“Good,” I said. “Maybe that will last for awhile.”
“It’d be nice,” Skylar laughed. “Look at you,” she said, sizing us up with a smile.
“Has anyone asked why either of us were gone?” I asked.
“Not that I know of,” she said suspiciously. “I missed you though. Always do.”
Olivia coughed beside me and it was weird, she didn't usually do that.
“Yeah, I missed you too,” I said, catching a weird look from Olivia.
“Right,” Skylar said. “Right. Well. I think I have to go.”
“Hey, I’ll see you at practice?” I reached out to stop her leaving.
“Yeah,” she smiled a bit fevered. “Always,” she said, blushing a bit and then backing away.
“That was weird,” I commented, as she got further away.
“Which part?” Olivia asked blankly.
“I don’t know. Skylar was weird and you… Did something happen when you saw her at the cafe?”
“She kind of slapped my wrist a little,” Olivia said carefully.
“What do you mean? For what?”
Just then the door to the offices opened and Olivia’s mom was the first one out.
“Thank God that’s over,” she said. My dad came out behind her.
He came straight to me and hugged me, pulling me tight into his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
I didn’t like him saying that or knowing what happened. I just let him hug me until he was through and then I slid my arms away, sad that he had to know those things about me.
“What’s going to happen next?” I asked Liz.
“They will formally charge him and he’ll be processed into the county jail. They’ll set a date for his arraignment,” she folded her hands together. “That’s a hearing in which they formally charge him with the crimes. He’ll have a chance to plead guilty or not. Then- we go from there depending on what he says.”
The Justice System always seemed so slow. I didn’t know if it was a positive or a negative that we might have a little time before things advanced.
“Where’s my journal,” I asked.
“The Police kept it. Said they would return it if they could,” Dad explained.
“Oh.” I didn’t like that. If it would help the case then I’d deal.
“What do we do now?” I asked. Did we go home, go to class, home seemed like the better option to me but we had to go back to school at some point.
“The Counselor said it was best to give you the week off to atone. But the Principal said if it helped you to be at school he wouldn’t want to stop you from trying to find normalcy again.”
“I’m for the week off,” Olivia said. “I could do a lot of reading in a week.”
Her mom rolled her eyes and Olivia lifted an eyebrow and ignored her again.
“I’m for whatever Olivia’s for,” I droned.
At that moment, I just wanted to rest or sit. I didn’t even care if it was in class. Just as long as I wasn’t expected to actually pay attention.
“Well, you can think about it. You don’t have to decide now,” Liz said. “As for me, I wanna get outta here.”
“Let’s go,” I said. The car sounded like a far better place to be than in a room full of people.
Olivia took my hand and I let her lead me back toward the parking lot. It was strange to be leaving school after only having been for a little while. I wished things were more normal. More what ifs.
We drove back to the house, listening to some random opera. It was sad music or at least the part we were listening to was sad. Letting the music take me over, I just listened, trying not to cry. We’d cried enough.
When we got back we went straight to the guest house. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have enough energy for anything physical but I didn’t want to sleep. I just wanted to stare at something. I flicked on the TV and fell onto the couch.
“Come here,” I said.
Olivia sat down on the couch, and gave in, laying her head in my lap. Some woman on HGTV was buying her first house and it made me think of us. Getting married, moving away, and starting our own life. If only that could happen tomorrow.
Chapter Twelve
Olivia
Per usual, the day hadn’t gone according to plan.
When we’d gotten to school, I’d felt ontop of it all. But as soon as that thing started I felt fear for Avery and I let that turn into rage and then anger and then everything else.
I punched a wall.
I punched a goddamn wall.
Who fucking does that?!
I’d definitely lost myself there.
I kept thinking about him up in that room. I kept thinking he was in there, kept thinking I could find him and question him and find out.
We spent the rest of the day trying to relax. Avery was great actually. She was far more put together than me.
We laughed so much and she was soft with me because she knew I’d been thinking.
I kept my secret about Skylar.
That was hard though, Skylar was full-on in love with her and it showed. How Avery didn’t see it was beyond me, it was always right there.
My mom invited us into the house for dinner because she wanted to make sure we were both okay.
I was weirded out about it though. Not about my mom. About Avery’s dad…
How can someone find all that out and then not want to talk about it, not make her stay?
I didn’t want to be a jerk. I didn’t want to tell her we should spend time with her dad today but I could tell she wanted to be alone with me even though it was probably bad for him right now.
On Wednesday my mom got a call about the arraignment.
I didn’t tell Avery. I kept it inside.
Through Wednesday and through Thursday we got along so very well.
But then Friday came and I knew I’d be seeing Ben and keeping it from her and that scared me a lot.
“It won’t be long,” Avery said. “And I’d want you to come but my dad’s been patient and it’s our day.”
“I know,” I said, watching her dress.
She had no idea.
She’d hate me if she knew.
I couldn’t say it.
“What are you going to do?” She asked.
“There’s a lot I could do.” It wasn’t a lie.
The court time was set at 1:00.
I would go alone. Not even my mom had to know but I knew I might tell her.
I know if my daughter was marrying someone I’d want to see that someone’s rapist get thrown in jail.
“That’s not an answer,” Avery laughed, getting annoyed with me.
“What do you want me to say?” I teased. “You know I’m boring. I’ll probably just read.”
We hadn’t been alone. We hadn’t been alone since- fuck… I don’t even know when.
“You’re not happy I’m going, are you?”
“What?!” I scoffed. “Of course not,” I pulled her in with my legs until I could clutch her close with my hands. I’d been sitting on the counter in the guest house bathroom and watching her fiddle with her hair. She wanted to look good for her mom. Only so much time to visit. Cute Avery. Mmm. “What, do you think- huh? Soon as you leave I’ll have this whole other life?”
“No,” she groaned. “I’ve just grown horribly co-dependent is all. Being away from you feels bad.”
“See, how would you even know that? We haven’t even had a moment away.”
She was right though, I felt it too.
“Because I’m thinking about it right now and it feels terrible.” She gave up on her hair and started to look at her face in the mirror. “It’ll just be worse when I’m gone.”
“You’ll be busy,” I said.
“Yes, I’ll be busy telling my mom that I spent almost a year with an abusive man who hurt me. It’ll be a dreamy time,” she scoffed.
“Baby, do you want me to go? I already said I’d go but your da
d wanted you alone. That’s what he said. I just don’t want to be an asshole.” I hugged myself to her and kept her close, forcing her to feel me.
“I want you to go but I know you can’t so I’m just whining about it,” she grumbled miserably. “I’ll get over myself in a second and be a big girl and leave. Until then, I respectfully request that you kiss me.”
She stopped staring at her face in the mirror and looked over at me.
“You’re such a nuisance,” I teased, pulling her close and being greedy about it too. Just to abuse, I ram my tongue along her bottom lip, teasing. Then I gave in and kissed her right. I liked her between my legs, even with all her clothes on. “You’re gonna go and it’s going to be over real quick, you’ll see.” I ran my hands up under her shirt, feeling her lower back. As I touched her soft skin, I locked my ankles behind her legs and I kept her trapped against me using my leg muscles to steal her away. “And if it helps you can just think of me here just waiting for you.”
“I always think of you anyway.” She said, kissing me again and urging my hands a bit higher.
“Mmmm,” I hummed into her mouth as I pushed my hands up around to the front of her body and found her breasts. Almost instantly I took advantage and squeezed. If I had it my way- this is all we would do- everyday.
Everything else was just boring compared. When we touched we were together and it wasn’t confusing and that just got better and better as our time rambled on.
“What would you like me to do, huh?” I asked, tasting her painfully. “Do you want to leave me a list? Micromanage me?”
I knew where I’d be but I could pretend I was here. I could flirt and give her the idea that I’d just be dazed and waiting here, spending all of my time in pain without her here.
I knew she wouldn’t like me to be at a courthouse seeing Ben. But what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her and if it would help me I had to go, I just needed to. Telling her would just make a mess.
“No,” she chuckled. “What I want you to do is think about me while I’m gone, or more accurately, think about what I’m going to do to you when I get back.”
“Oh dear,” I sighed breathlessly. I got scared when she said things like that.
The wild beast in her was magnificent yet terrifying. Ever since that one day I got nervous when she said things like that.
“Yes, that’s the idea. You think you can handle that?”
“I guess we shall see,” I said, wanting to know. So much was still trial and error with us. We’d been cool for a few days but I think that’s because we finally ran out of buttons to push, or rather- the strength to endure any pushing of buttons. We’d been wrapped up in fictitious worlds and mostly keeping all our talk neutral.
If I really thought about it- it made me laugh. It was like in those temples in Indian Jones with all those booby traps. Every time I pushed a button I accidentally moved again and pushed two or three. She did the same with me: arrows flying everywhere, daggers to dodge, pits of despair to leap over. We were a disaster zone at our worst but it was thrilling in retrospect. Nothing could be as painful as the moment in the present; that excitement and mystery.
It was no wonder she took my breath away.
Right now, I felt good. I hoped she did too but you can never really know what another person is thinking.
“Just make sure I’m breathing,” I said, not exactly teasing at all.
“Oh, I need you alive. Don’t worry about it.” She backed up, pecking me on the lips.
“I better go so I can get back.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” I surveyed her. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was about to do and how fucked up it all was. Avery would kill me, she really would. I was being a snake.
I walked her out to her car and sat on the hood for a few seconds just to defy her and make her know I would miss her no matter what.
She started to move the car. I wasn’t brave like her so I had to get off.
When she pulled away I was still laughing.
As soon as the gate closed I felt a lump in my throat.
Chapter Thirteen
Avery
The whole way to the house I thought about how much I wished she was going with me. She couldn’t. We needed this time as a family and I needed to tell my mom what was about to happen.
Dad was waiting outside, leaning against his truck. He gave me a hug and then I got in. We didn’t talk much at first. He hadn’t asked me about anything since the meeting. Our communication was through texts.
Probably not healthy, given the situation, but that was just our family. We didn’t talk about these things. That needed to change.
“Are you okay? Hearing about all that stuff in the meeting?” I asked.
He turned the radio down and gave me a quick look before returning his eyes to the road.
“I want to kill the son of a bitch but that’s not possible so I settle for being happy that you’re okay and that he can’t hurt you anymore,” he answered.
I grimaced. “I know. I really messed things up being with him.”
“Avery, I read your journal. He was the one who messed up. You’re a seventeen year old girl and he took advantage of you. You need to realize that this wasn’t your fault. No matter if it started off consensual or not. He’s a man and he hurt you. He deserves a lot worse than what he’s going to get.”
The noise of the tires on the highway lulled me into silence. I began to think about everything from the start. How we got together and the ways in which Ben affected my life. There were few positives to focus on but meeting Olivia was the big one. She was probably the only one that really mattered.
“Are you really okay with me and Olivia?” I needed to know.
“Honey, I can see that you love one another. I’m not questioning that. I just know that- love- when you’re that age, can be tough and it can change. I don’t feel like you’ve known each other long enough to be thinking about getting married but I’m not going to try and stop you. You do what you feel is right.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and I scooted a little closer to him. His doubts and questions were valid but I didn’t care. I knew what I felt and what I wanted. No matter what happened in five or ten years I would never regret marrying Olivia.
We drove past fields and forests. When I’d come with Olivia I’d not noticed the beauty of the countryside. It was gorgeous out here. Not just where the facility was but all the way. As soon as we got out of the city it became scenic.
“You really think I should tell Mom right now? I know it might get in the paper with him being arraigned today and all but would she really see it?”
I was having second and third thoughts about telling her. I’d been back and forth on it for the past few days and Olivia had encouraged me to ask Dad. Even though he had barely saw her at her worst, he still knew her before I did and his ideas of what she could take were valuable.
“You have to. She needs to find out from you or me and she needs to find out soon. It’ll break her heart if she finds out you kept it from her and everyone else knew. It might be worse than if you tell her and she reacts badly.”
“You’re right, you’re right.”
I pressed myself into the seat and started to run through what I would say. Simple, honest, and to the point was what I needed. I couldn’t be too vague but I didn’t need to get into too much detail.
We pulled into the rehab center before I’d gotten it all down pat in my head but I’d end up winging it either way. Preparation wasn’t always the best way.
Dad parked the truck and I got out, trotting to catch up with him on the other side and we went in together, finding our way to the visiting lounge. Mom was in the same seating area we’d visited her in earlier and we both hugged her before sitting down.
She looked a lot better. She looked like her old self.
“You look great, Mom!” I kissed her cheek and she blushed.
“Thank you. I know it’s amazing what det
ox and real food can do for your skin,” she joked.
“Haha,” I intoned drolly. “So, how have you been? Anything new?”
She settled into her chair and gathered her long cardigan around her body. “Just the usual. Group therapy, private therapy, and a few lectures. I’ve learned to knit a little. One of the other people here is teaching me. It’s been nice. It’s something to do with my hands- when. It’s good for distraction.”
Paper Dolls [Book Three] Page 24