Jessica, too, has benefited from this new-found source of know-how and has redesigned her own garden into a contemporary haven, complete with water feature and deck, all provided and set up by the nurserymen. They’ve fixed the fence, but instead of mending the hole where Riley squeezed through, they’ve left a proper gap in both fence and flower beds and created a gravel path between the two gardens so that both dogs and owners can move easily from one to the other.
Sitting there in the warmth of the afternoon, she starts to drift. The book lies untouched on her lap.
This is so different. I’m so different, now.
She remembers her first days at the cottage, when she was frightened of everything and consumed by guilt. Withdrawal from the world had been her way of escaping. That self-imposed solitude had focused her inwards, collapsing her like a burst balloon and threatening to leave her damaged and irreparable. She’d acted in self-defence, removing herself from the world she knew, not trusting it any more. She’d been trying to escape the hurt and the horror it had unexpectedly thrust upon her, to avoid even the possibility of further pain, and that meant people.
Two years to go.
At one point the thought would have terrified her. Now she looks on it as a day that she’ll face and deal with. He’s just a man who did something terrible, once, in the past.
Does she still feel guilty? Yes, sometimes. But she knows, really knows now, that there was nothing she could have done to help Ali, even if she hadn’t been forced to make the choice. Lisa might have died, or both of them, or neither of them. And any other outcome than the actual one would have led to life progressing down quite another path.
Riley’s tail starts to wag and his ears twitch. A voice from the house calls. “Hello?” With a scrabble of paws, Riley’s gone, through the open back door. He reappears with the intruder behind him.
“You left the front door on the latch. You should be careful, you never know who might walk in.”
“I knew you were coming. Anyway Riley would bark if it’s someone he doesn’t know.”
He walks over to Lisa. He looks tired.
“Are you done, doc? No more call-outs?”
“I’m done. Off duty. Time to relax with you.” He settles into the chair next to her and stretches his legs.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This book started with a germ of an idea while I was out on my daily dog walk, and grew from there. So I must acknowledge my two good-natured terriers, Cookie and Tipsy, who walk me every day and keep me sane.
Many thanks to my good friends Joy Ferguson and Her Honour Judge Katharine Marshall for their invaluable advice; to Lee Knight and Sharon Bloom, my readers, and the latter also for introducing me to Marjacq and my agent, Philip Patterson. Many thanks to Philip for finding Legend Press, and to both for having faith in me.
I’m grateful to Fiona Turner from the Restorative Justice Council, to Kostas Panagiotou from Victim Support and to Maxine Chung for their time and their openness.
Heartfelt thanks to the wonderful Faber Academy and my tutors Louise Doughty, Erica Wagner and Shelley Weiner, as well as my writer colleagues on the six-month course, who have been so supportive.
Also thank you to Marlow Book Club, Tugboats, Scribblers, the marvellous VGs and to my family – all of whom knew I could do this even when I didn’t.
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Table of Contents
Title
Copyright
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Acknowledgements
Dare to Remember: Shocking. Page-Turning. Psychological Thriller. Page 25