by Cindi Madsen
I did. I couldn’t help it.
Ethan always claimed I’d be fine on my own. And technically I was still breathing, still living, but I no longer felt fine without him my life.
The doorbell rang.
I stared at the wood that separated me from whoever it was, afraid to hope, afraid to move, afraid to breathe.
“I’ll get it,” Tori called out, unnecessarily loud. She swung open the door, blocking the way with her body. “Do I know you? You look super familiar, yet slightly different.”
“Funny,” Ethan said, and a swarm of dizzy butterflies swirled through my gut.
“I thought so. I said I’d help, not that I wouldn’t make you work for it.”
“Fair enough. I’ve prepared a big closing argument. Can I come in and finish presenting my case?”
Tori tilted her head back and forth and then shrugged. “You can certainly try.”
As much as I wanted to scream at Tori to let him in already—as well as shout at him to get his fine ass in here—I enjoyed that they seemed to be getting along. That’d be important if this was going to work.
For the first time since our crash, optimism that we might be able to fix things thrummed through me, growing with each passing second, even as I warned it to slow its roll.
“Gwen, your dopplebanger’s here!”
Ethan groaned as he pushed inside. “Please never say that again.”
“Yeah, I’m probably gonna keep saying it. Like, a lot.” Tori gave me a questioning glance, checking that I was okay with her leaving me alone in the apartment with Ethan.
Ethan, who was standing across from me, wearing a faded blue T-shirt and jeans and looking sexy as ever. “Hey,” he said, the low timbre of his voice making a lusty mess of my insides.
Be strong, be strong. No crumbling apart just because he’s here. “Hey.” Yeah, my voice totally squeaked. “Thank you for the stuff and the notes.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I wanted to show you that I know you. And that you know me, while also providing a bit more about me.”
The paper in my hand crinkled as I lifted it. “This last letter doesn’t say anything about you, though.”
He dipped his head, those blue eyes snagging mine and robbing me of oxygen. “What do you want to know?”
Everything. My logical side warned that knowing more would only get me in deeper, but let’s be honest, I was already in deep. Already a complete fool for the guy.
Already ruined for anyone else.
But I did want to know more, to proceed with caution, and so I decided to start with some basics that we’d missed. “What made you want to become a lawyer?”
“Well, I waxed poetic about justice on our trip—all that was one-hundred percent my nerdy love of the law. At first I was leaning toward it because it’d make my dad happy, and sometimes I still worry that I won’t ever live up to him, but I stuck with it for me.”
“Was law school hard? I mean, duh, of course it was hard. How’d you get through it?”
“Wow. Do people still say ‘duh’?”
I cocked my head, giving him a warning glance that clearly didn’t do its job, because the corners of his mouth ticked up. “Law school was ridiculously hard. There were times I worried I wouldn’t make it. I got through with a mixture of Mountain Dew, energy drinks, and enough coffee it’d have you speaking at the speed of light—which is why I don’t care much for coffee anymore, although I’ll drink it when necessary.”
That jittery sensation that usually followed a cup or two of coffee coursed through me, along with one that turned my insides all mushy on me.
“There was some determination thrown in there, too,” he said, “and I graduated at the top of my class. That might sound braggy, and it totally is, but it’s something I’m proud of.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. The graduating at the top of your class part.” I gathered my strength and swallowed. “Have you and your brother ever done the switching places thing with other girls?”
Anguish tightened his features, the lighter vibe sucking right out of the air, but I had to ask the hard questions or I wouldn’t respect myself. “No. We switched for tests or classes here and there. The occasional this or that. Once he pretended to me while asking a girl to prom on my behalf. Since she had a boyfriend who punched me for it, it didn’t go so well.”
A laugh burst out, and then I clamped my lips. “Sorry.”
He shrugged. “That’s all part of being Evan’s brother. Remember when you told me about Madison, and how she could somehow talk you into the craziest things?”
There he went, showing he’d been listening. Proving that he did know me. A knot formed in my throat, so I simply nodded.
“The truth is, I’ve cleaned up my brother’s messes more times than I can count. Sometimes I resented that he got to be the happy-go-lucky one and I had to take on all the responsibility. In every single scheme we’ve pulled off, I always got the short end of the deal.” He took a step toward me, not quite closing the distance, but if I wanted to, I could reach out and touch him, and I was definitely tempted. “Until you. Spending time with you, it changed something in me.”
It’d changed something in me, too, but I was too scared to say it. “Are you and Evan okay?” I hated to bring him up since it was a tricky subject and all, but I also didn’t want to be the cause of a big rift between them. Unlike my mom, I didn’t find the Guinevere effect romantic.
He nodded. “We’re okay. He even helped me out with all of this and wished me luck.”
“Good, good,” I said, searching my brain for what else I needed to know. “And you have a job here? You’re not… leaving to go somewhere else?” I couldn’t give my heart to him if he was, although admittedly it was too late for that. Either way, I needed to find out what I was in for.
“I started my first official lawyer job about a week after we got back. But I haven’t been quite as focused as I’d like to be, thanks to being all messed up over a girl. If you’d like to go ahead and forgive me for being a giant ass, that’d really help me out.” He said the words lightly, but a raw vulnerability underlied them as well.
I arched an eyebrow. “Oh, really? That’s the solution to all your problems?”
The lightness seeped out of his posture until all that remained was a stripped-down version of the guy who’d sucked me into his orbit from the moment we met, even if I didn’t realize it was the first moment we’d met until several days later. “Really. I’m crazy about you, Gwen. I can’t stop thinking about you.” He took another step forward and brushed his knuckles across my cheek. “I miss you. So damn much.”
His touch not only caused tingles, but tingles upon tingles, so fast and so strong I didn’t know where they stopped or ended. “I miss you, too.”
A relieved half laugh, half sigh came from his lips. “If someone would’ve told me a month ago that you could fall in love with someone in a matter of days, I would’ve balked. But that’s exactly what happened. I’m in love with you, Guinevere Cosgrave…”
His thumb dragged over my jaw, my lower lip, his touch kicking up a storm that cycloned through my entire body. “I know it’s fast. Maybe even a little crazy. And I’m not asking for you to love me the way I love you yet. I’m asking you to give me a chance to see if someday you might love me.”
I wrapped my hand around his wrist, shutting my eyes and basking in the drag of his fingertips. In the way his cologne invaded my senses and reminded me of all the times we were this close. Closer. I opened my eyes and stared into his baby blues. Vulnerability shined in them, along with hope and the possibility of days, weeks, and months of laughing and cuddling and kissing and sharing, and eventually intertwining our lives together. “It’s too late for that,” I said.
His face dropped, and I realized that he’d taken that the totally wrong way. I tightened my grip on him. “Because I’m already in love with you, Ethan Haynes.”
He surged forw
ard, cradling my head as his lips crashed into mine, my back bumping the counter at the impact. “Sorry,” he said, not taking his lips from mine but wrapping an arm around my waist and drawing me to him to prevent me from hitting the hard surface again. “It’s just… I’ve wanted you to say my name for so long.”
“Ethan,” I said again, and a beautiful grin spread across his face. Then his tongue was parting my lips, delving deeper, stroking me into a frenzy of love and desire and about a dozen other happy emotions. His hands slid down to cup my butt, and then he lifted me into his arms, fitting me against him in the most incredible way.
Automatically, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he started carrying me down the hall. “How do you know which bedroom is mine?”
“Hey, I once promised that if you still wanted me after I laid out the truth, I’d carry you to the nearest surface and have my way with you, so I’m not really picky.” He glanced through the open doorways to both, then veered right, into my room.
“How’d you kn—”
He tossed me onto the bed, and I let loose a squeak. Then he reached between his shoulder blades and peeled off his shirt, and nothing else mattered. For several seconds I just stared, unabashedly taking in the arms I’d commented on at the coffee shop, and how nicely they went with his firm pecs and his abs, and the obliques that stood out and led into the waistband of his jeans.
After flashing me a devastatingly handsome smile, he crawled over me. His lips moved with mine and dizziness set in as he kissed his way down my neck. “Way too many clothes,” he muttered, tugging at my shirt. He yanked it up and off my head, and then flicked the button of my jeans and stripped them off me. He started to lower himself onto me again, but I pushed him up and undid the button and zipper of his jeans.
He groaned as his erection sprung free of the tighter fabric, his boxer briefs doing little to hide his arousal. Never before had I wanted something inside of me so bad. I cupped him over the fabric, basking in the way his muscles flexed as another groan ripped free.
Before I could get my feel of touching him, he pushed me back onto the bed and pinned my body with his. I writhed against him, greedily arching my hips.
When his hardness met my center, I shuddered, deciding I was all for this position. The intoxicating friction sent my pulse racing and desire turned to overwhelming need. “Ethan.”
“I know, baby,” he said, giving me a rough kiss as he removed my bra. I continued rolling my hips, all of the days and days and then weeks of buildup leaving me impatient. My lower back came off the bed as he sucked one nipple into his mouth while rolling the other between his thumb and forefinger. He glided his hand lower and lower, slipping it into the waistband of my panties.
I gasped when his fingertips hit my clit, and he released a harsh swear.
“You’re so wet.”
“In my defense,” I said on a ragged breath. “Our foreplay lasted days, and I might’ve had a few dirty dreams about you over the past couple of weeks that left me even more frustrated.”
“One, you never have to apologize for being wet for me, and two, I promise I won’t leave you frustrated.” He stroked me, spreading my slickness, and when he withdrew his fingers, I couldn’t help noisily protesting. “Just getting this last scrap of fabric out of the way so I can see every inch of you when I make you come.”
“Okay, but hurry up about it.”
The cocky grin he gave me caused equal parts affection and impatience. “Just for that, I think I’m going to draw this out…” His fingers slowed to a painful crawl and I arched my hips, chasing his touch.
When that didn’t make him go any faster, I shoved my fingers into his hair and jerked his face to mine. Our mouths fused together in a frenzied, open mouth kiss, and then Ethan pressed harder and stroked faster, keeping time with our tongues. Frissons of electricity streaked through me, growing stronger and stronger until—I shattered apart, his name on my lips while I held tight to him, my anchor in the sea of bliss.
Ethan slowed the tempo of his fingers and his kiss, peering into my eyes as he brought me back down. He shifted to the side and grabbed a condom out of the pocket of his jeans. “You have no idea how scared I was that I’d never get to use this.” He smoothed my hair off my face and cupped my cheek. “I promise I’ll never screw up like that again. Or anything else that’d risk me losing you. I’ll even do it courtroom style, hand on the Bible.”
“Ethan, I love you, but I swear if you don’t do me right now, I’m going to… I don’t even know, because my brain is far too mushy to come up with a proper punishment, but it’s going to be bad.”
“While I’d kind of like to see what creative punishments you come up with, I don’t think I can wait another second.” He rolled on the condom, positioned himself between my thighs, and pushed inside of me. Relief and pleasure seared through me, along with the happiness that we’d finally made it to this amazing place together. And more, that this was only the beginning.
“I knew it’d be good, but holy shit,” he said, pumping his hips and circling us higher and higher. He repositioned me in a way that hit a place deep inside, and sparks danced across my vision. I loved the way he moved over me, how he could tell from the sounds I made how much I liked something. How free I was with him, in ways I’d never been before.
Sweat slickened our bodies, and another orgasm built deep inside of me. I lost the ability to breathe or to think or do anything but focus on the euphoric shockwaves coursing through my body.
“Let go, baby,” Ethan said, lacing his fingers with mine. “I’ll fall with you.” Maintaining the tempo of his thrusts, he dipped his head to my neck and sucked on the skin here, and that pushed me right over the edge.
“Ethan,” I cried, and he said my name in an awed yet gruff way that amplified the pleasure still having its way with my body. His eyes met mine and I watched as he let the last thread on his self-control snap.
There was something beautiful about it, that primal moment he gave himself over to his baser instincts. And just like he promised, we fell together, to the bed, deeper into love, and right into the next phase of our lives.
The one where we’d take on the world together.
Epilogue
Ethan
Attuned in every way to the sexy redhead sitting in the passenger seat, I noticed every shift, the way she picked at her nails, and how she wouldn’t stop worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.
“Baby, it’s going to be fine.”
She turned her big hazel eyes on me. Every day I considered myself one lucky bastard that she’d forgiven me and taken me back, and every day I fought to make sure she knew how much I loved her for who she was so I never had to experience the darkness of what it was like to be without her ever again. “It’s going to be awkward.”
“Maybe,” I said, and when she frowned at me, I shrugged. “Hey, I swore I’d never lie to you again.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t soften it.”
“That was what the ‘maybe’ was for.”
“Gee, thanks for that, counselor.”
“Jokes on you, it turns me on when you call me counselor.”
Gwen leaned across the console, her lips so close to my ear that they brushed it when she spoke. “Spoiler alert, I like that it turns you on. How about we go back to my place and do something about that growing issue in your pants?”
I shifted, well accustomed to getting hard-ons and having to constantly readjust when she was in the car with me. “We can get to that after we make it through the party.”
Gwen flopped back in her seat, a pout on her pretty lips.
“It’s my birthday party,” I said. “I can’t just skip it.”
“I had a different idea for a party, one that involved our birthday suits.”
“And luckily we’ll have time for both kinds of parties.” It wasn’t that she was opposed to celebrating my birthday, but one that involved my whole family. And having my whole family watch on as she inte
racted with several of the people who knew her from back when she was dating Evan. Admittedly, odds of awkwardness were high.
“My parents are going to love you, I promise,” I said, deciding to address that worry first. “And my brother… Well, he can stick to friends. Who don’t touch.” My hands tightened on the steering wheel. Evan and I were cool. He and Gwen had even formed a sort of friendship where they talked and joked around whenever their paths crossed—it wasn’t perfect, but it was less strained each time. I knew that part of him was still stung over the fact that Gwen hadn’t picked him, but we’d worked through it, and he knew how I felt about her, and it was time to introduce her to the rest of my family.
“I plan on you being part of my life for a very long time—like forever. We’ve got to do this sooner or later.” I pulled up to the house I’d grown up in.
“I pick later!” She twisted to face me, eyes wide. “I’ll let you take me on a rollercoaster. Right now only, deal expires at midnight.”
Tempting, but not enough to prevent me from getting out of the car, circling the hood, and opening her door. One sexy leg stuck out and I got a little lost in ogling my girlfriend. We’d been dating for two months now. She’d been to my work, I’d been to hers. It was time to take that leap and introduce her to my parents.
Her shoulders relaxed slightly, and while I thought it was from my stellar comforting skills, I realized as soon as Tori came strolling over that it was about her best friend. “Thank goodness you’re here.”
“You say jump, I say who do I jump?” Tori replied with a giant grin. Then she nodded at me. “Hey, doppelbanger.”
“Hey, fake British chick.”
She blew me a kiss and then the three of us walked up the steps to the house. Admittedly, I liked Tori. She was funny and authentic and had Gwen’s back, no matter what. Kinda wished Gwen didn’t feel the need to have her here tonight, but if it helped the party go smoother, I’d call it a win.