached out his hand to Gwen and waggled his fingers. “Come on, babe. I’m sorry
. Clearly it was a stupid idea to have Ethan stand in for me, and you can lecture me the entire way home. Just grab your stuff and we’ll hit the road.”
I wanted to shove him against the wall. Wanted to tear off his arm for daring to reach for my girl. Here I thought my jokes about becoming the raging Hulk were just that. It killed me that I could hate him and love him and want to smash his face in at the same time.
Summoning what was left of my beat-up willpower, I remained firmly in place, my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides. I still needed to present my full case to Gwen, and I hoped like hell it would make a difference, but I wouldn’t force her to pick me. If she wanted my brother back… Everything inside of me revolted, my organs twisting in ways they weren’t meant to.
Gwen’s chin ticked up a notch. Clearly she was fighting to remain strong, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and take the weight of it, even though I knew that not only would she not let me, but also that she was strong enough to handle it herself.
My muscles coiled tighter and tighter as she glanced between Evan and me, my heart taking too many beats—like it realized that in a few seconds, it might be too broken to function.
Seconds ground out in tense silence, and every ounce of oxygen vacated my lungs as she pivoted to fully face my brother.
29 Gwen
That weird déjà vu sensation hung over me as I stared at Evan, making me feel like I was merely a spectator in someone else’s twisted dream. Today I learned something I’d never wanted to: having your mind-blown was more than an expression.
Stepping out of my hotel room to see two versions of my boyfriend left my brain in shambles. Even as the proof unfolded and shined a big ol’ spotlight on why Evan had looked and seemed different at the coffee shop and on the road trip, something inside of me still screamed this was all so impossible, with a side of super messed up.
And my brain was in good condition compared to my heart. It’d shredded one piece at a time as the truth puzzle clicked into shape and formed a full, disheartening picture. Ironic, I guess. Maybe in a different setting, if this was happening to someone else.
The instant I’d seen both guys, it wasn’t hard to see the slight differences, or to realize which one I’d spent the past few formerly-amazing days with. Now every memory, every moment was shrouded in this big, confusing mass of doubt and confusion and basically all-around what-the-fuckery.
“Gwen?” Evan said, the way I cautiously said fractious cats’ names at work when it was clear they wanted to claw my eyes out. Well, this kitty was considering it.
“How could you just…” My throat tightened to the painful point, leaving me to force the words out. “Pawn me off like that? We dated for three months. And you knew about my trust issues.”
He swallowed, then gave one of his oh-so-casual shrugs, although this one also had an I’m-in-too-deep rigidity about it. He had a habit of shrugging things off, but I would’ve never guessed I’d be one of them. Sure, he was impulsive and a tad immature and not always the best at following through, but I’d weighed that against his carefree nature, charm, and admittedly even his drool-worthy handsomeness. “I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time, but I see now how wrong it was. The truth is, I wasn’t sure I was ready for a more serious relationship, but being at the beach around all these fake party girls made me realize what I have with you. Like I said, I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
I exhaled, fighting back the wave of tears that pressed against my eyes and made my nose and throat burn. “Why do you want me?”
“Because you’re hot and totally chill, and we have a ton of fun together. And even when I thought our relationship might not work out, I still wanted to be friends, which is a big deal for me, because I never want to be friends with my exes—that’s how much I care about you.” This was spoken with pride, as if I should be flattered. “You’re the type of girl I could see myself eventually settling down with.”
“And…?”
Clearly he’d thought the quiz was finished, and panic coated his features as he realized he would need to come up with more answers. It was also clear he didn’t have any more. Everything he’d listed was more about him than me and who I was. I suppose it should be nice he could see a future, but it seemed more like the emphasis was on the settling. To be fair, I’d be settling if I stayed with him.
“You want me to answer the question?” Evan Number Two asked, his deep voice managing to send a cascade of tingles across my skin, because apparently my body wasn’t getting the message about how furious we were at the guy.
I glanced at him—at Ethan—and the vice around my heart squeezed, hard enough I was sure I was going to end up with nothing but a ruined splat of an organ. “No.”
His eyebrows drew together, confusion with a hint of offense pinching his features. “But—”
“No buts,” I said, infusing my voice with steel. “Evan lied to me once.”
An egotistical smile curved Evan’s mouth, tightening the line of the jaw I used to obsess about.
“Oh, don’t look so smug,” I said as I turned to address him. “It was a really messed up lie, Evan.” Usually, I was all about peace and being non-confrontational, but he thought he was off the hook, and I was far from okay with what he’d done. “Sending your brother? Really? Grow some balls and just be straight with me. No wonder I was thinking of breaking up with you.”
Now the smugness had transferred to Ethan. It was more subtle, but it was there, and my anger cracked its knuckles, ready to lay down the law. “But you…” My chest heaved, razor-edged affection that left me way too vulnerable making an appearance, despite how hard I was trying to cling to my rage. “You lied to me from the first moment we met. You were the one I opened up to. The one I thought was different than other guys—guess that only proves how bad my judgment is. I told you that I trusted you, and instead of being honest, you kept up the ruse. You could’ve come clean a hundred times.”
“You’re right,” he said, no excuses. “And I should’ve told you the truth. I justified what I was doing, telling myself that coming clean meant leaving you stranded in the middle of a road trip. That you needed me for the wedding. But I was being a selfish asshole. Because I was afraid that once I told you who I was, it’d be over.”
His words dug at me, but I wouldn’t let them soften me. I’d trusted him. Dropped my walls. “You’re the one I… We…” I thought about our steamy make out sessions, from the lighthouse, to kissing our way up the east coast, to the photo booth, and… Heat twisted through me as I recalled the hungry way he’d touched me last night before our dip in the pool. How he’d made me feel things I never had before. I’d felt so free, and now how hard I’d fallen for him caged me in, making me feel completely trapped.
I tamped down my emotions, rebuilding the walls around my heart as quickly as I could. If only I could ensure they’d never come down again, but it was too late anyway, because he was already in there and I didn’t know if he’d ever truly be gone from the spot I’d opened up just for him.
“Whoa,” Evan said, obviously reading the charged look between me and his brother that spoke the words I didn’t dare speak aloud. His jaw clenched as he turned to Ethan. “You slept with her?”
Ethan’s blue eyes stayed steady on mine. “I wanted to. More than anything I’ve ever wanted up until this moment where I want more than anything for her to just give me another chance.”
Affection surged, everything inside of me reaching for him, but it only scraped open old wounds while carving out new ones, and it was all too much. I turned around, clenching my jaw against the sob lodged in my throat. “I need both of you to leave.”
I began blindly reaching for my belongings so I could pack and… I wasn’t sure, but I had to get out of this room, away from these brothers. Away from everything. I’d worry later about how, with them gone, I’d no longer have a ride home.
“I, uh, need my car keys,” Evan said.
Spot
ting them on the side table, I grabbed them, spun around, and chucked them at his head.
Unfortunately his hand whipped up, his reflexes too fast to let the keys smack him in the face. Damn. That would’ve been satisfying.
“You ready?” Evan asked, and I knew he was talking to Ethan. Now the two of them could ride home together and plan out more schemes and hopefully realize that the other thing they shared besides looks was being assholes.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” Ethan said, so quietly I might’ve thought I’d imagined it if his voice didn’t also do the annoying tingly-nerve-ending thing.
The door opened and closed, but I could still feel Ethan’s hulking presence. Feel the weight of his stare. Smell his damn new cologne that was apparently not new, but just what he probably always wore.
He stepped closer, and I quickly zipped my suitcase—or that was the plan, but the stupid thing snagged, and I jerked harder and harder, crazy desperation making getting it zipped up suddenly the most important thing in the world.
Ethan reached around me, his chest bumping my back. He gently removed my hands, stuffed in the wad of fabric that hadn’t quite made it all the way inside, and finished zipping it, the noise so freaking loud in the silence.
“I know it’s too late, and I messed up,” he said. “But for what it’s worth, I kept trying to tell you last night. I even started to when we were in the pool…”
I squeezed my eyes against the clashing mix of pleasure and pain that flowed through me.
His warm breath skated across my neck, soothing yet torturous. “And about what happened before we jumped in the pool… I was pretty buzzed, and I didn’t mean for it to go that far.” I heard him swallow. “Not that I’m absolving myself. I still should’ve stopped sooner. I told myself that I couldn’t sleep with you until you knew the truth. Until it’d be my name coming from your lips.”
Damn it, my body forgot to be pissed again, heat pooling low in my stomach and spreading outward.